Japanese translation help, please?

[icycatelf]

I sometimes make custom cards, usually in English, but sometimes I like to try my hand at Japanese cards as well since I enjoy the aesthetic of Classic-Neo PCG. Alas, I don't actually know Japanese, which leads me to using automatic translators that can be, well...

Anyway, if anyone here actually knows Japanese and would be willing to help a guy out, I'd love if you could assist! Right now I'm working on this card, but I may make new ones or revisit some past cards at some point.



The main thing I need help with here is the 'dex entry, since I can't copy+paste that from official entries.

It should translate: "(It) loves to nibble on icicles. When excited, it looses (i.e. releases, scatters) sugar-like scales from its tiny wings."

What I got from an AI translator: 「氷柱をかじるのが大好きです。興奮すると、小さな翼から砂糖のような鱗粉が舞い散ります。」

 

[Cherrim]

View attachment 166768

I would translate the Japanese there as:
"It loves to nibble on icicles. When excited/agitated, sugar-like scales flutter down from its small wings."

This sounds kind of poetic so if that's what you're going for, great! If you want it to be more of a scatter than the slow flutter of petals (which is what the verb evokes), I'd change the last line to 小さな翼から砂糖のような鱗粉を散らします. This has more of a scatter/disperse/"cause a shower of" scales meaning. Alternatively if you want the word used to match, like, the description of poison powder (ex: "scatters a cloud of dust"), make it 小さな翼から砂糖のような鱗粉を振りまきます.

However the translator gave you the phrasing in polite form and usually Pokémon cards seem to use simple form for sentences/dex entries. I've also simplified some words from kanji as some less common words are simplified in the games and side materials for kids. And I've fixed up some phrasing to what I think sounds more natural for a dex entry. So the whole thing should instead be:

• 氷柱をかじることが大好き。興奮すると、小さな翼から砂糖のようなりんぷんが舞い散ります。(scales flutter down)
  or
• 氷柱をかじることが大好き。興奮すると、小さな翼から砂糖のようなりんぷんを散らす。(scales scatter/shower down)
  or
• 氷柱をかじることが大好き。興奮すると、小さな翼から砂糖のようなりんぷんを振りまく。(scatter like poison powder)

I usually translate Japanese to English and not the other way around, so it's possible I'm not fully aware of some of the word nuances that a native speaker would know, so take this with a grain of salt. :)

 

[icycatelf]

I would translate the Japanese there as:
"It loves to nibble on icicles. When excited/agitated, sugar-like scales flutter down from its small wings."

This sounds kind of poetic so if that's what you're going for, great! If you want it to be more of a scatter than the slow flutter of petals (which is what the verb evokes), I'd change the last line to 小さな翼から砂糖のような鱗粉を散らします. This has more of a scatter/disperse/"cause a shower of" scales meaning. Alternatively if you want the word used to match, like, the description of poison powder (ex: "scatters a cloud of dust"), make it 小さな翼から砂糖のような鱗粉を振りまきます.

However the translator gave you the phrasing in polite form and usually Pokémon cards seem to use simple form for sentences/dex entries. I've also simplified some words from kanji as some less common words are simplified in the games and side materials for kids. And I've fixed up some phrasing to what I think sounds more natural for a dex entry. So the whole thing should instead be:

• 氷柱をかじることが大好き。興奮すると、小さな翼から砂糖のようなりんぷんが舞い散ります。(scales flutter down)
  or
• 氷柱をかじることが大好き。興奮すると、小さな翼から砂糖のようなりんぷんを散らす。(scales scatter/shower down)
  or
• 氷柱をかじることが大好き。興奮すると、小さな翼から砂糖のようなりんぷんを振りまく。(scatter like poison powder)

I usually translate Japanese to English and not the other way around, so it's possible I'm not fully aware of some of the word nuances that a native speaker would know, so take this with a grain of salt. :)

TYSM! I think I'll go with the second wording since 振 doesn't seem to evoke as much of a delicate feel.

One more thing, if you don't mind. I borrowed this text from official cards, but it's pieced together from several so idk how properly it flows together or if the toten (comma) placement would be affected. The translation came out smoother in a Japanese grammar checker when I removed the first toten but idk if that would be correct.

どちらかの場のポケモン1匹を選び、にのっているダメージカウンターを、3個までとりのぞく。このワザは、このポケモンがベンチにいても使える。

"Choose 1 Pokémon on either (player's) field and remove up to 3 damage counters from it. This attack can even be used from the Bench." (Intentionally using either/it vs your or your opponent's/that Pokémon so as to avoid flooding the textbox and throwing off the visual balance of the card.)

 

[Cherrim]

TYSM! I think I'll go with the second wording since 振 doesn't seem to evoke as much of a delicate feel.

One more thing, if you don't mind. I borrowed this text from official cards, but it's pieced together from several so idk how properly it flows together or if the toten (comma) placement would be affected. The translation came out smoother in a Japanese grammar checker when I removed the first toten but idk if that would be correct.

どちらかの場のポケモン1匹を選び、にのっているダメージカウンターを、3個までとりのぞく。このワザは、このポケモンがベンチにいても使える。

"Choose 1 Pokémon on either (player's) field and remove up to 3 damage counters from it. This attack can even be used from the Bench." (Intentionally using either/it vs your or your opponent's/that Pokémon so as to avoid flooding the textbox and throwing off the visual balance of the card.)

Hmm, I think you still need 「そのポケモン」 in there to clarify which Pokemon has the damage counters. In my brief research I also didn't see any cards that referred to "either player's field" with どちらかの場, it seems that's more commonly signified with 「お互いの場」 (Southern Islands Lickitung, Gardevoir Lv X).

So I think it probably reads better as:
お互いの場のポケモン1匹を選び、そのポケモンにのっているダメージカウンターを、3個までとりのぞく。このワザは、このポケモンがベンチにいても使える。

But I also haven't played or collected TCG since fossil set to see common phrasings in either language so again, grain of salt. (The comma after を was surprising to me and I almost took it out but apparently JP Pokemon cards actually do that so! Must be right lol. Commas are generally just for readability in JP anyway, they don't really have a purpose otherwise.)

 

[icycatelf]

Hmm, I think you still need 「そのポケモン」 in there to clarify which Pokemon has the damage counters. In my brief research I also didn't see any cards that referred to "either player's field" with どちらかの場, it seems that's more commonly signified with 「お互いの場」 (Southern Islands Lickitung, Gardevoir Lv X).

So I think it probably reads better as:
お互いの場のポケモン1匹を選び、そのポケモンにのっているダメージカウンターを、3個までとりのぞく。このワザは、このポケモンがベンチにいても使える。

But I also haven't played or collected TCG since fossil set to see common phrasings in either language so again, grain of salt. (The comma after を was surprising to me and I almost took it out but apparently JP Pokemon cards actually do that so! Must be right lol. Commas are generally just for readability in JP anyway, they don't really have a purpose otherwise.)

Wording on early cards wasn't quite consistent. Fossil Hypno (your or your opponent's deck) vs Jungle Mankey (either deck), for example. Also, Potion didn't specify "that Pokémon" until later prints. In Southern Islands Lickitung's case (which I used for some of the first part of the effect), I feel that the first comma is really only there to break up the 1 Pokémon/that Pokémon and could be dropped for the 1 Pokémon/it scenario (どちらかの場のポケモン1匹を選びにのっているダメージカウンターを、3個までとりのぞく). Dunno if that is a valid reason though.

There are also instances where the comma follows the で instead of を.

Again, I'm trying to preserve the visual balance of the card while also being "technically" PCG accurate (even if that means using some of the less common wordings). Looks best when the end of the text is roughly aligned with the wing's edge imo. Too long and it just looks wonky.

I would use the お互い from Lickitung but the "each other" translation makes it sound to me like you're supposed to pick one of your and one of your opponent's Pokémon, despite the official translation.

EDIT: Noticed the "it" missing from some translations and attempted to add it here: どちらかの場のポケモン1匹を選び、そのっているダメージカウンターを、3個までとりのぞく。このワザは、このポケモンがベンチにいても使える。I have seen その used on some cards but I'm not sure about this context. Can be interpreted as that, the, its, or their from what I gather (Choose 1 Pokémon on either field and then, its damage counters, remove up to three).

EDIT 2: Or would そのにの be more correct? Would bring me back to having more characters than desired though...

 

[Cherrim]

Wording on early cards wasn't quite consistent. Fossil Hypno (your or your opponent's deck) vs Jungle Mankey (either deck), for example. Also, Potion didn't specify "that Pokémon" until later prints. In Southern Islands Lickitung's case (which I used for some of the first part of the effect), I feel that the first comma is really only there to break up the 1 Pokémon/that Pokémon and could be dropped for the 1 Pokémon/it scenario (どちらかの場のポケモン1匹を選びにのっているダメージカウンターを、3個までとりのぞく). Dunno if that is a valid reason though.

There are also instances where the comma follows the で instead of を.

Again, I'm trying to preserve the visual balance of the card while also being "technically" PCG accurate (even if that means using some of the less common wordings). Looks best when the end of the text is roughly aligned with the wing's edge imo. Too full and it doesn't flatter the simple art. Not sure if that's going to be possible though.

I would use the お互い from Lickitung but the "each other" translation makes it sound to me like you're supposed to pick one of your and one of your opponent's Pokémon, despite the official translation.

EDIT: Noticed the "it" missing from some translations and attempted to add it here: どちらかの場のポケモン1匹を選び、そのっているダメージカウンターを、3個までとりのぞく。このワザは、このポケモンがベンチにいても使える。I have seen その used on some cards but I'm not sure about this context. Can be interpreted as that, the, its, or their from what I gather (Choose 1 Pokémon on either field and then, its damage counters, remove up to three).

EDIT 2: Or would そのにの be more correct? Would bring me back to having more characters than desired though...

Yeah, お互い to me also reads as one from both but they use it at least twice matching that translation so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

If you don't want it to have that many characters in the sentence, just do 「…1匹を選び、のっているダメージカウンターを…」. I think it reads well enough!

 

[icycatelf]

Yeah, お互い to me also reads as one from both but they use it at least twice matching that translation so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

If you don't want it to have that many characters in the sentence, just do 「…1匹を選び、のっているダメージカウンターを…」. I think it reads well enough!

TYSM again! Here's the updated card :D