( can't think of a title, nothing is catchy) You gotta read this!

Minunchu

A nut head who likes boys
    • 48
    Posts
    21
    Years
    CHAPTER ONE


    Cloe, a Vileplume, was innocently walking searching for food. She spotted a basket of rasberrys. She knew it would be wrong to steal some, but she was really hungry. She tiptoed up to the woven basket seeing a whole feast. Drool was dripping from her mouth now. She thought I will only take one. Only one and then i will leave! But the closer she got, the more she craved. She reached out and grabbed one, rolled it in her hands, and slowly brought it up to her mouth. With the rasberry only an inch away from her mouth, she froze, stiff as a rock. Did she hear somthing? Was there someone right behind her? To scared to move, she listened. Was someone, or somthing breathing on her?! She heard a snort of a giant beast, and knew, it was the end of her.
     
    Anyone like it so far? I won't write the second chapter if no one likes it. :( :\
     
    Vileplumes are so great! Keep going keep going! I want to know what happens next!!!
     
    Great story! I can't wait until chapter 2 is posted!
     
    Uh... chapter two. I NEED TO EDIT IT!
     
    Sorry, i uh...had it done and accadentally deleted it so i weill have to start over again. Sorry. It willl be a while longer.
     
    CHAPTER 2

    Cloe decided to over come her fears and turn around. It wasn't all that hideous. It was a cute little togipi and her best friend Izzy. "WHAT THE...?! I COULD'VE SWORN IT WAS A MONSTER! And to see it was you and your little sister?! Wow. Hey does my makeup look o.k?"
    Izzy is a (*laughs* sorry. just the thing i said. Izzy izza) cow. (Caan't think of the cow pokemon's name right now. Sorry. :\ ) Izzy said, "Yea isn't she adorable?! My mom fully adopterd her today! Her name is Daisy! I have a little sister named Daisy! Ahh, she is so cute!"
    All day they talked about her sister untill they brought up the subject of bad luck. They were so happy! A sunny day with eachother and her best friend had a new sister! Nothing could possibly go wrong! Or could it?
     
    I really don't want to go further, but you guys have encouraged me. I hope you liked this one. I have no more ideas. Ok... mabie i do have some for this story, but they aren't good.
     
    Fabulous! A few suggestions for you...I hope that's okay! Please take these as constructive criticisms, as I mean no offense whatsoever!!

    Try to describe your characters and scenes a little bit more. You may be suprised how much it adds to the storyline and to the characters. I used to have a huge problem with this, and if you read "Gaining Wings" you'll see what I mean, because I wrote it a LONG time ago!! My English teacher summed it up in a neat phrase, "show, don't tell."

    I hope you keep writing this fic! It's such a neat take on Pokemon!
     
    I might as well stop here then. Is that what you guys are saying. I mean, if you compare mine to Espions Eyes, mine REEKS! i can't do this. I need a counsiler. Bah...so...dull....my stories are so......dull.....unexiting.....why...me......why.....me...
     
    just keep going, one day your skill will get better!
     
    AaAk! 0_o I'm a year older tham ma best friend and yet she gets all the attention XD lol, keep it up Hannah! ^_^ Very cute! I wish 'The Life of a Legend could have gotten this much attention...o well, it was kinda boring anywayz XD
     
    interesting story, but I keep getting lost. and you seem to be out of ideas, so how about maybye wandering into a adult flygon's terrotory and getting attacked? there needs to be a bttle
     
    I wasn't saying that you should quit at all! I think it's a really interesting story, and a totally different take on Pokemon journeys and stuff...as I am used to reading AAMRNs. Please do keep up the excellent work! Greatness comes with practice, and I could see great improvement from the first chapter to the next. All I gave were suggestions, and they were meant to only be taken as suggestions. Please do not stop writing! It does not matter what others think as long as you can be proud of and appreciate your work!!

    Best wishes!

    Skye
     
    Ur story is great! I wish it was a monster, though.
     
    ok. i will go on. you have incouraged me to keep going. I will hope my story gets better and better. Thanks skye. But i can't really take your suggestions but i can have a monster, a battle, love, and a happy ending. I was going to do that in the third chapter along with the fith.
     
    CHAPTER THREE

    As they looked around the street, still carring on the subject of bad luck, which had turned into demons and devils, they got real jumpy. They starting seeing strange shadows here and there. They seemed to enclose them. They ran into an alley and waited. Panting. One shadow in particular came closer and closer and closer. Cloe turned around to say somthing, but her mouth was so choked up she couldn't even whisper. They motioned eachother to go back into the light, but thier legs were stiff and they couldnt move a mussle. Izzy, thinking something cought her, jumped up in the air because she was so scared and let out a bloody murder scream. Right before she hit the ground, she started to float i mid air. Now she was kicking and screaming her head off.
    ''CALM DOWN IZZY! I'LL GET YOU DOWN! JUST HANG ON!" Cloe shouted over a noise that was so unexplainable.
    Cloe saw a shadow hidding behind a garbage can. She bravly walked over to the creature which by now she could see was an abra. He was using his phycic powers to levetate her friend. She quickly used sleep powder, hoping it would work. Succesfully, he fell asleep and dropped Izzy she landed with a thud.
    "Are you alright?" Cloe asked thoughtfully.
    "I am fine. Can we get out of here? Please?"Izzy replied anxoiusly.
    Izzy was to weak to stand on her own so Cloe carried her out into the main area of town. Boy, Cloe thought, that was a close one. But it wasn't the end of the battle. He was back for revenge.
     
    wow. I didn't realize it whould be that long of a section. Wow, i must have really gotten into it! WHEEW!
     
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