[Pokémon] Have A Cigar

[manhattan]

Summary: This wasn't the end of the world, it was something far worst. And, for some reason, they were the ones who had to survive. — AU, zombies.
Pairings: Lots and lots. But mainly RedYellow, GreenBlue, GoldCrystal, SilverJasmine (for the kicks of it) & RubySapphire.
Genre: [Supernatural/Romance] Also, AU.
Rating: T. I mean, come on, it's zombies. :D

Notes: This was all thanks to the PokéSpé thread. You guys make my head swirl with plot bunnies. So, about this: it started with a topic and me writing into it way too much. So, yeah. Possibly first zombie!Pokémon Special fic ever. (I feel special.)

(Also, if you prefer fanfiction.net, HERE.)


--


"What are you doing?" the man asked, sighing as rain fell on his head. "You'll get soaked, Maryann."
The reporter raised her eyes to him, grip faltering on the umbrella. She was crouching down, peering into a pipe, flashlight hanging limply from one hand. Maryann frowned, raising, and ran a hand through her blond hair.

"I just know it," she mumbled, while Tyler tried not to roll his eyes. "I know something's going to happen."

The man grabbed her by the shoulders, shivering from the merciless breeze hitting his back. It was a cold winter's day, even if spring was coming soon—and he was hardly dressed on what one could call decent: a t-shirt and jeans. Maryann was, assertively, losing her mind. Tyler didn't want to be there, in the rain, chasing after some madman's words. So what if Chairman Stone had left a couple of notes acclaiming the end of civilization? His companion was no longer the just woman she'd been a few months before.

Instead, she overworked herself, and eventually dragged him along on her antics—he was getting tired and he hardly slept anymore.

"Snap out of it!" he exclaimed, and suppressed the urge to shake her. A raindrop rolled down her cheek. "This isn't a secret scheme, Maryann, there aren't and there will never be—"

"Tyler!" she interrupted him, pointing at the pipe with a shaky, manicured hand. The man stepped back, unused to the way she hissed at him. "Just look around you! Everything, everything's fitting in—cells in the water, abandoned labs beneath the Game Corner! Everything's starting to make sense now! Why can't you see it?"

The rain momentarily interrupted their words, softly coating the alley in a rinsing freshness.

"There won't be any zombies," he murmured, with a saddening shake of the head. "You're crazy, Maryann."


-


-

have a cigar
take me to sunrise​

-


-

"Really? You think it'll snow?" the brunette asked with a doubting tone. She pushed a few strands of brown hair behind her ear, letting her silver earring sparkle in the light. It was raining heavily outside, the sharp sound of pit-pattering hammering inside her head—drinking with him wasn't such a great idea now.

"Don't you believe me, Blue?" the coal-haired asked back with a smile, letting his hand rest on the couch's arm. The woman smiled mysteriously, while approaching him cautiously. She'd been planning this for days—nothing could spoil it. She licked her lips, almost savoring the victory.

"Of course I do." Her hand traced his shoulder, slowly, and she leaned in for a quick hug. "…I'm sorry I ran into you before."

"It's alright, really," he said with a clumsy smile, scratching his cheek—really, this guy could be such a child sometimes; but that only made her job easier. Blue's fingers snapped against each other, imperceptibly, and she had to hide the smirk forming on her face. The cool feel of the metal against her fingers was incredibly satisfying. "Listen, I really have to go."

She pouted.

"I'll see you later, then," she murmured lightly, cocking her head to the side in a display of cuteness—this man was so dumb, he'd even fall for her fake sweetness. It made her stomach revolve, the fact that someone still believed in people's honesty and wasn't always on the lookout; especially these days, when crime was always present, even in the safest town in the world.

The young man straightened his hair, smiled and darted off, closing the door slowly. Blue got up to her feet, eyed the two badges, and smirked. It was almost unfair that her tricks were being wasted on such a guy—what was his name again? Oh, right, Jet—because it was too easy.

She shrugged, pocketing the two metalized circles, and figured that she'd best move to Slateport or something big like that—to polish her skills.

Her stomach jumped again when the sudden breeze touched her bare arms. The girl sighed, rubbing the skin with her thin thumb, and eyed Cerulean City from her window. Leading Jet into her house wasn't the wisest decision she'd ever taken, she knew, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and she wanted those cute bracelets. She closed the window carelessly.

(Working was, of course, out of the question.)

As soon as she saw that buffoon polishing his badges on the mall, with an absent look on his face, she almost glowed in expectation. Surely those were worth quite the amount of money. And then all it had taken was a fake push on his arm and a mumbled sorry (and a couple of dates, but that was as painful as it got—he was an incurable romantic) to get him to trust her. How very foolish.

Needless to be said, Blue had no interest whatsoever in the man.

Outside, thunder roared, accompanied by the occasional flash of lightning. Blue frowned at the sight of the traffic pilling up, and dialed a number on her phone. It went straight to voice mail, as usual, so she started talking immediately.

"Hi, it's me." She twirled a lock of hair between her fingers, watching as the cars stood immobile in the street. "Listen, I'm just calling to check on you."

She sat down on the windows' edge, drawing stick figures on the fogged glass. Blue was almost unsure whether she was checking up on him, or if he was the one that was checking up on her. She let her cold fingers touch her forehead, massaging her pounding head.

"I've heard some freaky stuff is happening around Celadon, and since you moved in there," she spoke slowly; almost as if to trying to listen to him breathe. There was silence, and she chided herself—it was recording, she had forgotten. "I just wanted to—to make sure you're fine. Uh, I'll probably be moving out again, too, maybe to Hoenn. I've heard their beaches are great, and I could really use a change, right?"

She paused, and breathed in.

"…I, um, I'll call you later, kid."

Blue pressed the red button on her phone, and stood quietly in the dark, listening to the silence outside.

Something was very wrong today.

She knew something was up when cars wouldn't budge. In a quiet city like Cerulean, traffic only occurred in the morning and afternoon, when people were coming and going from work or school—it was like that every day. But at ten, no cars should be out on the street. That view, of the silent yet jam-packed streets, made her skin tingle with something other than numbness.

Blue locked the door, lazily but surely, and went back to watching television.

She had a great house (of course) which gave her a wonderful view of the city's Gym. It was ten to five when she started hearing it. It was a weird sound, like nails scraping against metal or something slick, and it came from outside. The girl hadn't given it much thought, because it was probably the replacement of ruined pipes (everyone in the building had received a notice that they'd be a few hours with no water). Instead, she was focusing on the show on-screen, about rich kids and their dramatic lives, later falling asleep.

"Those kids have it good," she mumbled when she found herself awake. While reaching for her canned soda, she turned the television off. She was momentarily blinded by sunlight, and decided to close her blinds. Reaching out slowly, she wrapped her hand around the rope, and started pulling absently, while still staring at the empty screen.
A car outside honked, and she glanced outside reflexively.

It was then that she saw, the streets covered in broken glass; her stomach jumped and she could already feel her eyebrows darting up to the middle of her forehead. There were copious amounts of glass on the pavement, in no doubt from the car's windows. But what made her legs tremble—

There was no one on the streets. In the creepy, ghostly way that inspired no trust.

Her fingers nimbly found her phone, pressing the same numbers as before. She jumped when someone knocked on her door. Taking careful steps towards it, and breathing slowly, she peered into the glass, noticeably relieved when the only one knocking was her neighbor. Blue opened the door swiftly, offering a smile.

"Oh, Yellow, I'm so happy to see you. Get in, get in," she chanted, and quickly closed the door. Blue grabbed a lock of hair, twirling it absently. "Can I get you something?"

"I—I take it you saw the streets too, uh?" she asked, frightened, and Blue dropped the smile. "I, uh, I saw some stuff. I saw some people, you know, but—but they were walking weirdly and, and they couldn't even climb stairs—"

Blue paused, sending her an unexciting glance.

"I didn't see any people," the brown-haired muttered, scratching her forearm distractedly. "That was the problem, you know? There weren't any people outside. What were the ones you saw like?"

"They, they were stiff, and, and I couldn't see that well because they were pretty far."

"Yeah," she hissed, waltzing towards her door.

The gray-eyed girl on her couch frowned, expression torn in between fear and curiosity. At least she wasn't alone, seeing as her best friend was out of town and she was currently unaccompanied. Hadn't she looked out the window, she'd be on herself, while those things were walking around. Yellow shivered.

Blue stepped into the kitchen, glancing at the knives shortly, and poked around in the drawers. Her fingers finally found the cold metal and she breathed in, relieved.

"What are you doing?"

"Don't judge me for this," the woman said, and the blond sucked on her lower lip, glancing curtly at the weapon on her hand.


--


"What'cha doing?"

The boy widened his eyes, because he'd been found. Skipping Physical Ed. didn't seem that much of a great idea now, especially when the one finding him out worked in the school. He raised his face to meet his teacher's (a trainee, to be more specific) vibrant blue irises. The girl clicked her tongue, baring sharp teeth.

"I'm building a Gameboy," he replied, very much seriously, and the female raised an eyebrow, confused.

"A Game—boy?" The noun rolled off her tongue clumsily, as if she'd never heard such word before. "You should be running laps with the others. They've just stopped to drink some water; if you sneak in I'll bet no one will notice."

"…I'm good." The green-eyed boy had rolled his eyes at her insistence. He hated Physical Ed. And if he was skipping, why should he want to go there? This woman was irrational and much too contemplative about him sometimes. She dusted her shorts, kneeling down next to the blond.

There were several pieces of machinery sprawled on the grass, such as nails and springs. She watched as he expertly fit a copper wire inside a plastic tube, and then twisted a nail in a way that kept two metal parts together. The boy seemed certainly serious, and the way his dull-looking eyes moved expertly from one piece to another showed her that he had the capability to construct that G—Gameboy.

"You do know gadgets aren't allowed in school."

The boy raised his incredulous eyes to her face again, smothering a laugh.

"What?" he muttered in between stifled laughs. "Why?"

She sat down, analyzing him.

"I don't know," she confessed, shrugging nonchalantly. "It was something I overheard between your homeroom teacher… What the—?"

His breath caught up in his throat when she paused, gazing at the football field. Her face twisted into a mask of shock and confusion as she rose, running towards the stands. The boy dropped his creation carelessly, genuinely worried about the trainee. She had always been considerate, even if she somehow talked too loudly or too rashly. He was stopped from approaching the area by her trembling hands, and a precipitate whisper.

The wind blew hot in their face, dragging along an odd scent of copper and salt.

"Don't make a sound," she said, placing her indicator on her lips. With eyes still wide as saucers, she grabbed him by the sleeve and ran inside the pavilion. His feet weren't willing to cooperate, heavy against the polished floor.

"Who—What's going on, where' we going?" he inquired, quickly, almost tripping on his shoes.

"Away from there," she mumbled, diving into the supplies' room and dragging him along. She breathed in sharply, scenting the smell of old leather and plastic, all from the materials inside the closet. She breathed in again, hoping that somehow that—that smell would go away. She leaned down to check on her student and found him tinkering with his Gameboy, idly wondering when he had gotten the time to pick it up from the ground.

The boy looked at her, sadly, and mumbled. "I'm Emerald."

He raised a small hand. She took it.

"Sapphire." Her tone was no longer vibrant. She flinched when the wooden floors beneath her feet sang out a screech, breaking the silence. Emerald ran a hand through his blond hair, and huffed dryly, headed towards the door—but was promptly stopped by the older girl.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she hissed, irises ablaze with fury. Hadn't he just realized they were in danger? Whatever those things were, they had seen her and—and—she was helpless, she couldn't help him! And that thought irked her to no end.

"I don't care if I die," he replied dully, striking her down with so much of a blink. She stared. He took it as a sign not to stop talking. "I've heard about this. Word spread online. This was bigger than ever. It started with two reporters. Maryann and some other guy—Taylor, I think—well, they got missing. No big deal. Except that it was."

He shrugged.

"Apparently she had been researching about DNA cells in our water, right? And then, out of nowhere, both of them are shot and left for dead in the back of a Game Corner—well, probably. Of course it spread like wild fire, and all of us Internet junkies already know what's coming. Heh."

"It—what do you mean, what's coming?"

He smiled cheekily and snorted, before placing his hand on the knob.

"Biological war, of course."

And then he stepped out.


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[Rabbit]

Eeeeeee. Good fan fic. Please write more. o3o

I must say, you had me worried with that first line. "This wasn't the end of the world: it was something far worst." GRAMMAR ALERT. But I'm glad that it didn't put me off. This looks like a well-plotted fic with dense scenes, no irrelevant information, interesting characters and good dialogue. A lot of people can't do dialogue. The good parts read like a movie, in a good way.

Not to say that it's perfect. In some ways, it feels like a first draft. There are a handful of grammatical errors and awkward word choices. Here are some that bug me most:

"with a blank expression on his face" = what is a blank expression? If his expression has nothing exceptional about it, maybe the reader doesn't need that information.

"sighing shortly after several droplets of rain fell on his head." = I think it's the words 'shortly' and 'after' that break up this sentence. Give it a bit more flow, something like "sighing as rain fell on his head".

"trembling" = trembling with desire? Sorry, but that's what my mind expects to read. Maybe try 'shivering' instead.

"DNA cells" = DNA is not a kind of cell. Cells are not a kind of DNA. DNA is a component of most cells and is better classified as a complex molecule. I hope these 'DNA cells' aren't going to cause everyone to visibly MUTATE, because that would make me really sad. :c See here for more details.

"reacting so bad " = grammar! Try reacting badly/poorly/severely.

"inch of doubt " = I don't think that's a real figure of speech.

"the male questioned " = when you use 'questioned' instead of 'asked' it sounds rather awkward. Reserve 'questioned' for interrogations.

Another thing you do often here is replace a name/pronoun with some definiting characteristic, such as hair color or gender. I think this should also be avoided. Number one, it's confusing when you switch from 'the woman' to 'the news reporter', making me wonder how many characters are in this scene. Number two, you aren't providing the reader with any physical description of your characters other than hair colour. Number three, if two characters have the same hair colour, problems arise: in two side-by-side scenes, you use 'blond' to denote first a female character, then a male. It's rather disorienting. Lastly, adressing a character solely by gender depersonifies them. It might be better to write in brief descriptions where possible and then call the characters by name, so the reader is able to call up a visual image to fit to the character.

"the female had no interest whatsoever in the man." = sounds like we're talking about animals at the zoo. Try "she had no interest whatsoever in him."

"broken glasses" = you mean glass, right?

"Blue then huffed, wrapping her soft locks in a clumsy ponytail." = I'm interpreting this as "Then, Blue huffed, and put her hair in a ponytail." It feels like she's huffing /very deliberately/. And why is she fixing her hair when she's just stepped in through the door?

"wriggled" = again, naughty thoughts run through my head. Why on earth would you choose a word like 'wriggled'?

"Hadn't she knocked on Blue's door when her sugar ran out; she'd be on herself, while those things were waltzing around." = grammar slip-up. Also, it's unclear whether you're talking about blood sugar or sugar-filled candy goodness.

"pensive" = pensive really means 'contemplative' and doesn't seem to fit there.

""I'm Emerald."" = from the context, I would guess that Emerald is the trainee...

Right, right. You don't want to read my comments on your grammar and word choice. And frankly, I don't want to write them. Let's look at the big picture.

The first scene: we are introduced to tension, a hinted-at unsolved mystery, and /zombies/. It's a good scene considering that Taylor and Maryann are mentioned later on. However, it suffers from being a cliche. This line gives everything away:

""I just know it," she mumbled, while Tyler tried not to roll his eyes. "I know something's going to happen.""

Having one stock situation wouldn't be so bad, but you follow it up with a second: a scientist in a lab (always in a lab!) worrying about the effects of some strange substance accidentally spilled, trying to convince herself everything will be okay even though the effects of the chemical are highly unsual. The reader, of course, knows better: the consequences of the contamination will be earth-shattering. Prepare for Pokemorphs, a global flu epidemic, or...ZOMBIES.

Shift to new scene... Who is this 'Snow' person? Okay, so we aren't told. Instead we're told about Blue and Jet. Jet is your average clueless guy, and Blue is a lady who uses her feminine charms to make money - somehow. I'm not convinced that the badges she takes off him are worth anything. Even if they were sterling silver they'd go for a few bucks, at most. Well, that's her problem. My problem is that Blue is just a bit /typical/ in the way she thinks about Jet and her 'profession'. The line "Needless to be said, the female had no interest whatsoever in the man" really drives it home. I don't see why she /couldn't/ have been interested in him. One doesn't hurt the other. Oh, right, it's her character type: the sleazy, heartless thief.

The phonecall, though, suggests a different side to her, which is hugely pleasing.

Now we're looking at Ruby and Sapphire. Sapphire is a teacher in the making and must have been living under a rock for the past 10 years, because she's never heard of a Gameboy. Ruby likes electronics and hates phys ed. From Sapphire's /unnatural/ interest in Ruby, as revealed in the first few lines, I can already tell that they're going to get paired up. And my mind is screaming, "AARGH. DOESN'T SHE KNOW ANY BETTER." The supplies room bit only makes it worse. If they were caught in a compromising situation Sapphire would certainly be fired. But, with the zombie apocalypse on the horizon, maybe that won't be a concern?

I like this scene, really. First, it's a fantastic cliffhanger. Second, the contrast between the characters is interesting: Sapphire is older but has no idea what is going on and is nearly panicking. Ruby's just a kid but he knows all about it and isn't worried at all. Yaaay Internet junkies! YOU SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH.

But then he says: "Biological war, of course."

The 'war' in 'biological war', I presume, means conflict between countries. Accidental contamination within one country is not war. Did you write 'biological war' because it sounds really cool? Or does Ruby know something we don't? Or is he just hoping for biological war because he's messed up like that?

Biological war or not, it's a good fan fic so far. Although I am rather worried about the DNA cells. :P

 

[manhattan]

First off, I'd like to thank you because your review made my day. I like taking constructive criticism, and you put up your critique pretty nicely, too. So thanks a million! :D

I'd also like to say that English isn't my first language but that's not an excuse, OTL.

--

"This wasn't the end of the world, it was something far worst."
Is it correct like that? Sorry, but I suck at grammar. D:

I'll correct the other stuff soon, and I'll try and stop replacing pronouns/names with characteristics. :l

About the snow, it was supposed to be Blue asking whether it would snow or not. I guess I didn't make it that clear.

And in the Blue/Jet scene, I couldn't quite comprehend what you meant about "My problem is that Blue is just a bit /typical/ in the way she thinks about Jet and her profession". Explain plz? :)

Also, I think you read wrong. It's a Sapphire/Emerald scene. :3
But yes, I wrote 'biological war' because Emerald is just a very negative person (at least the way I see it). And also, I intended to make sure that the contamination wasn't accidental, but I guess the 'stock scene' took care of that.
(Oh, and should I get rid of one of the scenes?)

Once again, thanks for the criticism. :)

 

[Rabbit]

Haha, I'm glad you appreciate it. Kind of unusual. I'm sure most people dread contstructive crit. :P

Whoops, I accidentally erased part of my post. I was going to say that the first scene was rather cliche because it follows a certain pattern that readers expect. Namely: Maryann has stumbled upon a big mystery and has become obsessed with trying to reveal it. She thinks there is an enormous conspiracy going on. However, nobody believes her, and even her friend and coworker Tyler thinks she's going insane. The readers can expect that, despite her conclusion sounding far-fetched, Maryann is absolutely right in all her suspicions. Have I got it right?

"This wasn't the end of the world, it was something far worst." = worst should be worse, that's all. xD

About Blue being typical...I meant that she's a "sleazy, heartless thief" type: steals without reservation for fun and profit, thinks theft is an art form, is able to turn on the charm at the drop of a pin, never feels genuine affection for anyone, thinks the guys she steals from are complete fools. The phonecall makes me think twice, but that's what I get from the bit with her and Jet.

It seems to me now that she must be stealing largely for her own enjoyment. This thing with Jet took her a while, didn't it? A couple of dates, you said, just to get her hands on some metallic trinkets. Surely that's not very productive in terms of time wasted.

Lol, sorry! I don't know why I wrote Ruby instead of Emerald. The R/S/E games must have become mixed up in my head.

The lab scene isn't really vital if the scientist character isn't going to come in again, and if you plan to keep the story of the contamination a mystery until later on. Although the first scene with Taylor and Maryann suggests that it was a deliberate contamination. Is that the right interpretation?