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David's Pokemon Adventure

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Burnin' Leo

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  • 144
    Posts
    18
    Years
    • Seen Jan 16, 2009
    David is a young 10 year old boy who wants to start his Pokemon Journey, he goes and visits Prof.Oak to get his first two Pokemon.

    Chapter 1
    Adventure Begins
    David's First Battle

    Credits
    Neoseeker Forums
    Pokemon Elite 2000

    Enjoy :)
     
    Last edited:
    It's in BMP .... what the hell?!

    Since you essentially broke the first rule, I ain't even gonna bother looking at them.

    But for now, I'm gonna assume that they're poorly made.

    Save them as PNG's, and then repost them here.
     
    :/

    Too much wasted space ...

    Generally looks bad ... (is this your first sprite comic)

    The writing in the first comic is difficult to read ...

    Generic idea ...

    And really, it ain't even remotely interesting.

    Think about your story a bit more and work on the comic it self more.
     
    Way too big panels, majoooorly generic, and the text is hard to read.

    A level 5 Pichu can't faint a lv. 5 Poliwag even though it has the type advantage.

    A level 5 Mankey would then go before Cleffa (I think they have bad speed...) and kick butt. A level 5 Cleffa cannot take out a level 5 Mankey in one hit.

    Therfore, I don't think this comic will go anywhere. Tough luck kid.
     
    yeh honestly these r poorly made, but good try, just try writing a script before u start and making the pannels smaller, which Astral Maelstrom suggested and also try putting in more detail in the battle scene instead of white background, but good effort keep practicing :)
     
    I'm i nebie to comic making and mine are pretty bad but yours SNINK
    Problems
    1. No plot
    2. your backround stinks
    3.Its boring
    4. Makes no sense

    Helpful hints

    1. Make a plot
    2. Use normal city images if you have to
    3. Give it more woow !!
    4. Give him a house and make him walk to oaks place

    My oaks place is in a pokemon center
     
    I wouldn't be saying anything Larvatar Breeder.

    It has potential... No, actually it doesn't, but I can try to make it sugarcoated, can't I??

    Something somone might all a plot.
    The text you can't read.
    The background is kind of.. horrible..
    It's really stupid how David's all 00ber with his unbeatable, unhittable poke'mon..
    Horrible battle graphix
    And to top it off... Way too big panels.

    2/10. For now.
     
    WEll Mr. Bigshot lat me see your comics hmmm.
    I'm not saying they stink like rotten eggs im just saying they dont smell good.
     
    1.On my third comic I made maps on advance map.
    2.My third comic makes sense.
    3.It has some humor my third comic.
    4.My third comic has a background and plot.
     
    Be easy on him. This is probably his first comic. Don't forget constructive critazism.

    Yes you need some work on your comics Yoshi Master, but keep trying.
     
    Dear lord...

    First off, get some backgrounds that look somewhat DECENT. It's not too hard to find, TSR, SDB, etc etc. Why would Oak just be...randomly outside with a bunch of pokeballs...makes no frikkin sence. Also, you may want to find some, yaknow, Youngster sprites? Since the one your using looks nothing like the one found in battle, which is something even more horrible...

    There's no punchline, there's no plot, there's nothing. I'm looking at blank space here. Seriously, find a comic tutorial and read it. Since me explaining all your faults will take a good 2 hours.
     
    OK THATS IT!!!!
    David your doing a good job for a starter.
    Everyone else who has NOT encouraged him and criticized him ( including my self ) I'm a shame of.
    When someone starts a comic or new thing you should make them feel like they CAN do it, not make them feel like they are doing a cruddy job. Ya give um tips but don't criticize them, it's just plain WRONG. I myself am sick and tired of being criticized for doing my best and having fun.
    That's all i need to say here....
     
    Uhhh lavatar ... it's understandable that you're frustrated, but don't be.

    We are all saying what we believe is fair. Sure, some of us are a bit fairer then others, but essentially we are all trying to help eachother out with the comments that we post.
     
    its true we r trying to help him, my 1st comic was even 10 times worst then his, but i improved (uh i think :/) anyway reading the tutorial will help alot, so b4 u start another one i recomend reading the tutorial, if it all goes well i would love to c it improved :)
     
    larvatar breeder said:
    OK THATS IT!!!!
    David your doing a good job for a starter.
    Everyone else who has NOT encouraged him and criticized him ( including my self ) I'm a shame of.
    When someone starts a comic or new thing you should make them feel like they CAN do it, not make them feel like they are doing a cruddy job. Ya give um tips but don't criticize them, it's just plain WRONG. I myself am sick and tired of being criticized for doing my best and having fun.
    That's all i need to say here....

    David is the name of the Main Character and not the name of the person, people please don't criticise it you should just give him tips, The 3rd Comic will be better, it won't just be a whole patch of grass like before, there will be trees as borders now, It will hopefully be better, the font will be bigger too.

    Too much criticism on people first comic's it should stop and people should just give them tips and ideas.
     
    WEll Mr. Bigshot lat me see your comics hmmm.
    I'm not saying they stink like rotten eggs im just saying they dont smell good.

    Why in God's name are you not banned yet?

    Basically, get some offical maps, get some battle backgrounds, write a plot, stop god modding your character, and then maybe it'll be decent.
     
    Can anyone help me writing a pokemon special story? (it's just because I'm tired of waiting for the next volume ! And look !!! My English is really bad !)
    Or may be some ideas ?
     
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