What Went Wrong: Okay, here's what I see as the more negative aspects of the poem. In reading some of your earlier stuff, you show more of a willingness to experiment, to not rigidly adhere to a rhyme scheme, or to allow yourself to be more vibrant in your word choice.
What Went Right: Normally, I'm not a fan of repitition in a poem. You actually manage to pull this off with a certain degree of skill. There was a definate point and use to it, and it blended well with the poem. You poem was well-directed in general, I think.
How To Improve: Be less afraid to break out of your established patterns. Experiment and try to make yourself grow as a poet.
Mechanics: 4. Try to rely less on the apostrophe to make your rhythm work.
Fluidity: 5
Poetic Devices: 3. Again, experiment more.
Originality: 3-4. It's similar to other pieces of your work, albeit in a well-expressed form.
Overall Score: 8/10
Eternally devoted and wed to my darling pet, Nagoyaka Aikouka.
"Your Grace, all that you say is true. On the Trident, Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought honorably, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.