The leaves escape

Started by Kaeru_ike May 1st, 2006 5:08 AM
  • 529 views
  • 3 replies

Kaeru_ike

Teruki - Miku - Bou - Kanon

An abandoned island in the atlantic sea
Seen July 27th, 2007
Posted March 3rd, 2007
192 posts
17.5 Years
The wind is getting weaker
The leaves is running away
The cold is now a seeker
And heat just got its say

The birds have started their singing
The audience is me
For me the song is music
And i just wanna see
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WOW. BIG SIG. 298 x 195 over the limit. Ridiculous.
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Bittertown
Seen September 2nd, 2009
Posted December 28th, 2008
7,901 posts
19.7 Years
The leaves are running away
The cold is now a seeker
And heat just got its say
Clarity for this one because it sounds really awkard or it just doesn't make sense.

The birds have started their singing
The audience is me
For me the song is music
And i just wanna see
Quite redundant since singing is attributed to music. You can't really sing and out comes some other form of sound. The last line is awkard.


Some grammatical errors and clarity is needed. The lines sound very awkward since the sound like you just picked the rhymes and built some sort of sentence to shove the words in.

Otherwise, it's an okay poem.

Pocket Monsters Special!