American Idiots poems

Started by Poet of Darkness April 6th, 2007 2:49 PM
  • 695 views
  • 4 replies
Age 28
The depths of my poetic soul
Seen April 11th, 2007
Posted April 10th, 2007
184 posts
18.7 Years
Hi guys. I just came up with a poem so i was hoping you could read and post a review about it thanks.Hope you like it.

Darkness
my soul drifting in the sea of eternity,
hope, crushed
and then,
light
flooding the darkness of my mind
bringing with it hope
joy
happiness will prevail


Thanks for reading!!!
Check out my awesome
poem(s) under American Idiots Poems


Hantsuki

a little wolf inside a girl

Age 32
Female
A pain in your . . .
Seen June 23rd, 2014
Posted September 9th, 2010
5,469 posts
18.2 Years
It's a rather simplistic poem which I like and it portrays great meaning. I suggest using better placement with the words in each line and punctuating so the reader will know what the flow of the poem feels like. Also, if you want to make this an excellent poem, you should check out a thesaurus and replace common words like: "happiness," "joy," "bringing," etc. with words with more meaning or connotation to get the reader interested. That's just some advice though. It's your choice to take it or not. Otherwise, it's a pretty good poem.

If the world we dreamed of exists anywhere,
let's go look for it, beyond the wind.
Icons made by kotae
MAL
Age 31
Male
Santa Isabel, Mexico
Seen July 7th, 2018
Posted February 2nd, 2016
4,000 posts
18.9 Years
Rather plain and expectable, bears no surprises and a dim yet maybe clichéd meaning. It's kinda ordinary considering it's length and it seems more as a filler. There's an acceptable choice of words, nevertheless, like Hantsuki said, they lack meaning.

I suggest making it longer it to an extent where you could fit in more imagery and so to portray a more certain meaning. People could come up with many interpretations to its depth and it's the best not to always have to explain the work's purpose yourself.

A different, clearer structure is always good.
虎穴に入らずんば虎子を得ず