The PokéCommunity Forums Create & Discover Fan Fiction and Writing
Contemplations on the Sublime

Fan Fiction and Writing Have a story you want to share? Or in the mood to sit back and read one, instead? Then come hang out here!

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1    
Old May 8th, 2006 (5:34 PM). Edited May 12th, 2006 by ~Ozy~.
~Ozy~'s Avatar
~Ozy~ ~Ozy~ is offline
PC's Unofficial Poetry Critic
     
    Join Date: May 2004
    Location: White Sword Tower
    Age: 29
    Gender:
    Nature: Gentle
    Posts: 5,257
    Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to ~Ozy~ Send a message via Yahoo to ~Ozy~
    A little more abstract than most of my pieces, but I was aiming to capture the feel of a gap I did recently. The choppiness is fully intended for that effect. Read, review, hopefully enjoy.

    Quote:
    I am perfect. Caught in the moment, I am flawless, pure, uninterrupted motion without hesitation, thought or form to restrain me. I am endless. I am a god.

    Adrenaline flows though my veins. I cannot stop, I don’t want to stop, no one can possibly stop me. I’m walking in midair. The wind carries my feet forward, upward, onward in my search for the sublime.

    Grass lies behind me, sand lies in front of me, and below, water. But now, there is only air, only wind, only me. Thought ceases. There is the moment. I am there.

    In the silence of my perfection, I stand apart. Alone. Myself. I need no one else, cannot imagine reliance upon others. It is my body, and my body is one with all around me, the beautiful world that I do not make mine, that is mine.

    Grass. Grass is a weed that people care for with slavish devotion. My feet leave it behind and it ceases to be part of my existence. It is brown and stubbly and I forget it as I step away.

    Water. Water is the blood of life. It exists only in the memory of a past life. Now it is below me and it is unimportant. I am apart from it. I am above it and it lies below me, unconcerned with me. It does not matter.

    Air. Air is my existence. Air is what matters. Air is around me and I am air just as I am many other things. I am alone. I am not a god. I am God. I am expression. I am art. Your art, my art, the poetry of Pablo Neruda and the amateurish paintings of Adolf Hitler.

    Air is a part of me now, as are all things that I have not left behind. Grass. Water. People and places and things. I am the world.

    Sand. Sand is gritty. It is harsh. It gets everywhere. Air no longer matters, but the plume of sand as I step off of the wind does. It is my world now. Brown. Damp. Soft. I feel it in my hands, in my shoulder.

    The moment ends, and I am still perfect. I am God.
    __________________
    Eternally devoted and wed to my darling pet, Nagoyaka Aikouka.


    "Your Grace, all that you say is true. On the Trident, Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought honorably, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.
    Reply With Quote

    Relevant Advertising!

      #2    
    Old May 28th, 2006 (3:40 AM).
    Kalylia's Avatar
    Kalylia Kalylia is offline
    Pokemon Breeder
       
      Join Date: Jul 2005
      Location: Fargo, ND
      Age: 28
      Gender: Female
      Nature: Quirky
      Posts: 895
      Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to Kalylia
      *smiles* Nice, love. I think you captured what you were attempting to, which is always a good thing, ne? As always, I urge you to be careful doing you insane pking, but that's just me. *laughs a bit* Again, a nice peice of work. The only thing I noticed was the part about the grass being "brown and stubby". It just didn't quite meld with the general tone and connotation of the rest of the peice.
      __________________

      Who's that returning from the depths of forum ghosts past? Oh! It's me!
      Reply With Quote
        #3    
      Old May 29th, 2006 (6:18 PM).
      Lily's Avatar
      Lily Lily is offline
      ◕ ‿‿ ◕ double rainbow.
      • Silver Tier
       
      Join Date: Sep 2004
      Location: New Joisey
      Gender: Female
      Nature: Bold
      Posts: 3,334
      You have an interesting, fluent flow I enjoyed throughout the piece, with the stubborn 'perfect' tone evenly incorporated. I don't quite get, however, why you chose grass, water, air, and sand, as those aren't usually received as the primary elements...I'm rambling here, though, so disregarding the trivial points, this was a lovely work of art. Splendid job!
      __________________

      ( ‿‿ ) PM me for a contract.
      Reply With Quote
      Reply
      Quick Reply

      Sponsored Links
      Thread Tools

      Posting Rules
      You may not post new threads
      You may not post replies
      You may not post attachments
      You may not edit your posts

      BB code is On
      Smilies are On
      [IMG] code is On
      HTML code is Off
      Minimum Characters Per Post: 25

      Forum Jump


      All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:01 AM.