Pokemon: Time Warp-ed

Started by Sweet Candace June 25th, 2007 2:09 PM
  • 739 views
  • 5 replies

Sweet Candace

So Awesome! /)^ɛ^(\

Age 30
Male
Somewhere; maybe over a rainbow.
Seen August 26th, 2012
Posted August 20th, 2012
5,282 posts
16.1 Years
This is a fan-fic movie involving the Anime.

List of Characters:
Ash
Pikachu
Brock
Dawn
May

Prolouge

Ash and the gang were led into a dark room. A scientist clicked on the light and a giant timewarp machine appeared. As they stepped closer to the machine, the machine malfunctioned, sucking everyone into the machine ! The time warp sent them back 2 million years ! Will the be able to survive and be able to come back to the present, or be stuck in the past forever ? Find out !
In a House
Seen March 20th, 2016
Posted January 22nd, 2010
1,823 posts
16.6 Years
Interesting concept? Maybe. Depends on who you're talking to. Prologue so short that it doesn't count as a prologue? Oh yeah. Dialogue, description of characters, motives, places, etc. at minimum? Oh yes. If writing fanfictions that completely drop below my expectations was a crime, you, sir, would be convicted. [/Simon Cowell]

I'd really like to help you out by saying what a great job you're doing, but the fact is, you aren't. Your prologue needs descriptions of all of the characters, regardless of whether we know what they look like before reading the story or not, much greater length, at least two pages worth in a word document, and some dialogue. In fact, expand it even more, and the events in this prologue could be placed in a chapter one instead.

Let me give you an example of what I mean. (If you copy this, I swear by Arceus the nonexistent that I will dissect and then kill you, in that order.)

The teenager stepped closer to the strange machine, and began examining it skeptically. Wires stuck out at odd angles, colored lights flashed on and off, screens buzzed with static, pipes ran out into the silver walls, and in the center, a large, glowing chamber stood. "So, professor," he asked quizzically, "Do you think this machine will really work?"

The proffessor, an older man in about his mid-forties, straightened up from the computer terminal he had been typing at. His brown hair was rumpled and untidy, as were the white lab coat and black pants he wore. He adjusted his glasses, which seemed a bit bigger then they should have been, and nodded. "Yes," he replied, in a thin reedy voice. "Yes, this time I believe I've finally got it right."

"Awesome!" The teenager replied, pumping his fist, which was covered by a black, fingerless glove. "I can't believe I'm going to be the first person to travel through time!"

"Now, now Ash," the proffessor cautioned, his eyes narrowed. "It isn't a good idea to test the machine with a human or a Pokemon yet. First, I want to test something." Humming a slight tune, the proffessor began twiddling dials and flicking switches.

"Aw, I wanted to test it right away!" Ash complained, as he allowed his fist to drop to his side. Ash was about the normal height of a boy his age, and his thick crop of black hair was hidden beneath the red baseball cap he wore. His other attire included a blue vest, a darker blue undershirt, and a standard pair of blue jeans....



You get the point, I presume?

x x x x

SkywolfDragon

"Now, let's see how you dance!

Age 28
Lumina Cloth
Seen January 13th, 2009
Posted December 10th, 2008
47 posts
16 Years
I did. I see what your doing now
Anger and hate are supreme......


Any tree can drop an apple. I'll drop the freaking moon.
Any sound can shake the air. My voice shakes the heart!

Name: Sho Minamimoto
Age: 18
Noise form: Leo Cantus
Classification : High-ranking Officer, Game Master
Nicknames: Pi-Face, The Grim Heaper, Tabooty, Dr. Pin (In Another Day chapter)

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