First song I ever done.

[mvtm]

Pathetic.

Thinking just takes a moment
A moment to realise a thought
If so, is correct, then why the world goes Pathethic?

This World just moves around without will.
Thinking about their own business,giving a **** of others.
I guess this is life, things are not as should be.

Thinking just takes a moment
A moment to realise a thought
If so, is correct, then why the world goes Pathethic?

People are screwed up. What they Deserve is what they dont get ; What they dont Deserve is what they get by cheating,stealing,killing others.

Thinking just takes a moment
A moment to realise a thought
If so, is correct, then why the world goes Pathethic?

How can this be,while people are hungry some are stealing their donations.
While some are powerless,some are power hungry
While someones passes on,they are forgotten.

Thinking just takes a moment
A moment to realise a thought
If so, is correct, then why the world goes Pathethic?

I guess this a world when Justice does not Prevail.
Wheres my leader when i am in need of right politics?
Wheres my superhero to rescue me , everyday i make wrong ?
Wheres my friend , to support me ?

Thinking just takes a moment
A moment to realise a thought
If so, is correct, then why the world goes Pathethic?

I just want a big change, a change were i stand the differerence.
A change to make things better as they used to be .
A chance not to be forgotten, everytime i fade in.
Can you help me out?Because i am in need of others .
This world must change !​

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Please , comment and tell me what you think, thanks bunch!
Also i may note that English isnt my 1st language and i may have a couple of spelling and grammar mistakes..

 

[Spectrum]

Apart from a couple of expected grammatical errors, that's pretty good! ^^ Only other problem I can immediately nitpick at is the fact that some of the lines don't rhyme.

 

[Kyosuke]

The is not too bad at all, but sometimes songs sound diffrently from someone else's perspective then the composer, which is understandable under all circunstances when it comes to a "good song" great Job ^^'.

Seeing as english isn't you 1st language, spelling mistakes shouldn't matter too much, but to improve you're english skills its highly recommended that you work on puncuation and grammer ^^'.

And this is a song, so I'll just move it to the poetry section, and correct the title.

*Moved*

 

[Kelsey]

I found this poem to connect with all of reality, really. For people do make mistakes, people screw up, we're only human. XD Yet even though everyone makews mistakes, "pathetic" is often a word that pops into the head when you see someone mess up. You even pity them for their mistakes. This really isn't hoe life should be. Life shouldn't be about pitying others when they make just as many mistakes as you do. You should instead try to help them become better. ^_~

I really liked the song, and as Lance said, the flow or rythym of a song sounds different in everyone's heads. ^_~ Great job on the song!

~Kelsey

 

[mew42003]

Very Long,But very good.10/10

~James

 

[mvtm]

Really Thanks!! , i know it doesnt ryme in some parts .. i may be working on that . I am glad you liked it so far, since its one of my few pieces of work. I am looking foward to see more comments.