Oh goodness. I remember you. =X I remember I reviewed back when too and you and I got into this entire debate about it.
Let's do it again! =D
Why was the professor first afraid of Pokémon? No background history on that?
Why would Charmander not defend itself without the trainer seeing as he has the capability of doing so? I understand that it could of felt obliged to save the guy that tried to save him, but still... o.-
Oh this is where we got into a fight. The Dratini. I argued that how can a rookie trainer catch a Dratini so quickly like that or something right? I still think that entire scene is absurd. For starters, it's a baby Charmander. No way is it going to have that wide an arsenal of attacks like Flamethrower yet. And the Dratini wouldn't put up a struggle to free itself? If I remember correctly, Dratini's put up one helluva fight before you could catch one.
So the trainer (omg, does this kid have a name yet?) basically just took the Ditto's egg without looking for it's mother? Maybe the mother went to get food for its baby.
Uh oh. Gary-stu alert.
Something that I warned you about earlier I might add. Really. What is the likelihood of finding a Charmander, a Dratini and a Shiny Ditto in what seems to be one day?
Okay. The Ralts part is alright. I can deal with that. But let's back it up just a notch. HE HAS FOUR POKéMON AND DOESN'T HAVE A FREAKIN' TRAINER'S LICENSE YET? I DON'T THINK YOU'RE ALLOWED TO DO THAT. OH EM GEE, I THINK IT'S ILLEGAL TO EVEN BATTLE AND CATCH POKéMON IF YOU DON'T HAVE A LICENSE.
Oh. Goodie. He also captures an ultra powerful Zangoose when he became legal to even catch a Pokémon. I remember that so very well.
And who's Jeered? I thought his name was Jared. o.o
You haven't even tried to change what the other reviewers and I have said one year before have you? That's rather disappointing. You try to improve on your fic, not just post stuff for publicity. You could of at least gotten rid of the simple spelling and grammar mistakes. But whatever, you're call. I just throw my two cents in and skip along the yellow brick road.
Sigh. I might get to the rest of the chapters later. That is if you don't throw a hissy fit like last time.
LaTeR dAyZ!
EDIT: UH OH CHAPTER DOS! D:
What's with this "Jeered" pun on Jared's name? Or is his name really Jeered? Because that's an awfully odd name, and frankly, I'd rather have my name than... Jeered.
I wouldn't think Beldum's would have to eat. Especially trash food. Since you know, they're kind of like robots or something. ._. And I'm pretty sure that it would also put up some kind of fight. It's stunned. Not paralyzed. And Monica is a rookie trainer as well.
Don't you have to mix cement too other than just wet it. I know I'm just being picky now, but.. don't you. It keeps it wet and it doesn't harden or something.
No offense but why would a powerful team like Team Ozone (I wish you lot would get more creative with these team names but eh) want two rookie trainers and try to force them into it? Wouldn't they have to train them? Wouldn't that cause more hassle?
I know you're trying to shadow who the wife is but I find it unnatural that his wife would be so formal with that letter. Doesn't she love him? Loveless marriage oh em gee.
Now I could continue to be snipey with this fic and question your common sense, however that wouldn't do any good. So let me try to comment on some other things.
Hmm.
You have a very montonous style of writing. "We went to do this. We went to do that. We saw a Wurmple. Monica wanted to catch it." Writing in the same sentence structure will absolutely bore your readers. At least to people like me who have a short attention span as it is. You also tend to be repatitive. Thanks for looking out for the people who have short attention span again but I'm pretty sure we'll remember that we're in Viridian City and going to Pewter.
Like I said earlier, easy mistakes like writing "where" instead of "we're" and whatnot. If Hanako reviews this, she'll catch them for you (haha, good luck. :P)
I'm rather curious as to why you want to write this fic as flashbacks and now simply have the narrator go through it. But maybe I should read on for that to be answered.
You know. It also doesn't kill to post your fic on the actual forum. More people woud prolly read your fic more if you did anyways.