Drenched in Blood

Started by Manaphy1128 August 2nd, 2007 8:15 PM
  • 941 views
  • 9 replies
Age 26
Female
*shoots self*
Seen December 11th, 2010
Posted September 18th, 2010
867 posts
15.9 Years
When I think of these things,they pop up in the weirdest situations.This one came along when I was listening to AFI and was making a music video in my head like I do for every song I hear.


----------------------Drenched in Blood--------------------------

"My heart is a fist drenched in blood
My soul will fight again"

-----------Chapter One---------------
Andra

The death was accidentel. Oh yes. If it wasn't for that backfire I wouldn't be in this situation right now. Of course everyone makes mistakes. Some are small,some result in deadly things. Mine was the deadly result kind. But it wasn't my fault... not at all.....

Okay,robbing that store was stupid. Even before I did it I knew there was going to be hell to pay. Not as much as happend. Those lucky stiffs, Holly and Freya. They got out fine. I didn't. It was a clear Friday night in June, and I was tired of summer already. I needed something fun to do. Something exciting. Something thrilling. So came the concept of robbing something. Robbing something worth alot. I had teamed up with my friends Holly Denth and Freya Garnet. Since we were robbing precious items, we all three decided it would be fun to rob this antiuqe store called Fringe Finds. It had alot of old jewelry and pictures. The stuff must sell for hundread of thousands of dollars.


We decided to get in there just before closing ime, around 11:00 P.M. We all knew the game plan. So in we went. Many people were browsing around. Who would actually buy this stuff? We all split up to find what we considered rare and valuble things. My section had all these weird old toys and dolls. They were all creppy. If you saw them you would know what I mean. On-topic, I found this necklace with an array of shiny rubies, emeralds, and saphires. I checked the tag. $599. Again quoted, who actually buys this stuff? I popped it into my pocket, and started walking toward our meeting place in the front. Holly had found a small glass Lucky Cat selling for $399. Freya had found a diamond ring that sold for $599. We all nodded heads.
We then ran out of the store while the alarms blared off behind us.
I saw the owner pick up a gun and ran after us. Why did I not just drop the thing and run home? What was wrong with me? Maybe the excitement of being a criminal. Or maybe i'm insane. By the by, they started to catch up to us. I amy have started to yell to Holly and Freya to stop running, but didn't. So we all turned around to the owner and dropped our possesins, only Holly still having it in her outstretched hand.
And then what? The owner drops the gun. And that damned gun went off, the bullet flying straight toward me. Why did I not not duck? Maybe I tried to, but couldn't move or something. But here it came,shooting right through my skull,shattering bits of grey everywhere.
Enter Death.

------------------------Chapter Two------------------------------
Chad

I wholeheartdly agreed with the police, that Andra's, my girlfriend's, death was an accident. No doubt on that. But what happens? Spirits think it was murder and sinned us for life. Thats what. Well it was my fault for going there that nigt and trying to set her free. Trying to break glass that had been broken for centuries on end. I didn't actually beleive that all these things were real. I thought they were reserved for stupid little fairytales. Man was I wrong. I shouldn't have gone. I shouldn't have....

I would like to know if anyone else knows what band has the song that contains the "Drenched in Blood" lyrics.

Dress up in your best / So I can be proud of you
Age 26
Female
*shoots self*
Seen December 11th, 2010
Posted September 18th, 2010
867 posts
15.9 Years
Oh Okay. I thought there would be someone saying, "You suck! and throwing a tomato at me. No,I am serious.:

-------------------------Chapter 3-------------------------------
Andra


I woke with a start and only one question formed:
"Why the hell am I not dead?"
And the answer was, I don't know. Wait a second. Am I dead? Have I woken up in the depths of Hell?...Doesn't look like it. Y'know. No lava pits or demons....maybe. And then I heard the words
"My heart is a fist drenched in blood,
My soul will fight again"
"Oh my gosh!" I yelled. "I'm hearing things! Gahhh!"


Well after that I decided to find out where exactly I am.If i'm not in Hell....yet. But this search did not help. I was in a building that had one giant room, plus three smaller ones along a hallway.The first one I came to just was a room full of tons of mirrors for some reason. Whoever built this must be insane or really like looking at themselves in mirrors. Now the second one had nothing. Except when I walked four feet in my face smashed into something. And that will not feel good tomroww...whenever that comes. I was going to look at the third room when something outside caught my eye. I promptly walked up to the window to see what they were doing. I then yelled:
"Hey! Let go of that! Thats my body. Thats MY body!


-------------------------Chapter 4-------------------------------
Chad

Now in reality, i'm not sure why I really went there in the first place. It was deep in some woods and I presumed it was a long way there. But I did it. For...what was it called? I really don't remember after getting trapped in that horrendus place. And did I listen to my inner voice? No! I went there dammit.

I had been walking for about, what? Maybe 40 minutes,before finding her grave.
Andra's grave.
Why did they pick a velvet purple color for the coffin? They know she hates it. Well at least they got the date right on the tombstone. Yay for the little things. So I did it.
I carefully slid down the coffin lid and picked Andra,or atleast her corpse,out. Crap,I don't know why either.
Thats when a few thuds came from the window. Then the person inside yelled,"Hey! Let go of that! Thats my body. Thats MY body!"

I looked at the window. And guess whose staring back.
Andra is.
It was weird that she was in the same position her corpse was. No, just kinda creepy.I abruptly dropped the body,causing the, whatever it is,to smash to the ground also. Okay, if this happend to you you would either:
A)Run Away
B)Run towards the window
C)First run towards the window,then decide not and run away

I picked B),which was idiotic.I ran up to the window and said, "WHAT THE HELL?!". You would ask that too. She had gotten up, but told me she doesn't know either. Big help there. She asked then,
"Can you let me out of here?"
I motioned her to move out of the way,and started to try to samsh open the glass with my foot. And they make it look so easy in movies. Then your out here trying to do it and nothing happens. Damn you movies!
Well after about kicking 20 times,I smashed to bits,leaving enough room for Andra to get out. Which she landed flat on her face upon leaving. (Ohh,face plant!)
But she screamed.
"What?"
"L-LOOK!" she yelled while pointing.
I did. And I was staring a 8 foot demon in the face. Not a pretty sight there.
"RUN!" she yelled,but keeping still.
I tried to do some type of damage on it there, but no blood spilled,and there was no damage taken.
So we ran. And when we jumped through that window and looked at it, the demons were gone.
"Okay," I asked her."Where are we?"
"The House of Broken Souls"
"Where?"
"Wait.I think theres a book on it somewhere around here."
She started to dig through the piles of junk everywhere, and pulled out a large book. She opened it to the first page,and she went pale.
"What?"I asked.
All she did was hand it to me. I read the first line out loud:
"All living things that enter into the House of Broken Souls will not be let out."

Dress up in your best / So I can be proud of you

Lily

◕ ‿‿ ◕ double rainbow.

Female
New Joisey
Seen February 26th, 2017
Posted June 26th, 2011
3,329 posts
18.7 Years
If you seriously envision someone saying, "You suck!" after posting a fic, there's something wrong with your expectations as well as the perception on the story itself.

It's interesting. Your story has potential, I can sense it go farther. But I'm reiterating from my past review: use spell checker! Your main gripe were the spelling errors and grammar (it's not that hard to insert a space after every comma), as well as the shortness of the chapters. I don't think I'd even consider chapter 2 an official chapter..otherwise, good luck!

( ‿‿ ) PM me for a contract.
Age 26
Female
*shoots self*
Seen December 11th, 2010
Posted September 18th, 2010
867 posts
15.9 Years
Yeah. It wasn't really one. Thanks (I guess) for saying it at least has potential. I always think my stories suck in general. To be quite frank that is.:

-----------------------Chapter 5---------------------------------
Chad

"Is this thing seroius?!" I yelled, really to no one in general.
All she did was start crying. I really think she was being a wimp. I mean, it won't actually ruin our life. I mean, she's the dead one! And i'm going to be an almost living dead! And here she comes and - never mind. I could hear random words out of the crying. " Dead life....second room...mirrors...invisible thing I...." and the rest was blurred. I decided I would just leave her crying and go try to find something out.

I first decided to go to those rooms she was talking about through her bawling. The first room was the mirror that she was talking about. They must be defective or something since I had no reflection (And I am 100% human here).
"Wait!"
Andra grabbed the back of my shirt, almost down to her knees now. But then she just kept crying. And I saw the strangest thing ever.
She was crying out blood.
And THAT was enough to weird me out. I just stood there rigid as rock for a second or two. She still was on the floor there. I hoisted her up and she just slumped there.Her face had gotten very pale from when I first saw her in the window. Almost white skin. Maybe because shes a ghost. Maybe a bigger reason.
Anyway, I had bigger fish to fry. Leaving the room with Andra crawling at my heels, I walked into the second room which was completly bare. I walked four feet and *wham* goes my head. Did not feel good. Must be the invisible thing she was talking about. leaving there I entered the final room.
Another bare room.
"Look" Andra mumbeled from behind me. She pointed to something in the wall. I picked it up and discovered a key.
"M- maybe it opens the invisible wall" she told me.
"Like an invisible door was on the invisible wall and we kept poking the wall until we found thae keyhole?"
She nodded.

I must of stabbed cuts into my palms from poking that wall. I must of done it for 2 whole hours until the key jutted into place. I turned it left and something clicked. The whole wall just became visible showing the black door. The inside was not how I imagined it to be. It was almost like a labrotory.
"Maybe theres something up there." Andra said ponting to the 70 or so stairs leading up. I agreed with that, not that I wanted to climb them. No one would really.

I was up to the 65 step in only a minute since I had been running fast, my shoes banging against the metal. I was out of breath when I got to the top.
"Hey look at that-" I started. Heavy hands pushed me off the railing
And I died before I hit the ground.

Dress up in your best / So I can be proud of you
Age 26
Female
*shoots self*
Seen December 11th, 2010
Posted September 18th, 2010
867 posts
15.9 Years
Hmmmmm,yeah,I have no idea what your talking about. I already have the ending line for my so short story.This is the semi last chapter.


Chapter 6
Chad

Okay, I didn't die. Maybe I just went numb. I hit the ground arm first, sending a jolt up my arm. In another situation, I might feel pain. Not this time. Knowing my life was in danger really numbed my whole body.
"Chad!" I heard Andra yell.
"I'm fine!" I yelled back. "There's nothing in here."
"Then who pushed you?"
"I don't know and I don't care. Now come on."

I looked back at her. She was white by now. I could see bloodied tears rolling down her face silently.
"Come on. Go faster." I told her.
She kept wlking at her pace. I decided to leave that be. I figured the only way to get out was by killing those demons. We had made it to the main room. I quickly rushed up to the window and pushed at the window.
It was of course blocked by some stupid invisible thing.
"Look.." Andra mumbled. I turned around.
It was the two demons.
I decided that I had make them hurt each other. Maybe that would work. How? I have nothing.
Well that was no time to think.
"Run.." Andra tried to say. I turned to the demons.
Or more precisily there teeth gaping at me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------Who thinks they should live? Or die. I have the ending right here in my head. And I see no one has guessed what song the lyrics at the top are from.

Dress up in your best / So I can be proud of you
Age 26
Female
*shoots self*
Seen December 11th, 2010
Posted September 18th, 2010
867 posts
15.9 Years
Sucks for me that i'm impatient so I will finish the story(indroduction) on this post thank you very much.The story *cough*introduction*cough* may seem short though. Its a thing.

Chapter 7
Chad

Never though that would happen in my life. It was the same kind of demon as before, except it was red and had more, blood-drool, then the other two. Andra was slumped against the wall at death point by now. More blood was coming out of her mouth and I saw a hint of it rolling out of her ears. On the topic of life or death, the demons were gaining on me. I was not sure by then how I would defeat them, or if I could. From her corner Andra bit, yes I said bit, one of the demons. He started to bleed. I was over here summing up that only dead people can hurt them. (I see dead people!) Which really sucks since she was too weak to fight. In this moment of time I didn't see the demon rip off skin and bone of Andra's. She didn't cry out or anything. My brain sent a message to me:
Your next.
But since I forgot there was two...
And rip. The other one had ripped some flesh,bone, and some vital organs from the back of me.
Bar none.

Epilouge

And there they lie next to each other dying, bleeding all from them. Death came from behind and in front, yet they had no idea that blood and flesh taking was the key to their problems.
--------
Why give up, why give in?
It's not enough, it never is.
So I will go on until the end.
We've become desolate.
It's not enough, it never is.
But I will go on until the end.
--------------------------------
I hope you enjoyed my int- er, short story.

Dress up in your best / So I can be proud of you