Ash's Tears [PG-13]

Started by Enperuto July 25th, 2007 8:52 AM
  • 2285 views
  • 27 replies
Age 30
Western Michigan
Seen December 21st, 2008
Posted September 14th, 2008
72 posts
16.1 Years
This is an interesting one-shot.

I have to say, this was partially inspired by Deathspector's Don't Cry, Misty. I'm not sure if it's here, but I know it's at Pokemon Elite 2000 forums, and it has a similar storyline.

However, this involves a few darker things - murder, alcohol. It might be more than PG-13, in which case, I'm sorry.

+Ash's Tears+
An eye for an eye
A tooth for a tooth

Small beads hit the floor…

Drop…

Drop…

Shattered.

Much like my heart.

I walk to the kitchen. Grab a tissue. Try to dam them up. They keep coming.

Like a cancer, he returns. Gary stumbles in, alcohol on his breath. Like me… strung out: struggling to get over it.

No, I have to remind myself. Unlike me. He never knew her so well… never whiled away the hours entranced by her long orange-red locks. Never kissed for hours, so that time stood still, and then gone further…

And it was not my fault.

Gary could not say the same of himself. Regardless of the fact that the Global Police had said it was a wild one, I believe, I know, that his Alakazam was the one.

The blood was on his hands.

“You.” My voice sounds broken. Torn apart.

That was the alcohol, and the miles of tears I had shed since December the first.

“Ash…” Gary began.

I give him no opportunity. “Get away from me!” I shout. Tearing around the kitchen table, I charge towards him like an enraged Tauros.

He pulls back, shaking his head. “It’s not my fault, Ash. I didn’t do it! Listen to me!”

“NO! YOU LISTEN TO ME!” I shouted back, roaring so loud that I couldn’t speak. Minutes later, I was able to continue in a quiet rasp. “If it isn’t your fault, then why are you the only one that had reason to kill her? And the only one that has an Alakazam!”

An eye for an eye.
A tooth for a tooth.


“The Alakazam wasn’t mine!” Gary closes his eyes. His tears hit the floor.

Drop…

Drop…

Shattered.

Like the love I had. Now, she’s gone. She’s never coming back. Misty…

I turn back to the kitchen, going to the top right drawer – the one next to the fridge. I slide it open. My hands slide onto the object, bringing it up. I turn and face him. As I do, I catch a look at the digital calendar. Friday. Five days since. The day the engagement would have been official.

No more…

I looked at Gary, forefinger willing to pull the trigger. My eyes cut through him like a knife. Like a bullet.

“You’re going to shoot me? Aren’t you, Ashy boy?” He slurs. “In cold blood?”
I nod.

“Well then, what are you waiting for?”

I nod again. And then realize I’m shaking all over.

No doubts. No regrets.

I pull the trigger. And before the shot sounds, he falls. Blood rolls down his face and hits the floor.

Shattered.

Seconds later, the cold realization hits. My conscience returns.

An eye for an eye.
A tooth for a tooth.


I raise the pistol again.

I pull the trigger.

They say you never hear the bullet that kills you.

They say right.
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Age 35
Male
Oxford, England
Seen August 11th, 2020
Posted June 4th, 2014
622 posts
15.8 Years
Erm ok....

Its very well written but I just cannot see it alongside Pokemon. Its kind of disturbing, something which Pokemon is certainly not.
Name: Ben
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Age 30
Western Michigan
Seen December 21st, 2008
Posted September 14th, 2008
72 posts
16.1 Years
Erm ok....

Its very well written but I just cannot see it alongside Pokemon. Its kind of disturbing, something which Pokemon is certainly not.
Yeah. That's sort of what I figured people would say. But imagine things more morbid than this. There are some out there. (Midian: City of the Damned and Aeon come to mind.)

Anyway, thanks for reading it, at the least.
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Age 30
Seen January 25th, 2022
Posted January 6th, 2021
1,584 posts
15.9 Years
Erm ok....

Its very well written but I just cannot see it alongside Pokemon. Its kind of disturbing, something which Pokemon is certainly not.
if it has the canon characters in it, or anything mentioning pokemon, then it can be considered a pokemon fanfiction. it doesn't matter what rating it is or anything.

Anyway, I liked it. It wasn't a happy ending fic, which is nice for a change. :)
Age 35
Male
Oxford, England
Seen August 11th, 2020
Posted June 4th, 2014
622 posts
15.8 Years
if it has the canon characters in it, or anything mentioning pokemon, then it can be considered a pokemon fanfiction. it doesn't matter what rating it is or anything.

Anyway, I liked it. It wasn't a happy ending fic, which is nice for a change. :)
Well yes obviously it is Pokemon I never said it wasn't, but what I'm saying is you wouldn't usually associate the content in this fanfic to the usual nature of Pokemon. Its very well written and I can't fault it but its not something I myself 'enjoyed' reading. Just a simple observation thats all. :)
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Age 36
Seen 15 Hours Ago
Posted 2 Days Ago
But the world isn't a happy place. It would get boring if no one thought that the Pokemon world would be a dark place, full of murder, deceit, and lies. It's actually interesting, and this might connect more with some readers whose lives haven't been full of complete happiness.

Besides, even in canon!Pokemon, there have been wars and guns. So even then, the Pokemon world isn't a happy place.

-

Ranger O'Brien, your proof-reading skills are better with short stories. I couldn't spot a single mistake.

It's interesting to think about why Gary killed Misty so close to her wedding day with Ash. There are a few possibilities. Besides, I just love "blood on the hands" stories.

I haven't read Deathspector's fic, but maybe I will. Just to see the parallels between it and your own fic.

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Age 35
Male
Oxford, England
Seen August 11th, 2020
Posted June 4th, 2014
622 posts
15.8 Years
No worries diamondpearl =D. I can say that at times I'd like to see a darker side to the show, I'm not sure myself exactly what I would want to see, but something a bit darker. An older version of the programme perhaps? Pokemon being known as a kids show is one of the reasons why its popularity has decreased I think. If more darker storylines or more shocking things happened, it could well attract an older audience.
Name: Ben
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Age 30
Seen January 25th, 2022
Posted January 6th, 2021
1,584 posts
15.9 Years
No worries diamondpearl =D. I can say that at times I'd like to see a darker side to the show, I'm not sure myself exactly what I would want to see, but something a bit darker. An older version of the programme perhaps? Pokemon being known as a kids show is one of the reasons why its popularity has decreased I think. If more darker storylines or more shocking things happened, it could well attract an older audience.
Yes, and I agree. My one-shots aren't that happy either (sig). Anyway, we're going off topic I guess... you can PM me if you want.
Age 30
Western Michigan
Seen December 21st, 2008
Posted September 14th, 2008
72 posts
16.1 Years
But the world isn't a happy place. It would get boring if no one thought that the Pokemon world would be a dark place, full of murder, deceit, and lies. It's actually interesting, and this might connect more with some readers whose lives haven't been full of complete happiness.

Besides, even in canon!Pokemon, there have been wars and guns. So even then, the Pokemon world isn't a happy place.

-

Ranger O'Brien, your proof-reading skills are better with short stories. I couldn't spot a single mistake.

It's interesting to think about why Gary killed Misty so close to her wedding day with Ash. There are a few possibilities. Besides, I just love "blood on the hands" stories.

I haven't read Deathspector's fic, but maybe I will. Just to see the parallels between it and your own fic.
Thanks. Yeah, it's a lot easier to proof-read a one-shot.

And actually, Ash was going to ask for her hand in marriage or whatever on that Friday. So that is one thing I can clear up... *Goes to edit*

And DS's Don't Cry, Misty is excellent. I'm not sure if it's here, but it's at PE2K at least...

if it has the canon characters in it, or anything mentioning pokemon, then it can be considered a pokemon fanfiction. it doesn't matter what rating it is or anything.

Anyway, I liked it. It wasn't a happy ending fic, which is nice for a change. :)
Thanks. Yeah... happy endings can be good, but sometimes you need a change. Of course, there can be the exact problem in reverse, when most of the fics are emo and goth and dark and there are no happy endings. Ah, but what is that but the circle of fan fics?

Sometimes the world will slap you in the face and this fan-fic does that
Thanks for reading, and I'm glad you like it.
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Upside the universe's head
Seen October 9th, 2007
Posted October 9th, 2007
75 posts
15.9 Years
A) Beat her to death with it's spoons
B) Psychic her into a tree/rock at high speed
C) Use it's dexterous humanoid hands to hold her head underwater
D) Blown her up with any number of powerful moves


I read this, and then I went and read Don'r cry Misty. They were both brilliant, but for some reason I liked this one more; maybe because it was darker, and I get occasional cravings for morbidity, maybe the layout

I had mixed emotions at the end, I was happy to have read such a good oneshot, but I was sad that Misty and Ash were dead (I don't like Gary)
"I saw death rising from the earth, from the ground itself, in one blue field, in stubbled colour."

-Philip K. Dick

Roxy

What goes here? o__0

Age 28
In a box.
Seen August 28th, 2007
Posted August 28th, 2007
53 posts
15.9 Years
Man that was kind of...morbid. And depressing. Cool. =) The ending is pretty cool as well. I like this. ^^ It makes me somewhat happy, yet sad at the saeme time. xD And, OMG GARY WAS DRUNK!(shot for going off topic)

I can seriously imagina this in my mind though, especially the sadness of it all. Cx
Age 30
Western Michigan
Seen December 21st, 2008
Posted September 14th, 2008
72 posts
16.1 Years
Wow, PokeCommunity has more reviews than Serebii and PE2K combined. Congrats!

I liked it, it was a change of pace... Well Done, I would've wanted to know how an Alagazam killed her though
Thanks for reading... and as for how she died... well it was immaterial, as they didn't really know anyway, so it would be hard to find out. And if Ash did know, he probably would have forgotten it after being in a daze for five days.

A) Beat her to death with it's spoons
B) Psychic her into a tree/rock at high speed
C) Use it's dexterous humanoid hands to hold her head underwater
D) Blown her up with any number of powerful moves


I read this, and then I went and read Don'r cry Misty. They were both brilliant, but for some reason I liked this one more; maybe because it was darker, and I get occasional cravings for morbidity, maybe the layout

I had mixed emotions at the end, I was happy to have read such a good oneshot, but I was sad that Misty and Ash were dead (I don't like Gary)
Thanks. Remember that isn't there a vertebrate on the spinal chord that if it's broken, you die? (or was that just made up by Paoloni for Eragon?). Thanks for reading.

Man that was kind of...morbid. And depressing. Cool. =) The ending is pretty cool as well. I like this. ^^ It makes me somewhat happy, yet sad at the saeme time. xD And, OMG GARY WAS DRUNK!(shot for going off topic)

I can seriously imagina this in my mind though, especially the sadness of it all. Cx
Thanks. I was actually afraid there wouldn't be enough description, because when I previewed it there was like one paragraph that was more than one line. (But of course I have a widescreen at the highest resolution possible.) Anyways, thanks for reading. And yes, Gary and Ash, and probably most of Pallet Town were drunk.
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Kyber-Groudon

After all, I'm only human.....

Seen January 29th, 2008
Posted December 19th, 2007
50 posts
15.9 Years
Well.... A little grim..... definitely not something my borthers should see.... But i'm impressed. I always liked these type of stories.... the kind that keep my brothers up all night...... 9/10 from this Boy.
Spoiler:
Well, I actually decided to put something here.








Scrapped that. Nobody really liked it anyway.
Seen May 3rd, 2008
Posted August 4th, 2007
46 posts
16 Years
Does anyone realize how how this will end the entire pokemon mecha?As Shoots himself!I ca never see him doing that,well,any ways,how does mistys death involve an alakazam?(and ash is right,drunk gary probably stole his daddy oakys alakazam)
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Roxy

What goes here? o__0

Age 28
In a box.
Seen August 28th, 2007
Posted August 28th, 2007
53 posts
15.9 Years
Does anyone realize how how this will end the entire pokemon mecha?As Shoots himself!I ca never see him doing that,well,any ways,how does mistys death involve an alakazam?(and ash is right,drunk gary probably stole his daddy oakys alakazam)
1.I thought Professor Oak was Gary`s granddaddy.

2. That`s a respectable theory. Ash returns home, Misty dies is murdered, Ash shoots Gary, then he shoots himself.
.
.
(Note to self: If an episode like that were to air, watch it. (SHOT))

3.I`m still wondering why almost all of Pallet Town is drunk. xD Was there some kind of celebration?

Momoiro

..:: Glaring One Way ::..

Age 31
Michigan
Seen February 5th, 2013
Posted August 5th, 2009
51 posts
16.3 Years
T_T Wow.
I loved it! XD
I'm all for Morbid-like fanfictions,(Guilty of writing a few. ~_^ ) Well Okay, Lots XD ) and its a nice change from the happy-like theme Pokemon has goin' on. If you have any other writing works, fanfiction or not, I'd love to read them.

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Age 30
Western Michigan
Seen December 21st, 2008
Posted September 14th, 2008
72 posts
16.1 Years
xD You think about the stupid, Child-like Ash and then this comes and you're like, What the--? It's OK, but I never was much on an alcohol fan. 'Twas pretty good. :)
Thanks.

Well.... A little grim..... definitely not something my borthers should see.... But i'm impressed. I always liked these type of stories.... the kind that keep my brothers up all night...... 9/10 from this Boy.
Thanks, though I would be interested in knowing what makes it 9 instead of 10...

Does anyone realize how how this will end the entire pokemon mecha?As Shoots himself!I ca never see him doing that,well,any ways,how does mistys death involve an alakazam?(and ash is right,drunk gary probably stole his daddy oakys alakazam)
Does anyone realize that this is fan fiction? And why would Gary need to steal his grandfather's Alakazam when he already has one? Alakazam could kill in numerous ways, especially if you go with the theory that Pokemon dampen their attacks when they fight others so as not to kill (Dragonfree/Butterfree pioneered that one, I think), otherwise, just a psychic tecnique that crushed their brain, stopped their heart, etc. It would be quite easy, really.

1.I thought Professor Oak was Gary`s granddaddy.

2. That`s a respectable theory. Ash returns home, Misty dies is murdered, Ash shoots Gary, then he shoots himself.
.
.
(Note to self: If an episode like that were to air, watch it. (SHOT))

3.I`m still wondering why almost all of Pallet Town is drunk. xD Was there some kind of celebration?
Think about: small, well-knit communtiy, and then someone dies. It'd sort of be a tragedy, not to say that alchohol is the solution to tragedy. And my theory would have placed Ash home for a couple of years already, but yeah, pretty much.

T_T Wow.
I loved it! XD
I'm all for Morbid-like fanfictions,(Guilty of writing a few. ~_^ ) Well Okay, Lots XD ) and its a nice change from the happy-like theme Pokemon has goin' on. If you have any other writing works, fanfiction or not, I'd love to read them.
(I have a different one-shot called Jump where a trainer is trying to comit suicide on Victory Road in Hoenn, but that ends with his Ariados rescuing him.) (Also have a chaptered fic, but it's not good at all and you wouldn't want to read it anywas, it's way happier.)

Thanks for reading this, Momoiro!
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In a House
Seen March 20th, 2016
Posted January 22nd, 2010
1,823 posts
16.6 Years
OMG YOU SHOT ASH!!!!

Well, aside from the main problem with morbid anime-based fics (i.e. everyone is way OOC) this is... pretty good, I suppose. Why it had to be Ash, of all people, I'll never know. Personally, I think that morbid fics should stick to being OC, since using the anime kind of makes the reader go "this doesn't sound like the current Ash at all" where they should be going "How sad, this poor guy had his soon-to-be-wife shot!" In addition, you took a shipping and incorporated it in, which is never good unless it's altoshipping.

I'll go read that "Jump" fic, and I think I've skimmed over "Now and Forever" a few times. I'll give it another go over.

x x x x

An igloo in Canada
Seen December 17th, 2014
Posted July 20th, 2011
1,770 posts
16 Years
This is an awesome fanfic!!! Even though I don't think that is the right word for these kinds of fan fics.

Just one question: Is there going to be a sequel? I mean, if Ash really dies, because it doesn't exatly say where you shot him, or if you get caught by the police?
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