I enjoyed this. Your writing is nearly perfect in terms of errors. Punctuation and Grammar are small issues here. There were a few errors I caught but nonetheless the story is coming along well. Keep up the good work, fellow writer! :D
Brock pumped his fist into the air, still holding onto the bouquet and felt his vigour surge through him again.
Just added a comma after 'air.'
The chocolates thudded and bumped about in their casing as he moved just like the sound of the drumming of his heart in his ears.
(or you could nix the "s" on chocolates and keep its) In my opinion, the second suggestion I presented to you would be best. As I said previously, this is just one of few minor errors I found.
He turned the corner onto the street he saw her enter and stopped, panting.
Perhaps you could say, "He followed the beautiful woman around the corner onto another street and stopped, panting." Or instead of enter, say "turn onto."
Enter is the wrong word to use here since it implies that there is some sort of opening to pass through, like a door. There is no door. A street is walked
on, not through. Get the idea?
“Miss, you just have to say yes to me!” The pleading in his voice startled even him, but he shook away the desperation and ran even faster (than before), his brown vest flapping behind him as he tried to catch up with his fair lady.
I added in an exclamation after the end of his sentence and a comma after 'him'. Again with the minor errors. Good job staying on your feet here.
Also, I wrote in 'even faster' instead of 'more,' with than before being an optional addition to this change. It's up to what you want.
The waiter returned to give him a glass of water and Brock took it in his hands and examined it, rolling it about in his palms, though (as) he took care not to spill the water.
Either put a comma in the sentence after 'palms,' or substitute in 'as' for the word though. Ok?
Next...and last!
A deep stare into the water revealed a distorted reflection of his appearance, but not being in his normal state of mind, he took it as his true exterior. He thought himself to be extremely homely at that very instant, and felt compelled to believe that was the reason for his rejection.
Well, you got a little mixed up here, but no matter. I shall ride in on my golden stallion and help you! XD
So...anyways, let's get to the point. Aww, poor homely Brock. :P
I think that word was great for the moment and good for molding his saddened character in this scene. Your characterization for this chapter is, as always (in first chapter too), excellent.
I simply added commas after 'appearance' and 'instant.' You did great here, it was just that the sentences seemed a little stretched without being divided by commas.
His state of desolation must have prompted the hands of fate to pity him, thus giving him a chance for joy.
Just a comma (after 'him'), no worries.
Now, I think I'm done...yes, I am. Great job! I'll be looking forward to reading your next installment.