A lie

[Sumomo & Kotoko]

A lie​

​

You said every thing would be alright,
That this would all go away.
Its been here for ever,
And theres no signs of it fading.

You said every thing would work out fine,
That theres nothing to worry about.
But the problem grows,
It won't ever stop.

You said this is for the best,
That this is the right thing to do.
But theres other options,
And you'll never find them.

You side you'ed be there,
That I have nothing to fear.
But your not here,
And its now that I see the light.

Every thing you said was a lie,
Nothing you said came true.
Where still here with a problem,
Now this is the end as I say "good-bye"...​

 

[Cybex Mewtwo]

Despite a few minor typos, pretty good.

 

[Greta]

Good job there =) You could use a bit more rythm though, to make it even better. Sometimes poems feel better when they flow...^_^

 

[Sumomo & Kotoko]

Thanx to the both of ya. I coulden't sleep lastnight so I wrote that poem and then I fell right to sleep. :\
Yeah, I think it should have rythm.

Thanxy!! :P

 

[Malamar]

Meh, huge ANST factors. Angst is usually a bad thing to write about~

Your poem didn't make a very good impression on me 1) bad grammar/spelling and 2) Absolutely no rythm to it.

Good poetry has to absolutely flow to the next line, unless you're purposely making it choppy to highlight a point.

Another thing I want to touch on is the anst factor. Now, girls especially write all this stuff about how crappy their life is, and such and such happened, and "blah...blah...blah...". In short, it usually ends up way over emotional and bad poetry. So, I'd suggest you write about something else. And I'm not trying to cut girls down by saying sometimes their poetry can get angst-y. The boys in my English class always wrote about wrestling, and they really didnt' excel. So try finding a new topic.

Anways, do you write more poetry? Or was this just kinda random?

 

[Sumomo & Kotoko]

Meh, huge ANST factors. Angst is usually a bad thing to write about~

Your poem didn't make a very good impression on me 1) bad grammar/spelling and 2) Absolutely no rythm to it.

Good poetry has to absolutely flow to the next line, unless you're purposely making it choppy to highlight a point.

Another thing I want to touch on is the anst factor. Now, girls especially write all this stuff about how crappy their life is, and such and such happened, and "blah...blah...blah...". In short, it usually ends up way over emotional and bad poetry. So, I'd suggest you write about something else. And I'm not trying to cut girls down by saying sometimes their poetry can get angst-y. The boys in my English class always wrote about wrestling, and they really didnt' excel. So try finding a new topic.

Anways, do you write more poetry? Or was this just kinda random?

Thank you for speaking your mind.

And yes, I do write other poetry, heres a list of some I've wrote.
Friend Ship, Whats Wrong with Me?, Loss or Gain?, and The Feeling

EDIT: Not all poetry has to rym, as long as it comes from the heart thats all that matters, witch is where all my poems come from.

 

[Malamar]

But really, all poetry SHOULD come through a spell checker. Remember that.

And yes, poetry does come from the heart~ But it also requires a lot or revision to smooth the edges.

Most of the time, yes, rythm is required. Believe me.

 

[Pheles]

That was really good! ^^

*mesage too short*

 

[Malamar]

Please actually add some thought to your post ~.~;

When review literature, you need to actually comment on it. Not just "That was really good! ^^"

 

[Midori Chi]

Hmm..the rhythm COULD use some help..The words itself are good! ^^
Umm..If you wrote this for a person, Ithink I know who this is about! XD