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Grandpa's pokemon rant: revived yet again.

Vyro

Master Douchelord
  • 889
    Posts
    16
    Years
    • Seen Jun 8, 2014
    I am reposing this again because of how popular it was back in my day.

    YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN!




    Back in MY day we had 150 monsters, and that was ALL you needed! None o' these new-fangled 'cutey' monsters for children!

    Look at dat thereTauros. A fine specimen of a monster. Look at the new-age Tauros. A CARTOON COW. Disgraceful! We had Pikachu and Raichu, but that wasn't CUTE enough for CHILDREN so they added Pichu, the Baby. Then they added those two Minun and Plushie creatures, which are completely obvious knockoffs! That's right, IVE SEEN YOUR NEW MONSTERS! BAH! Tailow? HootHoot? Starly? BAH! Give me Pidgey any day! Sentret? Zigzagoon? BIDOOF? You young whippersnappers can paint a Ratatta brown, but it's still a Ratatta!

    The new popular starter is CHICKCHAR or something. Hooey! Back in my day, if you wanted a flaming monkey, you threw a Mankey into a bonfire!

    I must say, it's nice to see the developers haven't gotten creative. A hippopotamus called "Hippopotas"? That's almost as clever as a pile of muck called "Muk"! Shows that the first generation was the BEST generation!

    But everything they try to change doesn't work! Take evolution for example. Well, we DIDNT evolve them because evolution is a heathen scam! Everytime they tried to evolve, we would stop them because they were Intelligently Designed to be the way they were. But at least science was simpler in those days. Creatures evolved by leveling, stones, and trading! We didn't need to equip any new-fangled Kings Rock while leveling up at dusk while fighting a Goldeen at Cinnabar Island with a happiness level of 200 and spare Rare Candy in the inventory! That's ridiculous!

    Also, there are no male or female monster of the same species! If they were, they would be a DIFFERENT SPECIES like Nidoran is. I notice that you haven't tried to reclassify them as the same species. That's because they are the ONLY monster with genders! All them other monsters are a-sexual. They don't breed! You kids today pass your monsters to some hag, and she has to genetically engineer you a cross-bred creature. WHY ELSE WOULD CREATURES ONLY MULTIPLY IN A DAYCARE CENTER?

    Speaking of evolution, you young punks can stop evolving my monsters! Lickitung, Tangela and Rhydon were useless enough without you tainting them with stripes and spikes and scowls! If we wanted them to evolve, we would have done it the old fashioned way: by putting three of them together! I see what you did to Magneton! IF WE WANTED MAGNETON TO EVOLVE, WE WOULD JUST PUT THREE TOGETHER.

    YOUR TURTWIG IS A BULBASAUR WITH A LEAF ON ITS HEAD!

    Where was I? Oh yeah, your fancy colors. We didn't have color back in my day! We had black and puke green and we were grateful! People at the store would say, "Welcome to Cerulean City, the most vibrant city in Kanto. Would you like to see a third color?" and you would reply, "No, sir, I am satisfied with two" because THATS THE WAY GOD MADE IT.

    And what's with these monsters that roam around the whole region? I don't care if you are a legendary, you stay in ONE house or cave. YOU DONT MOVE. I tells ya, the whole world is loosing control. Pretty soon these creatures will all be free. What kind of world has no pocket monster fighting action paralleling cockfighting? I am not sure, but it's a world I want none to do with!

    Maybe this old fool is too naive for this new world. But with God as my witness, I will keep my level 100 Charmander, level 100 Magikarp, and level 100 Pikachu by my side forever. You kids wouldn't understand because you're too busy 'evolving' your monsters, watching their stat-ee-vees and teachin' them moves to balance against your friends. What a waste of time! I could beat the Elite Four everytime, back when that MEANT something. So you can go fight strangers over them thar internets if you will, but as for me and my monsters, we will retire from a world which no longer needs us.
     
    Guess what?

    Back in my day, the Base Set Charizard was $75. >_>

    I know where you're coming from, but it's about looking past the aesthetics and focusing on what Pokemon do for you...Bidoof has 6 HM's at its disposal and can be quite useful in battle.

    New Pokemon often get shafted for their looks ("It copied X Pokemon BAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW"), but they're often times quite useful in battle or ingame.

    So what, half of post-gen 2 Pokemon look fugly? A lot of pre-gen 3 Pokemon look just as fugly lol >_>
     
    I'm making a second one soon.

    It's not as good as the first, but it's still funny.
     
    Hah, I remember this. This has been the third time reading this, and it still makes me laugh. Great work ;3
     
    Where was I? Oh yeah, your fancy colors. We didn't have color back in my day! We had black and puke green and we were grateful! People at the store would say, "Welcome to Cerulean City, the most vibrant city in Kanto. Would you like to see a third color?" and you would reply, "No, sir, I am satisfied with two" because THATS THE WAY GOD MADE IT.
    Haha its so true, dam straight we were grateful.
     
    Lol I saw this before. Still hilarious!:D Cant wait for the next one.
     
    Please don't let this die like my others.

    Everyone likes it.

    Hang on, maybe it could get stickied?
     
    I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to take this seriously or not =/
    It's a free spirited rant and joke together. It really says how good the old days of Pokémon used to be compared to the way it is now. The original, those that started it all. Really, it's nothing to take to heart as time moves on, so do things such as Pokémon and people. However, when you look back at it all, you really see how well off and memorable the original games used to be like Red and Blue. It just makes you think, if you know what I mean. Makes you look back to the times when you first began watching the anime from the start, playing the games back when they were for the GameBoy Color, and the cards too.

    Really, I read this and it made me laugh and look back at when I only knew of Kanto and the first 150 known Pokémon. Now, it's different, but I still stuck around regardless of what changed. To be honest, originals are always the best because they are what started it all, but I've moved along with it and I still am attached to this franchise, but nothing is comparable to when I first played Pokémon with only two colors and great graphics for that time.

    Wow, those were the days, huh grandpa?
     
    Lol, I actually prefer the newer games to the old ones. Prolly cuz I don't have the nostalgia factor >.>
    Still, it was funny enough not to annoy me, like most of these types of threads do xD
     
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