Any good...

Started by ~Ozy~ July 24th, 2005 9:59 AM
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  • 34 replies

~Ozy~

PC's Unofficial Poetry Critic

Age 34
White Sword Tower
Seen June 12th, 2012
Posted December 1st, 2006
5,246 posts
19.1 Years
Okay, I'm editing this to be a general anthology of my poems for PC. I might include notes on thm might not. you'll just have to see. I'll be puttingup a few of my older ones first, the ones I'm proud of.


I never was any good
At writing anyone a love poem
It always seemed to hurt to much
My heart was always too bruised
My soul was never trusting

So I guess this will have to do
Inadaquate as I think it is
Because nothing's adaquate for you
I can't give you all you deserve
Please listen anyway

You heal me
Make me feel like it's going to be okay
Even when nothing's going the way I'd like
I trust you
More than I do myself
Or any other
My world revolves around you
Do you understnd that
I know I don't

I was never any good
At writing anyone a love poem
I hope this will do
Eternally devoted and wed to my darling pet, Nagoyaka Aikouka.


"Your Grace, all that you say is true. On the Trident, Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought honorably, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.

Chase Leader

Music Is My Miracle Drug!

Age 36
Anywhere, U.S.A.
Seen December 12th, 2006
Posted August 9th, 2006
851 posts
18.8 Years
It was interesting, however it didn't flow to well.

Band of the Month: U2
"We don't look into the past,
the best bits of the past,
we try and bring with us."

Other News: No word can describe how I feel,
its truely amazing, life is perfect!

~See You Space Cowboy

TheOnly

The Random Repper....

On Planet X
Seen October 3rd, 2005
Posted September 27th, 2005
277 posts
17.8 Years
it didnt flow at all. it was ok though. improve on the flowing

Click The Banner For The Forums!!! ^^^


I Will be gone do to Mediacal Reasoning for awhile. If you have any overworld or wuestion request PM me and they will be answered. As for the requests reqeuested in my thread. I will complete them when realeased by doctor. Sorry for the inconcence.

~Ozy~

PC's Unofficial Poetry Critic

Age 34
White Sword Tower
Seen June 12th, 2012
Posted December 1st, 2006
5,246 posts
19.1 Years
That was actually part of the point of this. Not to sound defensive or anything, but strem-of-conciousness poetry rarely, if ever flows.
Eternally devoted and wed to my darling pet, Nagoyaka Aikouka.


"Your Grace, all that you say is true. On the Trident, Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought honorably, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.
Age 34
Female
Fargo, ND
Seen October 18th, 2013
Posted March 9th, 2010
893 posts
17.8 Years
He's right, you know. Stream-of-consioucness poems aren't supposed to flow. Normally, they're very choppy, so it fits his said genre.

*giggles* And thanks, koi. I did enjoy it, though you knkow I think you are more than adequet for me.

Who's that returning from the depths of forum ghosts past? Oh! It's me!

~Ozy~

PC's Unofficial Poetry Critic

Age 34
White Sword Tower
Seen June 12th, 2012
Posted December 1st, 2006
5,246 posts
19.1 Years
Well, these first three are examples of my improv, in fact when I was doing nothing but write improvisational poetry. These are my my favorites of the three. Written, respectively, for an ex-boyfriend, kinda as a POV piece, and finally, when I was thinking about the more violent side of me and its contrast with who ya'all usually see.

Why?
Why did you
Have to lie
Why couldn't you
Just say goodbye
And now I want
For you to die
Because you lied
Because I cried
And something inside
Made me decide
That love ain't worth the ride
On this emotional tide

But now I find
There's another who's kind
Has seeped inside my mind
Made my heart shine

And now you want me to come back
After what you did, you deny the fact
That you betrayed me, stabbed me in the back
You take a different tack
Say that it was the crack
I still don't wanna come back

I've moved on
What love we had
Is long since gone
But I still ask why


Gravity
Gravity
Filling me
With overflowing
Sincerity
Overwhelming me
Washing over me
Killing me
Instilling in me
Sense of duty
Loyalty
Bravery
Finally,
No more gravity
My heart runs free
A light I see
And thus I flee
From gravity


Conflicted
They say it's alright.
That I don't need to fight.
That I can still write.
I think it's a lie.
I could make them die.
Fists and feet.
Blood on the street.
Broken bones, shattered lives.
Pile of bodies outside a dive.
Why do I fight?
I just want to write.
But it's not alright.
I still want to fight.
Scent of blood in my brain.
And the thought still remains.
Block, punch, kick.
Another mother****ing prick.
And still I fight.
Eternally devoted and wed to my darling pet, Nagoyaka Aikouka.


"Your Grace, all that you say is true. On the Trident, Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought honorably, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.
Age 36
Sitting upon the hills waiting for the one...
Seen June 14th, 2006
Posted June 14th, 2006
5,154 posts
18 Years
Ah......so now I see whos with Phantom Mew...always wondered...but anywho, that's not really any of my buisness...ahem...


You, too, are a wonderful poet. And you, too, have surpassed me in many ways. You have become another star in my sky along with Phantom Mew and blue eyes white dragon. These first few are most impressive. Very touching and very well said (except for Conflicted...that was an awesome one with action! :laugh: ) You also must be bowed to.


Pair: blue eyes white dragon / Rival: punkhobbitqueen / Sisters: Suki - blue flygon / Son: Ultimate Latios / Godchild: Mitzykitty / Evil twin: Yami's Girl / Twin: Abskull (and Miss May) / Triplets: Dark Magician ruler and 00Zero / Hero to: Blue Eyes White Dragon, Agent9 and Chibi-chan / Brother: !~Dark Forte.EXE~! / Daughter: tohru-honda / Pet Wolf: Wolf Godess / Aunt: angel

~Ozy~

PC's Unofficial Poetry Critic

Age 34
White Sword Tower
Seen June 12th, 2012
Posted December 1st, 2006
5,246 posts
19.1 Years
Thanks, to all of you. *giggles* Though truth be told, Blaine's assessment of my writing is still the one I value most. :P They all mean a lot to me, though, really, they do. I'm not used to m work being recognized. I'm still working through some of my older poetry, these next two are rather mre emotional, for me, at least. Again, respectively, in memory of my grandfather (and koi, sorry, I know by this point you must be getting a little weary of hearing about him), cutting, and, well, I suppose you could call it a protest poem.


Angelic Requiem
An angel came within my dreams
To tell me of my fears
And all the things that saddened me so
Throughout the passing years

A bottle of tears she gave to me
So I could remember you
And I know that you will one day see
All of our dreams come true

The tears of the world, they comfort me
For I know Im not alone
Even though youve left this world
Im never on my own

The bottle of tears she gave to me
Came from the heart and soul
And let your life be remembered by
The light you gave to the world


One Cut/Spiral
One cut more
And I spiral down
I fall ever deeper
Never hitting the ground.

One cut deeper
I feel the pain
The blood runs down
Red glorious rain.

One cut further
There's no hope, no light
I love the darkness
I can taste the night.

One cut two
I look over again
My knife lies there
No hope, just sin.


Tortured Genius
Tortured Genuis
Head in the sky
Softly composing a lullaby
Ignoring all the simple fools
Thinking the only way to rule
Is with force, and might, and guns, and bombs
Filling the world with violence and death
Destroying peace and death
And dads and moms
All with a single "smart bomb"
On a "surgical strike"
Designed to stop one evil dictator

Tortured genius
Head in the clouds
Dreaming of a banner unfurled
On the top of a castle in another world
Unlike our own
Where the selfsame fools
Who think the only way to rule
Is with force and might and decption and lies
Filling the airwaves with their false words,
"This is all in the intrest of your saftey"
"With technology, we guarantee there will be no civillian casualties"
Never guessing that one "smart bomb"
Ripped apart families, dads, kids, and moms

Tortured Genius
Watching that banner unfurled
On the top of a castle in another world
Where peace reigns supreme
Tortured only because
He knows it's a dream
Which will only come true
After Death's barrier is breached
After that lone castle beseiged
By the forces of violence, guns, and bombs
Have all passed away
And forever peace reigns
Eternally devoted and wed to my darling pet, Nagoyaka Aikouka.


"Your Grace, all that you say is true. On the Trident, Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought honorably, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.
Age 36
Sitting upon the hills waiting for the one...
Seen June 14th, 2006
Posted June 14th, 2006
5,154 posts
18 Years
I must say you show your works well. Quite well written and very deep. I tip my hat to you again. And it is with great warmth that I say you did splendidly.


Pair: blue eyes white dragon / Rival: punkhobbitqueen / Sisters: Suki - blue flygon / Son: Ultimate Latios / Godchild: Mitzykitty / Evil twin: Yami's Girl / Twin: Abskull (and Miss May) / Triplets: Dark Magician ruler and 00Zero / Hero to: Blue Eyes White Dragon, Agent9 and Chibi-chan / Brother: !~Dark Forte.EXE~! / Daughter: tohru-honda / Pet Wolf: Wolf Godess / Aunt: angel

~Ozy~

PC's Unofficial Poetry Critic

Age 34
White Sword Tower
Seen June 12th, 2012
Posted December 1st, 2006
5,246 posts
19.1 Years
I have a surprise for you all today. A NEW poem! :P Corona is a little fussy at the moment, so it might not be top notch, but I wrote it, and Corona's whining be ****ed. I actually wrote it about my home state, Colorado (the bells referenced in the first verse are the Maroon Bells, in case you're wondering).

Seasonal
Bells always chiming
Midsummer, patchwork of snow
Bighorn below, dining
All in sunset's glow

Aspen leaves golden
Patch of wealth in the green
I in thrall, beholden
Atumnal glory to be seen

Howling winter in the pass
Cutting sharp in powder fine
Avalanching up in Snowmass
Up a backcountry climb

Mud and rocks, cold and heat
Snow and sunshine ev'ry second day
Vernal playtime needs warm feet
Or with frostbite you'll pay

Never doubt my homeland's glory
Nor the dangers too
Every sunrise tells a story
Every sunset makes it true
Eternally devoted and wed to my darling pet, Nagoyaka Aikouka.


"Your Grace, all that you say is true. On the Trident, Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought honorably, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.
Age 36
Sitting upon the hills waiting for the one...
Seen June 14th, 2006
Posted June 14th, 2006
5,154 posts
18 Years
In my opinion, it started slow, but picked up and finished off nicely at the end. Once again you have done a superb job.


Pair: blue eyes white dragon / Rival: punkhobbitqueen / Sisters: Suki - blue flygon / Son: Ultimate Latios / Godchild: Mitzykitty / Evil twin: Yami's Girl / Twin: Abskull (and Miss May) / Triplets: Dark Magician ruler and 00Zero / Hero to: Blue Eyes White Dragon, Agent9 and Chibi-chan / Brother: !~Dark Forte.EXE~! / Daughter: tohru-honda / Pet Wolf: Wolf Godess / Aunt: angel

~Ozy~

PC's Unofficial Poetry Critic

Age 34
White Sword Tower
Seen June 12th, 2012
Posted December 1st, 2006
5,246 posts
19.1 Years
ANOTHER new poem by me! YAY! :P Well, this is kinda about when I started to realize just how close I felt to my pair, and when romantic feelings for her started to come back. Again, stream-of-conciousness poetry.

Ending it all
I was about to
Let it all end
Throw it away
Cold steel sticking through me

I said it was to protect you
To keep them from harm
Then you said I was wrong
And let it all end

I'm not sure why
I trusted you
Let you stop me
Told you I wouldn't
Said I'd try something else
But I did
And I'm grateful
Else we'd both be dead

That's when it started coming back
Started wanting to hold you
But that wasn't right
That wasn't who I was
But it was, I found
Afraid to tell you
Terrified to let you know
Because you wouldn't want me

But you did
And I did
And now, together
For both of us
We ended it all
Eternally devoted and wed to my darling pet, Nagoyaka Aikouka.


"Your Grace, all that you say is true. On the Trident, Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought honorably, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.
Age 36
Sitting upon the hills waiting for the one...
Seen June 14th, 2006
Posted June 14th, 2006
5,154 posts
18 Years
*sigh*......wish I could have that feeling......but alas...

Very good work once again. You are amazing.


Pair: blue eyes white dragon / Rival: punkhobbitqueen / Sisters: Suki - blue flygon / Son: Ultimate Latios / Godchild: Mitzykitty / Evil twin: Yami's Girl / Twin: Abskull (and Miss May) / Triplets: Dark Magician ruler and 00Zero / Hero to: Blue Eyes White Dragon, Agent9 and Chibi-chan / Brother: !~Dark Forte.EXE~! / Daughter: tohru-honda / Pet Wolf: Wolf Godess / Aunt: angel

~Ozy~

PC's Unofficial Poetry Critic

Age 34
White Sword Tower
Seen June 12th, 2012
Posted December 1st, 2006
5,246 posts
19.1 Years
This is pretty much the only thread I'll continue to post in, as I do still have poetry to share with everyone. So listen, okay? :P This one is almost a song, I guess.

Guilty
You said it was all right
But that was last night
And it doesn't seem now
Like it's gonna work out

I'm guilty, tried in my mind
Try to find innocence, get left behind
It's NOT all right
No matter what was said last night

Can you feel it, my lament?
In my mind, it all makes sense
My guilt weighs down my soul
And I don't deserve the role.

(that I'm placed in...)

I'm guilty, tried in my mind
Try to find innocence, get left behind
It's NOT all right
No matter what was said last night

It's said life goes on
But in my guilt, I'm but a pawn
Undeserving and alone
Without joy of my own

And the jury comes in
Against you I've sinned
Sentenced to bleed
Sentenced to need

(to apologize for my wrongs...)

I'm guilty, tried in my mind
Try to find innocence, get left behind
It's NOT all right
No matter what was said last night
Eternally devoted and wed to my darling pet, Nagoyaka Aikouka.


"Your Grace, all that you say is true. On the Trident, Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought honorably, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.
Age 36
Sitting upon the hills waiting for the one...
Seen June 14th, 2006
Posted June 14th, 2006
5,154 posts
18 Years
Adamant, you have once again outdid yourself. I am proud to idolize you as one of the best around. You inspire me to keep going. And as for this piece, very emotional on my part. excellent.


Pair: blue eyes white dragon / Rival: punkhobbitqueen / Sisters: Suki - blue flygon / Son: Ultimate Latios / Godchild: Mitzykitty / Evil twin: Yami's Girl / Twin: Abskull (and Miss May) / Triplets: Dark Magician ruler and 00Zero / Hero to: Blue Eyes White Dragon, Agent9 and Chibi-chan / Brother: !~Dark Forte.EXE~! / Daughter: tohru-honda / Pet Wolf: Wolf Godess / Aunt: angel

Eliana

The |R a m p a g e|

Age 32
www.thepeopleunited.net
Seen February 18th, 2010
Posted April 25th, 2006
17,195 posts
19.5 Years
....Amazing. ^_^ You really are an excellent poet.
You really made sure not to leave out detail, which is excellent. Detail always makes a poem more intense.
I saw a few typos in there but that won't kill anyone so meh~
You also might wanna play around with some different rhyming schemes, and see what happens. It's kinda cool to see the outcomes.
You're flow is all right, always room for improvment but it looks good.

I look forward to the rest of your poems! ^_^

~Eli
[A N T I -F L A G]
T H E I R | S Y S T E M | D O E S N ' T | W O R K | F O R | Y O U

WE'RE TIRED OF LIES WE WANT THE TRUTH. [Turncoat]
[Sanity is not Statistical] --1984
No, I'm not back, I'm just laughing at the mediocrity of corrupted 'authority'. <3

~Ozy~

PC's Unofficial Poetry Critic

Age 34
White Sword Tower
Seen June 12th, 2012
Posted December 1st, 2006
5,246 posts
19.1 Years
This was something jotted down (and I do mean jotted, we had ten minutes) for my Creative Writing class. Our topic was on what it means to be teenaged. I think it could still use some wwork, though.

6205
Days pass me by
6205
Somewhere around there
6205
Not all that many, I am told
6205
Feels different to me 6205

Been to hell and back
At 6205
Been floating on clouds
At 6205
Had a knife to my wrist
At 6205
Had a love for eternity
At 6205

I can fight, and I can love
When I'm 6205
Can offer kindness where there's hate
When I'm 6205
My life still isn't my own
When I'm 6205
Still doing things I'd rather not
When I'm 6205

I am everything you've ever seen
And 6205
Good and bad and in between
And 6205
Life and death, kind and mean
And 6205
Most of all, I'm 17
And 6205
Eternally devoted and wed to my darling pet, Nagoyaka Aikouka.


"Your Grace, all that you say is true. On the Trident, Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought honorably, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.
Age 36
Sitting upon the hills waiting for the one...
Seen June 14th, 2006
Posted June 14th, 2006
5,154 posts
18 Years
Well Adamant, it may have been a jotted poem, but it still is quite good.


Pair: blue eyes white dragon / Rival: punkhobbitqueen / Sisters: Suki - blue flygon / Son: Ultimate Latios / Godchild: Mitzykitty / Evil twin: Yami's Girl / Twin: Abskull (and Miss May) / Triplets: Dark Magician ruler and 00Zero / Hero to: Blue Eyes White Dragon, Agent9 and Chibi-chan / Brother: !~Dark Forte.EXE~! / Daughter: tohru-honda / Pet Wolf: Wolf Godess / Aunt: angel

~Ozy~

PC's Unofficial Poetry Critic

Age 34
White Sword Tower
Seen June 12th, 2012
Posted December 1st, 2006
5,246 posts
19.1 Years
Again, written for Creative Writing. Like Phantom Mew's "Because You're Gone," this is written from a "what if?" standpoint. I'll post the first two parts now, the other two this afternoon.

Four Hours (a lyrical poem in four parts)

1st hour
Broken promises all around,
Scream over and over without a sound.
Still don't blame you, you had the right.
But my blood-soaked sheets tell of night.

Of nights alone
Nights on my own
Without you by my side
Because you lied.

Giving voice to my scream,
Beg it's a dream.
But it's not, and you're dead,
And for you I have bled.

For the nights alone
Nights on my own
without you by my side
Because you lied

2nd Hour
Did I do something wrong?
Drag it out to long?
I wish you could tell me
But now you are free.

Free of life
Free of strife
But now I cry
Because of your lie

Is this despair?
It just isn't fair.
Or rage instead?
One thought in my head.

That you're free of life
free of strife
But now I cry
Because of your lie
Eternally devoted and wed to my darling pet, Nagoyaka Aikouka.


"Your Grace, all that you say is true. On the Trident, Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought honorably, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.

~Ozy~

PC's Unofficial Poetry Critic

Age 34
White Sword Tower
Seen June 12th, 2012
Posted December 1st, 2006
5,246 posts
19.1 Years
Sorry to double-post, and sorry for not having the last two parts of "Four Hours," but there's another poem that takes precedence. I won't go into why I wrote it, but it involves some rather serious happenings from last night.

Put out the Light
Is it true what you say?
True what you feel?
In bed I lay,
With a desperate appeal.

"Do you still love me?
Or at least forgive?
Forget or be free?
Continue to live?
Did I betray you?
Shatter your trust?
Are your words true?
Or am I a bust?"

You deserve more than I can give.
My life is charmed, but I cannot live.
Without you, my life is a fright.
Slide up my wrists, and put out the light.
Eternally devoted and wed to my darling pet, Nagoyaka Aikouka.


"Your Grace, all that you say is true. On the Trident, Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought honorably, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.
Age 36
Sitting upon the hills waiting for the one...
Seen June 14th, 2006
Posted June 14th, 2006
5,154 posts
18 Years
Hmm...I can kinda figure what you're talking about...but I won't say.....very powerful work here.


Pair: blue eyes white dragon / Rival: punkhobbitqueen / Sisters: Suki - blue flygon / Son: Ultimate Latios / Godchild: Mitzykitty / Evil twin: Yami's Girl / Twin: Abskull (and Miss May) / Triplets: Dark Magician ruler and 00Zero / Hero to: Blue Eyes White Dragon, Agent9 and Chibi-chan / Brother: !~Dark Forte.EXE~! / Daughter: tohru-honda / Pet Wolf: Wolf Godess / Aunt: angel