Fanfic, will soon be a fanime

[Elite-Four-Mark]

Okay, I may have mentioned once or twice that I plan to start a REVISED pokemon anime with a non-gay storyline and a character that is actually named red. This is to pick up the good thing that the Manga had going. Not that I will be following the manga; I just want to make it as good as the manga.

However, as I am still inexperienced with a tablet and therefore unable to as of yet draw more than a rough sketch, I will start with a fanfic so that I know where I'm headed.

So, without further ado, I present the prologue to my fanfic. Feel free to comment, but I'd rather we talked about the plot as the fanfic is temporary. Also bear in mind that the changes I made to team rocket are not exactly kid-oriented.


I sat on my front porch, head hung, deep in thought as I had every day for the last three years, thirty-two weeks and four days. I've been counting. When time appears to slow down, you'll find yourself doing that.

"Sarah…" I murmured to myself, or perhaps to her, I could not tell. Not that she could hear me. She was no longer here.

Taking in a breath, I stood up. I always know I'm done when taking a breath feels good. That tells me I'm ready to exist. For the day at least, I no longer feel like crawling into a corner and curling up into a ball.

My name is Red. I am Fifteen, and the Sara I spoke of was my girlfriend. It's a terrible story, what happened to her. But I have to live with it; I'm not going to meet the same fate.

Are you willing to sit a while and listen to Sara's tale?

Sara and I were out walking along route one. It was a nice day. Out of nowhere, a Charmander came charging through the path. Close behind were a couple of goons from team rocket. The Charmander hid behind Sara. Team Rocket told her to give them the Charmander. She said no. So the one pulled out a gun and...after all these years I still can't say it; but you get the point. I lunged for the gun and knocked it out of his hand. Taking them both to the ground, I beat the crap out of both of them. Not that it did any good; Team Rocket members were everywhere, even if there were only two on route one.

I have been raising that same Charmander ever since. It was Sara's only dying wish.

Team Rocket, those......there's not a strong enough word in this world to describe them. The best description comes from what you would do first if they were chained to a wall and you had any weapon you wanted. For me it would be a bucket of water with a small hole in the bottom. They would be tied to a board, and the bucket would be hanging over their forehead. Drip. Drip. Drip. It would make them go insane. Maybe they would know how I feel.


Nyway that's all I have for now.

 

[Astinus]

Even though this isn't supposed to be a real fanfiction, it still gets posted in the main forum. So I'll move it for you, and will possibly leave a review in a few days.

Forget the few days. I'm bored.

Well, I don't really know what to comment on since your main focus is on the plot/characters/other things. But I can point out a grammar mistake that you made.

"Team Rocket" is a proper noun, since it's the name of a team. So it always needs to be capitalized.

Right now, there really isn't all the much to discuss. Red's emotion seem to be missing. I guess it would work better if you used the language to show how he's feeling for the fic.

Sorry if right now this review isn't good. I haven't reviewed a fic that would be transfered to a fanime before.

 

[Elite-Four-Mark]

Team Rocket is fixed.

And Red's emotion has been sort of screwed up since what happened. I mean, he's been getting back to normal over time, but he's still not there. In the anime I will try to make Sara's death more subtle. All I will show is Red's daily breakdown. When he goes to face Brock and loses (as fire doesn't do much against rock), Red will go to visit Sara's grave. It will be raining. Brock will find him there and Red will spill the beans.

 

[Elite-Four-Mark]

This is an official BUMP.

Oh and it's decided that Sara will be Gary's sister.

CHAPTER 1

I wandered into my empty home. Charmander greeted me. I suppose he expected to take a journey into the field to train. It was then that I had an idea; my Charmander was strong enough, and I thought I had the courage... What if I finally went after Team Rocket?

But then something else came to mind. I will have to talk with Professor Oak about it. Professor Oak was the enthusiast of Pallet Town, and was world renowned. He was the go-to guy if you wanted advice on traveling with your Pokemon.


So I went over to Professor Oak's lab at about midday. I had called earlier so that he knew I was coming. I rang the doorbell. He opened the door a crack, dragged me inside, and slammed the door.

"You came at a good time. I need you to help me with my latest design."

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, on top of being a Pokemon genious, Oak was also a top-notch inventor.

"I need you to take this clamp and attach it to that diode over there," I spotted the diode and closed the clamp around it.

"Now stand back," Oak said. With the flip of a switch, he receeded to the corner and watched the event unfold. The empty glass bell jar in the center lit up inside, then shattered. Fortunately, the inner was protected by an outer shell, so none of the shards hit us. Oak turned off the switch and stepped foreward.

"Safe," He said. He then grabbed another bell jar from a nearby table. He put it where the last one was, and swept up the shards from the last try.

"Red," He said, "I have a favor to ask of you; there is a package waiting for me at the Viridian City PokeMart. It contains the key element to this experiment. Would you mind running up there with your Charmander?"

Hearing this reminded me of why I was at Oak's lab. But I needed to help him if I was to get down to my point.

"Sure, I'll go," I said.




Anyway that's all for Chapter 1. 2 is on it's way.

 

[~Night]

The chapters are short, and your fanfic would be a lot easier to read if you make the font normal instead of like this.

 

[Elite-Four-Mark]

...I see your point.



I will fix it up and put it in an RTF then.

 

[Elite-Four-Mark]

Still Haven't.

Alright, it's been quite a few months since I posted this. With the help of my new favorite program, Celtx, I'm actually writing a script for the "Anime" (which won't actually be an anime at all but rather an animated series in my own style).

Anyway, I'm kind of figuring out where to really go. I don't have much for real news, I just wanted to point out that I'm still working on this.