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Intrusive thought.

Nick

    • 17,600
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    20
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    • Seen May 9, 2024
    What's a dark intrusive thought ("an intrusive thought is an unwelcome involuntary thought, image, or unpleasant idea") you recollect?
     
    maccrash said:
    whenever I'm driving a car it occurs to me that with a twitch of my arms I could easily kill myself and whoever's riding with me. I don't like that thought.
    Click to expand...
    yo ok, you gotta be kidding me. This was the exact thing I thought of when I read the thread title
     
    maccrash said:
    whenever I'm driving a car it occurs to me that with a twitch of my arms I could easily kill myself and whoever's riding with me. I don't like that thought.
    Click to expand...

    this.

    I also saw a post somewhere that said "I'm not afraid of heights. I'm afraid getting an impulse to jump and not being able to stop myself." Which I can relate to a lot.

    the thought that I or someone close to me will die or get hurt if I don't turn on and off my lights three times. or lock my car. etc.
     
    I've occasionally thought about how easy it would be to lean a little too far forward when a fast train goes past the platform I'm waiting on. This is why I keep well back away from the edge; it makes me shudder every time I think about it...it's probably irrational, because the yellow safety line is there for a reason, but I still get this feeling from time to time.
     
    Sometimes, when a member of my family stays in the bathroom for too long, I start they drowned or died or something, especially as they don't make a sound. I usually call them to see, when they respond, I just say "never mind".
     
    Usually when I have weird imagery in dreams related to animals anatomy it freaks me out.

    Like, someone picking up a cat and folding it like a blanket, a cooked ham that is wiggly and squealing, or a cow with a human face.

    And then there is sleep paralysis...a common symptom is a sense of something evil watching you...
     
    Me and my cousin had gone to this church camp, and, naturally, the girls and boys are divided into two rooms. Me and my cousin slept in the same bed. He is on the side where he can fall, and all that stuff. I sometimes think that I can just push him and he may die or be wounded or something.
     
    I think the darkest involuntary thoughts I have are the ones where I visualise some form of suicide and then want to go through with it. It can happen at any time - when I'm waiting for the bus, taking my dog for a walk to the beach, walking by the numerous cliffs in my town. The thought comes out of nowhere and interrupts all that I'm doing. The thing is, I don't want to commit suicide, I don't want any harm to come to me. But in those varied periods of time after the thought materialises, I do. It really scares me. It doesn't seem like I'm really there, that some other sick, warped entity is there instead.

    It's this disconnect that is the key, I guess. I recognise and take full responsibility over my mental health. If I can continue to see this illness as part of me but not my entire being, then I can continue working towards bettering my mental health and reclaiming my right to live.
     
    I'll have the occasional thought of just turning off the lights to the coffee stand when I'm way too busy to take care of a customer, but then I remind myself that I like my job and getting paid, so I have to suck it up and make them the best coffee they've ever had.
     
    My mind regularly goes into 'everyone hates me and my being in the world is useless and hinders people and I will never be anything' mode.
     
    The thought that life is short and fleeting... and that it can be taken from you at any given moment with or without warning.

    Sometimes I get caught up thinking about other people too, and what it must be like to live their lives... and then I just find myself so caught up in sorrow. It makes me think about how sad life really is, and how probably none of this will really matter in the long run. Those thoughts are always long and scary and totally unnecessary.

    Often I remember that my friends and family will all die someday... and that they may very well die before I do. I'm not afraid of death or anything, but I don't like thinking about what my life would be like without them... even if, maybe, it's only temporary. It still would hurt and I'd miss them.
     
    "What if I let this guy be my boyfriend and he dies of lung cancer at 40 and leaves me as a single 40 year old gay man. Life is not great for single gay men who aren't in their 20s."
     
    Sometimes while I'm swimming at the public pool I'll realize that I'm floating in a tub of backwashed snot mixed with bird shit dead skin and everyone's anal crumbs topped with a hint chlorine and influenza. Happy swimming.
     
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