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Fairy tales

fallen_angel

Sabaku No Gaara
    • 238
    Posts
    20
    Years
    I wrote this while in the library. I hope you like it..please tell me how to improve it if you can.

    I don't believe in fairy tales
    they're dreams that can never set sail,
    was what I always thought.

    Fairy tales cannot be real
    lock them up with a seal,
    burn them, trash them, let's make a deal.

    Take them far away from me
    so that I can never again see
    the words that make me me.

    Hopeful thinking it could be true
    but its gone without further adieu,
    leaving me hollow and empty.
     
    yay no homework.......time to check on fallen-kun's poem:

    hmm...as far as i can tell, i only saw one error.....the poem reminds me of my old school poetry tactics......hehe.....dont mind that.....

    i like it! kind of thinking that she'll be a fairy tale too.....haha! you know who right fallen? hehe....
     
    Oh, i love it! I don't think it needs any improvement, its already great as it is. ^^
     
    Oh, i love it! I don't think it needs any improvement, its already great as it is.
     
    fallen_angel said:
    I wrote this while in the library. I hope you like it..please tell me how to improve it if you can.

    I don't believe in fairy tales
    they're dreams that can never set sail,
    was what I always thought.

    Fairy tales cannot be real
    lock them up with a seal,
    burn them, trash them, let's make a deal.

    Take them far away from me
    so that I can never again see
    the words that make me me.

    Hopeful thinking it could be true
    but its gone without further adieu,
    leaving me hollow and empty.
    Click to expand...

    "was what I always thought?"...I think you need to fix that. Also maybe you shouldn't use "me me." Other than those couple of errors it's good. Although I kinda disagree unless you fantasize about some knight in shining armor riding up to you in your toy castle. More on the lines for me is like...meeting the girl of my dreams. That's possible. Not likely right now, but possible. LOL.
     
    Haha. Okay thanks. ^_____^
     
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