I really really really need to stop sleeping during the day...
So, your fanfic has improved from the last I saw it, but there are a few things that need to be fixed still.
First of all, good choice on making your main character an already established Pokemon trainer. It's different from the new trainer that I've seen many times before.
As I said before, your story still needs some help. One of the main things that you can improve on is grammar. Good grammar is one of the main tools that a writer can have. Yes, I know that the English language is a difficult one to learn. But hey, that's why we're here. To give some help.
One of the best things that you can do is get yourself some sort of word processing program. These programs come with a spell-checker, to catch those misspelled words. Also, another wonderful thing about word processing programs is that you can save your chapter to work on it for as long as you think you need to, thus making it as perfect as you can get it.
Why is this important? Because you should never ever post a story that was written in an hour and not proof-read. It shows in some sort of mistake. Yes, some people can write a story in an hour, but they also go back and proof-read it to catch mistakes that they might have made, or add in a few scenes, or delete a few things. This way, they know that when they post a story, the readers are seeing the best that the writer can do. It might not be perfect. That's what reviewers are for, to tell you what needs improved.
So now let me help you out a bit with writing dialogue in a grammatically correct way. I'll show by example, because I find that it's easier on you to see how it's done. Plus, I have trouble explaining it.
Originally Posted by from you
"Why is it that you always have to complain, your like an old woman." Joked Sabrina.
Originally Posted by an example
"Why is it that you always have to complain?
You're like an old woman
,"
joked Sabrina.
I bolded the things that need to be explained.
"You're" is the contraction for "you are". "Your" is the possessive. Examples: "You're a strange little person!" "I stole your hat!"
When you have a dialogue tag, such as "joked Sabrina", the punctuation that goes in the quotation marks is a comma. This doesn't include question marks or exclamation points. So it's only for full stops. And since the dialogue tag is a continuation of the sentence, it remains uncapitalized.
Grammar is a confusing thing, so I understand if you don't get it right away. What you can do is practice writing and correcting as you go. Another way to pick up grammar is by reading a lot! By reading, either novels or other fanfiction, you can see how things are done. (Not just grammar-wise, but other things like description.)
Ah yes...description. You also need to have some more description. A good place to start is with the Pokemon battle. What does Gastrodon look like, or Torkoal, or anyone of the other Pokemon? What do the attacks look like? How do the Pokemon move when they use the attacks? What about the trainers as they command their Pokemon? What do the trainers feel?
At least try to answer these questions when you are writing a Pokemon battle. But on the other hand, don't go overboard with description! Just keep it on the simple side.
I think that covers it. If you ever need any more help or advice, check out the
Basic Pokemon Writing FAQ v1.0. It's full of good advice that could prove helpful as you continue to write.
Good luck to you!