do you want to have children?

Started by Sheep February 18th, 2020 8:57 PM
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Sheep

She/Her
Australia
Seen 2 Hours Ago
Posted 4 Hours Ago
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16.6 Years
see title

for those that do, how far ahead have you thought? do you have any names in mind and know how many kids you want? considering adoption? etc

colours

she/her
gracidea fields
Seen December 30th, 2022
Posted December 29th, 2022
8,974 posts
18.1 Years
no, absolutely not. i find it's easier to list the three big reasons why in separate parts so i'll just do that;

cost: this should be obvious. children are expensive. but i think it's really hard to comprehend just how expensive they are. if you see yourself as the type of parent that travels a lot (in the US, at least), you're given a bit of leeway by some airlines because up until the age of two years old, your toddler can ride for free. but that's not an excuse to slack, you better save that money, because once your little one(s) hit the magical number two, the costs of travel is going to be ridiculous.

but let's say you're not the type of person to travel a lot. maybe once a year, if even that. you're far from out of the woods, because the early stages of raising a child seem to be the most nightmareish. do you and your significant other decide to put your kid into daycare? past that, what about early education? do you decide to go private school, charter school, homeschool, or public? what about school supplies? i suppose the light at the end of the tunnel is that some parents have found a way to save as far as shopping for clothes is concerned: they typically shop a size bigger, at least that way their kid can naturally grow into it and they'll save money over the long term. but the cost doesn't stop there, because depending on how ravenous your kid(s) end up being, the cost of food is going to have to factor into the budget, as well. not to mention doctor's visits (unless you have REALLY good insurance) and all of that stuff. pretty sure there's more that im missing here but that's about a lot of the trouble that i hear single moms go through a lot, and their troubles are magnified for obvious reasons.

freedom: even if i won a million bucks tomorrow, my decision still wouldn't change because of this in particular. every waking minute and hour is going to be spent thinking about the kids. sleep is going to be utterly destroyed. whatever free time one has is going to be laughably tiny. going out with friends? better hope the SO is good with watching the kid or that they dont have any plans of their own. if so, better work something out or hire a babysitter, which factors into the whole cost thing. the point being here is that, for the first decade and change of raising a child from birth, good luck finding any semblance of free time or having to spend any time by yourself. with some management with a significant other, this can work (i'm not saying it can't, obviously), but that doesn't mean the difficulty isn't present.

i'm the type of person that takes my freedom very seriously. i like to go where i want, when i want. sometimes i make spontaneous plans to go out for a walk, or maybe go windowshopping here and there. i like to be responsible for myself cause goodness knows i go through enough in life as it is. so yeah, kids definitely would get in the way of that.

capability: this is going to be kind of a touchy one... but not everyone is going to be cut out to be a parent. that's the hard truth of the matter. imo having a kid should be something that has, on some level, a long degree of thought put into it. i'm talking like, years before it even happens. i feel people need to plan their lives out years in advance and need to have their job secured for about that period of time in order to feel comfortably safe raising kids in a healthy enough environment. but even if those "requirements" are met, not everyone has the temperament or the patience or the parental skills or honestly the all around capability to raise a child. it's going to be stressful, it's going to be frustrating and tiring. it's just going to be a very unhealthy environment for the child if BOTH parents arent fully prepare for whats to come.

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this is not to say that im turning a blind eye to the positives. i know there are long term benefits to it all. throughout the stress and tiredness of everything, seeing your kid make it through life is something i imagine would be one of the most proud moments a parent could have. but for me personally, the stress of getting to that point is not something i think i can handle, and i think more people would do well to consider whether or not they would really make good parents for the long run. it's not a bad thing to say that you won't be. it's far better to not raise children at all than to be woefully underprepared and have the kid suffer as a result. for me personally, i'm fine enough looking after myself and the freedom that comes with that.

Commander Saturn

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Canalave City
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699 posts
3.5 Years
I already have one; no more.

Simply put, I love humans.

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Flowerchild

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Age 24
She/Her
Hyperspace
Seen 5 Days Ago
Posted July 7th, 2022
8,699 posts
13 Years
Yeah I want to be a mom someday, assuming I can adopt a small bab or two because there's no way I'm gonna be able to have kids for obvious reasons. Am I even remotely mentally or physically healthy enough for such a thing right now? Hell no.
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Ninetales

Age 22
She/Her
Canada
Seen 3 Hours Ago
Posted 2 Days Ago
1,715 posts
5.4 Years
I want 4 or 5. Being a mother has been one of my biggest goals for as long as I can remember. I love children and I hope to be the best mom that I can be. Even if my own freedom will be sacrificed for the sake of my children, so what? It’s absolutely worth it to me.


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moon

they/them
Seen 13 Hours Ago
Posted 2 Days Ago
37,443 posts
15.5 Years
I already have one; no more.
Haha how come?


Personally, idk. I thought I wanted them, then I was with someone who really didn't want them so slowly I changed my mind. Now I'm with someone who really wants them so maybe slowly I'm changing my mind again. I don't want to be pregnant though so that's a big issue.

Commander Saturn

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Canalave City
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3.5 Years
Haha how come?


Personally, idk. I thought I wanted them, then I was with someone who really didn't want them so slowly I changed my mind. Now I'm with someone who really wants them so maybe slowly I'm changing my mind again. I don't want to be pregnant though so that's a big issue.
A main reason is that I don't care for children and I also do not want anything else getting in the way of my romantic life; yeah, I'm that guy.

Perhaps you could try adoption or a surrogate Mother.

Simply put, I love humans.

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gimmepie

Age 27
Male
Australia
Seen 1 Day Ago
Posted 1 Day Ago
I really like kids and used to absolutely want some. Now though? I've lost over four years of my life already without having kids and I can't say I'm prepared to give up more any time soon if I have the choice. Besides, I'm neither mentally nor physically fit to be a parent. I can't stand babies either which would probably be an obstacle lmao

If I did decide to become a parent, it would be through adoption. That way you can skip the baby years and there's no risk of my passing on any of the things that are wrong with me to a new generation.
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Ys

Wandering Spirit

Age 30
They/Them
Seen March 25th, 2023
Posted February 20th, 2023
218 posts
8.9 Years
I'm with colours and agree with their reasons. The cost is a big thing, and the freedom, too, and I would add time to it. You have to at least care for your child for eighteen years until they can live by themselves. I love my independence. And I don't think I have the personality to properly raise a kid, anyway.

I'm grateful to my parents for having me and doing all the things they do for me, though.

Cubeth

Hi

Age 23
She / They
Seen 16 Hours Ago
Posted 4 Days Ago
2,722 posts
4.4 Years
No.

I'm not capable of raising one bc of how clumsy I tend to be and I don't think I'm mentally capable of it either. I also don't like kids.
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Sheep

She/Her
Australia
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39,253 posts
16.6 Years
I don't want to be pregnant though so that's a big issue.
I completely understand. I already get anxious/tense very quickly and am overly sensitive to pain, so the thought of childbirth and complications that can sometimes come with it absolutely terrifies me. :x

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Age 26
Male
Some stupid city in The Netherlands
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4.2 Years
eventually yes id want kids, but first id have to find a partner for that to even be a talking point in the first place


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Age 34
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I'm not sure. I mean, I'm still mentally a child due to my disabilities and such so... the idea of raising a child sort of scares me. ;w; I'm also afraid of actually well... you know. Like, getting pregnant and having the child. :c Adoption might be an option but again... still mentally a child myself.

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Memento Mori

Age 25
he/him
The Pacific Northwest
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Posted 1 Week Ago
2,156 posts
13.1 Years
Ehhh. Maybe? I dunno. I can’t see myself having a child but me and my boyfriend are on the fence about it, mostly. If I end up having one it’s not right now.

Children are way too expensive.

Plus I have a lot of mental health issues that I’d be terrified of my child inheriting, and I already have difficulty enough just taking care of myself.

Palamon

Silence is Purple.

Age 26
he/him
Snezhnaya, Teyvat.
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7,784 posts
14.3 Years
Absolutely not. Never. I'm trans & am bothered by having the body parts that can produce a human baby. I''m getting those baby making things removed as soon as I can afford it, to be honest.

I wouldn't wanna adopt, either. I don't like kids at all.

Her

Age 29
Seen 3 Hours Ago
Posted 1 Week Ago
I want a pocket dimension toddler I can dress up and watch tv with that never ages and is returned straight back to the pocket dimension once I grow bored of it

Unless my child is that, then no

Roxas

No one would miss me.

Age 24
Non-binary
Twilight Town
Seen 3 Weeks Ago
Posted April 6th, 2023
72 posts
12 Years
Absolutely not. I have known I don't want children for a long time and I don't see that changing in the future. I can't imagine wanting to be responsible for a child's life, and I can't imagine losing that much of my income to taking care of a child.
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Reyzadren

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Laverre
Seen December 3rd, 2020
Posted December 3rd, 2020
360 posts
8.9 Years
Of course. Sure, there are costs that seem unattainable to me now, but almost everyone has kids and can pay for them eventually.
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ZeoStar

Seen 3 Hours Ago
Posted 15 Hours Ago
11,403 posts
5.6 Years
I don't even like the thought of being in a relationship.

One day my mind could change but for now it's a big no.

mikey

Age 30
Male
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Posted 4 Days Ago
6,227 posts
14.1 Years
Honestly no, but I probably will lol.

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Discord Moderator
Seen February 20th, 2020
Posted February 20th, 2020
49 posts
3.7 Years
Actually do, but I don't think I'll get married. Still, that doesn't mean I haven't thought of how many children I want.
For me, 2 is enough. If I only had 1, I'd worry that he or she will be lonely. So, 2s the perfect no.
As for names, didn't think about it.

faf

Queen of Dragons

Female
In the treasure trove
Seen 11 Hours Ago
Posted January 29th, 2023
1,917 posts
8.8 Years
I'm fine with children but I don't think I even want to raise them. Marriage isn't even in my future as I value my independence and I'm happy in my life as is.

Unless you count those with four legs and are furry then yes, I will adopt one in the future, eventually.
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