Latios Master: The Born Legend

Started by Latios Master September 18th, 2006 9:58 AM
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Age 35
Male
Minnesota
Seen February 16th, 2017
Posted April 26th, 2015
2,203 posts
19.7 Years
The last time I made a new chapter was August 10th, 2004. I decided to bring this story back, and change the format. It was a script fic. Back then it had 20 chapters, so these chapters are pretty short, but I'll make them longer starting with chapter 21.

Latios Master: The Born Legend (fanfic of the week for the week of May 14th, 2004)
By Latios Master

[This story starts five years after the end of Ruby/Sapphire.]

Chapter 1: The Storm

"And they are down to 1 Pokemon each! This must be the greatest Pokemon battle ever, 2 champions battling each other in the World Championship! Lance chooses a Dragonite. Steven chooses a Metagross. Let the battle begin!", said the announcer.

"Dragonite, Thunder Wave!", said Lance. "Metagross, Meteor Mash, now!", said Steven. *TV blinks out*

"NOOOOOOOOO! I wanted to see the end! How can I be a Pokemon master without seeing two champions dueling it out? There just had to be a thunderstorm tonight and the power just had to go out, didn't it? I'm going to bed so I can be ready for starting my Pokemon journey tomorrow."

Many miles away a great storm started. "I bring you news of a great storm that has started in the area of DragonWave City, just south of Sootopolis City and Pacifidlog Town. Please stay indoors and away from windows. Refuge will be held at your local Pokemon Center... This just in! A black and purple hole has just appeared above DragonWave City! Something is coming out of it! It's.. it's.. a...", said a female TV reporter on TVs across Hoenn, then the broadcast went out.
Pokémon White Friend Code: 4813 6266 9528
Pokémon Black 2 Friend Code: 1979 7985 3252
Age 35
Male
Minnesota
Seen February 16th, 2017
Posted April 26th, 2015
2,203 posts
19.7 Years
Chapter 2: A Journey Starts

"And today is the big day for the beggining trainers of Littleroot Town. All trainers who are starting their adventure must go to Professor Birch's Pokemon Lab and choose their starting Pokemon. They can choose from a grass Pokemon, Treecko, a fire Pokemon, Torchic, or a water Pokemon, Mudkip... This just in, two strange people and a Pokemon have taken over the Pokemon Lab!", said a female reporter on TV.

At the lab, Professor Birch is confronted by a strange woman. "Professor Birch, where are the Pokemon?!", said the woman. "Who are you, and what do you want?", said Birch. "We want those Pokemon to give to our boss." "Never!" "Then you will suffer!" A strange man then walked in. "Jessie, let's get out of here, there is a huge crowd of people outside and the police are coming!" "Meowth! There they are, the Pokemon in their Poke Balls!", said Jesse. "You talk?!", Birch asked the Meowth. "That's right, and we are from Team Rocket!", said Meowth. "I've never heard of Team Rocket. I know of two teams named Magma and Aqua that tried taking control of Hoenn, but they fought and died five years ago from a strange storm like the one over DragonWave City right now", said Birch. "Let's get those Poke Balls!", said Jesse. A strange figure with a cape shows up from the shadows of the lab behind the Poke Balls. "Let's get him!", said Jesse. "Go, Seviper!" "Go, Cacnea!", said James. "You'll need more than that to beat me!", said the man in the shadows. "Go, Registeel!" "What, a legendary Pokemon?!", said Team Rocket. "I am the greatest Pokemon master in the world. My name is... Ash Ketchem", said Ash. "What?!" said Team Rocket. "I am this old now (30), because of a time traveling incident with a Celebi. Since you have two Pokemon, I'll choose another. Go, Pikachu!" "That Pikachu!", said Team Rocket. "Pikachu, blast them all with Thunder!", commanded Ash. The blast blew out the wall behind Team Rocket and sent them flying away. "Team Rocket is blasting of again!", said Team Rocket.

"Thanks for saving me", said Birch. "How did you get in here?" "You don't need to know. I must go now and help out in DragonWave City. A shiny black Rayquaza showed up from the sky from a black and purple hole and is destroying the city. Goodbye."

Later on TV there was another news report: "The problem has been fixed and the Pokemon Lab is now open. Trainers will be showing up now to start their journey."

Later at the lab trainers from around the area of Littleroot Town showed up at the lab. "Next!", said a guard. It was my turn so I went in. When I stepped through the door, I saw Professor Birch standing by a metal stand that had three PokeBalls. "Welcome to the Pokemon Lab", said Birch. "Please choose your starting Pokemon. Treecko, Torchic, or Mudkip?" "I'll choose... Mudkip!", I said. "Here you go, and here is a PokeDex for recording new Pokemon you meet." "Thanks!" "Your welcome."

My name is Keith, and I am 15, but I turn 16 later this year. The date is September 13th, 2003. I am wearing a white t-shirt with a red vest and gray pants, and I have brown hair and blue eyes.

Later I started walking on the path that led to Oldale Town. "Well, I am now on my journey.", I said to myself. I then felt that someone or something was behind me.

"Scyther!"

My current Pokemon: Mudkip
Pokémon White Friend Code: 4813 6266 9528
Pokémon Black 2 Friend Code: 1979 7985 3252
Age 35
Male
Minnesota
Seen February 16th, 2017
Posted April 26th, 2015
2,203 posts
19.7 Years
Chapter 3: The Scyther not meant to be?

"Scyther, Scyther!", said the Scyther. "A Scyther! I better run!", I said. "Wait, I'll never out run it. Go, Mudkip! Use Water Gun!" The water hit Scyther right in the chest, but it didn't seem to do anything. "Oh no, where in trouble! Hey, there's a Poke Ball over there by that tree, I better grab it!" When I grabbed the Poke Ball I threw it at the Scyther, but the Scyther easily popped back out. "Man, it didn't work. Mudkip, Tackle!" Mudkip slammed as hard as he could into the Scyther, knocking him on the ground. As soon as the Scyther stood up, a blast of fire knocked him back on the ground. "Here, use this Great Ball", said a man that was standing next to me. "It'll work much better." The man wore a brown suit and pants, along with a brown hat, and he also had a brown mustache. Standing in front of him was a Charmeleon. "Thanks", I said. I threw the Great Ball at the Scyther, and it worked! "Return, Mudkip." All of a sudden a Pelipper swooped down and grabbed the Great Ball with its mouth and flew away. "Hey, come back!", I yelled. I then looked to my side and saw that the man and his Charmeleon were gone.

Later on I arrived in Oldale Town and saw a man with purple hair with a stand in front of the Poke Mart say "Free Potion give away!" A crowd of people soon gathered for the free Potions. "If you let me see your Pokemon, you get one of these Potions for free! Get in line", said the man. Standing next to the man helping out was a Meowth. "Let me see your Pokemon, sir", said the man. "This here is my prized Machamp and I also have a... hey! My Machamp!", said the first man in line. "This will do!", said the man at the stand. "Let's go, Jessie! We have a good, strong Pokemon for the boss. Let's get out of here!" A woman nearby started running away with the man and his Meowth. The crowd of people then chased after them. I decided to follow them out of the town on the path that led to Petalburg City. After awhile I couldn't keep up with them and I decided to stop for awhile and take a break. "Hey trainer, wanna battle? How about a one on one Pokemon battle", said a boy. I said "ok" and then the boy said. "Go, Oddish!" The boy wore a yellow t-shirt, blue shorts and had on a yellow cap. "I choose you, Mudkip!", I said. "Oddish, Absorb!" "Mudkip, use Tackle!" Mudkip slammed into Oddish sending Oddish flying backwards. The Oddish then got up and started to use Absorb. "Mudkip, avoid it and use another Tackle!" Mudkip jumped out of the way and tackled Oddish again. This time Oddish fainted. "Yes!", I said. "I won!" "Good job", said the boy. "Bye."

Later on I made it to Petalburg City. "I made it to Petalburg City. I think I'll go get my first badge." I walked to the gym and walked in. Inside there was a few chairs by the wall and in the middle of the room was a woman at a desk. "Hi, I would like to battle the Gym leader." "Do you have at least three Pokemon?", asked the woman. "No." "Well, you can't battle Wally the Psychic-type Pokemon Gym Leader without having three Pokemon first. Good bye." I then left the gym and headed towards the Petalburg Woods that were on the other side of the city after buying some Poke Balls at the Poke Mart. "I guess I better get going and catch some Pokemon."

Later on I entered the Petalburg Woods in hopes of capturing some Pokemon. I had to find and capture atleast two more Pokemon before taking on Wally. "What's that?!"

My current Pokemon: Mudkip
Pokémon White Friend Code: 4813 6266 9528
Pokémon Black 2 Friend Code: 1979 7985 3252

Alter Ego

that evil mod from hell

Age 35
Touhou land, grazing danmaku all the way
Seen August 8th, 2010
Posted June 4th, 2010
5,751 posts
17.9 Years
Nyah, I assumed the worst the moment I saw the name of this fic, and the first chapter was enough to confirm my suspicions.

Really, this is among the worst fanfics I've ever seen. It's got abbysmally short chapters (If you've got the time to post two in a day you're definitely not putting much effort into it), it involves asterisk notations which are. I believe, quite explicitly forbidden, the plot is a clichéd OT job with no clever innovations to make up for it, you show blatant overuse of anime characters rather than trying to come up with ones on your own, you don't paragraph, making even these short chapters a pain to read, description is minimal and uneffective and you even put a sprite in there for crying out loud! Also your "characters" have no personality whatsoever and judging by the title we even have a case of self-insertion here which is one of the worst things you could possibly do in fanfic writing. Never, EVER insert yourself as a character. <.<

Bleah, quite frankly I can't come up with anything good to say about this fic, just dump it and start out afresh, preferably with some planning and an actual plot behind it. Read the stickies around here, because you've got a whole lot to improve on. -__-
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Age 35
Male
Minnesota
Seen February 16th, 2017
Posted April 26th, 2015
2,203 posts
19.7 Years
Nyah, I assumed the worst the moment I saw the name of this fic, and the first chapter was enough to confirm my suspicions.

Really, this is among the worst fanfics I've ever seen. It's got abbysmally short chapters (If you've got the time to post two in a day you're definitely not putting much effort into it), it involves asterisk notations which are. I believe, quite explicitly forbidden, the plot is a clichéd OT job with no clever innovations to make up for it, you show blatant overuse of anime characters rather than trying to come up with ones on your own, you don't paragraph, making even these short chapters a pain to read, description is minimal and uneffective and you even put a sprite in there for crying out loud! Also your "characters" have no personality whatsoever and judging by the title we even have a case of self-insertion here which is one of the worst things you could possibly do in fanfic writing. Never, EVER insert yourself as a character. <.<

Bleah, quite frankly I can't come up with anything good to say about this fic, just dump it and start out afresh, preferably with some planning and an actual plot behind it. Read the stickies around here, because you've got a whole lot to improve on. -__-
First of all, the reason why I posted two a day or so is because these chapters were made two years ago. These chapters are short, but as I mentioned before, they got longer. Also, anime chararcters don't show up as much from now on. The only ones that do will be gym leaders and Team Magma/Aqua. Characters that I made up show up in the next chapter or two. You're the first person who didn't like my fanfic. This was fanfic of the week once for crying out loud.
Pokémon White Friend Code: 4813 6266 9528
Pokémon Black 2 Friend Code: 1979 7985 3252

Alter Ego

that evil mod from hell

Age 35
Touhou land, grazing danmaku all the way
Seen August 8th, 2010
Posted June 4th, 2010
5,751 posts
17.9 Years
This was actually a Fanfic of the Month? Then I'd hate to see the ones that fluked. -.- If no-one has found anything negative to say about your fic it's a sign that your reviewers are poor, not that your fic is great, since the appearance alone could use a lot of improving (*Cough* Paragraphs! *Cough*). Tell me, who precisely reviewed it? Is it someone who actually knows about writing like Naminé or Frostweaver, or was it a bunch of members with usernames like mayiscute_072 or Raiquazamastur? You'll have to excuse me if I value the judgment of the former over that of the latter. Oh, and speaking of who's doing the reviewing, where exactly was this the Fanfic of the month? Because most fanfic sections I've seen are crawling with clueless, illiterate people who wouldn't know a plot hole if you beat them over the head with it but spend a great deal of time "reviewing" fics with informative comments like "lol this is funny!!!" in hopes of gaining approval from the writer, they say that to everyone (Well, everyone who writes fics short enough to fit into their diminutive attention span), so, by the wonders of inflation, their praise isn't really worth that much.

Seriously, take a look at some of PC's FoMs (Such as Pressure or Metamorphosis then tell me, with a straight face, that this thing is even comparable to them. Incidentally, this is what I consider a good OT fic (Once again, notice the significant difference in quality between the example and your fic), see what I'm getting at? These fics actually have a setting, a plot (Which is carefully developed), and varied and effective use of language and description to complement it, I see none of that here and I'm not afraid to say it. Hate me for it if you wish, but I'm not going to suck up to anyone just because they've gained some kind of award for something or the other. xP
Featured Theme: Patchouli Knowledge (Touhou Project)
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Best viewed together, profile customization still in progress



Scandalous Maido Love Affair and Pair: Phani
Estranged Ex: The RP Section Rules
Sworn Rival For All Eternity and about five minutes beyond: Chibi
Illegitimate Lovechild: Mika
Card-gaming Beta on a Leash: Scarlet

Age 35
Male
Minnesota
Seen February 16th, 2017
Posted April 26th, 2015
2,203 posts
19.7 Years
This was actually a Fanfic of the Month? Then I'd hate to see the ones that fluked. -.- If no-one has found anything negative to say about your fic it's a sign that your reviewers are poor, not that your fic is great, since the appearance alone could use a lot of improving (*Cough* Paragraphs! *Cough*). Tell me, who precisely reviewed it? Is it someone who actually knows about writing like Naminé or Frostweaver, or was it a bunch of members with usernames like mayiscute_072 or Raiquazamastur? You'll have to excuse me if I value the judgment of the former over that of the latter. Oh, and speaking of who's doing the reviewing, where exactly was this the Fanfic of the month? Because most fanfic sections I've seen are crawling with clueless, illiterate people who wouldn't know a plot hole if you beat them over the head with it but spend a great deal of time "reviewing" fics with informative comments like "lol this is funny!!!" in hopes of gaining approval from the writer, they say that to everyone (Well, everyone who writes fics short enough to fit into their diminutive attention span), so, by the wonders of inflation, their praise isn't really worth that much.

Seriously, take a look at some of PC's FoMs (Such as Pressure or Metamorphosis then tell me, with a straight face, that this thing is even comparable to them. Incidentally, this is what I consider a good OT fic (Once again, notice the significant difference in quality between the example and your fic), see what I'm getting at? These fics actually have a setting, a plot (Which is carefully developed), and varied and effective use of language and description to complement it, I see none of that here and I'm not afraid to say it. Hate me for it if you wish, but I'm not going to suck up to anyone just because they've gained some kind of award for something or the other. xP
If you want to see the entire 21 chapters, you could go to 'search this forum' and type in 'Latios Master' to find the old threads. The last time I made a chapter was two years ago.

Btw, this wasn't fanfic of the month. It was fanfic of the week, and it was here at PC.
Pokémon White Friend Code: 4813 6266 9528
Pokémon Black 2 Friend Code: 1979 7985 3252

Alter Ego

that evil mod from hell

Age 35
Touhou land, grazing danmaku all the way
Seen August 8th, 2010
Posted June 4th, 2010
5,751 posts
17.9 Years
If you want to see the entire 21 chapters, you could go to 'search this forum' and type in 'Latios Master' to find the old threads. The last time I made a chapter was two years ago.
I took a look at those chapters and all I'll say is that I've never seen anyone capable of compressing so many of the pointless pokémon anime clichés into writing as you have, oh, and you've got some serious godmodding issues too (A baby Eevee that's just been born does not have the strength to do crap's worth of damage against a trained and full-grown Manectric, nor does a Poochyena own a Gardevoir with Bite, get over it. <.<), the characters were also very flat and impersonal and the dialogue kept repeating itself (How many times did people claim to be impressed? Unless I'm mistaken it's just about as many times as the main character battled, which got more than a little repetitive.) and don't even get me started about the logical falacies (Oh yes, the main char obviously cared a lot about the newborn Eevee which was why he sent it into battle against a full-grown Manectric, who could fail to see that?[/Sarcasm])...-__- Quite frankly, looking at the whole of this fic just made me more convinced of my decision not to read any more of it. Some things should just remain buried, and this is one of them. <.<

Btw, this wasn't fanfic of the month. It was fanfic of the week, and it was here at PC.
Ahh...my bad. You do realize that they gave that one up because they ended up having to reward so many fics that weren't up to scratch simply because there was no competition, right?
Featured Theme: Patchouli Knowledge (Touhou Project)
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Best viewed together, profile customization still in progress



Scandalous Maido Love Affair and Pair: Phani
Estranged Ex: The RP Section Rules
Sworn Rival For All Eternity and about five minutes beyond: Chibi
Illegitimate Lovechild: Mika
Card-gaming Beta on a Leash: Scarlet

Australia
Seen September 24th, 2006
Posted September 23rd, 2006
30 posts
16.7 Years
Well...I was away for a while...and I come back to this...

Look, don't quit. If you can improve, then improve. Read some books. Read some books about writing. Read some fics too. You can not become a good writer overnight. But, I dare say, Alter Ego is correct. No one is going to like OT fics, unless they have something...I dare say, fascinating, about them. This is not. No description, it is almost like talking characters, with amybe a line or two in-between.

This was FFotM? Wow. I ain't going to comment on that.
4Kids CEO Al Kahn said he was "Extraordinarily disappointed & furious at the results of this year.”
That's what you get for making SEGA take the horrible 4Kids Sonic X dubbers and make them part of the Sonic games!