For You Are The One

Started by Persona March 25th, 2006 7:12 PM
  • 708 views
  • 6 replies
Age 30
Ontario, Canada
Seen November 19th, 2012
Posted November 30th, 2011
4,612 posts
17.4 Years
another love poem, yes i do a lot of them O.o' this one's not one of my better ones though.

For you I would climb
The highest mountain peak
Swim the deepest ocean
Your love I do seek.

For you I would cross
The rivers most wide
Walk the hottest desert sand
To have you by my side.

For you are the one
Who makes me whole
You've captured my heart
And touched my soul.

For you are the one
That stepped out of my dreams
Gave me new hope
Showed me what love means.

For you alone
Are my reason to live
For the compassion you show
And the care that you give.

You came into my life
And made me complete
Each time I see you
My heart skips a beat.

For you define beauty
In both body and mind
Your soft, gentle face
More beauty I'll never find.

For you are the one
God sent from above
The angel I needed
For whom I do love.
Age 34
Female
Fargo, ND
Seen October 18th, 2013
Posted March 9th, 2010
893 posts
17.8 Years
Very nice. I haven't seen your poetry before, then again, I was forced to take a leave-of-absence. Anyways, it's a nice poem. You're rhyme scheme is very good, and you made MARVELOUS use of parallelism in the first lines of the stanzas.

As for contructive criticism... Well, if I may?

Your fourth stanza's rhythem doesn't quite fit with the rest of the poem. Through the other stanzas, you have a usual for 4, very equal lines. In that stanza, though, there are two long, two short. That type of stanza is a good thing, I'm not saying that it's a bad idea. It just doesn't fit with the rest of the poem. It could be revised, but isn't in dire need of being done.

Again, good work!!

Who's that returning from the depths of forum ghosts past? Oh! It's me!
Age 30
Female
With phantom_zangetsu ^.~
Seen March 7th, 2014
Posted July 24th, 2011
238 posts
18.2 Years
Wow that's so sweet. I think that's a great poem. The fifth part didn't have the rhythm and that's the only thing I can see. ^_^

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