"The Chronicles of a Prodigy"

Started by ProtrainerEon November 10th, 2006 6:34 PM
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Seen June 11th, 2021
Posted August 6th, 2010
322 posts
16.9 Years
"The Birth of a Prodigy (Continued)"


"The Chronicles of a Prodigy"






As I said previously, now you may go all out with reviews starting with this chapter and the fic-starter! Read on. This one will be fic-sized, not super-long!



Chapter 1

Vulpix, pleased with it's new name, cried out "Vulpix Vull," while scratching at the neck of Tammy's shirt. Tammy and Jessica smiled at the small fox as they approached the inner part of Crystal City.

"First, let's head to the diamond arena," Jessica suggested, scanning the map on her TechPal's screen. "Whoa, this place is large! They even have a luxury diner here!" Eyes glowing, she explained other hotspots in the city. "A famous museum, salon, and field contained by a fence. You can catch wild Pokemon as much as you like!"

"Uh...nice," Tammy commented with barely any life. "Let's head over to the Diamond Arena right away." Now this, however, was said enthusiastically.


"Why are you so eager?" Jessica raised an eyebrow as she read the plain expression on her friend's face for even the slightest clue.


"Just am."


"Oh give me a break, Tammy. I can sense that you're tense deep down inside."


With a groan, the owner of Vulpix barked, "FINE!" She lowered her voice before continuing. "Liam's here."


"Say that one more time?" Jessica insisted, ears pricked up. She needed clarification.


"Liam Wilkins is supposed to be here today."


"Liam, the boy you liked before he left on his journey?"


Tammy nodded grimly.


"That so? And you didn't tell me? Why?"


"I knew you'd make a big deal out of it," she muttered, glaring at Jessica, and then turning back to stare ahead of her as they broke through the slim passage between buildings, where a massive arena, wide enough to fit two Wailord on top of, was spread out in the farthest corner of the city. Two trainers were positioned on either side of the arena made entirely out of beautiful diamond, calling out to their Pokemon.

"What?" Jessica whispered as they neared the benches placed off to the side for others to watch. She gasped when met with a nod and a glare. She now knew Tammy meant every word.

"Humph!" Tammy spat back. "He called me Jessica. I wasn't going to risk it. You would've gotten all hyped about it." They sat down silently, Vulpix staring with concern from one girl to the other. Meanwhile, two boys were in the middle of a heated match.

A black-haired, pudgy-faced teen, and another brown-haired boy who looked about the same age. The second boy had cheekbones that weren't too high, and filled in with enough meat to make his face more attractive, whereas the first kid was just...fat. Nothing special really.

Tammy instantly recognized one of them as the handsome Liam Wilkins. "You can do it," she urged softly, watching anxiously.


"Chlorily (Klo-rilly), go!"


The Pokemon Chlorily was a creature with a small head and hair similar to the petals on a water lily. It had no real body yet, just a pink jelly-like four-fingered hand that caused it to sway back and forth without any real support. The hand was bouncy as well, and Chlorily hopped around every now and then. Several yards away was a Marill. It rolled around on the field in boredom, underestimating the small grass type.


"Finish it Marill," fatboy ordered. The blue water type laughed, standing and rushing toward Chlorily, bouncing on its tail.


"Brace yourself," Liam warned, and the cheerful flower Pokemon shut its eyes, sensing its surroundings.


"Endure eh? Speed up now!"


Marill hopped five feet high, then ten, gaining speed and power with every huge leap. "Marill," it shouted, merely five feet from Chlorily. Squirting a bit of water from its mouth right in front of Chlorily, it advanced.

The flower Pokemon's eyes flew open, and its haired glowed, as they flapped like wings side to side, and a burst of wind was conjured up, sweeping Marill up off the arena floor. Screaming, it twisted and flailed fifteen feet into the air, then slowly dropped, gaining speed due to gravity.


"Doubleslap quick," Liam shouted, pointing a finger toward to opponent's Pokemon.


The tiny Pokemon squealed, as it jumped up toward Marill. The Pokemon may have been at least two times its size, but Chlorily had determination, which can work miracles.


"Hit it fast with Iron Tail! GO!"


"What? NO!"

Liam wiped a bead of sweat away from his face along with a thin strand of hair. Grinding his teeth, he knew all he could do now was watch. Marill was inches from Chlorily now, and this battle was coming to a close. The spongy tail stiffened, extended fully, and came down like an axe, bashing forcefully into Chlorily's forehead.

"Try to lessen the damage with a Rapid Spin!" Liam saw his Pokemon only had a little vitality left, and planned to utilize that high endurance to its fullest.

"Chlor," squeaked the tiny creature, eyes fluttering. Suddenly they stayed open, and using the bouncy balloon-like protrusion hanging below it's head, Chlorily flipped down spinning and pushed itself back up into the air, and as Marill landed, spun forward, firing a whirlwind of petals at it. Marill gasped, as it was sliced with small pink petals. "Chloril!" Next, after enduring a water gun retaliation, the flower Pokemon, skidded to a stop as it land, and finished up.


"Use Growth, and then Vine Whip!" Liam could only hope this would be enough.


"Marill Marill," cheered the peppy foe, slapping its now softened tail against the hard diamond surface. Chlorily squealed angrily, puffing up, forcing its bodyparts to develop, also giving it more stamina.


"Marill quick, water gun!"


"NOW Chlorily," called Liam without any doubt in his voice.


The water jet slammed into Chlorily, actually refreshing it as the pink finger-like protrusions on its lower body extended into vines and hardened, rushing forward, powered up by the water attack intended to do harm and not good, whacking Marill painfully in the stomach. That did it.


Slumping down onto the floor in defeat, Marill gladly accepted the red beam of light as it wrapped around it and sucked it into the metal Pokeball. Liam had officially won the fight.
ProtrainerEon

[PM me for my e-mail!]






PC Cousin: Hayate
PC Brother: Banov
Age 32
Male
The Neverlands
Seen April 24th, 2012
Posted March 27th, 2012
898 posts
17 Years
I finally made it up to your stories. Hope you'll take my review as a way to improve the story more at certain points and not take it as negative critism.

It was a interesting story for me. I could imagine most of the battle since the area and the pokemon's actions were clearly described. Also good usage of capitals and such.

The only real downside I've noticed is some wrong usage of words. I'm Dutch, but I have this feeling that some words just don't fit the sentence well. A good example:

..."You can catch wild Pokemon forever and ever!"

'Forever' and 'Ever' is a double usage of words, both mean exactly the same. A better word for this sentence would be 'Everywhere' or just 'always' or you can stay at 'forever', just remove one of those 2 words.

There are few more things like this in the text, but I'm sure you can find them yourself. As for my personal opinion: I like the story so far, but I'm just looking for some more difference between the happenings. About the half of the story 'reports' the battle but that's all. I hope you can take my critism to mind ^^.

Greetings,
~Hayate


Evil Twin: Auron :: Younger Sisters: Joyce~♥, Suki ::
Younger Brother: Hotaru, Tensaiji , Mr. Dreavus :: Older Brother: Prince_ ::
Older Sister: Miss~KoN, MudkipBlader:: Cousin: ProtrainerEon

Claimed Manga Character: Hayate [Pokémon Ranger]
Seen June 11th, 2021
Posted August 6th, 2010
322 posts
16.9 Years
..."You can catch wild Pokemon forever and ever!"

'Forever' and 'Ever' is a double usage of words, both mean exactly the same. A better word for this sentence would be 'Everywhere' or just 'always' or you can stay at 'forever', just remove one of those 2 words.
Yeah, I'll get around to that. I just thought the vastness of the topic needed extra emphasis. I guess not. -__-

I like the story so far, but I'm just looking for some more difference between the happenings. About the half of the story 'reports' the battle but that's all. I hope you can take my critism to mind ^^.
Uh...happenings? What, you mean the storyline's pretty much basic? If so, I know what you mean. After a while that'll be overlooked by lots of battling and by the time you notice you're being tricked things'll have heated up! *gasp* Was that out loud? *Kicks nodding Charizard off of screen* Anyway...what did you mean by 'reports' the battle, but that's all?

I could imagine most of the battle since the area and the pokemon's actions were clearly described.
My big question would have to be this. What COULDN'T you imagine? This I need to work on. I want all aspects of the fanfic to be paid attention so it can be more than just decent.

Well...bye!

*swoosh*
ProtrainerEon

[PM me for my e-mail!]






PC Cousin: Hayate
PC Brother: Banov
PA
Seen September 15th, 2017
Posted June 18th, 2008
117 posts
17.9 Years
+ The battle was pretty excellently described.

+You eased in the main characters nicely.

+No grammar/spelling errors found by me.


-I don't seem to recall any description for Crystal City, which sounds like a place deserving a nice description.

-Not much happened in this chapter plot-wise so it may have been better to extend it, or at least leave us with a cliffhanger so that we have a reason to come back.


Overall, I liked it a lot. Keep up the good work!

PC Brother- ProtrainerEon
Seen June 11th, 2021
Posted August 6th, 2010
322 posts
16.9 Years
Thanks. I plan to work in some description gradually in my next chapter(s). Crystal City truly is beautiful, now all I have to do is show you why. ;)

EDIT: (Side Note) Most of my description for CC is in "Birth of a Prodigy." So that minus doesn't really exist.

P.S. (edit): I know how horrible it feels when you leave cliffhangers so I don't get into the habit of doing it. Your fic, TFS, is well known for cliffhangers. XD CURSE YOU!
ProtrainerEon

[PM me for my e-mail!]






PC Cousin: Hayate
PC Brother: Banov
PA
Seen September 15th, 2017
Posted June 18th, 2008
117 posts
17.9 Years
Cliffhangers are how you spin the wheel of readers to make people come crawling back to see what happens next, man. Besides, I get a kick out of watching people wonder what will happen next. The evolved form of that is when readers debate among themselves on the cliffhangers and what they think could happen next, something I haven't quite reached yet...

PC Brother- ProtrainerEon
In a House
Seen March 20th, 2016
Posted January 22nd, 2010
1,823 posts
16.6 Years
So must I repeat, Banov: XD CURSE YOU!

Update soon to come. Please allow me to get more replies *praying desperately.*

If that wasn't hint-hinty enough for you all, I don't know what will ever be. -_-;
I keep saying the same thing about my fanfiction. I have gotten to the point where I am asking people to yell at me. I feel like I'm being ignored. Yeah, well, I'm here to comment.

This story is slightly odd... I don't really get the feel of it yet. I think it could stand a little improvement when it comes to battle scenes- a truly good battle scene sort of plays itself out like a movie in my head, but this one was more like a cartoon clip. Sorry. Anyway, I'd like to see the next update. Seven out of Ten for this one, my friend- you're definitely on parr with me as a writer. (Actually, I'm fairly sure you're better because you have established a plot. I'm having trouble because one of my stories is supposed to be vignettes. The other one is Ok, but I keep finding mistakes. I need to get a Beta Reader.)

x x x x

Seen June 11th, 2021
Posted August 6th, 2010
322 posts
16.9 Years
I keep saying the same thing about my fanfiction. I have gotten to the point where I am asking people to yell at me. I feel like I'm being ignored. Yeah, well, I'm here to comment.

This story is slightly odd... I don't really get the feel of it yet. I think it could stand a little improvement when it comes to battle scenes- a truly good battle scene sort of plays itself out like a movie in my head, but this one was more like a cartoon clip. Sorry. Anyway, I'd like to see the next update. Seven out of Ten for this one, my friend- you're definitely on parr with me as a writer. (Actually, I'm fairly sure you're better because you have established a plot. I'm having trouble because one of my stories is supposed to be vignettes. The other one is Ok, but I keep finding mistakes. I need to get a Beta Reader.)
THANK YOU, my friend. Us writers must stick together. :) Have you read the beginning of this fic? Everyone doesn't seem to realize this has a START-off story. "Birth of a Prodigy" should be way back at page 2 or 3. Check it out people!

I know how you feel about the battle though. I get the same inner unsettling feeling about the...well...blandness of it. Not so much the description, but I think it's just my darn writing style! -_- Ah well...

I'm apalled that you would say such comments on my writing skills. Thank you. ...However, it may seem that I've established a plot, though I actually haven't. XD Tammy is really just floating along with her new Vulpix for the time being...I am loving the idea of a Tammy vs. Evan ultimate match, but it's too far off. :( Aww, poor me! Their paths crossing violently is one of the few things I've actually planned out. ;_;

I don't want to wait this long for the big fight(s), but I've no choice. SIGH...

Well, see ya around folks!
ProtrainerEon

[PM me for my e-mail!]






PC Cousin: Hayate
PC Brother: Banov
Seen June 11th, 2021
Posted August 6th, 2010
322 posts
16.9 Years
I've been lazy lately. I finally got to this though.

Chapter 2 - A Bizzare Reunion

"GO Liam! Woohoo!" Jessica shouted with joy, waving. He turned and saw her. His jaw dropped. He knew Tammy might come, but didn't expect her and Jessica to arrive so soon.

"Jessica!" Tammy seethed through clenched teeth, yanking her down. "NOW HE KNOWS WE'RE HERE!" She whispered angrily, shooting her friend a look. Jessica shrugged.

"So what if he knows? We're here to see him, right?"

"...I guess you're right." Tammy growled, staring at Liam. He was looking at her, so she perked up. Smiling politely as she returned her Pokemon (Liam did not notice it), she yelled, "Hey!" She didn't want him to see her frustrated. He might think she wasn't happy to be seeing him again.

He strode over to the two after shaking hands with his opponent. His energetic starter Pokemon, moist and healed (absorbs water for energy), hopped forward beside him. "Tammy, Jessica, how are you?" Liam waved his right hand at them as he came over to the bench area.

"I'm feeling good. Nice battle," Tammy complimented as she hopped to her feet. Smiling, she high fived Liam when he finally made it over to them. She did her best to look happy, despite her recent arguement with Jessica. "You were great out there, Liam!"

"Yeah, you were," Jessica said enthusiastically. "Life's good for me so far."

"Same here," Liam said with a grin. "What Pokemon did you two get?"

"Shellder."

"Vulpix."

"Wow, fire and water," Liam replied to both of them. "Cool."

"Yeah, It looks like we're a triangle."

"I guess so." He laughed heartily. Taking on a pleased expression, he asked, "Did you hear? The Sylth Region Government just announced three-on-three battles legal! There's a rumor that they are considering team matchup fights!"

"Are you SERIOUS?" Tammy exclaimed, shocked. "That's awesome!" She pouted. "Um...but, I don't even have three Pokemon, let alone a team."

"Aww, cheer up! You'll have a full team in no time! Probably before the Rookie Finals."

"Rookie Finals?"

"Yeah. A tournament for beginning trainers, that you can only enter after conquering Pewter Gym, which has come to be labeled as the preliminaries for the Tournament. The winner gets a special prize! You know I'll be there."

"Awesome." Tammy smiled. "Count me in."

"Me too," Jessica said boldly, stepping up to Liam.

Both trainers stared at her blankly. Liam seemed surprised. Tammy grinned, and relaxed her shoulders. Jessica smirked at her friend.

"What's the deal, Tammy?"

"I just didn't think...I'd be, well, going against my best friend." She looked away sadly.

"So, afraid of a little friendly competition?"

"Oh, quit it with the puns!" Tammy yelled, glaring.

"Oh, fine then! Well anyways...did you not expect me to enter? Are you convinced I'm not good enough?"

"I didn't say that." Tammy cocked her head to the side, grinning. "Why are you being like this?"

"I want to show the world what I can do," Jessica declared proudly. She looked up at the sky in deep thought, then back to the two of them.

"Well, I guess it's going to be an all out competition! I'm ready for you Jess!" Tammy clenched a fist and brought it up, folding her arm back at an angle.

Liam slowly curved his lips into a smile. "Lets do it! Looks like we're all in it to win it."

"You bet," Tammy boasted. "I'll be the last one standing."

Liam rolled his eyes. "Well, for now how about we have a battle or two, to train for the big event?"

"Yeah." Tammy agreed. "Our meetings'll probably be so rare that we should take advantage of this moment while our paths are crossed."

"Right. So lets battle!" Jessica pointed to Tammy. "You can go first against Liam. I think I'll stand back here and watch."

"If you say so," Liam said with a nod, and the two friends took their positions.

"You first," he offered.

Tammy enlarged it before throwing the metal orb to the arena floor, and it popped open. A red streak darted several feet forward at a great speed, and eventually shaped itself to the graceful form of a red fox. A Vulpix.

"Vullll," it yawned. Raising a paw, it waved at Liam. He waved back.

"It's cute," he commented, releasing a small wolf from its Pokeball. It growled in confusion, staring at the future adversary.

Vulpix wagged its many tails, spewing warm air currents everywhere. Both caramel-colored eyes brightened. It was prepared for battle.

Poochyena bared its fangs. It wished to look menacing, but lacked the toughness it could gain from battling. It had only been in a few fights since Liam caught it. Snarling, Poochyena rolled its neck to one side and back, and scrapped the floor with its tiny paws.

"Lets go," Liam shouted. "Poochyena, use Bite!"

The young Pokemon leapt straight at the fox, growling to scare Vulpix. This did little to nothing. Vulpix groaned inwardly at the failed attempt to make her lose her nerve. Then she hopped up, and dashed at the wolf.

"What the...? What are you doing?" Tammy called out. "Be careful!"

Vulpix pivoted and dove at the last second, as Poochyena's sharp teeth chomped down on air, missing her by a fraction of an inch. Twisting around to face her battle partner once more, Vulpix watched as Poochyena squirmed. Poochyena could not stand to be evaded and toyed with, thus looking like a loser. Howling, he stared angrily at the red fox.

"Pix," Vulpix said innocently, analyzing the situation carefully. It's soft eyes were sparkling with the joy of battle. Poochyena charged.

"GRRRR," he roared, though it sounded like a wail. Poochyena pounced, missed, and tackled Vulpix while it was catching its breath. Sailing through the air, Vulpix landed hard and hopped back onto her feet. Her auburn paws gave off heat waves. She was through playing around.

"Tackle," Tammy suggested. It sounded less like a command, since this was her first battle ever.

"Vull," Vulpix agreed, and ran forward.

Poochyena was ready as well, and they came at each other like speeding bullets. Crashing together, they tumbled backwards. Both very resilient, they sprang up and rammed into each other, and the impact sent one of them skidding to the left and the other to the right. They turned to face each other and locked eyes. Neither of them would go down without a fight.

"Faint attack," Liam shouted. "Go Poochyena!"

His wolf complied, and in a flash had slammed hard into Vulpix's head, sending it rolling away in confusion. The impact from the black blur had come as a shock to Vulpix.

Once more the blurry figure appeared, flying at her. She turned away just in time for it to miss the intended target. The blur became clearer, until it was recognizable: Poochyena. He showed no fear as he charged at her once more. Vulpix was ready to dodge, but Poochyena was gone in a flash. He reappeared closeby hit her on the side, sending her down onto the diamond floor for the umpteenth time. He was now a blur again, and circled around her, creating a black tornado.

"WHOA," Tammy exclaimed in fear. "She was doing better without my help up until now. I've got to do something! Vulpix, get out of there!"

Vulpix gasped. How would she save herself? Wait a second... she said to herself. That should do it. I can get out of this!

Splitting her tails to let heat escape, she watched as the warmth escaped through certain areas of the spinning black blur. Those were her spots to attack. Poochyena's weak points! Summoning her courage, she headbutted the lowest spot. When Poochyena yelped from somewhere within the tornado, she knew she'd done it. He quickly changed formation to guard that area.

While he was busy doing this, Vulpix was planning another escape. She knocked her tail against another weak spot, and the hole that opened there soon closed. The other weak spot was once more exposed. There was a system to it, she had figured out. Poochyena could only protect one area at a time.

Rushing out of the hole, Vulpix looked back. Poochyena was slowing down. Panting, she waited. Poochyena soon materialized in front of her.

"Great thinking," Tammy complimented.

Meanwhile Jessica, who had been standing on the sidelines, was gazing at the two Pokemon in awe. This battle was fierce!

"Faint attack one more time!"

Tired but able to pull it off, Poochyena sped forward. A black blob threw itself at Vulpix. She was ready, and opened her mouth. A red dot grew larger inside her throat. The flaming orb was spit out of her mouth just as Poochyena came close. Poochyena was scorched right on the forehead by the deadly ember.

The fight was over.

"I won!" Tammy declared happily, as Poochyena sank to the arena floor.

"What a nice battle," Liam said.

"Yeah," said a voice. Jessica, Liam, and Tammy turned around to see a small boy standing before them. A Natu was perched on his shoulder. "You are just the ones I need. You've got to help me."

"Help you?" Tammy asked in confusion.

"Yes. I heard that all the strong trainers gather here, so here I am. There's trouble deep in the heart of the city."

"You can count on us," Liam told the boy, flashing him a smile.

"I'm Fredrick. Follow me!" With that, he darted off toward the main area of Crystal City. Vulpix ran clumsily after him. Poochyena, though exhausted, would not be outmatched. He wearily stood on all fours. Liam gave his Pokemon a potion vial, and it drank gratefully.

Poochyena was healed...and so, the trio and their Pokemon hurried after Fredrick.
ProtrainerEon

[PM me for my e-mail!]






PC Cousin: Hayate
PC Brother: Banov
Age 32
Male
The Neverlands
Seen April 24th, 2012
Posted March 27th, 2012
898 posts
17 Years
Very good story Pro, I like it as much as the previous chapter. Please go on with it :D


Evil Twin: Auron :: Younger Sisters: Joyce~♥, Suki ::
Younger Brother: Hotaru, Tensaiji , Mr. Dreavus :: Older Brother: Prince_ ::
Older Sister: Miss~KoN, MudkipBlader:: Cousin: ProtrainerEon

Claimed Manga Character: Hayate [Pokémon Ranger]
Seen June 11th, 2021
Posted August 6th, 2010
322 posts
16.9 Years
Thanks cuz.

Update soon to come, as I am a bit peeved with my laptop. I was writing one day and suddenly 'pow', all deleted. So hold your Rapidashes people!

(If I'm even talking to anyone. Does ANYBODY read this thing? Doesn't mean I'll stop but still...don't be afraid to overflow my inbox with PMs if you'd rather not reply! *HINT, HINT! HINT!*
ProtrainerEon

[PM me for my e-mail!]






PC Cousin: Hayate
PC Brother: Banov
Seen June 11th, 2021
Posted August 6th, 2010
322 posts
16.9 Years
Chapter 3 - So we meet again!

Poochyena panted as it flopped along beside Vulpix. Looking over at Ruby and snarling, the wolf sped up, encouraging her to race him. She rolled her eyes, and continued to follow Fredrick, with a slight smile on her face. Poochyena howled with disappointment, but kept up with the group.

"This way," Fredrick called out, flipping over a wooden fence. Tammy, Jessica, and Liam followed him over the fence. Vulpix and Poochyena hesitated as the fence came closer. Soon they were right in front of it and could not climb or go under it. The fence was too smooth, and they couldn't dig into concrete.

Poochyena wailed in confusion. It was far more susceptible to panic than Vulpix. Vulpix raised a paw to halt the wolf's worried cries. She turned to the fence, and opened her mouth. A string of flames tore through the fence, burning itself out after making the fence weak enough to break.

Getting the idea, Poochyena rammed the charred wood, and a chunk of the fence tore off. It clattered to the ground, and the wolf slithered through the hole. Vulpix grinned, proud of itself, and followed Poochyena into the opening, and out the other side. They caught up with the group of trainers, only a few yards away. They seemed to have just noticed the fox and wolf were gone, and looked back to see them catching up.

"There you are!" Tammy and Liam exclaimed simultaneously.

"Vull," Ruby called out. This was followed by a cute growl from Poochyena, who showed his teeth in a kind of smile as he looked over at her for an instant. They were now rivals. Ruby was fine with that.

Soon they approached a circular area with dark and light-blue tiles that formed rings around each other. The center of the city. Many doors connected here from buildings. Tammy and Jessica were shocked by what they saw. A Wigglytuff and Sandslash were busy attacking two trainers' Pokemon. The same Pokemon from the no-good group both girls met earlier.

They were Hitmonlee and Umbreon. Both fought valiantly, but it was clear that Wigglytuff and Sandslash were quicker, and could land hits before both opponents could block them. Hitmonlee managed a low kick that did significant damage to Wigglytuff because of its weight and type disadvantage, and even a headbutt attack, but it was not able to hold out for long, and mega punch attack sent it tumbling to the floor.

Umbreon had its own problems. Two slash attacks left wounds on it's side and face, but it was smart enough to retaliate. Dodging and attacking as well with a lightning fast quick attack, the nimble Pokemon skidded to a halt behind Sandslash. Sandslash was knocked down by an enraged Poochyena. Since it's guard was down, Poochyena was able to pull off the hit.

Umbreon used this to it's advantage and blasted Sandslash several feet away with a crackling purple shadow ball. Wigglytuff approached and jumped toward Umbreon. The tired Pokemon was shoved into the ground with an Arm Thrust attack.

Sandslash was just now getting up.

"Lets help," Liam said. "GO!" He tossed the metal sphere toward the enemy. Wigglytuff stepped back as a Magmar was materialized from red light.

"MAAAGMARRRR!" It roared. Observing Wigglytuff, it conjured up smoke from it's throat.

"Stop Wigglytuff and Sandslash," Liam ordered.

"We'll take care of Sandslash," Tammy declared confidently. "You handle Wigglytuff."

"We will?" Jessica asked, confused. Then she nodded. "I mean, yeah, we will Liam!"

Shellder was deposited near Sandslash, and Vulpix wandered over next to it. Sandslash lunged at Vulpix, who rolled away. Then she rushed at the adversary and scratched them. Sandslash sniffed, eventually detecting the enemy, and stomped it's foot. Vulpix was sent careening backward.

"Shellder, please do something!" Jessica pleaded.

Shellder yawned, ignoring her, trembling and withdrawing itself.

Vulpix tried again, and was able to slam into Sandslash's stomach and retreat before another attack.

"Ember," Tammy called out.

A ball of flames flew toward Sandslash, who lashed out with a claw, and the impact created a thick cloud of smoke residue. Vulpix charged into the mass of smoke, and was blown right back out of it by Sandslash's Metal Claw attack.

"Hang in there," Tammy encouraged.

Vulpix struggled to her feet, out of breath.

Shellder slowly opened its dark purple shell, and its small innocent eyes surveyed the scene. While it watched, it grew angrier and angrier. Seeing any fellow Pokemon be squashed by another mean Pokemon made it lose control. It sprayed a jet of water that slammed into Sandslash's face.

Coughing, it recovered from the blinding water attack. After walking up to Shellder, it attacked once again. Bringing it's stiffened arm down upon Shellder, it suddenly felt a pang of excruciating pain.

Shellder had withdrawn, and it's hard shell hurt Sandslash's poor claw tremendously. Vulpix fired a painful ember attack at Sandslash's back, and it slumped down to the floor in pain. Slowly getting back up again and blocking out the pain in it's claw, Sandslash ran toward Vulpix, the stronger of the two, it assumed. Take Vulpix out and...

A chilling burst of water splashed Sandslash's feet, and it sank to it's knees. A black blur struck it across the face, and it landed with a dull thud on the floor. Umbreon had partially recovered, and used faint attack to help finish the theiving Pokemon.

A locket spun across the floor, and Tammy picked it up.

"What's that?" asked Fredrick, hunching forward to look over her shoulder.

Opening the locket, she said, "Someone owned this. There's a picture of a Luvdisc in here."

"So I guess we've got more searching to do." Liam said, while still fighting Wigglytuff. "Fire Punch, now!"

Magmar ran toward Wigglytuff with it's fist pulled back, and let it's arm come forward. Wigglytuff mirrored this with a mega punch, and both were sent backward due to the impact.

Magmar stood. Wigglytuff did not.

"Magmar, return!" Liam called his Pokemon back. "So, let us go. Let's get this locket back to it's owner."

"Right," Tammy said, stashing it away. Once more, they were all running, determined to find the owner of the locket.
ProtrainerEon

[PM me for my e-mail!]






PC Cousin: Hayate
PC Brother: Banov
Age 32
Male
The Neverlands
Seen April 24th, 2012
Posted March 27th, 2012
898 posts
17 Years
Nice one as usual, please go on with writing ^^


Evil Twin: Auron :: Younger Sisters: Joyce~♥, Suki ::
Younger Brother: Hotaru, Tensaiji , Mr. Dreavus :: Older Brother: Prince_ ::
Older Sister: Miss~KoN, MudkipBlader:: Cousin: ProtrainerEon

Claimed Manga Character: Hayate [Pokémon Ranger]
PA
Seen September 15th, 2017
Posted June 18th, 2008
117 posts
17.9 Years
I made tons of comments on IM, but for the sake of other writers who hope to learn from reading how reviewers pick apart written works, I'll list everything I suggested chronologically.

Poochyena wailed in confusion. It was far more susceptible to panic than Vulpix. Vulpix raised a paw to halt the wolf's worried cries.
That middle sentence is unneccesary; readers would understand that without having you come out and say it, and it would therfore make the description sharper.

Two slash attacks left wounds on it's side and face, but it was smart enough to retaliate.
'Smart' isn't something you need to retaliate. Perhaps quick or speedy.

"We will?" Jessica asked, confused. Then she nodded. "I mean, yeah, we will Liam!"
"Shellder, please do something!" Jessica pleaded.
Good characterization :D

Shellder slowly opened its dark purple shell, and its small innocent eyes surveyed the scene. While it watched, it grew angrier and angrier. Seeing any fellow Pokemon be squashed by another mean Pokemon made it lose control. It sprayed a jet of water that slammed into Sandslash's face.
Like with the poochyena thing earlier, this would be stronger if you gave evidence via action rather than coming out and plain saying it.

Magmar stood. Wigglytuff did not.
That was excellent. Though, as I said on IM, a quick clarification afterward would be helpful.

"Right," Tammy said, stashing it away. Once more, they were all running, determined to find the owner of the locket.
They don't really know where in particular to go as they have no clue of the locket's possessor. So, why are they running? If I had no destination in mind, I'd have no rush.

-----

There were some other things I said, but they mostly ended up in a truce over how it should be changed. Also, there was some apostrophe misuse, but we covered that in IM also.

Overall, it's still getting better. I'm liking it more and more. :D I'm looking forward to the next segemnt!

PC Brother- ProtrainerEon
Seen June 11th, 2021
Posted August 6th, 2010
322 posts
16.9 Years
Update!

----------------------------

Chapter 4 - Return the Locket!


"Where are we headed?" Asked Jessica. She was just following Friedrich, who seemed to know where he was going.

"I'm not sure. Let's try the Radio Tower! They could broadcast a missing locket for us."

"They'd do that?" Tammy asked him doubtfully.

"Sure! They report lost Pokemon, so why not objects?"

"Well," Liam said in a hopeful voice, "let's go!"

They sped up and turned a corner. They dashed down an alley. The sky was spotted with puffy clouds, and sunlight poured down on the sidewalks and streets. Shops with clothes and books displayed were wedged in between tailor's shops and apartment buildings. None of these buildings had less than two floors.

About ten blocks down the street a huge building burst up past the boundaries of others. It was made of pure beatiful crystals, and had a Nosepass on the top of it. This Nosepass was used as a satellite to send and pick up radio waves.

"Hurry, because that's gonna be a long walk if we don't speed up." Friedrich sighed. "Phew, I'm not looking forward to that."

"Thanks for helping us, but you don't have to stay now. We helped you already." Jessica nodded at him.

"Just returning the favor guys," he said with a smile, and saluted. Everyone laughed.

"Well then we better get going!" Liam was the first to move, and everyone followed.

In about fifteen minutes they had run the full distance to the tower and been searched before entering. Inside the tower was very high-tech. The first floor was simply black marble, this floor being the lobby with four black leather couches spread out. There were also a few tables scattered here and there, with news crews everywhere.

The four of them took the silver-colored elevator up to the 3rd floor, where a woman who went by the name of Phyllis Ghogans was supposedly going to report the locket. Tammy came out of the elevator first, curious about this lady.

While the others followed, she slowly approached a woman surrounded by technology. Speakers and microphones were everywhere. She was speaking loudly on a radio station.

"And that wraps it up listeners! Listen tommorow for news about the shiny Politoed sightings!" She turned her mic off, and turned around to see Tammy.

"Who the heck are you?" she inquired rather rudely.

"I'll tell you who the heck I am," Tammy retorted just as rudely, "I'm Tammy Petal. I have a locket that belongs to someone. Can you do a city-wide lost and found callout for whoever lost it?"

"Sure kid." She turned the microphone back on, and Phyllis tuned the radio to the right stations.

"Crystal City, there's been a report of a lost locket. Please come claim your item at the radio tower if you've lost it."

"Thanks," Tammy said cheerfully, and turned around just as everyone else caught up with her.

"Hold it. 5 bucks!"

"5-" she coughed. Tammy was speechless for a moment. "...I'm not paying you!"

"Brat!"

Tammy stormed off toward the elevator.

"I don't like her!" She poked her lip out in frustration.

"Me either," Friedrich admitted.

"Yeah, but at least she got the message out," Jessica encouraged. "Now whoever owns this might find it."

"We should wait here for them. There's an open area down by the entrance for training. Let's go there," Liam suggested.

"All right," Tammy agreed. "Come on guys!"

In about 2 minutes they were outside of the building and ready to train.

"I'll take you on," Jessica told Liam. "Shellder may not be used to me, but it seems to battle well on its own! So I'll give this a shot."

She tossed the Pokeball at the ground, and Jessica was temporarily blinded by the red flash that burst forth from the Pokeball.

Another of these flashes accompanied the arrival of Liam's Houndour. This Pokemon had black fur, and red, supple pawpads. There was also a whole area of red fur covering the lower part of its jaw and its stomach. Metal head, back, and leg gear served as great defense armor. Houndour barked angrily, showing its sharp teeth. The match was on!

Houndour zipped forward at a super-fast pace, ready to make quick work of Shellder.

"Shellder, water gun!"

Shellder didn't need to be told twice. It shrieked before withdrawing into its purple shell. A steady flow of water rushed out of the hole in the shell, dousing Houndour and leaving it in agonizing pain. That unexpected attack had been quite critical to the underestimating foe. Shaking the water off, Houndour ignored the damage from the move and ran around Shellder before it could aim another shot. Shellder targeted the water attack onto Houndour a second too late and just barely missed!

"Rawr!" It growled, pouncing onto the shell and scratching the surface viciously. This seemed to do minimal damage, because Shellder easily fired another water attack to hit the adversary's paw that was hanging over the rim of the shell.

"Hounnnnn!" It cried out, jumping back to avoid Shellder once again.

"Shellder!" It replied with an unrecognizable giggle.

"I'm...winning?" Jessica stared in amazement.

"Houndour, use Ember plan B!"

"Ember plan B?"

"Rawwwwrrr!" Houndour circled Shellder as it wasted ammo, and fired off multiple deformed flaming spheres. These impacted on the surface of the shell, doing a fair amount of damage. As expected, Shellder opened its eyes just as Houndour ran up to it. Burning Shellder (even on the inside of its shell) with a powerful burst of flames at close range, it backed up and circled around the foe again.

"Shellder!"

Houndour moved in again for the attack.

"Bite!"

Houndour did as it was told and clamped two of its top teeth onto Shellder's shell, which easily minimized the effectiveness of the move because of its high defense properties.

"Are you okay? Fight back!" Jessica called out in a pleading voice.

Suddenly, a low humming noise grew louder and drowned out all others. Shellder began to glow a light sparkling blue, and a spherical wall of water shot forth from it. This barrier grew so large that Houndour's last remaining strength was obliterated as it was knocked back by the forceful shield. It all happened so slowly. First Houndour was barely breathing inside the water sphere, eyes bulging. Then some invisible force thrust it off of Shellder with no energy left.

"Yes!" Jessica yelled triumphantly. "...Uh...what just happened?"
-------------------------

And thus I conclude this chapster.

Did ya expect to see an upper class move like Water Pulse so soon? XD Well, I'm done!
ProtrainerEon

[PM me for my e-mail!]






PC Cousin: Hayate
PC Brother: Banov
Seen June 11th, 2021
Posted August 6th, 2010
322 posts
16.9 Years
And I'm-a back! Back to sweep the dust off of this poor fic, and pick up where I left off. Where did I leave off again? XD Just joking. Anyway...

Chapter 5 - Frost Versus Flame!

They all stood, mouths wide, observing the Shellder that had just beaten a Pokemon at a much higher power level. However, it was quite logical. Shelldar had great defense, and a type advantage. It must have been pushed to the limit and its power level increased accordingly.

"That was...awesome." Tammy could think of no other word to describe the turn of events.

"Whaaa...?" Liam was standing on his side of the arena, speechless. "You...beat my Houndour? Shellder is just an infant and I was wiped out!" He was so stunned that he stood in the exact same position, unblinking, for about thirty seconds.

"Liam..." Jessica called out. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I think so," he replied, light-headed. He stumbled off of the arena floor and sat nearby to watch the next battle. There was silence for a few minutes as everyone gathered themselves and calmed down. Then...

"So, who's up?" Jessica asked. She was still a little in shock from her previous battle, so the words came to her a little slower than normal. "Friedrich, maybe you and Liam could fight, eh?"

Friedrich hesitated. "But you're all so strong!" He backed away. "Unh-uh. I can't fight you."

"Don't worry," Tammy encouraged, gripping his arm. "I bet you're stronger than you think. I'm just starting to notice that about myself, so maybe it's the same for you." She pushed him forward. "Don't you dare chicken out on me! I'll come after you if you do!" She chuckled. "Just kidding Friedrich."

Friedrich, inspired by her ominous yet helpful words, rushed to Liam's previous spot to begin the next match. Jessica switched with Liam, and the battle would soon commence!

"Umm..." Friedrich tapped a foot nervously. All eyes were on him.

"How about I go first, huh?" Liam tossed a Pokeball into the center of the arena. "Magmar, come on out!" A red flash accompanied this red and yellow magma-based Pokemon as it formed in the arena.

"Magmarrrrrrr!" it cried out, stretching it's muscles.

"Go, Squirtle!" Friedrich cautiously let out his turtle Pokemon. "He's my strongest, so I'll use him against your Magmar. Let's do it pal!"

Squirtle nodded, flexing its arm muscles as if to show off.

"I'll let you take the first turn, kid. Go on."

Friedrich nodded. "Squirtle...use your Tail Whip move!"

Squirtle crept toward an observant Magmar, shaking its tail. Magmar watched with its gaze fixed on the opponent. It was very confused about what this move was supposed to do to it in a battle.

"It's a distraction, Magmar!" Liam pointed out.

By now, Squirtle had made several copies of itself, and Magmar noticed this just as Liam called it out. Trainer and Pokemon were in synch.

"Blow those copies away with Flamethrower," Liam told his Pokemon.

Magmar nodded, tilting its head back as it sucked in a lot of air. It held this position for about three seconds, before unleashing a widespread burst of fire! Most of the Squirtle copies were obliterated by the move, but a handful of them managed to jump out of the way. These remaining Squirtle regrouped, keeping their distance from Magmar.

"That was a lucky break for your Squirtle," Liam said aloud.

Friedrich nodded, courage building up inside him. "I can do this...I hope." Sighing, he looked at all the images of his Pokemon waving their tails in front of him. This gave him an idea...just as Magmar attacked once more.

"MAG-MARRRRRR!" Bellowed the fiery beast, spouting more flames at all the Squirtle in front of it.

"All of you, dodge! Surround Magmar!"

"Squirtle!" squealed all of the turtle Pokemon, jumping as high as they could, out of reach of the attack. They each landed on different sides of Magmar.

"Oh no!" Liam exclaimed, noticing Magmar's eyes shifting to each of their wagging tails. "Don't fall for it!"

Magmar heard his call, tried to resist...but it was too late. Just as the fire-type looked away from its enemy, one of the Squirtle ran up to it. Having just broken its concentration, Squirtle had enough time to get close to Magmar.

Liam smirked. "Hey...wait...that move has less of an effect on fire types!"

Rolling to the side as Magmar looked in its direction, Squirtle charged up energy. Crackling noises emanated from it as Squirtle's fist began to glow a blinding blue color.

"Squirtle's gonna hit your weak point. Block it, hurry!" Liam ordered, panicking. He began to sweat as he watched Magmar turn to look at Squirtle. It had caught on too late. Magmar was too slow to block the Ice Punch because of its weight, and was at a bad angle, which didn't help one bit.

"Squirtle Squirt!" Uttering a battle cry, Squirtle hopped toward Magmar and hit its exposed back with a powerful icy attack. The Ice Punch slammed into Magmar and a loud noise filled the area. It sounded as if a thousand cubes of ice had hit the floor all at once.

Covering their ears, Tammy and Jessica watched in awe.

"M-maybe I am strong enough!" Friedrich cried out confidently. "Squirtle, good job." Even though the duo had practiced Squirtle's Ice Punch until they achieved perfection, Friedrich did not expect it to do so much damage to a higher level Pokemon. His hands left his ears as the sound died down, and Friedrich watched Magmar intently. Was the fight over?

Magmar twitched, slowly rising.

"Of course not," Friedrich told himself. "Ice type moves don't hurt fire types as much as they would a bug type, or flying type." He recalled the different type advantages and disadvantages he had learned about on his journey...

Squirtle panted, out of breath from the stamina its Ice Punch attack demanded of it. The six other Squirtle that were formed due to Double Team stood waiting for Magmar to make a move.
"Marrr," wheezed the fallen Pokemon, standing stiffly to continue fighting.

"Hey, remember what we practiced buddy!" Liam urged. "Use your Fire Punch too!"

"Ah! What?" Friedrich responded, unprepared. He was so shocked that he could barely speak. Then, finally, he forced himself to say, "Hurry and use Rapid Spin! All other Squirtle, use Water Gun!"

The copies of Squirtle reacted the quickest, spouting jets of water at Magmar just as it jerked a heated arm toward the real Squirtle. Hot red flames surrounded its arm.

"Squirt." Squirtle ducked low, retreating into its shell just before the shell was hit by the fierce punch. A black smudge was left where the fire singed its shell. As soon as the collision occurred, the shell sped backwards. It bounced off of the ground spinning like a flaming tire, and knocked against the surrounding buildings. Streaks of fire were left wherever it passed by Magmar.

The Fire Punch had evaporated the Water Gun attacks aimed at Magmar, so the copies of Squirtle stood still, watching.

Dazed as it tried to follow Squirtle's trail, Magmar searched frantically. It felt a sharp pang of pain in its side as the shell scorched it. Then another, and another. Squirtle was bouncing off of the buildings and hitting Magmar from every direction multiple times.

"All of you, help Squirtle!" Friedrich commanded.

"Stop them!" Liam called out. "Don't let it confuse you! Use Flame Wheel!"

Just as six more shells came flying toward it, Magmar was covered by a red aura, that spiraled around it, causing the first oncoming Squirtle to fade away on impact. The other five moved out of the way just in time.

"Aim and strike," Liam said, pointing a finger at the five Squirtle that were now standing at several locations near Magmar.

The spiraling flames split, each flame following its own path toward a chosen Squirtle.

"What is this?" Jessica commented, watching the battle with clenched fists.

"Friedrich's really good at battling!" Tammy admitted. "I wonder why he was so worried. Let's see how he gets out of this."

"OH! Look, Tammy!" Jessica pointed a finger at the arena, her mouth agape.

Liam gasped. "He...Squirtle reformed?"

Friedrich grinned. "Now, Water Gun, go!"

Squirtle's multiple forms had joined together, so there was only one Squirtle on the battlefield. The original. Summoning a huge amount of water to its aid, Squirtle blasted the fire coming toward with everything it could muster.

The streak of fire died out, but Flame Wheel was still in effect.

"Smart," Tammy said approvingly. "Using water against fire. I would've just dodged."

"Nice job...but I will win! Magmar, rush toward Squirtle and hammer it in the face with fire punch!" Liam was confident and ready to defeat the persistent Squirtle.

"You ready?" Friedrich stared at Squirtle, his eyes hopeful. "Ice Punch one last time!"

Squirtle squirmed, watching Magmar as it rushed toward it. Feet pounding, breath shallow, Magmar was ready to finish Squirtle off. The familiar crackling energy began to surround Squirtle's arm. A chilling icy wind whipped up around Squirtle as it charged up power. Once it was finished, it looked up at Magmar, thinking of how much Friedrich needed it to win.

"Do it Squirtle," Friedrich said with a wave and a grin. He covered his ears as the sound of cracked ice filled the area once more.

The thrust that came afterward had so much willpower behind it that Magmar was sent skidding backwards a few feet. Finally, it stopped, and both forms of energy began to distort and expand. The collision of the elemental punches was like an avalanche and the eruption of a volcano happening simultaneously.

Magmar slowly began to push itself forward, combatting Squirtle's power with its own. This was going to get nasty, quickly.

"Oh no! They're giving it everything they've got. Who knows what'll happen?" Tammy shouted over the roar of wind, ice, and fire. A 'whoosh' of heat was heard in the distance, as Magmar began to power up its punch.

"Duck!" Jessica exclaimed, diving to the floor.

Both Pokemon let out growls before there was a blinding flash of energy. Next, the entire arena was covered in smoke and mist, both overlapping each other. This made it impossible for anyone to see what had happened.

What were the fates of Magmar and Squirtle?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I myself thought this chapter was awesome. The explosions, strategies, and little input from bystanders, just plain fighting, would be enough to get me pumped if this were someone else's story. :D

Well, comments are welcome. You are obliged to disagree with my opinion on this chapter. Say you don't like it WHILE giving reasons. If you don't like this type of fanfic, please don't visit it just to say "I hate stories like this." This is considered useless and will be ignored.

What I mean is if this fic genre didn't entice you in the first place, you wasted ten or fifteen minutes of your life reading it just to give some short and sour comment on it. Only people who LIKE or read OT fics should reply, not just spam up the thread. -____-
ProtrainerEon

[PM me for my e-mail!]






PC Cousin: Hayate
PC Brother: Banov
Seen June 11th, 2021
Posted August 6th, 2010
322 posts
16.9 Years
And I'm-a back! Back to sweep the dust off of this poor fic, and pick up where I left off. Where did I leave off again? XD Just joking. Anyway...

Chapter 5 - Frost Versus Flame!

They all stood, mouths wide, observing the Shellder that had just beaten a Pokemon at a much higher power level. However, it was quite logical. Shelldar had great defense, and a type advantage. It must have been pushed to the limit and its power level increased accordingly.

"That was...awesome." Tammy could think of no other word to describe the turn of events.

"Whaaa...?" Liam was standing on his side of the arena, speechless. "You...beat my Houndour? Shellder is just an infant and I was wiped out!" He was so stunned that he stood in the exact same position, unblinking, for about thirty seconds.

"Liam..." Jessica called out. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I think so," he replied, light-headed. He stumbled off of the arena floor and sat nearby to watch the next battle. There was silence for a few minutes as everyone gathered themselves and calmed down. Then...

"So, who's up?" Jessica asked. She was still a little in shock from her previous battle, so the words came to her a little slower than normal. "Friedrich, maybe you and Liam could fight, eh?"

Friedrich hesitated. "But you're all so strong!" He backed away. "Unh-uh. I can't fight you."

"Don't worry," Tammy encouraged, gripping his arm. "I bet you're stronger than you think. I'm just starting to notice that about myself, so maybe it's the same for you." She pushed him forward. "Don't you dare chicken out on me! I'll come after you if you do!" She chuckled. "Just kidding Friedrich."

Friedrich, inspired by her ominous yet helpful words, rushed to Liam's previous spot to begin the next match. Jessica switched with Liam, and the battle would soon commence!

"Umm..." Friedrich tapped a foot nervously. All eyes were on him.

"How about I go first, huh?" Liam tossed a Pokeball into the center of the arena. "Magmar, come on out!" A red flash accompanied this red and yellow magma-based Pokemon as it formed in the arena.

"Magmarrrrrrr!" it cried out, stretching it's muscles.

"Go, Squirtle!" Friedrich cautiously let out his turtle Pokemon. "He's my strongest, so I'll use him against your Magmar. Let's do it pal!"

Squirtle nodded, flexing its arm muscles as if to show off.

"I'll let you take the first turn, kid. Go on."

Friedrich nodded. "Squirtle...use your Tail Whip move!"

Squirtle crept toward an observant Magmar, shaking its tail. Magmar watched with its gaze fixed on the opponent. It was very confused about what this move was supposed to do to it in a battle.

"It's a distraction, Magmar!" Liam pointed out.

By now, Squirtle had made several copies of itself, and Magmar noticed this just as Liam called it out. Trainer and Pokemon were in synch.

"Blow those copies away with Flamethrower," Liam told his Pokemon.

Magmar nodded, tilting its head back as it sucked in a lot of air. It held this position for about three seconds, before unleashing a widespread burst of fire! Most of the Squirtle copies were obliterated by the move, but a handful of them managed to jump out of the way. These remaining Squirtle regrouped, keeping their distance from Magmar.

"That was a lucky break for your Squirtle," Liam said aloud.

Friedrich nodded, courage building up inside him. "I can do this...I hope." Sighing, he looked at all the images of his Pokemon waving their tails in front of him. This gave him an idea...just as Magmar attacked once more.

"MAG-MARRRRRR!" Bellowed the fiery beast, spouting more flames at all the Squirtle in front of it.

"All of you, dodge! Surround Magmar!"

"Squirtle!" squealed all of the turtle Pokemon, jumping as high as they could, out of reach of the attack. They each landed on different sides of Magmar.

"Oh no!" Liam exclaimed, noticing Magmar's eyes shifting to each of their wagging tails. "Don't fall for it!"

Magmar heard his call, tried to resist...but it was too late. Just as the fire-type looked away from its enemy, one of the Squirtle ran up to it. Having just broken its concentration, Squirtle had enough time to get close to Magmar.

Liam smirked. "Hey...wait...that move has less of an effect on fire types!"

Rolling to the side as Magmar looked in its direction, Squirtle charged up energy. Crackling noises emanated from it as Squirtle's fist began to glow a blinding blue color.

"Squirtle's gonna hit your weak point. Block it, hurry!" Liam ordered, panicking. He began to sweat as he watched Magmar turn to look at Squirtle. It had caught on too late. Magmar was too slow to block the Ice Punch because of its weight, and was at a bad angle, which didn't help one bit.

"Squirtle Squirt!" Uttering a battle cry, Squirtle hopped toward Magmar and hit its exposed back with a powerful icy attack. The Ice Punch slammed into Magmar and a loud noise filled the area. It sounded as if a thousand cubes of ice had hit the floor all at once.

Covering their ears, Tammy and Jessica watched in awe.

"M-maybe I am strong enough!" Friedrich cried out confidently. "Squirtle, good job." Even though the duo had practiced Squirtle's Ice Punch until they achieved perfection, Friedrich did not expect it to do so much damage to a higher level Pokemon. His hands left his ears as the sound died down, and Friedrich watched Magmar intently. Was the fight over?

Magmar twitched, slowly rising.

"Of course not," Friedrich told himself. "Ice type moves don't hurt fire types as much as they would a bug type, or flying type." He recalled the different type advantages and disadvantages he had learned about on his journey...

Squirtle panted, out of breath from the stamina its Ice Punch attack demanded of it. The six other Squirtle that were formed due to Double Team stood waiting for Magmar to make a move.
"Marrr," wheezed the fallen Pokemon, standing stiffly to continue fighting.

"Hey, remember what we practiced buddy!" Liam urged. "Use your Fire Punch too!"

"Ah! What?" Friedrich responded, unprepared. He was so shocked that he could barely speak. Then, finally, he forced himself to say, "Hurry and use Rapid Spin! All other Squirtle, use Water Gun!"

The copies of Squirtle reacted the quickest, spouting jets of water at Magmar just as it jerked a heated arm toward the real Squirtle. Hot red flames surrounded its arm.

"Squirt." Squirtle ducked low, retreating into its shell just before the shell was hit by the fierce punch. A black smudge was left where the fire singed its shell. As soon as the collision occurred, the shell sped backwards. It bounced off of the ground spinning like a flaming tire, and knocked against the surrounding buildings. Streaks of fire were left wherever it passed by Magmar.

The Fire Punch had evaporated the Water Gun attacks aimed at Magmar, so the copies of Squirtle stood still, watching.

Dazed as it tried to follow Squirtle's trail, Magmar searched frantically. It felt a sharp pang of pain in its side as the shell scorched it. Then another, and another. Squirtle was bouncing off of the buildings and hitting Magmar from every direction multiple times.

"All of you, help Squirtle!" Friedrich commanded.

"Stop them!" Liam called out. "Don't let it confuse you! Use Flame Wheel!"

Just as six more shells came flying toward it, Magmar was covered by a red aura, that spiraled around it, causing the first oncoming Squirtle to fade away on impact. The other five moved out of the way just in time.

"Aim and strike," Liam said, pointing a finger at the five Squirtle that were now standing at several locations near Magmar.

The spiraling flames split, each flame following its own path toward a chosen Squirtle.

"What is this?" Jessica commented, watching the battle with clenched fists.

"Friedrich's really good at battling!" Tammy admitted. "I wonder why he was so worried. Let's see how he gets out of this."

"OH! Look, Tammy!" Jessica pointed a finger at the arena, her mouth agape.

Liam gasped. "He...Squirtle reformed?"

Friedrich grinned. "Now, Water Gun, go!"

Squirtle's multiple forms had joined together, so there was only one Squirtle on the battlefield. The original. Summoning a huge amount of water to its aid, Squirtle blasted the fire coming toward with everything it could muster.

The streak of fire died out, but Flame Wheel was still in effect.

"Smart," Tammy said approvingly. "Using water against fire. I would've just dodged."

"Nice job...but I will win! Magmar, rush toward Squirtle and hammer it in the face with fire punch!" Liam was confident and ready to defeat the persistent Squirtle.

"You ready?" Friedrich stared at Squirtle, his eyes hopeful. "Ice Punch one last time!"

Squirtle squirmed, watching Magmar as it rushed toward it. Feet pounding, breath shallow, Magmar was ready to finish Squirtle off. The familiar crackling energy began to surround Squirtle's arm. A chilling icy wind whipped up around Squirtle as it charged up power. Once it was finished, it looked up at Magmar, thinking of how much Friedrich needed it to win.

"Do it Squirtle," Friedrich said with a wave and a grin. He covered his ears as the sound of cracked ice filled the area once more.

The thrust that came afterward had so much willpower behind it that Magmar was sent skidding backwards a few feet. Finally, it stopped, and both forms of energy began to distort and expand. The collision of the elemental punches was like an avalanche and the eruption of a volcano happening simultaneously.

Magmar slowly began to push itself forward, combatting Squirtle's power with its own. This was going to get nasty, quickly.

"Oh no! They're giving it everything they've got. Who knows what'll happen?" Tammy shouted over the roar of wind, ice, and fire. A 'whoosh' of heat was heard in the distance, as Magmar began to power up its punch.

"Duck!" Jessica exclaimed, diving to the floor.

Both Pokemon let out growls before there was a blinding flash of energy. Next, the entire arena was covered in smoke and mist, both overlapping each other. This made it impossible for anyone to see what had happened.

What were the fates of Magmar and Squirtle?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I myself thought this chapter was awesome. The explosions, strategies, and little input from bystanders, just plain fighting, would be enough to get me pumped if this were someone else's story. :D

Well, comments are welcome. You are obliged to disagree with my opinion on this chapter. Say you don't like it WHILE giving reasons. If you don't like this type of fanfic, please don't visit it just to say "I hate stories like this." This is considered useless and will be ignored.

What I mean is if this fic genre didn't entice you in the first place, you wasted ten or fifteen minutes of your life reading it just to give some short and sour comment on it. Only people who LIKE or read OT fics should reply, not just spam up the thread. -____-
ProtrainerEon

[PM me for my e-mail!]






PC Cousin: Hayate
PC Brother: Banov