Pokemon goes to school Page 2

Started by Pikachu Jr June 30th, 2007 3:37 PM
  • 7334 views
  • 52 replies

Lily

◕ ‿‿ ◕ double rainbow.

Female
New Joisey
Seen February 26th, 2017
Posted June 26th, 2011
3,329 posts
18.7 Years
Good grief calm down! =S, wow... We going way off topic anyway so lets just stop. Just trying to get people to help thats all instead of running him down.....
I love ya, too. <3 =D
Friggin' character limit.
Carry on.

( ‿‿ ) PM me for a contract.
Seen September 18th, 2007
Posted September 12th, 2007
100 posts
15.7 Years
I dont really know what to say. I'd say its got a decent story but could be improved on. I'm 11 too and pratice really does help, reading other books is a great thing to do. Dont be disappointed, when I started out I was far more run down than you. With long practice, reading other books you'll become a brillaint writer.

Believe in yourself dont give up on writing- Googlebug.
I hvee a vrey ood sgianutrae. I am minkag tihs vrey hrad to raed. Oh wlel. I wlel udpteaa tihs ltaer. Ltaer is now. So I am udptaanig tihs now. If you can raed tihs tehn put it itno yuor sgianutrae or else. Olny fftiy fvie preecnt of poelpe can raed tihs. So if you can raed this do waht I say or lkie I say or esle.
http://z11.invisionfree.com/The_Three_Musketeers/index.php
Age 28
Un-here land.
Seen August 6th, 2008
Posted August 6th, 2008
659 posts
15.9 Years
Seriously, I'm 12(almost 13) and I write way better than it though. I'm not trying to flame anyone, but I'm just saying. All you have to do is practice, and you'll do good. Really good. So age doesn't matter.
For those of you who aren't total idiots, You'll probably know me from Netbattle. Yes it is the one and only Vash the Stampede, I was going to post to some pathetic whiner complaining about how much life sucks. Reality check... LIFE ALWAYS SUCKS! For those who don't know me, well I don't care about you. But i won't mind crushing children's ideals on pokemon with my totally sarcastic views on life. Some of you may be wondering "Why does he call himself 'God the stampede?'", simple I AM GOD!
On a side note I realize some of you may grow to hate me, or even hate me now. Please continue for your opinions of me matter as much as a hill of **** to anyone who matters and since no one but ME matters thats no one.
Hmmm alittle bit about myself.. Well.... I'm one of a dying breed. That is the Netbattle Troller. Most of you inbred losers'll come to realize this if my post of truth doesn't get me expelled from this place. I also hate morons. Oh and Brazillians for various reasons to numerous to mention in one post. Well I'm not going to continue to rant and rave about how much I'm better than 95% of you drones. We'll see what happens in the next few days.
Hello, welcome to the community, by the way my name is Alex.
Lol yes, I've still left.
Seen September 18th, 2007
Posted September 12th, 2007
100 posts
15.7 Years
I totally agree with Woody Mcwoot. Age dpsnt matter. Practice, time, proof reading. It all pays off. Now go do us proud and write a great story!- Googlebug.
I hvee a vrey ood sgianutrae. I am minkag tihs vrey hrad to raed. Oh wlel. I wlel udpteaa tihs ltaer. Ltaer is now. So I am udptaanig tihs now. If you can raed tihs tehn put it itno yuor sgianutrae or else. Olny fftiy fvie preecnt of poelpe can raed tihs. So if you can raed this do waht I say or lkie I say or esle.
http://z11.invisionfree.com/The_Three_Musketeers/index.php
Age 28
Un-here land.
Seen August 6th, 2008
Posted August 6th, 2008
659 posts
15.9 Years
Dude.. it's Wooty. W.. O.. O.. T.. Y. ._.
For those of you who aren't total idiots, You'll probably know me from Netbattle. Yes it is the one and only Vash the Stampede, I was going to post to some pathetic whiner complaining about how much life sucks. Reality check... LIFE ALWAYS SUCKS! For those who don't know me, well I don't care about you. But i won't mind crushing children's ideals on pokemon with my totally sarcastic views on life. Some of you may be wondering "Why does he call himself 'God the stampede?'", simple I AM GOD!
On a side note I realize some of you may grow to hate me, or even hate me now. Please continue for your opinions of me matter as much as a hill of **** to anyone who matters and since no one but ME matters thats no one.
Hmmm alittle bit about myself.. Well.... I'm one of a dying breed. That is the Netbattle Troller. Most of you inbred losers'll come to realize this if my post of truth doesn't get me expelled from this place. I also hate morons. Oh and Brazillians for various reasons to numerous to mention in one post. Well I'm not going to continue to rant and rave about how much I'm better than 95% of you drones. We'll see what happens in the next few days.
Hello, welcome to the community, by the way my name is Alex.
Lol yes, I've still left.
Seen September 18th, 2007
Posted September 12th, 2007
100 posts
15.7 Years
Yeh I made a typo, no need to lay into me. (my ts are very close to my ds) Anyways ON the subject you follow everyones advice and I'll keep reading to see how you'll improve. Dont expect to get better in a day, but take your time and you'll see just as much as we will.-Googlebug.
I hvee a vrey ood sgianutrae. I am minkag tihs vrey hrad to raed. Oh wlel. I wlel udpteaa tihs ltaer. Ltaer is now. So I am udptaanig tihs now. If you can raed tihs tehn put it itno yuor sgianutrae or else. Olny fftiy fvie preecnt of poelpe can raed tihs. So if you can raed this do waht I say or lkie I say or esle.
http://z11.invisionfree.com/The_Three_Musketeers/index.php
Age 28
Un-here land.
Seen August 6th, 2008
Posted August 6th, 2008
659 posts
15.9 Years
Meh, it was because two people did it in a row. >_>
For those of you who aren't total idiots, You'll probably know me from Netbattle. Yes it is the one and only Vash the Stampede, I was going to post to some pathetic whiner complaining about how much life sucks. Reality check... LIFE ALWAYS SUCKS! For those who don't know me, well I don't care about you. But i won't mind crushing children's ideals on pokemon with my totally sarcastic views on life. Some of you may be wondering "Why does he call himself 'God the stampede?'", simple I AM GOD!
On a side note I realize some of you may grow to hate me, or even hate me now. Please continue for your opinions of me matter as much as a hill of **** to anyone who matters and since no one but ME matters thats no one.
Hmmm alittle bit about myself.. Well.... I'm one of a dying breed. That is the Netbattle Troller. Most of you inbred losers'll come to realize this if my post of truth doesn't get me expelled from this place. I also hate morons. Oh and Brazillians for various reasons to numerous to mention in one post. Well I'm not going to continue to rant and rave about how much I'm better than 95% of you drones. We'll see what happens in the next few days.
Hello, welcome to the community, by the way my name is Alex.
Lol yes, I've still left.

Gulpin

poisonous

Male
Seen January 16th, 2017
Posted November 25th, 2016
3,270 posts
16.7 Years
I'm so sorry guys, It's just that, Im' only 11 years old, and Im' not really good with my grammer and Putiation. And I can't write THAT long, because I get tired. Somtimes I rush trough a chapter so I can have time to do want I want to do. And I can't ask my Mom to help me, beacuse she's to busy. She says she will try to help me this saturday or sunday. Anyway Again, Im' SO sorry. Please forgive me! PLEASE!
Hey! I'm elven too, but as long as you LISTEN to what you Grammar/Spelling/English teacher says writing will actually come to you MUCH more easily. In grade five I was the worst writer in my class! But now that I listened to her, I became better, and eventualy I was her most prized student. And after I listened that grade went from like C all the way to A. And if you don't have enough time or patience to write a whole chapter at once, just come back and edit it.

By the way, the writing process helps A LOT!
Prewriting, Drafting, Revising, Editing, Publishing.
Just PM me for any help or possibly ideas!
< < < I know you want these lumps
Eating your snacks.
Seen June 21st, 2008
Posted May 11th, 2008
39 posts
15.9 Years
Alright, I am fianaly countinuing my Fan Fic, but before I start I need to say one thing, one single thing! If this Fan Fic still needs some improvment, please don't say, "Your still ignoring reviews" or somthing like that. I am trying the best I can, oh BTW, I am not trying to command you of not saying "Your still ignoring reviews". It's up to you guys if you want to say it not me. Anyway, here we go!

Pikachu started to open unfold the envolope, and pulled out of sheet of paper. "What does it say?" Asked Turtwig in a censerned. Pikachu started to read the letter. " Dear Pikachu and friends, you may not know who I am but that doesn't matter. I want Piplup to meet me at recess, I need to tell him somthing important. From, ???."

Pikachu put down the letter away from his face. " Who would write a mysterious letter with three question marks at the end?" Asked Pikachu. " I have no idea," Replied Piplup, thinking about his name on the letter. " Anyway, we don't know if this is a good idea to meet this guy at recess." Said Turtwig, looking at Pikachu. " It could be a trap." Replied Pikachu.

Pikachu, Turtwig, and Piplup both stood there in the middle of the hallway, quietly thinking about the mysterious letter. While they were thinking the School bell interupted them. " Well, I guees it's time to go to Art Class." Said Piplup still worried about the letter. " We'll talk about the letter once it's time for recess." Suggested Piikachu, pulling out the books from his locker. "Ok then." Both said Piplup and Turtwig. Pikachu started walking towards Art Class.

Piplup and Turtwig began to walking up to they're locker and dialing they're locker number. Once they were done, they opened the doors and pulled out some books. Piplup and turtwig started to follow Pikachu to Art Class.

Gengar appered from the shadows, and made a large, evil grin on his face. " Just you wait Piplup I'll have my revenge soon enough." Gengar started to laugh like a manic. to be countinued...
Pie!

Hey, what's your Wii friend code? Message me if you want to tell me. Then I'll message my friend code to you! I'm very lonley...:'(
Age 36
Seen 17 Hours Ago
Posted 2 Days Ago
Okay, everyone needs to stop with the insulting comments. You might think that you are all wonderful because you're so much older and mature but you aren't showing it. Next time, why don't you actually think before hitting that "Submit Reply" button and realize that there's a human being reading your posts. It doesn't matter what the age is that's on your screen. We all deserve to be treated with respect.

Never tell someone to just stop writing. It's harsh and cruel. How would you like it if everyone told you when you first tried something and didn't do a good job to just give up? Yeah, you would probably feel pretty horrible.

I want to see some respectful reviews in this thread, that actually help Pikachu Jr and not hurt him. We all start off at different levels with talents. But that is no reason to insult everyone you think is below you.

Pikachu Jr, I apologize for all this that you received. It's not fair. To make it up to you, I'll give you a helpful review the first chance I get. I'm also going to move this to the Revision Bin, where there are people willing to help you out.

Good luck to you. And don't give up. That's the worst thing you can do, because then you won't get better at what you want to try. ^^

Avatar credit: Fairy
Age 28
Male
NY
Seen January 29th, 2014
Posted January 14th, 2014
1,290 posts
15.8 Years
Wow is this thread spammed up with flames. That's two for the price of one! Yay! Seriously guys, let's all just...be...nice. Pikachu Jr., I'm in a good mood today so here is what I am going to do, I am going to take your chapter one, make it grammaticlly correct, and then you can just copy what I wrote, hit the edit button on your first post, delete what you have, and paste on what I wrote. Got it? Okay.

Pokemon goes to school: Season 1
Chapter 1: Hellooooooo new school!
In this wonderful Pokemon world there's these three nice pokemon called Turtwig, Piplup and their leader, Pikachu. They live in the number one most voted town pokemon paradise. They've been best friends since preschool. Right now they were at home having fun. As you can see, it was the last day of summer. Just about now, Piplup and Turtwig were walking to Pikachu's house. Piplup then knocked on Pikachu's door. Pikachu answered the door.

"Happy last day of summer Pikachu!" Piplup said.

"Thanks! Pikachu, come on in!" Pikachu said.

When Pikachu let turtwig and piplup inside, he walked them to his room.

"Oh hi Piplup and turtwig!" Pikachu's Mom perked, as Pikachu led both Piplup and turtwig towards his room.

"Ms.Pikachu's mom!" Piplup and Turtwig exclaimed in Unison, surprised as her sudden appearance.

"Where are your taking your friends pikachu?" Pikachu's mom questioned.

"To my room, of coarse Mom," said Pikachu

"Oh, but before you go, would you like some freshly baked Poke blocks?" Ms. Pikachu asked.

"No thanks!" Turtwig, Piplup and Pikachu said in unison.

Pikachu continued walking up stairs. Once he opened his door he pullled a box from under his bed. It had only school supplies in it.

"Wow! thats a lot of school supplies," Piplup said.

"Thanks! You got to take the best school stuff on the first day of school!" Pikachu happily exclaimed.

"Yeah, I guess your right," Turtwig said.

"I wonder if we're in the same classroom," Pikachu wondered.

"Don't remind me," Turtwig said.

"Sorry," Pikachu said.

"Well see you guys tommorow!" Turtwig exclaimed.

"Bye!" Piplup and Turtwig said together

"Bye!" Pikachu exclaimed.

As soon as piplup and turtwig left pikachu's room pikachu jumped into bed and turtwig, pikachu, and Piplp both said hope you have a nice day at school.

Chapter 2 coming soon! And now a sneak peak of chapter 2! It smeems on the 1st day of school piplups late! Piplup: {looks at clock.] on no! im' late for school!
Not to sound rude or anything, but this isn't a very good fanfic. You need a ton of more description because you have nearly none. This is the format that you should be writing. I'm not going to spoon feed everything to you, but I just decided to give you a help with the grammar. You really need to rewrite everything you have, being sure to give it the following:

1) description.
2) correct grammar and punctuation
3) longer chapters
Why, Yes
Chris Martin is my avatar.

Safari Type: Ghost
Shuppet, Dusclops, Phantump
PM for FC
Age 28
Male
NY
Seen January 29th, 2014
Posted January 14th, 2014
1,290 posts
15.8 Years
I'm glad I put a smile to your face, but you completely ignored my rewrite for you. How do you expect this FF to get out of the RB if you disregaurd what is being given to you?
Why, Yes
Chris Martin is my avatar.

Safari Type: Ghost
Shuppet, Dusclops, Phantump
PM for FC
Eating your snacks.
Seen June 21st, 2008
Posted May 11th, 2008
39 posts
15.9 Years
Hey, I can't help it if my Teacher gives me homework to do! That's why I haven't posted in my Fanfic a while. I was busy doing my homework.
Pie!

Hey, what's your Wii friend code? Message me if you want to tell me. Then I'll message my friend code to you! I'm very lonley...:'(
Seen January 1st, 2023
Posted April 20th, 2020
4,423 posts
15.4 Years
I was granted permission from the great Hanako Tabris herself to review this, seeing as it's all alone, in need of help.

Pokemon goes to school: Season 1
Chapter 1: Hellooooooo new school!
In this wonderful Pokemon world there's these three nice pokemon called Turtwig, Piplup and their leader, Pikachu. They live in the number one most voted town pokemon paradise. They've been best friends since preschool. Right now they were at home having fun. As you can see, it was the last day of summer. Just about now, Piplup and Turtwig were walking to Pikachu's house. Piplup then knocked on Pikachu's door. Pikachu answered the door.

"Happy last day of summer Pikachu!" Piplup said.

"Thanks! Pikachu, come on in!" Pikachu said.

When Pikachu let turtwig and piplup inside, he walked them to his room.

"Oh hi Piplup and turtwig!" Pikachu's Mom perked, as Pikachu led both Piplup and turtwig towards his room.

"Ms.Pikachu's mom!" Piplup and Turtwig exclaimed in Unison, surprised as her sudden appearance.

"Where are your taking your friends pikachu?" Pikachu's mom questioned.

"To my room, of coarse Mom," said Pikachu

"Oh, but before you go, would you like some freshly baked Poke blocks?" Ms. Pikachu asked.

"No thanks!" Turtwig, Piplup and Pikachu said in unison.

Pikachu continued walking up stairs. Once he opened his door he pullled a box from under his bed. It had only school supplies in it.

"Wow! thats a lot of school supplies," Piplup said.

"Thanks! You got to take the best school stuff on the first day of school!" Pikachu happily exclaimed.

"Yeah, I guess your right," Turtwig said.

"I wonder if we're in the same classroom," Pikachu wondered.

"Don't remind me," Turtwig said.

"Sorry," Pikachu said.

"Well see you guys tommorow!" Turtwig exclaimed.

"Bye!" Piplup and Turtwig said together

"Bye!" Pikachu exclaimed.

As soon as piplup and turtwig left pikachu's room pikachu jumped into bed and turtwig, pikachu, and Piplp both said hope you have a nice day at school.

Chapter 2 coming soon! And now a sneak peak of chapter 2! It smeems on the 1st day of school piplups late! Piplup: {looks at clock.] on no! im' late for school!
Okay... Now, please explain, why, in nearly two months time, you haven't been able to do the simple command of copying and pasting that into your first post?

So... anyone else got new ideas to help me in my story?
In all fairness, even if giving you ideas for your story was the right thing to do, which it isn't, and which no one would probably do because you have ignored basically all posts within this thread except for your own.

It's your story, you do what you want to do with it... Never ask the fans what they want you to do with it, that just causes SPAM, and, most importantly, a bad fan fiction that probably won't make any sense. I advise you to pretend you never made that comment.

Chapter 2: Late,Late,Late!
You know, the space button was created for a reason:

Chapter Two: Late, Late, Late!
It was a beutiful morning at Pokemon town on the first day of School.
Mispelled 'beautiful'. Should be a capital on 'Town'.

Meanwhile, Piplup was still sleeping in his bed, Intill his alarm clock ringed.
You mean he was sleeping in his bed, until his alarm clock rang?

Piplup then pushed the button after a few seconds.
The 'then' isn't really needed.

Piplup tirdley got out of his bed, and then into his bathroom.
I'll take it you mean 'Tiredly', and that once he got out of his bed, he went to the bathroom.

Piplup then put some toothpaste on his toothbrush.
Yet again, leave out the 'then'... That rhymes.

then he dicided to look at the clock.
Then he looked at the clock?

Piplup:[Still tired.] Oh....it's only 4:00...
Um... Script equals no in this lifetime, sorry buddy:

Piplup looked up at the clock, he was still tired. "Oh, it's only four O' Clock."
Piplup ten started to brush his teeth, intill he quickly looked at the clock agian.
I think you mean he 'then' started to brush his teeth, 'until' he looked up at the clock 'again'.

Piplup threw his toothbrush and toothpate,and zoomed to his backpack.
Where did he throw his toothbrush and 'toothpaste', may I ask? And where was his bag that he zoomed over to?

Piplup then headed downstairs for the door.
Your first proper sentence today.

Piplup's Mom: Have a nice day at school sweetie.
Scripting = no.

"Have a nice day at school, sweetie." Piplup's mum said.
Piplup: Yeah,Ok Mom!
"Yeah, okay Mom!" Piplup said as he opened the door to see the bus drive off down the street without him.

Piplup: Hey,Wait up! Aw...crud...
"Hey!" Piplup shouted at the bus. "Wait up! Aw... Crud...

Then Piplup saw Pikachu and Turtwig running to him.
Okay, fair enough.

Turtwig: aw man, we missed it to.
"Oh man, we missed it 'too,'" Turtwig groaned.

Piplup: What?! You missed it too?
Piplup was gobsmacked. "What? You missed it too?"

Pikachu: Yeah! So how are we going to go to School now?
"Yeah!" Pikachu told him. "So how are we going to get to school now?"

Piplup: Hmmmm...Oh I know! Turtwig, use your vine whip on the road!
Piplup muttered to himself for a few seconds before saying; "I know! Turtwig, use Vine Whip on the road!"

Turtwig: Uh....ok....
Turtwig was confused, "Okay..."

Piplup: Now use those vines to lift your body up.
"Now use you vines to lift your body up!" Pikachu commanded.

Pikachu: Piplup are you sure you know what your doing?
Piplup, are you sure you know what you're doing?" Pikachu asked.

Piplup: Trust me Pikachu.
"Trust me," Piplup replied.

Piplup: Piplup then grabed Pikachu and hopped on Turtwig's back.
Piplup grabbed Pikachu and hopped on Turtwig's back.

Piplup: Now use your vines to run after that bus!
"Now use your vines to help us catch up with the bus!" Piplup shouted.

Turtwig: Ok! Piplup:Hang on Pikachu! Turtwig then ran after the bus as quickly as possible.
Turtwig nodded, "okay, Piplup. Hang on, Pikachu!" Turtwig ran after the bus at full speed.

My Mom said I have to stop , But i'll write more, Sorry!
Um... Right... Don't break flow like that.

Okay, a few pointers:

1). Description, and beleive me, you need a lot of it. What's a Piplup, and a Turtwig, and a Pikachu? You could've at least said a blue penquin, a dog made of grass, and a yellow mouse.

2). When you're writing, use speech marks: " and ", instead of your script way, which makes it extremely hard to read.

3). When you move onto a new paragraph, or a someone begins to speak, hit the enter button twice.

4). Write this out on Microsoft Word, it'll correct your spelling mistakes and will help make this look more professional.

5). If someone does out your chapter for you, don't ignore it, copy and paste it.

6). Make the character's more believable, right now, none of them have personality... They're all robots.

7). Age means nothing, I mean that... You can write brilliantly if you put effort into it.

There are more things to add, but we'll touch on those later.

So, if you listen to the reviewers, who are only here to help, and get your grammar sorted out, this fan fiction will find it's way out of the Revision Bin in no time at all.

So, work on all of that, and I'll be looking forward to the next installment!
'It's been a prevalent notion. Fallen sparks. Fragments of vessels broken at the Creation. And someday, somehow, before the end, a gathering back to home. A messenger from the Kingdom, arriving at the last moment. But I tell you there is no such message, no such home -- only the millions of last moments . . . nothing more. Our history is an aggregate of last moments.'
Seen January 1st, 2023
Posted April 20th, 2020
4,423 posts
15.4 Years
From the post date on Scythekid's post, you had more than a month to do so; what are your comments on this shocking development?
'It's been a prevalent notion. Fallen sparks. Fragments of vessels broken at the Creation. And someday, somehow, before the end, a gathering back to home. A messenger from the Kingdom, arriving at the last moment. But I tell you there is no such message, no such home -- only the millions of last moments . . . nothing more. Our history is an aggregate of last moments.'