My group: Werg. Why are all you people's posting so well? xD This is good, that I have to pick apart your posts to find an error~ <3 Now, lezz nawt forget to post like this outside of class, kaykies? ;<
I should do well to follow my own advice too. *the laziness! It BURNZ.*
Also... let's take into account that until you get yourselves to Sanza's office, my character is unable to go anywhere or do anything. ;<
Chibi-chan: Hokay, I return with edit-ness.
With a slight jaw dropping stare, she watched was her future teacher and her clicky-clacky shoes walked out of her seat and out of the auditorium.
She watched was her future teacher? Whut? ^^;;
Just as she was deciding to set as a pace for herself when she saw a kids a bit younger than her asking directions to the same class she was headed to.
Just as she was deciding to set as a pace for herself... Again, whut? xDD;
Wow, your some kid, hahaha."
"You're"
Illya wondered if she'd even be heard but hey, if he wanted to be there first, good luck to him.
Even
been heard.
By the way, I missed it by three days since I don't ever visit the Celebrations thread unless I'm opted to by someone else, but I noticed that it was your birthday! :O HAPPY BURDDAY GUUD LAYDEE. *shot* JOO GET HAPPEE CRITICIZUMZ FRUM MII. *shotshot*
Shadow_Yue: I shall re-read your post too, but I already pointed out something in the last post.
Tamilia Gandrealas sat on the soft , comfortable grass, inhaling the scent of the ocean water.
You don't need a space before a comma, though I'm sure that was just a slip of the thumb, since the next comma doesn't have a space.
I hate grass. It's prickly and uncomfortable and itchy.
It was one of her favorite past times , and she had felt particularly good this morning.
Oops, here we go again. Space in front of the comma. :< You do this a few more times throughout your post. Try not to add that extra space next time~
Even though she woke up really early she still felt like she had gotten all the sleep in the world.
Even though she woke up really early [comma] she still felt like…
A pause would be called for in that situation. <3
Though something was bothering her, Tamilia couldn't place her finger on it but something was amiss.
Mmm, that sounds really weird. Though something was bothering her, Tamilia couldn't place her finger on it. Something was amiss.
That sounds a little smoother, that 'but' seems to kind of stick out.
Tamilia said falling back on to the grass she had grown to love so much.
Am I just a comma freak? Tamilia said [comma] falling back…
Other teachers, please correct me if I'm being overobsessive with comma's again. xP
Tamilia then abruptly sat up not being able to be comfortable on the grass anymore.
Tamilia then abruptly sat up [comma] not being able to… (I can't help but feel that either I'm assigning too many comma's, or you're not assigning enough. I'm leaning towards the foremost suggestion.)
" Hey sis you're gonna be late!" Her brother called from the door of their house, a sense of tease in his voice
"Hey sis, you're" or "Hey, sis you're"
Tamilia jumped up so fast she nearly scraped 3 feet of grass off the ground. She nearly crashed through their front door to get to the kitchen which is where the clock hung above the sink.
Tamilia jumped up so fast she nearly scraped 3 feet of grass off the ground, nearly crashing through the front door to get to the kitchen. There, hanging above the sink, was the [color of clock] clock.
It gives a little more description, it flows a little better. Combining little sentences when the smaller ones aren't being used for effect is good, it makes it easier to read and less bumpy.
You need to capitalize abbreviations. :3 You have other instances too, but I'm not going to point them all out otherwise this post is going to stretch on forever.
" Oh no! I'm going to be so late!" Tamilia said now rushing past the door that was now slammed shut.
It's not a major issue, but you could've used a more colorful word rather then 'said' in this instance. Like, 'cried' or 'screeched' or 'moaned' or something. 'Said' is a little bland when your character is hectic.
Tamilia said now completely relaxed as if her being late on her first day wasn't that bad.
Tamilia said, now completely relaxed…
You seem to have a problem with comma's. When you're typing a sentence, try saying it in your head. Wherever you pause, you add a comma.
Does it sound better like: Tamilia-said-now-completely-relaxed, where you don't pause and take a breath at all? If you take music, I like to say, there's a reason breath marks look like comma's. ;3
When she had finally arrived at her destination she noticed that the grounds were still crowded with students.
Destination [comma] she noticed.
Tamilia said now strolling through to the auditorium. " Our clock must be busted or something," she laughed as she glanced at the clock in the hallway.
Tamilia said [comma].
Also, the period after auditorium should be a comma, since your character is continuing what she was saying earlier. Thus, it's still the same sentence. Also, you don't need that space between the quotation and 'Our'.
Also…. Said said said said said said said. :/ I think I make my point clear.
Tamilia was now so confused that she had to sit down and rest her head. She felt tired now and had to fight the urge to fall asleep in her chair.
Mmm, by saying 'now' twice is sounds awfully strange. You could combine both tired and confused into one sentence like so:
"Tamilia was now so confused that she had to sit down and rest her head, tired and fighting the urge to fall asleep in her chair"
Or something to that extent.
"Sanzatelane, hey I pronounced it on the first try,"
Yay! You fixed the spelling error! "Sanzatelane. Hey, I pronounced it on the first try," Or something like that. You needed a pause after hey.
And it'd be good if you had a thesaurus open to 'said'. It'll help.
Chigiri: Yayyy, I shall re-read this one to boot. I pointed something out already on your post as well. I think you could've taken it slower though, and the introduction of
two minor characters could've been easily replaced by one, but that's a detail that truly truly doesn't matter and is really just a personal preference.
Thats the way I wish all introductions were."
That's.
He planned on following the woman to her office but that was not an option any more. It would have been difficult even if Ven had the chance to fallow, seeing as so many student were scattering then and there.
He 'had' planned on following. It's in the past now. ^^ There's no space between 'any' and 'more' either. It's one word. Also, 'follow' not 'fallow'. Also, 'students' not 'student'. You're talking about more then one. And, I believe the saying is 'here and there' not, 'then and there'. (Wow. That was a mouthful)
Hello, i'm sorry for him,
Caps for 'I's. :3
I told him to be nice today but as it seems, he doesn't know how to fallow directions."
Fallow… follow…
He was quiet confused at the moment but shook her hand, as to not anger her any more than she was already.
Quite, not quiet. ^^
She directed while pointing her finger twoards the aditorium's exit door.
Ehmm… "towards" and "auditorium", respectively. These can be caught by a spell checker.
Ven thanked her and took off like a bullet, not wanting to waste any more time than he all ready did.
No space between 'any' and 'more', like I said earlier, and 'all ready' is actually one word too. 'Already' would be the word you're looking for.
He did not want to repeat what happened duing the introductory, but he still wondered why he was wished good luck. He payed no mind to it as he tried to focus on the matter at hand[/quote
"During" the introductory. 'Paid' no mind. Both of those can be caught by spell checker too.
In the end, I think you just need to run it through a spell checker, and take a quick skim over it before you post. Some of those things could've been caught just by glancing at it. Like "Fallow" and "follow". Pay attention when you're doing spell check too, because sometime's spell checkers give you crazy words for normal ones. xD
*WHEW* Done. >D I feel so proud.