The Lunar Chronicles

Started by Elite 4 Sam May 22nd, 2007 5:33 PM
  • 609 views
  • 4 replies
Age 27
Male
Training in Iron Island
Seen January 17th, 2011
Posted January 2nd, 2010
115 posts
16 Years
Moon Phase 1: Night of the Cresent Moon!

Sam was walking to his house in Canalve City, when all of a sudden he saw a pink blur dash past him. He turned around to see a Pokemon of such rarity, a baby Cressilia! With the Cressilia looking frightning, Sam walked over and petted it. After a while the baby Cressilia started to follow Sam. Then, a baby Darkrai appeared out of the shadows and it was following Sam's best friend, Issac! " What a surprise! We both found a baby legendary Pokemon!" said Issac excitidly. "Then we'll just have to battle!" said Sam. "Alright Cressilia, Confusion!"
But it had no effect! "Now Darkrai, use Disable!" commanded Issac. Now with Cressilia unable to attack, how will Sam win?

To be continued...
Hard as nails, Steel Prevails!


My shinies are legit!

Alana

I still love this world...

Age 31
Right here
Seen August 7th, 2013
Posted November 14th, 2008
7,159 posts
18.9 Years
I'm afraid this doesn't qualify as a fic. It's a paragraph of random events. You have to make it at least two pages long or the mods are going to close this the moment they see it.

Some advice. Use lots of description. Describe the characters, the landscape, and the Pokemon as well as the events. Adjectives are your friends for scenes like the frightened baby Cresselia (which only has one i) and such. Also, change paragraphs when you change speakers. Make things exciting and spend more time on each event.

Also, perhaps describe how Issac came into the picture. You've at least got where Sam was coming from but Issac just appeared randomly. Perhaps don't start the story off with the two boys finding baby legendary Pokemon (which aren't supposed to exist.) Remember that legendaries aren't supposed to breed, though of course that's pretty ridiculous because the species haven't died out yet. Still, it's something to bare in mind.

Follow those suggestions for lengths sake so that your fic isn't closed and discarded and then work on other things like making the plot more interesting and a little less cliche. ^_^

~Reopened~

Spoiler:
Thought you'd see something interesting here, didn't ya? :D


Finally Alyssa spoke again, her eyes locked on the ball in my hand. “That isn’t an ordinary Pokeball. We call it the Soul Ball. The Pokemon inside it is very special. It represents who and what you are at the very deepest level. It is essentially your soul in physical form.”

“My soul,” I whispered, awe struck. “So that’s what you meant by my ‘soul companion’.”
~Faye

Alana

I still love this world...

Age 31
Right here
Seen August 7th, 2013
Posted November 14th, 2008
7,159 posts
18.9 Years
-_- I think you missed the point. Your post is too short. I'm not going to report this thread unless something isn't done but I can guarantee someone else will.

~Reopened~

Spoiler:
Thought you'd see something interesting here, didn't ya? :D


Finally Alyssa spoke again, her eyes locked on the ball in my hand. “That isn’t an ordinary Pokeball. We call it the Soul Ball. The Pokemon inside it is very special. It represents who and what you are at the very deepest level. It is essentially your soul in physical form.”

“My soul,” I whispered, awe struck. “So that’s what you meant by my ‘soul companion’.”
~Faye
In a House
Seen March 20th, 2016
Posted January 22nd, 2010
1,823 posts
16.6 Years
Yup, they will. I'm reporting this in exactly.... roughly 12 hours, if able. You have that much time to turn this fic around.

Mistake Number One: Legendary Pokemon, especially creepy ones like Darkrai, do not leave random babies around for trainers to pick up. If trainers did find babies, Mommy and Daddy would eat the trainer. I'm sorry, but that's just how it works.

Mistake Number Two: Lugia breeds, but only under incredibly rare circumstances, which explains its rarity. Darkrai and the other legendaries, I'm willing to bet, are no different. Which means the odds of TWO babies being found by two people who happen to be friends are negligible.

Mistake Number Three: As Alana said, four sentences a fanfic does not make.

If you're going to get angry at us, just remember, a critic is supposed to be harsh. Frankly, I'm fairly sure that I'm not harsh enough sometimes. I like certain fics too much to be mean enough to the writers.

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