Moon's Pokemon Adventure Page 2

Started by Wingnut August 10th, 2007 5:06 PM
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  • 28 replies
Male
India
Seen November 1st, 2012
Posted June 24th, 2010
406 posts
18.9 Years
Whatever I say, it's not something to be thought to be offensive, and I don't even make good comics myself, and i have even left making them, it's a tedious job.

Let me explain what people mean about the mixing of different art styles. First think about having the land of Pokemon Fr/Lg and the heros of Pokemon Ru/Sa, seems out of place doesn't it? So compare Moon's sprite with Pokemon Fr/Lg, out of place isn't it? Moon looks like a perfect graphic trying to be viewed in a computer with bad graphics drivers, that is you need to improve the colours and shading and make it look similar to Pokemon Fr/lg sprites.

Then now you need to fix some stuff on Moon, needs a little curving on the dress of moon in your avatar, because I guess you'd use it in the comic. Fix the fluffiness of her hair and make it more human like, Pokemon trainers are detailed and Moon isn't detailed much.

The comic is hillarious but nothing near what it could be like, doesn't give me a laugh, just a smile, the punches aren't too good, I guess that the storyline won't support many pucches, I see you improving this in the newer comics, but you knew I had to point it out.

The meaning isn't very clear, I didn't think she got the Pokeball from the guy at the town, she even seemed a little more confident about things she didn't know about in the 2nd part.
I understand you wanted to make the poking in the eye in the comic and no closups, and you probably knew it wasn't very visible, instead of just saing poke, you should have also made the Buneary say something like, "Ahh my eye!" (And if you don't know, in most movies the animal, ie in this case the Pokemon, that speaks, it will speak when the hero first meats it and an incident will pass by and the hero won't realise it until later when they meet face to face.)

It lacks professionality in it, simple things such as uniform height, width, etc. would make it more like a comic strip ready to be published (And that look makes it look really good.) other things like background and designer speech bubbles will make it look good.
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Currently working on: Pokemon: Return to Johto
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Wingnut

Moon: 12 years and counting...

Age 47
Maryland
Seen December 30th, 2007
Posted December 11th, 2007
201 posts
17.6 Years
The Buneary doesn't actually speak, per se. To the average human, it still sounds like Buneary gibberish. Moon, being half animal (catgirl), can understand it. That's going to be one of the ongoing plot lines in the story. Moon will be able to talk to and understand Pokemon (think Dr. Doolittle).

Also, I want the comic to be funny, but I'm actually trying to tell a good story that isn't always about the humor. There will be many serious moments as well. I have the story fleshed out in my head all the way to the end, so we'll see how it progresses. I actually intend this to be a side story to Moon's main story, which I'll hopefully be able to provide a link to before the day is over. Rest assured, Moon will catch more Pokemon.

As far as Moon's sprite, I guess I'm not seeing the difference. Are we talking about the OW sprite? I'll look at it again and see if I can make it more cohesive with the other sprites. I didn't realize it was that noticable. Heh, she IS from another planet, so maybe THAT'S why she looks different. (Lame excuse. Just kidding.) I'll see what I can do about it. Keep the comments coming!

*EDIT* I have Moon's backstory ready for anyone who wants to read it. I will give fair warning: There are some elements of the story that are of an adult nature. Therefor, I'm putting the story in a spoiler tag. If you can't handle mature (but not out and out graphic) content, DON'T READ IT!

Spoiler:

The Story Of Moon

It's late night in the big city. In an out-of-the-way alley, a small white cat is making her rounds and searching for some food. Suddenly she catches something shiny out of the corner of her eye. She races over to see what she's found. A beautiful golden coin with a majestic eagle on one side and a huge castle on the other. "How beautiful." Moon thinks to herself. She scoops the coin into her mouth and happily trots back to the abandoned warehouse she calls home. Happy, but hungry, she curls up with the coin by her side and falls sound asleep.

A couple hours pass when Moon is awoken by a low but steady humming sound. She looks around, trying to find the source, when she glances down and sees the coin glowing brightly. "What the..." But before she can finish the thought, an intense bright light shoots from the coin, illuminating the empty warehouse. Suddenly the light fades and she hears a loud screech.

What she sees leaves her in awe. The very same eagle from the coin has appeared in her home! Her every instinct is to run but, for some reason, she cannot. There is something strange about this eagle (besides the way it suddenly appeared). Something almost...familiar. In the blink of an eye, the eagle descends and lands beside her.

"At last, I've finally found you Princess!" he says in a low, gravely voice. "Huh...?" is all she's able to get out. "There is no time, milady. We must make haste" he says hurriedly. "Look pal, I appreciate a flashy entrance as much as the next girl but, if you think I'm just gonna go somewhere with you, you're out of your mind!" Moon exclaims. The eagle lets out a deep sigh. "Fine, but I must make this brief, time is of the essence. My name is Bennet. I am captain of the Royal Guard in the kingdom of Lunaria. Lunaria exists in a world much like Earth, but with some significant differences. You see, Humans do not exist in our world. We, the "animals" as the humans here so generously refer to us, are the masters there. Twenty years ago, when you were but a kitten, a great war broke out in Lunaria. Most of my men perished. It is also my unfortunate duty to report that your parents, the King and Queen, as well as your twin brother, were all lost in the battle. Fearing for your safety, the court sorceress and I sent you to Earth as a simple alley cat. That sorceress was my wife. No sooner had we sent you through the portal, a group of warriors burst into my home and killed her. They almost claimed my life as well. I was able to get away, but not without a permanent reminder of all that was lost."(Pointing to the scar over his eye)

"With my wife gone, and only the coin of teleportation to go on, I set out on a quest to find another wizard who could re-open the portal and bring you home. Needless to say, I found one. However, we couldn't re-open the portal until you made contact with the coin on Earth. It took a few years. We were worried it'd been found by someone else. We were quite glad you found it. Now then, Princess. Would you please accompany me back to Lunaria? "Wow...This is a lot to handle all at once, Bennet." Moon says. "I've always felt I was different somehow. I guess now I know why. I've never enjoyed the life of an alley cat. I...I want to go to Lunaria. I want to go ...home." "Excellent. Let us be off then" Bennet says happily.

The coin once again glows brightly. In the brilliant shaft of light, Moon sees a grassy field and a huge oak tree. She hesitantly follows Bennet into the light. However, unseen by the duo, a tiny white mouse who had been listening in on their conversation darts in before them and scurries down the grassy hill.

Moon finds herself standing in the meadow by the giant oak, her warehouse home fading within the light that brought them here. "Welcome back Bennet, and this lovely young lady must be Moon, yes?" she hears a woman's voice say from behind her. She turns to see a figure draped in robes, her face obscured. "I thought you said there were no humans here, Bennet" Moon says confused. "There aren't" says the woman as she removes her hood. Moon is stunned by what she sees. Standing before her is a creature with the body of a human, but with distinctly animal-like features. She's some sort of a bird-woman with blue skin.

"Whoa!" shouts Moon. "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Gwen,' says the sorceress. 'On this planet, we are all hybrids of human and animal. Neither one, nor the other, but both at once." "But what about Bennet and me?" asks Moon. "Your appearances reflect your animal halves on Earth. The effects should wear off any moment now." says Gwen. "You mean I'm gonna look like you? Except I'll be half cat/half human?"asks Moon "Exactly." says Bennet.

Moon plops down, trying to let this all sink in. Moments later she feels a tingling sensation, then her whole body starts to glow. "Is this the metamorphosis?" she asks Gwen, obviously frightened. "Yes child,' Gwen eases. 'Just relax. The process is painless." Gwen kneels down by Moon to comfort her.

Suddenly, Moon is awash in a brilliant light that envelopes her. Seconds later, the light is gone. She looks at herself and can't believe her eyes. Instead of white fur, she sees a human woman's nude body, but with white skin. "Holy crap!" exclaims Moon as she looks down and sees two rather large breasts. "Are these MINE?!" she says excitedly, cupping their fullness in her hands and gently massaging them. "Your body is exquisite my dear, but I think the self-exploration should wait." Gwen says with a wide smile. Moon begins to blush, realizing she's naked in front of a person (for lack of a better term) whom she's only just met.

"Heh heh, Sorry. Guess I got a little carried away..." Moon giggles. "It's okay, my dear. With a body like THAT, it's perfectly understandable." assures Gwen. "Here, I think this should fit you." Gwen says as she pulls a hooded robe, much like her own, from a satchel by her feet. "Thanks." says Moon as she slinks into the robe. Looking around, Moon cannot see Bennet anywhere. "Where'd Bennet go" she asks. "Sir Bennet is very old fashioned, sweetie. When he saw your transformation begin, he went and sat behind the tree over there. He said it would be 'inappropriate to see a princess in a state of undress'." laughs Gwen. Moon smiles brightly. "That's so cute." she laughs. "Bennet,' calls Moon, 'you can come out now!"

Bennet comes out from behind the tree, his transformation complete as well. He, too, is wearing a hooded robe. "Milady." he says, bowing to her. "We need to get some things straight here, bird man." Moon says. She then opens up her robe, exposing her voluptious naked body to him. "First if all, I HATE formality so this "Milady" nonsense ends NOW. Secondly, I just GOT this body so we're all seeing it for the first time. Why should I be ashamed? ...do you think I'm ugly?" Moon pouts, turning to Gwen and giving a playful wink. Gwen smiles wickedly. "Milady..." he begins, but sees the look Moon shoots him at the sound of the word. "Err...umm... It's just that I...that is to say...uh..."

"It's okay, fly boy. I understand." laughs Moon. "Listen, don't feel ashamed to look at me. It's only natural. Heck, I can't stop looking at myself either!" she chuckles. "I'll let you slide with calling me 'Princess', but this 'Milady' stuff has got to go, okay?" "As you wish Princess." says Bennet. "Do you think you could put your robe back on now, though?" he asks politely. "Of course." she says. She then runs up to him, robe still open, and throws he arms around him, pressing her ample chest to his. "Thanks for being so sweet." she whispers, kissing him on the cheek. "PRINCESS!" Bennet exclaims. She then ties up her robe, and she and Gwen laugh uncontrollably, Bennet's face as red as a rose. "I hope this world is ready for you." laughs Gwen.

"Now then. There is something I must inform you both." Gwen says, her voice suddenly becoming very serious. "What is it?" Bennet asks, very concerned. "Right before you two came through the portal, I saw a mouse run through and dart off down the hill. There was nothing I could do. If I had stopped my chanting, the portal would have closed." Gwen says. "I understand." says Bennet. "I don't." says Moon. "What's the big deal? It's just a little mouse." "Yes dear,' says Gwen, 'but the transformation affects ALL animals that come here from Earth. So you see, that little mouse has now changed, much like you. I'm sure she's confused, cold, and very frightened..." "Oh no!" cries Moon. "We have to find her!" "I agree. I just pray she's still okay." says Bennet.

The trio heads off down the hill in search of the mouse girl. Using her keen sense of smell, Moon runs toward a wooded area near the foot of the hill. As they enter the woods, they hear the sound of a girl crying. Without hesitation, Moon runs toward the cries. She arrives in a small clearing to find the mouse girl laying on the ground, crying uncontrollably. Standing over her is a very large male figure. "Hey! Get the hell away from her!" shouts Moon.

The creature turns around and instantly Moon can tell he's a Lion hybrid. He lets out a loud roar and leaps toward Moon, teeth and claws bared. Just as Moon thinks her adventure has come to an abrupt end, a ray of ice zings past her, encompassing the rampaging beast. She turns to see Gwen, her eyes glowing a bright blue/white, hands covered in ice. "That ought to chill him out." Gwen says. "Great work." lauds Bennet. Moon rushes to the mouse girl's side. "Are you okay?" she asks softly. "I...I think so..." sobs the girl. She doesn't appear to be hurt. She looks to be only a year or two younger than Moon. Moon grabs a blanket from the satchel and wraps it around the terrified girl. "Thank you so much." she says. "My name is Muffin. I recognize you. You're that cat from the warehouse. I heard the eagle's story and ran through the portal without really thinking about it. I'm so confused. Why do I look like this? What's going on?" she asks.

Moon explains everything to her and, strange as the situation is, Muffin now understands and doesn't feel so scared any more. "You will be wanting to return to Earth then, young lady?" asks Gwen. "Go back? No way!" says Muffin. "On Earth, I was hunted every day. At least here I won't have to be so afraid. Besides, there aren't any mouse traps here, right?" she laughs.
"No, of course not sweetie." smiles Gwen. "This is great!' Moon says brightly, embracing Muffin. 'Now that you're here, I'll have someone from Earth to talk to!" Muffin smiles widely. "Yeah, we can be like sisters!' she says, 'Imagine that. A cat and mouse as sisters!" she laughs. "I'm so happy!" exclaims Moon as the two embrace. "Well, I certainly hope she has better manners than some people." Bennet jokes, looking at Moon. Moon smiles and sticks her tongue out in response.

"Night fall will soon be upon us. I suggest we make our way back home, ladies." advises Bennet. The foursome travel for about an hour and a half when Bennet stops in front of an immense tree. "Why are we stopping?" asks Muffin timidly. "We're here!" smiles Bennet. He then pulls a key from his knapsack and inserts it into a small slot in the tree. Suddenly, the tree splits open, revealing a hidden elevator. "Shall we?" asks Gwen. The elevator takes them up slowly and opens swiftly when they reach the summit. Two armor-clad falcon guards greet them at the door. They salute Bennet, who salutes back. "You've returned with the princess!" says one of the guards excitedly. "Thank the heavens." sighs the other. "Indeed', says Bennet, 'and she needs her rest right now. She's had quite a day." The guards part and allow the group to pass. Moon looks around, seeing many domed structures. "What is this place, Bennet?" she asks curiously. "This, dear princess, is Aviara: the city on the tree tops." He replies. "I'll give you the grand tour in the morning but, for now, I'll ask that you two accompany Gwen. She will show you to your living quarters." Says Bennet. "Umm, okay. But, where will you be?" asks Moon. "I must inform the city's elder of your arrival and make preparations for tomorrow's training." Bennet replies. "Training?" says Moon and Muffin in unison. "Yes, girls' says Gwen. 'This world is very dangerous for those who are not familiar to it. If you want to survive, you'll have to learn to defend yourselves."

Bennet takes his leave and the ladies continue on. They pass several of the dome structures when Gwen stops in front of one. She opens the door and says "Girls, this will be your new home. LIGHTS!" At the sound of her voice, the lights come on. The structure is surprisingly hi-tech. "Wow!' exclaims Moon. 'I was expecting Endor, but we got the Death Star instead!" she laughs. "I'm not sure I understand the reference, but I think I know what you're getting at." says Gwen. "The city may be on the tree tops, but you'll find we are also on the cutting edge of technology." "Sweet!" says Muffin happily. " "I'll bet you ladies would enjoy a nice, hot shower right about now?" asks Gwen. "Oh, would we..." sighs Moon. "Yeah." chimes Muffin.

Gwen leads the excited duo upstairs and into a spacious bathroom. "The showering facilities are identical to the ones you would find on Earth. There are towels on the rack, and you'll find clean clothes in the cabinet there." says Gwen as she exits the room, closing the door behind her. "There's only one shower." Moon says as she slips out of her robe. "Oh. Well, you can go first. I'll just wait in the other room until your done." smiles Muffin. "Actually,' says Moon, sliding Muffins robe off, 'I was hoping we could share it." "I..." Muffin begins, but she's cut off by Moon's lips pressed to hers. Her first instinct is to pull away, then she feels Moon's hands sliding down her back, cupping her firm, round buttocks. All hesitation melts away and Muffin allows herself to get lost in the waves of passion that have swept over her.

About an hour passes and the two go downstairs wearing clean, silky night gowns. "I trust the shower was refreshing?" asks Gwen. "Mmm, it was delicious." says Moon, licking her lips and smiling widely at Muffin. Muffin blushes and looks down, unable to conceal the huge smile that has come upon her face. Gwen gives them each a glass of warm milk. "Well, I'll be upstairs if you need me for anything." she says. After she goes upstairs, Moon and Muffin slip into bed. Muffin lays her head on Moon's ample chest. "We start training tomorrow, huh?' says Muffin. 'I'm nervous." "Don't worry, sweetie.' Moon assures, running her fingers through Muffin's hair. 'I'll take care of you. LIGHTS!" The room fades to black. "Thank you." whispers Muffin. "You're welcome sweetie.' Moon whispers back, kissing the top of Muffin's head. 'You're welcome..."
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Male
India
Seen November 1st, 2012
Posted June 24th, 2010
406 posts
18.9 Years
What it lacks is probably the colour, I can guess you made it in paint, first of all fix the colour of the dress, you need to use a different shade of blue, this one is what is termed as eye-burning, same with her hair. And we aren't talking only about the OW. Just the choice of colour will make her blend in the Fr/Lg sprites.

And rightnow here hair looks like someone has been spitting gum in it, you know girl's hair has a shape and texture, even cats have it. Some of her parts look good, like the thing in her hand (bag?) in the Avatar, but her looks aren't as good, her planet can't be a 16 bit coloured place for sure.

Only Moon understands Buneary, but then keep in mind that even if she (Buneary) can't be understtod by most humans, she will have to say something like "Oh! My eye" and there is no way that Moon does not hear it now but hears it later.

She is from another planet, but now that she is on Earth with Pokemon, she needs to adapt.
Would you be my freind? PM me! :)
Currently working on: Pokemon: Return to Johto
Well I rock seriously, dont I?
Age 31
Male
Oregon
Seen August 15th, 2022
Posted April 30th, 2010
35 posts
15.8 Years

Make sure that she catches another Pokemon.. that can't talk. I don't understand how people have respect for these trainers with only one talking Pokemon. I, personally, would slap them for being vain >.<
as she already said, Moon is half animal. so she can understand and talk to buneary, so therefore she can probably speak to all pokemon i am guessing
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