[Pokémon] Blue's Story: The Life of a Swampert Named Blue

Swampert_66

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    • Seen Aug 6, 2022
    Blue's Story
    By: Kaleb Dippold


    Table of Contents:
    Chapter I: The Chosen One is Born
    Chapter II: Camp
    Chapter III: Missingno.
    Chapter IV: In Charge
    Chapter V: Training With the Guardians
    Chapter VI: Face-off With Ace
    Chapter VII: Rainbow Chip
    Chapter VIII: Gengar and the Dark Power
    And more to come!

    Chapter 1: The Chosen One is Born​
    On Febuary 28th, 1987, a Mudkip was born. His name was Blue. On that same date, Arceus made him "The Chosen One". Arceus predicted that he and his brother could rescue Dialga when there is conflicts between Giratina and Dialga.​
    Chapter 2: Camp​
    Seven years later Arceus took Blue and an evil Gallade (apperentely Arceus trusted him) took his brother (A Chimchar named Ace). Arceus' assignment for the first three weeks was protecting the Hall of Origin from intruders (Gastlies, Haunters, etc.). Blue did that exact thing. Meanwhile the Gallade's first assignment for Ace on his first three weeks was training.​
     
    It's rather on the short side. I feel as if there's more you could add to both chapters to gain readers' interest.

    For instance, with the first, instead of just saying "There was a Mudkip named Blue who became a Chosen One because Arceus chose him", actually tell it like a story. How did Arceus appear on Blue's birthday and explain to a newborn Pokemon that he had to go save the world? (A newborn Pokemon isn't really going to know much about the world's situation right after birth.) Write about Blue's life as he grows up with the knowledge that he has to go out and save the world.

    There's seven years you can write about in the first chapter, that would help make Blue a rather interesting character. Exploring them would make Blue seem more real to the readers, and make him a more interesting character.

    It's the same thing with your second chapter. You can write about Blue and Ace's feelings as they are taken from their home by the top god and put into training. What do they go through as they train? There's three weeks' worth of story right there.

    Aside from one spelling error that I saw ("apperentely" =/= "apparently"), your story is clean. It's just the quick storytelling that is the main problem. Take your time when writing the chapters, making sure that what's important is shown: the thoughts and feelings of your characters, what they do, and where they do it.

    Because this is an interesting-sounding story. I always do enjoy Pokécentric fics.

    You can PM/VM me with any questions if you have any.
     
    Like Astinus said, it needs much more content. A few sentences aren't going to make a chapter. A few decent paragraphs might, but you need a lot more content. I like the idea though.

    Keep On Writing :D

    - Tompaw
     
    No screenies :(
    anyway i liked the story, seems you have a good idea
    good luck !
     
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