Ash+May

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RealPokemonFan

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    • Age 34
    • Seen Jul 28, 2006
    The sun rises over the mountains as Ash wakes. Brock is already up and cooking breakfast, while May, Max, and Misty are all still asleep. "Hey Ash, care for some fresh eggs?" Brock inquires Ash. "Not right now." Ash replies. "So you gonna do it?" Brock asks with a grin. "Probably tonight." Ash answers with a slight blush, and a grin. He cuts the conversation short as Max wakes up. His eyes pop open as he smells eggs. He jumps out of his sleeping-bag and runs to Brock. "Whatcha cookin'?" Max asks, eyes wide. "Eggs, bacon, and toast. Itll be ready in about ten minutes." Brock replies. Max smiles and grabs his Gameboy. He sits down and asks Ash if he could borrow his games. "Sure thing." Ash replies, as he throws a few games. Misty is the next to wake up. She sits up and smiles. "Ash, Brock? Is there a private place where I could change?" Misty asks cheerfully. "Yeah, there's a patch of trees over there." Brock points to a patch of trees. Misty runs off with her clothes. May wakes up and walks up to Brock and asks if there is a place to change. He points to the same patch of trees. As she runs off, Ash asks, "Are you sure she should go there? Misty's there too." Brock grins. "Hey, they're both girls."
    Misty is changing when May comes into the same area. "So May, are you gonna do it?" Misty asks with a wink and a grin. "Yeah, probably." May replies blushing. Misty finishes changing. "I'll meet you back at camp." Misty says. As may finishes she also runs off. When they return, breakfast is ready to eat, and Max is already digging in. "Take a seat ladies, its ready." Brock tells them. "Thanks, Brock." Misty and May say in unison. Ash grabs a plate and sits next to May. As they are eating, they cant help but glance at the other. As they see that they are both looking at eachother, they quickly glance back to their food.
    The afternoon approached quickly. Ash packed his WHOLE SAVINGS into his pocket. Brock saw, and asked, "Is that for-" Ash interrupts. "Yeah, its for that." He walks off towards the town. As he reaches the opening, he can only wait in anticipation. He walks up to the Jewelry Store and asks for their finest Jade ring. He sees that he is only a few dollars short of it. He curses to himself, and asks if his savings will cover it. "Is it for-" Ash cuts him off as he replies "Yes." The man gives him a discount and his savings pay for the ring. He walks off and finds that it is 3 o'clock.
    Ash runs back to camp, and May is running to the town. Ash skids to a halt. "May, can I see you for a second?" Ash asks. "Sure, I guess..." May replies. This is really it, isnt it... May thinks. They walk into the forest and Ash takes a deep breath. "I have really wanted to say this to you for a long time, May. Its not easy to say, believe me." he says with a slight chuckle. He puts his hand in his pocket and grasps the box holding the ring. "May... I... I..." Ash begins to stutter. "Yes?" May inquires. "I love you." Ash says as he pulls out the box. "Please accept this as a token of my love to you." he says as he removes the ring from the box. Tears flow down her cheeks as she runs and hugs him. "Of course I will accept." She leans back. Ash picks up her hand and slides the ring on. "Its so sudden that you tell me this Ash... I really cant believe-" Ash cuts her sentence off. "Start believing, 'cause its true." Her eyes open wide as a kiss sweeps her lips. The two stand in that position for what seemed like hours, although it was only about a half a minute. (Whoa!)
    ((TEN YEARS LATER))
    Ash walks down the street of Littleroot. He finds May's adress and walks in.
    May is sitting at her computer. She glances at him. "May, I have something to ask you." Ash says. He slowly walks over and drops to one knee. He reveals a diamond wedding ring. "Will you marry me?" May starts to cry as she smiles. "Yes, Ash. I will marry you." Ash jumps up and so does May. They kiss and know that they will live their lives happily.
    ((THREE MONTHS LATER))
    Tragedy struck a few months later. May came down with a disease that nobody knew a cure for. A week after Ash hears this, May dies. Ash leans over May's casket. "God, why have you done this to me?" Tears roll down his cheeks. "Why have you taken from me what I cherish so dearly!?" His head jerks to the sky. "Why have you made my life a LIVING HELL!?" His head falls back over May. "**** you god... **** you I say..."
     
    Thats all? Its a little too short if you ask me. And you rushed through the whole story. My advice would be just to make it longer, not rush as much, and add a little more description.
     
    Last edited:
    don't rush YOURSELF! THAT WAS WAY TOO RUSH HOUR. YOU SHOULDN'T BE TO HASH WHEN YOU WANT TO MAKE AN WRITTING! I KNOW YOU COULD WRIGHT AND MAKE THIS A BETTER FANFIC WITH WRITING WITH IN YOUR HEART. I WOULD LOVE TO SEE A NOTHER ONE THAT YOU EXPRESS YOUR HEART IN. PRETTY,PLEASE?.
     
    Hmm well it's a good plot. It had a good beginning. But you rushed it after he bought the ring. You should have devoted a few chapters to some more traveling. Then maybe some stuff to after they inished their journey. Perhaps even something about Misty trying to kill Mayb because she's jealous. The with the deasise maybe you could give it a name and tell what it does to some one. There're just suggestions but give em some thought ok?
     
    The ending was kind of creepy...and not to mention it was kind of rushed. Slow down a bit and spread the story out more. It makes it flow better and seem more professional. I'd like it better if it had more description and stuff like that. Overall, it needs some work. I do like the plot though.
     
    That's it? i mean how could you just give up like that! Maybe something happends (maybe Celebi appears in front of Ash or he saws again Jirachi after a long quest) If i were you. I could keep writing!
     
    AUGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

    *throws stuff at RealPokemonFan*

    You, sir, are the most cruelest of all people! By the way, have you written other fanfics? If you are writing another, can you please extend the story a bit longer and not blow the whole story off by some random tragedy?
     
    Eh, sure. Why not? You can handle the couch, the chair, the stove, and the table. I'll deal with the fridge, the lamp and whatever's left.
     
    Ok.. let me add this: a snorlax (i trow the pokeball and when it's out... smash!) a computer (one destroyed) Kenny's clotes (South Park maybe that will kill him) a TV and a knife?

    Err what do ya think?

    and also... shall we take the place of this guy and continue the history (remember my idea)
     
    Sure. Why not? The stuff I wanna throw is basically anything really and the author butchered the shipping at the very end. We might as well recover it and convert the ending to a more pleasing one instead of an unpleasant one.
     
    Che! "It's HIS STORY!" he says. Is that right? Well, how many other authors make a great story, then throws it out of the window at the end by pouring blood all over it? Huh? Of all the fics I've read (and a lot more of em out there), this is ridiculous. *shakes head and throws some more stuff*

    Anyway, this is how I feel about the fic. I also agree that this fanfic is way too short and the ending should have been concluded mcuh better than THAT! Pfft! How sad.
     
    Look just doing that will prove that You are mean.It won't affect him.In fact it's like you are him!.[agreed that the end was naughty]
     
    Don't try to close someone's thread cause' you and mew151 were trying to steal RealPokemonFan's ID! That's just mean!
     
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