Seen December 6th, 2007
Posted July 31st, 2007
3 posts
15.8 Years
Prologue

Long ago, when Palkia and Dialga were forming the universe we know know, one single female Lucario had two eggs, one of which was lost to time, but the other prospered and gave birth to new families of Lucario. As for the other, it only came back into the world, when the first humans walked the earth, The Riolu inside was premature and it merged with the nearest thing to it, An Everstone.
After this it sent spore out to create a new breed of Lucario, human based, They came out every full moon, But the curse lifted when the Riolu died, But a tiny essence still lived inside the Everstone. Eventually when humans became more technical, a dedicated Explorer found the Everstone in Mt. Coronet in Sinnoh, and took it for his son Jason.
But it still had the curse in it, as for handling it, His father used gloves so as not to disrupt it, but when he got home his son touched it, and recieved the curse, Not to realise it untill his 10th birthday, when he would begin his Pokemon adventure.
In a House
Seen March 20th, 2016
Posted January 22nd, 2010
1,823 posts
16.6 Years
Welcome to the fanfiction thread!

Okay, down to business. This story needs a bit of improvement. First off:

1 soul
That's "one sole", which is redundant. Maybe "a single" would be better there.

Which was lost to time, but the other bountied and created new Families of Lucario
"Which" and "Families" should be lower case, and "bountied" isn't a correct verb form. A good way to fix the sentence would be to cut out "bountied" and replace "created" with "gave birth".

Wait... hold it. Before I go any farther, I'm just going to say that you have multiple errors in capitalization, so I can skip to the meat of this review:

TOO SHORT! TOO SHORT! ALL POSTED SEGMENTS SHOULD BE AT LEAST FOUR MS-WORD PAGES LONG!!!

If you don't post the first chapter, this might even get frozen. 0_o

x x x x

Seen December 6th, 2007
Posted July 31st, 2007
3 posts
15.8 Years
One day, early in the morning, a flock of Starly flew past an open bedroom window, where inside, with Blue Wallpaper and many different forms of Pokemon adorement, Eg. Dolls, Posters, Bed sheets, was a boy in a bed. This was Jason Siron, he had brown hair as smooth as silken Spinarak webs, amd a smile that could send girls a flutter with sighs. 7:00am, it read on his bedside Alarm, and Jason rose from his slumber with a yawn and a stretch, knowing in his mind that he would be beginning his Pokemon adventure today.
When he was dressed, his went downstairs and prepared his Backpack, with supplies for his Jouney across Sinnoh, with his Best Friend, Marina.


Back when he was younger, he met Marina as they were both 8 years old, Marina had moved here from Johto, and wished to make many friends in the new world, and they just mananged to make the right impression on each other at first glance.

Jason's Mom was cleaning the kitchen, when she heard him rummaging around for his old map of Sinnoh, "Going to Professor Rowan's as soon as, eh!" she asked, Jason was wearing an Orange Burea like Hat, a Red Scarf, a Black Shirt, a Blue Jacket and some nice Blue Jeans. He Replied "Yeah, i want to start my adventure as early as possible!"
"Which Pokemon do you think you'll choose?" she Asked him, right there and then Jason Froze in place. He hadn't really thought about that, as he always wondered about the others things. But then he thought in his mind, Turtwigs Defensive Toughness, Chimchars Agressive Power and Piplups Cute Agility. His mom quickly snapped himout of the Trance with a click of the Fingers, "Err, i don't know, i'll have to decide when i get there!" he calmly replied.
He finished packing his things, and kissed his Mom goodbye, before walking toward Sandgem Town and Professor Rowans Lab. On the way down the Eroded path, when he heard a call from behind him, "Jason!, Wait Up!" came a voice, he turned around and saw Marina running toward his Waving. Marina was a sweet Girl wearing a Pink Vest, White Jacket, White Shorts and a white White Hat consealing a lock of Blue hair with two tails that pointed up each side of her head.
"Are you Going to get your starter pokemon too, Jason?" Marina asked him. Her hair flew in the air in a way that made her look Wonderful. "Yeah, But i don't know which one i'll choose" he replied with a despirited look on his face. They soon arrived at Professor Rowan's Lab, and soon enough were greeted by him. "So, what Pokemon do you wish to have Jason?" he asked, Jason staring at the White Moustached man wearing a long White Lab coat. Marina stepped in, "If Jason doesn't mind i'll go first so he can make his mind up, i'll take.......Piplup!" she told the Professor.
As for Jason, his mind rushed faster and faster until, "Turtwig!, i'll choose Turtwig!". The Stern looking, but kind Professor took it up on his decision and passed the two there pokeballs. "Oh, and before you go, take these (He gave them each a strange orange device), these Pokedex's will help both you, to learn about pokemon, and me to discover new secrets of their world, now off you go", and with that, they placed them into their bags and set off toward Jubilife City.
Age 29
Male
UK
Seen March 26th, 2011
Posted November 1st, 2010
348 posts
15.9 Years
You really should have taken ACC's advice. My story started out the same, but I do get the feeling this is going to be cliche. You've barely wrote a page with the prologue and the first chapter. I know it says you're still editing, but doesn't that mean it's not fit for our eyes yet?
Platinum FC - 0432 3665 4474[Name - Drew]
HeartGold FC - 5199 7801 6179[Name - Drew]

Platinum Team:
Sceptile/Blaziken/Swampert/Swellow/Gardevoir/Flygon
HeartGold Team:
Meganium/Ampharos/Pupitar/Typhlosion/Feraligatr/Scizor

Lily

◕ ‿‿ ◕ double rainbow.

Female
New Joisey
Seen February 26th, 2017
Posted June 26th, 2011
3,329 posts
18.7 Years
Wtf, mate. Let's not post the same thread twice.

Also, I don't even want to read a chapter that you're still 'editing.' That just shows your lack of effort. You may have tried, but I want to read what you came up with, not some work in progress.

( ‿‿ ) PM me for a contract.