The Stupid Insane Fanfic of DOOOM!

Started by Scarlet Weather November 11th, 2006 2:43 PM
  • 565 views
  • 3 replies
In a House
Seen March 20th, 2016
Posted January 22nd, 2010
1,823 posts
16.6 Years
Yo, yo, Reader!

It's me, ACC, again. I'm taking a break from the Chronicles because I'm having trouble with the next chapter, and because I was so dissapointed with the way the last chapter turned out that I nearly didn't post it. Anyway, recently I read a few stories written by Dannichu, who is probably the most insane fanfic author in the world. (Her fics can be read at The Cave Of the Dragonflies, and at The Pokemon Tower. Anywhere else you can read 'em? Let me know so I can add it.) Anyway, she wrote a couple of stories centered around a list of twenty random phrases that her friends picked out for her. I decided "What she can do I can do- after all, aren't I just as insane?" So, I took an MD based fanfic, set on the very day that the natural disasters stop, making rescue team leader Len the Marowak the most beloved Pokemon in the world, with comic results. The resulting fanfic is the closest thing I could get to an insanity fiction, and it really stinks, I know, but I think I pulled off a bit of genius at the end. Be warned- I had to come up with random phrases myself, so their quality is nowhere near as good as when a friend picks them.

Enjoy!


The mad phrases:

1.Where did you put my giant chicken hat?
2. Lucario... I am your Father.
3. A plane! A plane!
4. You fool! The PSP is highly superior to the DS lite!
5. KAMEHAMEHA!
6. So if I push this button, then does the world blow up?
7. Okay, I ate your girlfriend. So sue me.
8. The Matrix has you.
9. The Matrix STILL has you.
10. I have much better things to do then kill you, but I can’t remember any of them.
11. So... do you want to play checkers?
12. No, Joshua... Global Thermonuclear War.
13. Nice to meet you. I’m sure you’ll make an excellent candidate for target practice.
14. Egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg!
15. Where am I? And why does it smell like fish?
16. You men are all alike- tall, strong, handsome, and completely brainless.
17. I don’t mean to seem materialistic, but if you die, can I have your stereo?
18. Drink up- I’m pretty sure it isn’t poisonous.
19. My name is _____. James ______.
20. I feel particularly Emo for no particular reason at the moment.


As the dawn broke over Pokemon Square, Len the Marowak was sound asleep in his rescue base- that is, until the Pokemon standing in the square outside began cheering with no explanation whatsoever. Groggily pulling the covers off of his body, he leapt out of the skull-shaped rescue base, his fighting instincts in complete control even if his brain was still half-asleep. As he moved in the general direction of Pokemon Sqauare, holding his bonemerang at the ready, he bumped into Ryou, a small Bagon recently recruited to his Rescue force. Ryou was particularly unlucky that he had chosen to bump into Len at that precise moment, as the Marowak was still dreaming that he was a super-spy. As soon as Len came into contact with Ryou’s body, in fact, he pulled the small draconic Pokemon closer and mumbled “Alright- the jig is up, Dr. Egg. You have to tell me where you placed the giant Sombrero or I’ll kill you...” in a tone that suggested the state of the user’s brain- out cold.

“Wh-wh-what Sombrero?” stammered the small Pokemon, attempting to wriggle his way out of Len’s practiced death-hug.

“My Sombrero, the one with the chicken on it.” Len mumbled in reply. After waiting through a few moments of stunned silence from Ryou, he tried again. “Let me ask you one more time- where did you put my giant chicken hat? You have thirty seconds before I kill you.”

Even if Ryou was something of a coward, no one could deny that he thought remarkably quickly. “Len, don’t you have better things to do then kill me?” he asked in a plaintive tone, as he tried to formulate an escape route.

“Len? Who is Len? My name is Bones. James Bones. And I have better things to do then kill you, but I can’t think of any at the moment.” Len replied, still muttering.

With his escape route solidified in his mind, Ryou made his move. “Look! It’s over there!” he screeched, before racing off toward Dragon Cave as fast as his legs could carry him the minute he felt Len’s arms release him.

As Len staggered in the general direction Ryou had indicated, his brain finally snapped back into synch with his body, and he awoke just in time to leap into the air, avoiding the crazed Caterpie who had almost smashed into his body. “Yo, watch out! I’m not built to get tackled unawares!” he yelled as he landed directly behind the small green worm.

Caterpie turned toward the skull-headed dinosaur and stared at him with a gaze that spelled nothing short of full-fledged hero worship. “Master Len...” he breathed, in a tone that indicated that he felt as if he was not worthy to say Len’s name aloud, “You did it! Everyone in the Square is just going nuts with excitement!”

“Umm... what did I do that everyone’s so excited about, exactly?” Len asked, as he racked his brains in an attempt to discover which of his heroic deeds could be sending the entire population of Pokemon Square into a tizzy. The only missions Team Poketech had recently handled were relatively easy D-rank and E-rank ones, and those were really nothing to get excited about.

“You guys completed the last mission on the board! No more rescue requests, period! The natural disasters have stopped, the dungeons are abandoned, and Alakazam just said that he checked with Xatu, and he says that it’s all because of you guys stopping the meteor, and saving the world an crap!” the small green worm yelled, before leaping toward Len in an attempt to hug him. Len prudently chose that moment to utilize the portal leading into his secret rescue base (a.k.a. the front door), and make a hasty retreat.

“Thank God- I’m safe.” Len muttered, as he slipped onto his bed, hoping to avoid the throngs of crazed fans from Pokemon Square.

“So, they got you too, huh?” asked the small yellow, mouse-like thing sitting beside him. Len nearly flipped his wig before realizing that the Pokemon in question was, in fact, Victoria (known to friends as Vicky), his team partner.

“Jeez, Vicky, you nearly made me leap up a wall in terror and knock out the ceiling.” Len replied, staring at the female Pikachu beside him, who had helped him defeat numerous enemies, from Rayquaza to Skarmory.

“Sorry- the rescue base is the only place we’ll be safe from our fans. It’s kind of ironic- the last time we hid from these guys, it was because they wanted to kill you. Now we’re hiding because everyone is in love with you.” Vicky said, laughingly, remembering her flight with the now gung-ho Marowak across the mountains what seemed like years earlier.

“I know, but I think I actually liked it better when they hated me- I’m not used to having fans.” Len sighed as the Pokemon outside continued battering the door. Outside, shouts of “We love you Len!”, “LEN-NY! LEN-NY! LEN-NY!” could be heard, mixed in with requests for autographs, souveneirs, bonemerang throwing demonstrations, and a very bizarre high-pitched asking Len to marry her and let her raise his children. “Yep, you know, I feel particularly Emo at the moment for some reason.” Len continued, barely attempting to hide the sarcasm in his voice.

“Oh, come on Len- they can’t be that bad.” Vicky replied, staring skeptically at the suddenly depressed Marowak.

“Are you insane Vicky? Listen to them. They’ve gone nuts with adoration for us!”

Vicky pressed one of her ears to the wall. Len was right- the crowd was definitely insane. They seemed to be screeching things such as “A plane! A plane!” even though everyone knew that planes did not exist inside the world of Pokemon. She then walked to a window, and pressed her face to it. Her fears were confirmed- even their own teammates were not immune to the curse. Over in the corner, Mewto, one of the most recent recruits was talking to Lucario, the ultimate rescue team leader. Although Vicky couldn’t entirely make out what was being said, she got the general idea that the two were arguing about letters.

“No, you fool! Can’t you understand! The PSP is highly superior to the DS lite!” yelled Mewto, vehemently.

“And can’t you see that you can’t play Pokemon games on the PSP, you overgrown freakish clone of a cute, pink, brainless kitten!” Lucario screeched in reply, with equal fervor.

“Oh, yeah? Well you shouldn’t talk about your relatives like that.” Mewto leered, as his eyes twinkled.

“What?” asked Lucario, a startled look in his eyes.

“Yes... or didn’t Len tell you what happened to your Father?” Mewto replied, a demonic grin plastered on his face.

“He told me enough... he told me you ate him!”

“Ah, then hate it as I do, I must tell you that Len lied. For you see Lucario... I AM YOUR FATHER!” screeched Mewto, as he broke into a high-pitched cackle of laughter.

“No- I will not accept this! I must destroy you now, in order to erase all evidence that you were ever in existence!” Lucario yelled, gathering energy between his hands.

Mewto opened and closed his mouth, but was so shocked by Lucario’s outburst that he couldn’t bring himself to speak.

“KAMEHAMEHA!” roared Lucario as he launched his pulse bomb directly into Mewto’s chest, sending him blasting into the stratosphere.

“Mewto is blasting of again....” Mewto called back as his voice trailed off into the distance.

Vicky drew her head back inside. “You’re right Len- we have to keep away from them. They are obviously going insane.”

Meanwhile, Alakazam, Charizard, and Tyranitar continued arguing outside.

“I think we should just bust in and pull ‘em out! They can’t stop us from doing that!” Charizard shouted angrily, releasing a stream of fire into the air as he spoke.

“No, you fool! I say we should just tunnel in! They won’t like it if we wreck their base!” responded Tyranitar, glaring evilly.

“The Matrix has you.” Alakazam intoned, floating up and down.

“What the heck?” asked Ryou, who had popped into the square in order to see if his boss had cooled down yet.

“He’s been saying that all day, ever since he found out that Len has just officially become the most beloved rescue leader in the world, even surpassing Lucario. I think his brain has snapped.” Charizard replied, rolling his eyes.

“I feel particularly Emo for no particular reason at the moment! UGEHGEHGEH!” shouted Gengar, looking very pleased with himself.

“Um... what’s with him?” asked Charizard.

“Same problem as Alakazam,” Medicham sighed, “although in Gengar’s case, I’m not sure how much mind there was left to snap.”

“So, how do we get master Len to come out?” asked Caterpie, his eyes shining.

“We bust the door down!” Charizard screamed.
“We tunnel in!” snarled Tyranitar.

“OH SHUT UP!” yelled a distinctly female voice.

The inhabitants of Pokemon Square stepped back, allowing the small, red, octopus-like creature to step forward. “I swear, you men are all alike- tall, strong, handsome, and completely brainless.” Octillery sighed, rolling her eyes. “I can easily get Len to leave that house voluntarily.”

“HOW?” asked the Pokemon, staring at Octillery with mouths wide open.

“Easily.” The octopus replied, and began whispering her plan to Tyranitar and Charizard, who began grinning wildly.

Ten days later, Len and Vicky sat in the base, staring at the hoards outside. “They aren’t going to just go away.” Len muttered angrily. “And we’re out of food in here, except for those nasty protein shakes.”

“Oh, come on- drink up, I’m pretty sure they aren’t poisonous.” Vicky sighed, setting the protein shakes on the small bed that she and her partner were now using as a table.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Len groaned, as he lifted the glass to his bone-encased head.

At the last possible second, a burst of yellow light filled the room, and a certain completely insane fox-like Pokemon appeared on top of the bed, and began flailing about wildly. The protein shakes flew about the room, Len leaped up and clung to a rafter in order to keep himself from being impaled by a spoon, and Vicky hurled herself beneath the mattress, hoping that this fight would soon be over. At the absolute last second, Len leaped from the ceiling, landing directly on the insane Pokemon’s back. “What the heck were you doing!” he bellowed, reaching for his trusty bonemerang.

“Where am I? And why does it smell like fish?” asked Alakazam, who pulled himself to his feet, and began methodically wiping protein shake off of himself.

“Alakazam? You’re back to normal?” Len asked, staring at the fox in front of him with astonishment.

“Nope, not at all! I’m simply attempting to add in one of the mad phrases ACC wanted to put in this fanfic at the very beginning, and couldn’t figure out how to fit in!” Alakazam howled, as he began jabbing at the small electric mouse with his spoon again.

Len quickly bonked Alakazam on the head. “Hey! You nutcase! Who do you think you are, the most insane person in all fanfiction?”

“No, actually, I am only the second most insane. The most insane character in all of fanfiction is the Kadabra from all of those Dannichu fanfictions, of whom my current behavior is really only a mere imitation.” Alakazam replied in a voice that could have passed for Professor Oak’s.

“Um... never read those particular stories. Look, just tell me why the heck you came in here.” Len said, in a voice that suggested that if the speaker was not answered within ten minutes someone would die.

“I came to deliver a message.” Alakazam answered in the “Professor Oak” voice, before teleporting away, leaving a folded scrap of paper on the floor.

Len opened the small piece of paper, hoping it would contain something useful- the number of paragraphs before this idiotic attempt at an insanity fanfic would be over, for instance. Unfortunately, the only words on the paper were “The Matrix STILL has you.”

“Aw....” Len began, as he saw the writing, before arresting himself. “Curses- this is a child-friendly fanfic! I can’t curse!” he yelled, before opening the door of the rescue base. Before any of his adoring fans could surge forward, however, Len launched his bonemerang into them, causing them all to fly off to wherever Mewto went and effectively bringing the fanfiction to its literary conclusion.

Wait- conclusion? That couldn’t be right- I hadn’t finished adding my mad phrases yet! I had to intervene. Almost immediately, I charged out of hiding from behind the rescue base, waving my list of mad phrases at Len. “You idiot! The fanfic isn’t over yet! I still have to write in a few more phrases!” I screeched.

Len simply stared at me. “Who are you,” he asked, “and what is a human wearing a Cubone skull over his head doing in the middle of an MD-based fanfic?”

“Quite simple,” I answered, “I am ACC, the author and the hidden third person of this fan fiction. I have come to tell you that your brainless attack has just brought the fanfic to a premature close! I can’t finish it without you people saying the few remaining phrases on my list!”

“Well hi, ACC, nice to meet you. I’m sure you’ll make an excellent candidate for target practice.” Len replied, heaving his bone at me.

I thought quickly- what could I do? Then it hit me- I was the author. In a flash of inspiration, I quickly edited the paragraph of the story in which Len batted the entire population of Pokemon Square into the stratosphere to read to read that Caterpie had been missed by the attack. The green worm appeared in front of me, only to be hit by the incoming bone and fall to the ground in pain. “Egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg...” he groaned in pain. Oh well- I had never really liked that annoying little worm anyway. Unfortunately, Len was already drawing back his arm for another shot. I thought quickly once again- if only I could finish the story! Yet I knew it would not be possible if I didn’t fit in the other phrases. I quickly pulled out my pen, and wrote in a convenient pedestal, containing a small red button on top, with the words “Do Not Push” on it, and placed Vicky on top. I then crossed my fingers and began to pray that my fanfic would not end with me in the emergency room.

“Hey ACC! Can I ask a question?” yelled Vicky.

I quickly called up “Yes! Please!” hoping against hope.

“I don’t mean to seem materialistic, but if you die, can I have your stereo?” she called.

I slapped my forehead. Admittedly, that was one of the mad phrases, but not the one I had intended. As I dove to the side in order to avoid Len’s throw, I called up “You idiot! You were supposed to say ‘So, if I push this button, does the world blow up?’”

Len stared at me. “I hope that was the last mad phrase- I’m getting tired of this fanfiction.”

I slapped my forehead. I had to think quickly- three phrases were still unwritten, and Len was getting impatient. I debated with myself whether or not to yell all three myself, and just get it over with, but that wouldn’t be nearly funny enough, and I would probably get flamed by bad reviewers. I moaned, wishing I could think of a convenient plot device. Luckily, at that exact moment, Alakazam appeared from nowhere. I stared at him. “Hey, where did you come from? I didn’t write this part!”

“I know,” laughed Alakazam, “but as one of the insane characters of this fanfic, I am allowed to do whatever I want!”

“True- so, do you want to play checkers?” I asked, praying that once again I would be heard.

“No, Joshua- Global Thermonuclear War!” shouted Alakazam, as he teleported away laughing. I sighed with relief- it wouldn’t be too hard to write in the last phrase now, and hopefully, Len would react the way I wanted him too. I quickly grabbed the piece of paper containing Len’s backstory, and wrote in a girlfriend made entirely out of gingerbread, which I conveniently had in my pocket. Removing the small gingerbread Marowak from my pocket, I held it out in front of Len, saying “See this?”

“My girlfriend?” he asked, confused.

“Well, watch!” I shouted, before eating the small gingerbread chunk in a single gulp.

“No! You freak! You ate her!” screeched Len.

I took the opportunity to yell my final phrase before Len could say anything else: “That’s right- I ate your girlfriend. So sue me!”

In that instant, the fanfiction ended, dumping me right back in my bedroom, where I was shocked to find myself surrounded by people in green cloaks. The one in charge pointed at me, and hissed “We are the society of insane fanfic creators- join us...”

“Okay, which one of you is Dannichu?” I promptly replied.

“Dannichu? She’s outside, taking a lunch break. Why? Do you want to thank her for giving you the idea of writing a fanfic centered around twenty random phrases?” asked the leader, pointing.

“Thank her, nothing! I’m going to track her down and MURDER her for indirectly causing me to write a fanfic in which I almost got killed!” I screeched, before leaping over the heads of the insane people and running out the door.

The insane society looked at each other. “Well, at least he’s nuts.” The leader said, shrugging, before a giant tomato appeared out of nowhere and ate them.

THE END


Whoof- that was harder work then I originally thought. You know, I really ought to strangle Dannichu for inadvertantly giving me such a crazy idea... but what the hey. I like the fic anyway. Dannichu, Dragonfree/Butterfree, or any of you people who happen to be friends with Dannichu, know that I give her the utmost respect- and I challenge her to come up with something weirder then the insane society of fanfic writers getting eaten by a tomato.

Excelsior!

x x x x

Alana

I still love this world...

Age 31
Right here
Seen August 7th, 2013
Posted November 14th, 2008
7,159 posts
18.9 Years
...One moment please....ok....*dies laughing* That's the funniest thing I've read in a long time, and I have a friend who was easily convinced that hiccups are caused by the stomach and heart touching. XD I think my favorite quote from the story would have to be either Ryou's wonderful impression of James Bonds or Lucario's interpretation of Mewto.

“And can’t you see that you can’t play Pokemon games on the PSP, you overgrown freakish clone of a cute, pink, brainless kitten!” Lucario screeched in reply, with equal fervor.
Yesh, me likeys very, very much. XD

Now, to make this sound more like a serious review, uh...good grammar, and nice story line and well written and things like that.

Do you plan to write any more...unusual (aka, completely insane) fics any time soon? If so you must let me know! (Also, I'd like to meet other members of the insane society, could you possibly introduce me to a few. :P)

~Reopened~

Spoiler:
Thought you'd see something interesting here, didn't ya? :D


Finally Alyssa spoke again, her eyes locked on the ball in my hand. “That isn’t an ordinary Pokeball. We call it the Soul Ball. The Pokemon inside it is very special. It represents who and what you are at the very deepest level. It is essentially your soul in physical form.”

“My soul,” I whispered, awe struck. “So that’s what you meant by my ‘soul companion’.”
~Faye
It's oh-so s e c r e t l e... ^.^
Seen July 17th, 2008
Posted July 2nd, 2008
266 posts
16.9 Years
This is the randomest, greatest, funniest thing I've ever read since 'Pikachu's Homicidal Journey of Pain, Suffering, and Cap-Wearing Idiots'. xD Just neat. It's a neat idea; makes me want to try it as well! Don't forget that when you continue a sentence from speech, you end the speech with a comma, "So that it's like this," I explained.

Very nice. >w< Be sure to write some more, ah ... different ficlets like this! Better than sugar. c:


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