Springtime

Started by Zelos April 6th, 2006 11:32 AM
  • 739 views
  • 6 replies
Age 30
Somewhere Over The Rainbow
Seen May 27th, 2010
Posted January 23rd, 2009
1,377 posts
17.9 Years
Now, I know this is a pretty short poem, but I was just sitting at school while writing this and started to get bored after a while. ^^;

~Springtime~

The rolling hills, the flowery fields
How beautiful to see
So royal and majestic
How much better could it be?


The sun is shining brightly
Birds are chirping all around
Children are outside playing
Happiness is abound.


A variety of colors
Are available to view
The trees, flowers, and plants
Have all begun anew.


But, sadly, there will come a day
When all this disappears,
But, fear not, for the cycle will continue
In all the coming years.

Yeah...I know it stinks X.X;; Constructive criticism is definitely welcome, but flat out insulting me is not. <3

`Temp
And that, boys and girls, is my super elbow drop.
Age 34
Female
Fargo, ND
Seen October 18th, 2013
Posted March 9th, 2010
893 posts
17.8 Years
It was a nice poem, Tempest. The only problem I see (which has nothing to do with grammar or spelling, thankfully) is your rhythm and flow aren't consistant. You tend to jump between rhythm patterns as the stanza changes. It's nothing major, after all, you can do pretty much anything you want in poetry. (Heck, e.e. cummings didn't even use punctuation or capitalization, and he's hailed as one of the greatest poets of all time by many people, myself included). But, people like poems that have a nice, predictable rhythm and flow. Just something to revise if you ever decide you want to!

Who's that returning from the depths of forum ghosts past? Oh! It's me!