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Its Over

Dark Magician ruler

Strongest magician alive
    • 392
    Posts
    19
    Years
    I would like to dedicate this to my friends mother who is no longer with us rest in peace.


    It is done
    You can now rest
    Friends are gone
    But you are the best

    People laugh
    people cry
    All is done
    You'll never die

    Looking to the sky
    You know they'er there
    They remain in your hearts
    And are in the air

    You want to carry on
    But it must seem hard
    But remember
    The deceased are never gone
     
    Last edited:
    Dark Magician ruler said:
    I would like to dedicate this to my friends mother who is no longer with us rest in peace.


    Its (It's *as in "it is"*) done
    You can now rest
    Friends are gone
    But you are the best

    People laugh
    people cry
    All is done
    You'll never die

    Looking to the sky
    You know their (they're) there
    They remain in your hearts
    And are in the air

    You want to carry on
    But it must seem hard
    But remember
    The died (deceased) are never gone
    Click to expand...

    Awww, the dedication for this poem really touches me. May your friend's mom's soul rest in peace. <33~

    This poem is short but thoughtful. It shows how even though you may not be able to physically interact with that person anymore, their spirit still looms and just looking into the heavens can give someone who's grieving a feeling of peace and serenity. Also, the thought that you'll one day be able to see them again can lift your spirits. n______n

    Now to the spelling and punctuational problems, I only saw a few. X3 In the quote above, I corrected the spelling and grammarical errors. ^o^ Also, in the very last line, "The died are never gone" doesn't make sense. The problem lies in the word "died." So I suggested that you use "deceased", which means the same thing, instead. ^^

    Also, I might suggest that you use commas and/or periods at the end of each of your lines, it will really help pull the stanzas together and make the entire poem flow much smoother. ^______^ Overall you did a wonderful job. :3

    ~Kelsey
     
    DMR.....not bad for a guy who doesn't write poems. And unfortunately, I was at his place when the news was heard. Sad tale......
     
    Thank you for saying nice things and I hope she does rest in peace I would like to thank you once again for postive replies.
     
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