Baby Sonc (PG-11: Some material might not be sutible for kids under 11)

[conicteam]

Baby Sonic


By Conic Team​

Prologue​

It was a dark night. Sonic was at Robotnik Hq (aka Eggman Hq)
"You ready to die hedgehog," Eggman asked.

"No, but are you," Sonic asked.

Sonic the Hedgehog, was about to beat Eggman, but he instead turned him into a baby, without knowing it. Then he woke up in the middle of his hometown, Brooklyn New York. Then Tails found him, not knowing who it was, and took him to the Sonic Team VIP house, where Sonic and his friends (even non Sonic the Hedgehog characters).
"You'll have a lot of fun with me little guy," Tails stated.

"Tails," Amy exclaimed, "wait for me! Whoa! That baby looks exactly like Sonic!"
Amy discovered that he was Sonic.

Chapter 1​

"Let me do a DNA test to make sure it's Sonic," Tails stated. Tails plucked a hair from Sonic's head, and Sonic nearly cried. Then Tails ran the hair through the silver cube like DNA scanner, and Tails was shocked about the results. It was Sonic.

"I don't understand it," Tails stated, "Sonic is supposed to be 16, but now he's a little baby." Tails put a translator on Sonic so they could understand him. Sonic had a baby like voice, but that didn't matter. The baby voice just made Sonic more believable as a normal baby.

"What happened," Sonic squeaked.

"I guess Eggman turned you into a baby," Tails replied.

"Aw man! Tails! What's that smell? PU," Amy shrieked.

"Wasn't me," Sonic squeakily yelled.

"It doesn't smell like poop. I think Tails farted," Amy exclaimed.

"Sorry, I guess I shouldn't have eaten that second bean burrito. Woo doggie! What's that smell," Tails exclaimed.

"Sorwy (Sorry in baby tone)," Sonic exclaimed.

"I don't know how to change diapers," Tails freaked, "Do you Amy?" Amy nodded. "Well do it," Tails exclaimed. Amy took Sonic to the other room, but even when Amy was in the other room Tails could still hear Sonic's pee and Amy tickling him saying in a weird tone, "You wanna be naked don't ya, don't ya!" Sonic just laughed and laughed. When Amy came out with Sonic in her arms, Tails saw it was no joke. Amy actually let Sonic be naked, without his diaper on. Tails's jaw dropped so hard that even I, Connor, in Virginia could hear it.

 

[pokeboyy13]

lol good! I ddnt get some of it but its still good, i coundt do any better

 

[conicteam]

If you work hard at it, you can do it.

 

[Trainer Kat]

"You ready to die, hedgehog?" Eggman asked.

"No, but are you," Sonic asked.

Punctuation was needed in a few places.

Sonic the Hedgehog, was about to beat Eggman, but he instead turned him into a baby, without knowing it. Then he woke up in the middle of his hometown, Brooklyn New York. Then Tails found him, not knowing who it was, and took him to the Sonic Team VIP house, where Sonic and his friends (even non Sonic the Hedgehog characters).

This whole paragraph feels rushed. It could use a LOT more detail. Where exactly was Sonic? In the middle of a park? In a store? How did Tails find him? Was he out shopping when he came across Sonic? These are just some things to consider. And the bit in parenthesis is unneeded.

"Tails," Amy exclaimed, "wait for me! Whoa! That baby looks exactly like Sonic!"
Amy discovered that he was Sonic.

This, too, seems rushed. How did Amy discover that he was Sonic?

"Let me do a DNA test to make sure it's Sonic," Tails stated.

This could just be me, but I personally wouldn't use "stated", because his speech doesn't seem to fit with the word.

Tails plucked a hair from Sonic's head, and Sonic nearly cried. Then Tails ran the hair through the silver cube like DNA scanner, and Tails was shocked about the results. It was Sonic.

Once again, this could use a lot more detail.

The baby voice just made Sonic more believable as a normal baby.

Unneeded. I'm sure the reason he had a baby voice wasn't to make him believable, but rather because he is, indeed, a baby. But it's your story. If Eggman did, indeed, give Sonic a baby voice in order to delude others into thinking he's a baby, you need to say that. Otherwise, remove the sentence altogether.

"Wasn't me!" Sonic squealed.

"Squeakily yelled" seems awkward. I'd recommend what I've changed it into, if you want it as standalone dialogue.

"Sorwy (Sorry in baby tone)," Sonic exclaimed.

Try not to give the in-story notes. If you want to use a lot of baby language, make a "dictionary" and put it at the top of the first post. Otherwise, just leave it as-is. "Sowwy" sounds more baby-esque, and won't be mistaken for a typo, but once again, it could just be personal preference.

but even when Amy was in the other room Tails could still hear Sonic's pee

Wait, what? o0;

and Amy tickling him saying in a weird tone, "You wanna be naked don't ya, don't ya!" Sonic just laughed and laughed. When Amy came out with Sonic in her arms, Tails saw it was no joke. Amy actually let Sonic be naked, without his diaper on. Tails's jaw dropped so hard that even I, Connor, in

Virginia

could hear it.

I...I honestly don't know what the point of Sonic being naked is. It makes Amy sound like a pedophile. Buuut, if you're going to include it...

Amy actually let Sonic be naked, without his diaper on.

One or the other there. Being naked implies not having a diaper on, so saying it again is redundant.



These were just some things I noticed. This story could use a lot more detail. For example, don't assume that your reader knows what Eggman's HQ looks like. I know I don't. Instead of assuming, describe the setting. Heck, describe the characters too. Someone who hasn't played Sonic wouldn't know that Amy is a pink hedgehog, or that Eggman is a stout, balding man with a brown mustache and surprisingly long legs.

Just work on your descriptions a bit more, and try not to write a chapter that consists mostly of dialogue.

 

[conicteam]

Chapter 2

Chapter 2​

"Why did you let Sonic be naked," Tails asked. Amy explained that they had no diapers for Sonic, but then Tails points out the pack in the closet, and Amy put one on Sonic. He didn't really care if his butt was naked or not. Then Sonic yawned.

"Where will he sleep," Tails asked. Amy said that Sonic could sleep with her, but Tails just said no. So they looked for a room in their section of the clubhouse grounds, and they found one between Tails and Amy's room. It was actually the nursery Sonic Team provided Sonic's family with because after Sonic defeated Eggman, their house was burnt down by Eggman himself. They entered the room. The walls were decorated with pictures of Sonic and his family. Amy gently laid Sonic in the crib.

Wednesday morning at 5 o'clock as the day began; Tails heard a cry coming from the nursery. Once Tails got into the nursery, he spotted a shadow of a man that didn't look like Eggman, but it looked like a ninja. Tails was prepared for this. He saw it in Speed Racer. He tried to attack the ninja, but he was too fast.

"Just my luck," Tails sighed. Tails went out of the nursery, and he headed to Amy's room to wake her up. As soon as he got into Amy's room, he tried to wake her up. Amy wasn't happy when he did.

"Tails, it is 5'o clock in the morning," Amy yelled. The pink hedgehog almost punched him, but before she landed a blow on his face, Tails explained what happened. He said that Sonic was kidnapped by a ninja that Tails put a tracking device on before it left. Soon Amy got out of her PJ's and into her dress to start looking for Sonic. As soon as they reached the streets of Brooklyn, they heard a voice that sounded like Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks.

"Help," the voice squealed. Tails replied, "Don't worry Alvin, I'll save you!" Amy just rolled her eyes and sighed. When Tails ran to find the source, he noticed four guys from Liverpool in gray suits and mop top hairstyles performing the song "Help!" The band followed Tails as he ran to find Sonic or Alvin, whatever comes first. He ran until he reached the outskirts of Brooklyn, and the band stopped playing. Tails just staggered in fear.

"A-A-A-Amy, please help me," Tails cried. He was so frightened, that he almost mistook the ninja for a ghost. He fought the ninja until it fainted. Tails then grabbed Sonic.

"Hey Sonic, did you see a chipmunk with an A on his shirt screaming for help," Tails asked. Sonic replied, "That chipmunk voice was my voice." Tails felt real stupid. Then, he noticed a guy with long curly hair, glasses, a mustache that looked liked to separate pieces of hair on his upper lip, a Hawaiian shirt, and pants performing the song "Why does this always happen to me?" with some other guys as Tails walked back to Sonic Team VIP condo# 1991. He noticed that the song really described how Amy felt as she yelled, "Why did they have to interrupt The Simpson's just for this?" at the TV while she laid on the couch with a bag of chips.

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Now I'll let you figure out some of the references metioned in this chapter.

O_O Trainer Kat, you gave me a little to much information; you did the whole proluge and chapter to be precise. I took your advice, but the rest of your info nearly made my head explode (god I wish there was a smiley for that)!