Serious Self Esteem

Started by Sothis December 22nd, 2020 9:09 PM
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Sothis

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Firene
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9.9 Years
I don't really talk about myself to anyone, so few will know that I suffer from abysmally low self esteem. In fact, I'd wager I have none, and I never really have.
Every day is a struggle when you have no confidence, when you're always thinking negatively. I have a feeling that it plays a role in a lot of my shortcomings and failures, plus it's annoying to everyone around me.

I wouldn't make a topic just about me though. For those with confidence, especially those who've worked to gain it, what advice do you offer to those with low self esteem?
For those like me, were there any contributing factors? There's a lot for me but it basically boils down to a lifetime of abuse.

you cannot hope to win
so bound in flesh


Self-esteem is...a really difficult thing to have, honestly. I find that I fluctuate between intense self-loathing and general apathy, with the latter being more prevalent than the former now, but I can't say I've ever really felt good about myself, or like I've had any kind of value. I'm either a worthless piece of trash everyone hates or just a voice that nobody hears. People contradicting that only makes it worse because they're obviously only saying that because it either makes them uncomfortable to see it or because they're better than I am, which is precisely why what I think of myself is true, because I never do this.

It's not too surprising I don't have any self-esteem to speak of, really. My relationship with my parents has always been awful - I'm an accident, a disappointment, and a complete failure - and I've never had friends to speak of. The only people I believe may care about me moved to the other side of the country when we moved closer to them, and have betrayed me more than once anyway. I've been abused, ignored, and outright hated for pretty much my entire life. I have to take responsibility for a lot of it, because of course it's not just everyone else's fault, and that doesn't exactly help matters either. I probably deserved a lot of the abuse I went through as a child, and I certainly don't deserve to have any friends now.

My advice would be to stop caring. When you get right down to it, what other people think doesn't matter and only has weight because you allow it to have weight, the majority of the time people only think or care about themselves and won't give your presence half as much thought as you might think they do, and...well, there is enough in life to punish you and make you miserable that is beyond your control, so you don't need to add to it yourself. Get angry, and then get over it. If you can't have positive self-esteem, then don't entertain the concept at all, and refuse to allow other people to jeopardise this by simply not allowing them to have any kind of significance in your life. It's difficult, but cultivating apathy is far more consistent than building a fragile positive self-esteem that someone or something else can tear down with relative ease. Contrary to popular belief, apathy is not a negative state of being, and people aren't built to be happy all the time; anyone who tells you they're always happy and positive is a liar. If you can cultivate a general apathy towards life you will find that you will enjoy those moments that are genuinely positive more readily, and that more difficult things will become easier because you simply won't be as emotionally engaged with them as you otherwise would be, so you will be able to focus on coping with them rather than on panicking about whether or not you can cope with them, which you will do regardless because life moves on and just as people aren't built to be happy all the time, they aren't built to be sad all the time either. Your overall self-esteem might not be positive, but it won't be negative either, and I would say that is far more important.

In my experience, low self-esteem often comes from comparisons - other people always seem to be better in every possible aspect. They have better personalities, better lives, better...everything. A little mindfulness of your own thoughts can go a long way into dismissing them, or at least recognising that you choose how much weight you give them: this is something entirely within your control, even though it certainly doesn't feel like it. But feelings are often irrational, and you can choose to ignore them if you can recognise what they are and where they're coming from. People often boil these things down to very simple thoughts and ideas because they don't have time - or even awareness - to do anything else. Do some research into what self-esteem is actually composed of, look at each of these concepts in turn, then decide what they mean to you, and what exactly it is that you're not happy with. If you're that dead set on trying to be positive, identifying precisely what needs to be changed for you to achieve this is going to be your first step.

But always, always be mindful. I personally find optimism and positivity to be poisonous, because my mind just isn't built that way. If you try and force yourself to be positive when you don't feel that way, and don't believe what you're thinking, you are going to feel worse about yourself because you can't do it. But it is perfectly OK to not be able to do this, and it's not essential to better self-esteem. Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows, and that's fine. The key is recognising how that affects you, so that you can control your response and have it affect you in a less negative way.

I realise this probably isn't very good advice, but it's the best I have. I am a very analytical sort of person, and I find understanding something helps me to determine what to do with it.

Nah

Age 30
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I've long thought that I'm a useless, boring person that's not particularly intelligent or good looking, with an unlikeable personality and worldview, and no real reason to believe otherwise or have hope that this will change. Probably a disappointment to my parents too, not that they'd ever say it, because really who's gonna be proud of someone with no life, still living at home with their parents at my age, and works some mukty job with their job outlook forever being that? There's not some traumatic past incident(s) I could point to as some sort of possible origin, but it doesn't change the fact that this is how I've felt for more than a decade. You can do worse than me, as there are and have been some complete psyducking monsters in the world, but only just clearing the absolute lowest of bars isn't something to be happy with.
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Megan

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Self esteem is an odd concept. In fact I still find myself confusing it with all the other "self-things". I can't really say I have much of it (if any at all), but I've also spend a lot of time reading up on things like philosophy, psychology, etc. trying to find out why that is and how I can change it. This may in fact just be something that I'll never find out just by myself. You know: as everybody likes to say that seeking help may be in order.

I suppose there may not even be a very specific general way that helps everybody who lacks self esteem to build it up.

Someone who's gone through a childhood of abuse, be that mental or physical, and who keeps blaming themselves ("getting what they deserve") may just need to find out in their way that they're not the problem, not the cause, that they simply found themselves with abusive parents, too incompetent to raise a child, but who refuse to accept their incompetence and instead focus all they formed self hatred on the innocent child in form of said abuse.

Someone who is just way too intelligent for what the world currently demands, on the other hand may just be sabotaging themselves. Maybe they are the answer to a question that nobody has asked, yet?

In any case: random people can't exactly help, professionals are in need.

I do hope that at least certain people who find themselves in such an unfavorable position will some day be able to free themselves from the shackles they are bound by. And I'm saying this as someone who lacks this thing people call "empathy".
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Sothis

Will this hand destroy you?

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Oh don't worry, I have a therapist! It's something we discuss and I'm hoping to take classes but it's always really crushing me, you know? I value others advice and maybe others may find this thread useful.

you cannot hope to win
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colours

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gracidea fields
Seen December 30th, 2022
Posted December 29th, 2022
8,974 posts
18.1 Years
i have an astronomical amount of self-hatred and i'll leave it at that.

Figure

Age 28
Male
Moscow, Idaho
Seen 4 Days Ago
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10.8 Years
My self esteem is actually quite high, suprising since I had an awful support system growing up. My dad liked to remind me all of the time of how useless I was and how I wouldn't ever be as good as him at anything. He was wrong, go figure, I excelled in school and he... did not to say the least. 😂 Once I started finding what I was good at and realizing my worth, my self esteem went up quite a bit.

I think being competitive helps with self esteem as well because whatever I do, I am going to be the best at it and seeing your hard work pay off and pass the people who were above you makes you feel really good about yourself. Another thing that helped with my self esteem was going to the gym. I was always the smallest (not shortest) in my class. I was just tiny, and a late bloomer, I lettered in wrestling at 108 pounds and my graduating year I still only weighed 115 pounds. It is no surprise I am more confident at 200 pounds than 115. Getting into good shape makes you feel better about yourself and just better in general since you are getting that sweet, sweet endorphin hit.

I think the last thing that helped with my confidence is probably the hardest thing to do though. It is going to sound cliche but it is very true, stop caring what people think about you as much. I used to walk around worrying that complete strangers I would probably never meet again were judging me and it is not a healthy way to live.

I just woke up and I haven't had my coffee yet so if you need me to elaborate on anything let me know but I hope something I have written here helps you.

Sothis

Will this hand destroy you?

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Firene
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I don't understand what's been happening to me lately. Even the most harmless of jokes seem to be capable of putting me down. I know I shouldn't let the little things get to me, but I just can't seem to help it.

I just feel so useless...
It depends on what's being said. Some people will act mukty and try to avoid repercussions by saying it's a joke. If you've heard the term, this behavior is called "Schrodinger's Douchebag".

you cannot hope to win
so bound in flesh


It depends on what's being said. Some people will act mukty and try to avoid repercussions by saying it's a joke. If you've heard the term, this behavior is called "Schrodinger's Douchebag".
No, they really are just jokes. I know my friends well enough to tell when they're trying to be mean. It still doesn't help me, though, and I don't think it's right to tell them to stop making them.
No, they really are just jokes. I know my friends well enough to tell when they're trying to be mean. It still doesn't help me, though, and I don't think it's right to tell them to stop making them.
If it doesn't help you, then it's absolutely fine to tell them to stop making them - at the very least they will respect that you're not in a good place right now and that these things don't help you. If they don't and dismiss your feelings then you're probably better off without them tbh.

Taemin

MOVE

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Seen January 6th, 2023
Posted December 9th, 2022
11,196 posts
17.8 Years
Mine is better than it used to be, because I used to have like... none. Now I'd say I'm often confident, but still hesitant and have days where it's bad. Fluctuates. It probably wouldn't be half as bad if I hadn't grown up with a couple of family members that consistently insulted me even without meaning to. I was also quiet during most of my school years and people pick on you when you're quiet, haha. Any confidence I have I worked from the ground up on my own to gather at work.

No, they really are just jokes. I know my friends well enough to tell when they're trying to be mean. It still doesn't help me, though, and I don't think it's right to tell them to stop making them.
I think that's valid. I don't even jokingly insult my friends for that reason. I've had people who have insulted me as a joke before, and it still causes hits to your self esteem. Even if it's a joke, its not a funny one. I firmly believe you can joke with people without insulting them. Sometime, if you don't want to tell them to stop directly, you can say something like "It's just not funny" or work in a "I don't joke like that with you guys because it's kinda mean". Lmao I had to do that before.

My ex used to do that to the extent where I just stopped talking to her. LOL It's not flattering, kinda makes people not wanna talk to you, because self esteem is hard enough to come by in some cases.


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If it doesn't help you, then it's absolutely fine to tell them to stop making them - at the very least they will respect that you're not in a good place right now and that these things don't help you. If they don't and dismiss your feelings then you're probably better off without them tbh.
I think that's valid. I don't even jokingly insult my friends for that reason. I've had people who have insulted me as a joke before, and it still causes hits to your self esteem. Even if it's a joke, its not a funny one. I firmly believe you can joke with people without insulting them. Sometime, if you don't want to tell them to stop directly, you can say something like "It's just not funny" or work in a "I don't joke like that with you guys because it's kinda mean". Lmao I had to do that before.
I'm not entirely sure who to listen to more, here. For context, I've known these friends for years, and I lost them due to depression before entering a years-long phase of extreme isolation wherein I struggled with this site's Discord server, as well as what people seem to tell me qualifies as "abuse" from home. And when I recently resurfaced on the grid, their first instinct was to forgive me and reconnect, and that was before I told them of what I've endured, so they can't really just want to re-befriend me out of pity.

I don't mind the deluge of insulting jokes thrown around at me; if anything, I join in the festivities because we all know we're just meme-ing around, and I struggle to keep my creativity up in making more jokes of the sort. The only time I couldn't find them funny was when the full weight of what I'd done to someone in these forums publicly broke me, and they were so understanding that one of them gave me a gift on Steam before the sale began, knowing that it'll still be a while before I can get anything to play it on (and this guy never gives muk to anyone).

The jokes that got to me, however, were jokes of abandonment. I thought after surviving starvation and a broken bone (both of which I still deal with), simply being left alone would be a joke to me. And yet the pressures in the pit of my heart scream otherwise. I know they're just joking around, I do... but this is just something I'm going to have to learn to get over.
I'm not entirely sure who to listen to more, here. For context, I've known these friends for years, and I lost them due to depression before entering a years-long phase of extreme isolation wherein I struggled with this site's Discord server, as well as what people seem to tell me qualifies as "abuse" from home. And when I recently resurfaced on the grid, their first instinct was to forgive me and reconnect, and that was before I told them of what I've endured, so they can't really just want to re-befriend me out of pity.

I don't mind the deluge of insulting jokes thrown around at me; if anything, I join in the festivities because we all know we're just meme-ing around, and I struggle to keep my creativity up in making more jokes of the sort. The only time I couldn't find them funny was when the full weight of what I'd done to someone in these forums publicly broke me, and they were so understanding that one of them gave me a gift on Steam before the sale began, knowing that it'll still be a while before I can get anything to play it on (and this guy never gives muk to anyone).

The jokes that got to me, however, were jokes of abandonment. I thought after surviving starvation and a broken bone (both of which I still deal with), simply being left alone would be a joke to me. And yet the pressures in the pit of my heart scream otherwise. I know they're just joking around, I do... but this is just something I'm going to have to learn to get over.
You can be specific, and you don't have to be standoffish about it. Just saying "please don't joke about that" or similar if they say something you don't find funny isn't being mean, and it's definitely not an unreasonable request. It sounds like you've been through quite a bit with them, and that they're not entirely unfamiliar with your character or your history - asking them not to joke about topics that you find sensitive wouldn't be unreasonable at all in this context. If anything, they should understand why you're asking them and why it upsets you.

Friends can say things around one another that they couldn't say around other people without offense being taken or meant. But that doesn't mean that all red lines should be thrown to the wind and that you should just learn to live with things you don't like - I would say that part of having friends is being able to say there are things you don't like that you wouldn't be able to raise around others without giving offense (or at least creating a difficult situation) and NOT having to deal with them from those people. Give and take goes both ways.

It's your choice, but that's the point - you do have a choice. You don't have to just learn to deal with it if you don't want to or don't feel you're able to - and if you decide to raise it with them, if they expect you to just deal with it, then they're not worth keeping as friends.
You can be specific, and you don't have to be standoffish about it. Just saying "please don't joke about that" or similar if they say something you don't find funny isn't being mean, and it's definitely not an unreasonable request. It sounds like you've been through quite a bit with them, and that they're not entirely unfamiliar with your character or your history - asking them not to joke about topics that you find sensitive wouldn't be unreasonable at all in this context. If anything, they should understand why you're asking them and why it upsets you.

Friends can say things around one another that they couldn't say around other people without offense being taken or meant. But that doesn't mean that all red lines should be thrown to the wind and that you should just learn to live with things you don't like - I would say that part of having friends is being able to say there are things you don't like that you wouldn't be able to raise around others without giving offense (or at least creating a difficult situation) and NOT having to deal with them from those people. Give and take goes both ways.

It's your choice, but that's the point - you do have a choice. You don't have to just learn to deal with it if you don't want to or don't feel you're able to - and if you decide to raise it with them, if they expect you to just deal with it, then they're not worth keeping as friends.
I suppose that you're right. I mean, these kinds of jokes are almost never thrown my way to begin with, so I had just thought that I was overreacting to it all. But if it happens again, I think I can try asserting myself a little more. Thanks for the advice.

Setsuna

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Seen October 19th, 2021
Posted May 31st, 2021
2,135 posts
2.5 Years
This thread is long and... quite heavy, I can see why it has the serious tag. Going back to OP though, I think everyone has different experiences with their self-esteem, especially what causes it. I've had really bad self-esteem ever since being a child but I feel like mine ended up getting better this year so maybe I can share some experiences to try and help?

I think the biggest thing I think I can say I did was reach out to people I looked up to. Even though I don't aim to become famous I saw people with big subscriber or follower counts on social media to be better than me, and always thought "I want to be more like them" because as someone who talks too much I wanted what I said to be heard by people. One of my best friends as of recent is someone who I met because they had a popular Instagram account with way more followers than I have, because one night I found their account again, and just wanted to send them a message about how I looked up to them. We started a conversation, had more in common than what I followed them for, and now we're pretty good friends and send a few messages back and forth daily.
It helped me rationalize how I viewed these people and I've gone from seeing them as these big successful popular people to real people I can talk to and who I can even become friends with. I didn't bring them down to my level, I felt like I was pulled up to theirs and I always felt proud of myself for it.
Reassurance from friends can help a lot. If you're struggling, there's no shame in asking someone for their help or for reassurance. There are times I've had to ask people "Do you still love me" or "Am I still okay" and their responses help a lot. Keep those where you can see them, if it's someone online, screenshot their message and keep it somewhere on your device where you can see it.

Are there any accomplishments you want in life? For example if you wanna learn a new language, start practicing in little amounts, there are great apps that you can use for a few minutes to learn a few words. Even if you don't practice often, it gives you that feeling of accomplishing something and you can be proud of yourself for it, especially for taking the initiative to learn that or take a step towards your goal. Rewarding yourself for what you've done and noticing what you've accomplished is huge for helping something like self-esteem. Taking a step back and noticing "Hey, I've gained this because I've started to try doing this" helps a lot and it gives you something to feel proud of. You're never too late to try doing something so please don't tell yourself you should've done it sooner and put yourself down for it. Speaking of initiative let me share my personal experience.

I think I'm super bad at talking to people. When I made some social media accounts I did it to make friends, so I would go to posts I saw and comment on them about their posts and try to start discussion, I actively took that initiative to do something I thought I was bad at that I wanted to get better at, and about 2 years later now I have a group of friends because I managed to do that.

Our worries and self-esteem stop us from doing a lot, but it helps a lot to think of other people when it does. If a friend of yours sends you a selfie, you're going to think something like "They look nice", but what you're not going to think of is the things they might think of themselves, the doubts they have. You're the same and people are going to see you the same way. They're not going to focus on the things in your mind, especially if they're friendly to you, they're probably not even going to be aware of them. I know this is vague advice but I think just "going for it" helps a lot. If there's something you feel like you can't do, try and find a way for you to still accomplish it. Tell someone that you want to do it and have them push you. Schedule when it's going to happen or make a promise to yourself or tell yourself you can have a reward if you do it.

To finish this long post off I just wanna say if you're reading this post for advice, this last one isn't advice, but I'm still saying it. I believe in you. I know that you can do it, and I know that you know you can do it. Even if it's small, you can take a single step and that'll let you take your second step. You're gonna do wonderful.

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gimmepie

Age 27
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My self-esteem/confidence fluctuates wildly and a lot of factors can influence it honestly - everything from the environment I'm in and people I'm with to what I've gotten done that day. I tend to be at my best when I'm in a comfortable place, with people I like and feel like I've gotten something worthwhile accomplished during the day. I imagine making headway on some sort of project or goal would be good for anyone else's confidence too.
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I've always had problems with self-esteem (coming from a background where everything is compared to me or just jokes like what previous posters described that I unconsciously do it myself), even when proof that I'm pretty okay is in front of me. It takes a lot of reassurance to calm me on that front, and it's definitely something I need to work on if I want to grow both in communication and as a person. I know I haven't done things I want to do for so long because of these issues, and that's probably going to be the case still, months from now. Who knows.

But sometimes it just swells up after doing something pretty nice like a drawing, a new thing that makes me happy, and it's often always temporary but it works.
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Morika

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Seen August 10th, 2021
Posted April 16th, 2021
688 posts
2.3 Years
I'm in the middle with my self-esteem, however its improving more lately for the past 5 years now. I only have minor off not great days I expirence on rare occasions, since we're human after all and not perfect.

ZeoStar

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5.6 Years
Similar to what @colours wrote, I have an astronomically low self image. It's to such a degree that I have trouble looking up at my reflection in the mirror.

I almost never speak of it, because honestly that's not something others want to hear. I've almost never been able to stay in a community for longer than 2 months because of these mind eating thoughts. (so 3 years on here is quite amazing). It's also the reason I've never integrated into the discord server. Only ever chatted briefly when I was on the social media team, but I would dwell on everything I typed so heavily. It just wasn't worth the stress.

Yet I'm still receiving help professionally. I was diagnosed with anxiety, and I'm currently on an anti-depressant.

WizardOfOdd

Kirbmeister

Age 22
Male
Workshop of Dreams
Seen February 24th, 2023
Posted February 1st, 2023
1,539 posts
3.9 Years
So self-esteem is something I'm having a huge problem with even now. It's... Uh... Let's say not good. Constantly being scolded and criticized without any words of praise or reassurance besides academic achievement in my childhood is something that caused me a lot of pain in the long run. I'm mostly indecisive and let other people do the choice taking as long I know the choice is bad, and I constantly second guess my choices. Also, the fact that my parents firmly stick to their values and only theirs helps negatively in this.

I'm afraid of reaching out to people because I'm afraid I would be a nuisance, also when I did a mistake and say sorry to a person don't expect me to chat with them again, it's not because I hate them but I just don't want to awaken the feeling of disappointment in them again so I'm the type that really needs someone to reach me first because I'm too ashamed to ask. I'm trying to suppress it, but even things like active on discord and posting a roleplay post? Even after a year I still had to second guess myself if someone would enjoy reading what I wrote or if it would just attract criticism.

Shout out to several people, especially Anna for helping me here about this on PC. Ily guys.
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3.4 Years
My advice is to be who you are. There are some arrogant people out there that are hard to reason with which makes me have a grudge against them, but I've learned not to listen to what they have to say; I can simply ignore them. Though, if you can't control your negative thoughts, remember to be as humble as you can. Also, let your own actions speak for your ideals. That's one virtue I know from humility. Moreover, you have to find your confidence through motivation. Ask yourself "What motivates me?" and look as hard as you can. Think about those who you care about you and use that motivation to lift your spirits. No one is perfect, but you have to push forward and hang in there. There's no point to be scared if you made it this far in life! Go for it! Believe in yourself and your love ones that are close to you! That's my motivation for self-esteem! (Why am I crying right now?)
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Catto

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Age 28
Female
Portugal
Seen August 14th, 2022
Posted July 13th, 2021
106 posts
2.3 Years
Oh, man...this topic is sad =/

You guys need to understand that self esteem comes from having value. What type of value do you currently possess and what type do you wish to have in the future?
Do you want to feel smart? Then you need to study.
Do you want to feel helpful? Then you need to help people.
Do you want to feel healthy? Then you need to exercise/eat healthy.

I find that some values are harder to get because they can go from very specific things to the most abstract (beauty is one of them). But not only this, you also kinda need to find the "right" group of peers, the ones who are in search of the values you currently hold. Sure, you can sell bananas to someone looking for apples but this only holds true until they start starving for what they came for.

Summing up, if you want people to value, for example, your intelligence, your average joe is not the right companion since most people only appreciate the most shallowest group of values (beauty, richness, etc.). You need to find them somewhere else. So having a good Self-esteem is the perfect balance between two worlds: your own and other people's, not a "one way" thing.


Also, take in consideration any potential illnesses that might skew your perception. They act like a fog covering your eyes from the truth and for this you'll need big help first. =)

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I think the only thing I really value myself on and do not have a low esteem about is my art. I’ve worked so, so hard to get where I am and I’m always looking to improve and grow as an artist. But that’s really it, you know? The rest of me doesn’t feel live I’ve conjured enough in the world to have pride about, if that makes sense.
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