C.H.I. - The Arrest

Started by Sankari July 5th, 2006 8:12 AM
  • 809 views
  • 7 replies
Age 30
Where old people come to die.
Seen August 16th, 2014
Posted December 24th, 2006
1,892 posts
19.5 Years
Rated PG13

'Tis time for me to get out of the Through <insert pokemon here> Eyes phase. Now, I'm creating a whole new series that has to do with pokemon in the future where humans are extinct and pokemon took life on a whole new planet. It sounds weird, but you'll warm up to it right away. If you're a fan of Redwall, you came to the right place!


C.H.I. -
The Arrest
Book I of III


Prologue__ _ _

"The humans tried getting away with awakening Groudon and Kyogre. And, in return, wiped out their whole existence. Can you believe this monstrosity, Ixarou?"

The Deoxys captain of the Starship Aigul 01, Captain Zixed, proclaimed these words to his only son. Ixarou was sitting against the wall, holding his knees to his chest. He nodded his head automatically, not even pausing to thing if he "believed this..." His father continued rambling, not even paying attention to his son's answer.

"Well, the humans should know better than that, evolving for how many years? Inconceivable. If Groudon and Kyogre could create mountains and seas, then they can just as well destroy them." The Captain sighed. "Such a waste of knowledge."

Ixarou stared blankly off at nothing, remembering his own home that had also been destroyed along with the planet Earth. The moon. The chunks that were once Earth had impacted the moon, damaging it so much it was reduced to merely rock fragments. His mother was on that moon. He'd never see her again...

"It's a good thing the psychics there contacted us." Zixed still grumbled on. "If they hadn't, we would have never predicted the earth would be destroyed. We picked up all the pokemon citizens we could. Do you know how, Ixarou?"

His son did not answer. As usual, Zixed acted like he did.

"Well, now, we used one of the only devices that the humans made useful--the pokeball! Imagine, even the largest pokemon can fit inside such a tiny little handful."

Ixarou's eyes flashed of an unknown emotion. "Where...where did you store these pokeballs?"

"On the bridge." Zixed replied proudly. "They're all stored in sockets in the wall. All those pokemon will be grateful once they realize we're taking them to a whole new planet!"

The young Deoxys fled from the Captain's dock without his father noticing and found his way to the bridge. The room was completely dark. Ixarou flipped a switch and gasped at the sight of red and white spheres covering the whole hallway's walls and ceiling.

He let his fingers slide off of them as he passed slowly by.

"It's your fault." He gargled. "It's your fault my home's destroyed. It's your fault Mother died. You could have stopped the humans, but you didn't. You didn't stop them because you're all too weak."

He furiously ripped a single sphere from the wall and threw it across the bridge. He fell down and wept out of his misery and anger. "If we hadn't picked you all up, Mother would be here..."

He started and looked up at the sound of a foreign noise. A red light filled the room and an open pokeball lay on the ground--the one he had thrown! Out of the ball emerged a small, brown fox with six ginger-colored tails. From what he remembered, this pokemon was called a Vulpix.

Ixarou leered at the creature and the Vulpix glanced back at him through large, glassy eyes. With a whine of terror, the creature fled between Ixarou's legs. The Deoxys watched it head down the bridge and pass through a forbidden door.

"No!" The Captain's son yelled after it. "That's the fuel room!"

Ixarou followed it into the room where the ship contained it's energy--the energy the race of Deoxys found locked under the moon's core one day. They were taught not to touch the fuel for it's powers were mysterious...dark.

In the room, there was a black sphere of goop suspended above the ground. The Vulpix was looked up at the black mass, transfixed. Ixarou snuck up behind and attempted grabbing the fox, but to no avail. The tiny creature leapt up in surprise, straight into the black orb.

"No!" The young Deoxys cried. The orb melted to the ground, losing its ability to levitate. Alarms blared along with the cries of several Deoxys: "Flee! Flee!"

Every Deoxys on the Starship Aigul 01 was consumed by the energy within minutes. However, a black figure rose up from the goop with glowing red eyes and pointed ears, still very alive. All the pokemon rescued from Earth were still safe in their pokeballs, sleeping soundlessly, yet their rescuers were all deceased.

Months later, the ship crash landed on a deserted planet with a breathable atmosphere and plenty of vegetation. The pokemon aboard the ship all came free and walked into their new habitat.

Over thousands of years, the pokemon had time to evolve permanantly, developing hands and standing on two feet. They became very humanlike. Thus began the true world of pokemon...

_______________________________________________________________________

Critique is more than welcome. Oh, and rest assured, this was a prologue. The story is completely different from this. This was just to clue you in on the time it's taking place and such. Sorry it's short...but like I said: it's a prologue!

I left...

Amy-chan

Has vacated the premises

Age 30
Paradise...
Seen August 20th, 2007
Posted September 29th, 2006
2,339 posts
19.5 Years
Me likies, Spoon. n_n' For some reason, it has a different feel from your two previous fanfics, or at least it does to me...but that's not necessarily a bad thing. In any case, this is neat. Your writing was quite good, and the story itself caught my interest as well. I didn't spot any glaring mistakes, either. These words still don't feel like enough...Umm...How should I put this...?

You rock? :P
~Miracles Happen~

www.care2.com
www.ecologyfund.com
www.theanimalrescuesite.com (Click the tabs.)

Left, now that I can contact people a different way. Please click at the sites above. They're charity sites, not gags designed to make you join another forum or whatever. They actually do something.
Age 34
Female
Fargo, ND
Seen October 18th, 2013
Posted March 9th, 2010
893 posts
17.8 Years
Well it's good to see such an original idea. I'm a little hesitant, but excited to see where it goes. I didn't see much other than a slight lack in description. However, this being a prologue, I will let it slide. :P

Keep up the good work and awesome new idea. I'll be back for more when the first chapter is up!

Who's that returning from the depths of forum ghosts past? Oh! It's me!
Age 30
Where old people come to die.
Seen August 16th, 2014
Posted December 24th, 2006
1,892 posts
19.5 Years
Well it's good to see such an original idea. I'm a little hesitant, but excited to see where it goes. I didn't see much other than a slight lack in description. However, this being a prologue, I will let it slide. :P

Keep up the good work and awesome new idea. I'll be back for more when the first chapter is up!
Woo~hoo! I was a little tired when I wrote it, and it's a prologue, so yes, that's why there is lack in description. Thanks for the comments! I'll officially begin tomorrow ^^
I left...
Age 30
Where old people come to die.
Seen August 16th, 2014
Posted December 24th, 2006
1,892 posts
19.5 Years
First chapter~<3

Chapter 1__ _ _

A city named Even slept quietly in the night, all lights switched out in every window of every skyscraper. Every being was tucked soundly into bed by the soft chirping of the insects outside. The gentle breezes that pushed softly against the tops of buildings stirred a certain clothesline hanging between two buildings. The full moon lay directly above that clothesline when looked at horizontally. Like lightning, a dark figure flashed past the moon, scurrying with impossible agility across the rope.

The shape traveled across the rooftops as easily as a snake sliding across the desert. Its stealth was staggering! It passed in and out of the shadows as if it were a shadow itself. Like a dog realizing a scent, it stopped dead in it’s tracks on top of the Even’s Detention Center. The creature sat down for a quick rest. His silhouette quivered from the wind against the pale full moon. Raspy, the being spoke.

“Explain to me again why I am doing this…” He whispered to the air, sounding annoyed. His long snout pointed downwards as he listened to the voice in his ear. “You’re going to tell me the access code of Official Dilk’s main computer. I can’t hack into it on my own—there are far too many firewalls that even I can’t get past.”

“Yeah, yeah…right.” the shadow nodded. “But what do I have to do to get this access code?”

“I’ll get you through step-by-step, Vixar.” The voice replied. “No worries.”

“What first?” Growled the fox irritably. He was quickly losing his patience. Being on top of the place he wanted to avoid being thrown into made him edgy. When he was edgy, he hid his restlessness through anger (as he did with other embarassing emotions).


“The first thing you always do when visiting an old friend,” His partner replied. “invite yourself in. Do you read?”

“I’m readin’.” Laughed Vixar. In a great flash of nine golden tails, the fox had scaled down the building and peered into the window he first came across. He put a paw to it and squished his snout to the glass, his breath fogging the pane. The room beyond the window was empty of all life. The only thing seen with "life" in Vixar's eyes was a small red light attacted to a security camera. It ogled at him through the window, the fox hoping that the security guards on the other end weren't paying attention to that certain camera's sight.

“Official Dilk’s office is on the second floor and the furthest one to the north.” The voice told him moments later. “Are you alright so far, Vix?”

“Why wouldn’t I be, Docker?” The thief rolled his eyes. “Have you forgotten?”

Like a spider in its web, the fox of nine tails scrambled across the brick wall, first going down one story then all the way to the right. There was a ledge on the second floor wall where he could balance himself and sink against the wall. He carefully edged his way closer to Official Dilk's window.

"Are you there yet, Vix?" The one known as Docker asked. Vixar didn't reply and grudgingly turned his radio down. He peered into the window and immediately brought his head back, his fear causing him to slip and fall from the small ledge he managed to balance on.

He turned his radio back up when he got himself up off of the ground. "Docker--!" He harshly growled. "Official Dilk--she was in her office--as if...as if she was waiting for me!"

"Huh?" Dock asked. "Did she see you?"

"Of course she saw me! She was standing in the window--looking straight at me! Escort me out of here as soon as--!"

"Hutches!"

Vixar spun around, his heart pounding. Cops never frightened him. However, Dilk had an exception. She wasn't a cop--she was a demon. The picture of her sitting outside he window, her acid bazooka heavy on her lap. The pointed ears of her type were usually defined as cute, but on her they were devil horns. The eyes of her type were normally innocent, while hers were blazing with unnending fury.

"Vixar Hutches..." She proclaimed with a grin. She swung her legs playfully as she said it.

"Primson Dilk..." Vixar said smartly, scanning her from the ground.

The Delcatty laughed maliciously. "Yup. That's my name."

There was an awkward pause as they both watched eachother, Primson seeming rather happy about everything, Vixar seeming a bit more serious. He knew most definitely that he shouldn't run. He could tell that if he ran in the sights of Primson Dilk, he would be shot down. Killed.

"Would you prefer to be captured," Dilk laughed as she twirled a pair of handcuffs on her finger, "or, would you rather be..." She heaved up her gun and shot a slab of acid a few feet in front of Vixar. The street beneath it was quickly eaten by the fluid.

"Would you rather be...disintegrated?"

"Death is better than being cooped up in a musky old cell." The sound of motors came up behind him. He swirled around, discovering that a hover craft had pulled up behind him containing a large, gray rock character at the wheel and Docker, a small electric creature with a pair of goggles strapped around his forehead.

"However..." Vixar smirked as he turned back to face Dilk, "Living isn't such a bad thing either..."

He flipped quickly into the vehicle and nudged the bulk at the wheel, crying, "Step on it!" The rock creature heaved his leg up and indeed stepped on it, but the engine sputtered and ended altogether and the hovering vehicle fell from its position in the air.

"The magnetic roads get switched from positve to negative at midnight..." Primson Dilk leapt down from her window and landed easily on her feet. "I enforced the rule just last night."

She raised her bazooka and pulled the trigger before they could even consider running. The ear-splitting bang that emitted from the Delcatty's cannon made them all duck. When Docker and the Rhydon came up, they saw in horror that Vixar didn't duck soon enough. He was grasping at his throat, gagging and pawing at it like crazy.

Primson Dilk shot him in the neck, dead-on the neck, with acid.
___________________________________________________

I never get tired of these cliffhangers...
I left...

Amy-chan

Has vacated the premises

Age 30
Paradise...
Seen August 20th, 2007
Posted September 29th, 2006
2,339 posts
19.5 Years
Aww, I'm liking this more and more. You and your cliffhangers... *grumbles* Anyway, it was good. However, I did notice a small error.
See the part of this thread at the top that's labeled "Bad Quote"? That problem popped up in several places in the chapter. A trivial thing, I know, but it's still something to keep in mind.

Other than that, I have no complaints. I'll be sure to check in for the next chapter. =D
~Miracles Happen~

www.care2.com
www.ecologyfund.com
www.theanimalrescuesite.com (Click the tabs.)

Left, now that I can contact people a different way. Please click at the sites above. They're charity sites, not gags designed to make you join another forum or whatever. They actually do something.
Age 30
Where old people come to die.
Seen August 16th, 2014
Posted December 24th, 2006
1,892 posts
19.5 Years
Must.... draw..... Primson.....! Graah!

Er, yeah. Excellent first chapter, Rinny-Spoon-chan, I like it goodly. X3

.....DARN YOUR CLIFFHANGERS!!!
Tank you. If you draw a picture of Primson, I'll gladly provide you all with a bonus chapter~! Sorry, I'm like this. xD If you want, Saphi, you could make a cover for this, too ^^

More tomorrow! Oh, and here's my picture of Vixar. I know he's naked, but what are ya gonna do? xD I didn't know what to dress him in. My art sucks...
I left...