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lily and james potter: the story that started it all... *year one*

Psychotic_Demon

The Espeon of the Moon
    • 5,127
    Posts
    21
    Years
    just a note...​


    ok this is a fic that i have been dying to make. it still in working process but im hoping to post the first part soon!

    as most of you have read the HP books you know that they are about harry`s adventures at hogwarts. well, in this fanfic it will be about all the grown-ups as they went through hogwarts as kids. but there are some made up charaters! here are some of them:


    james potter: one of the main characters.

    lily eavns: another main character.

    sirius black: james best friend.

    remus lupin: another of james friend.

    peter pettigrew: james friend.

    mary anne battenin: lily`s best friend.

    kyla opona: another of lilys friends.

    destiny leganish: another of lilys friends.

    lucious malfoy: james rival.

    serves snape: a friend of malfoys.

    tom riddle a.k.a. lord voldemort: a third year at hogwarts. big surprise in year seven!


    ok these are most of the characters. if there are any i forgot i promise that i will tell you.

    i hope to be posting soon!!! :D
     
    ok. i think i`m ready for the first chapter. here it is!




    lily and james potter: the story that started it all... *year one*
    ch. 1: trip to diagon alley​


    Lily evans walked through the crowded streets of diagon alley. In one hand she held a large pile of supplies for her new school. In the other her list from hogwarts a wierd school. Nervously, she glanced from side to side looking at all the shops on either side of her staring at the unusal items in the windows. Lily looked back at her letter.

    Hogwarts School
    of Witchcraft and Wizardry​

    Headmaster: Ignus Baggot

    Order of Merlin, First Class Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock,
    Supreme Mugwump​

    Dear Miss Evans,

    We are pleased to imform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessray books and equipment. Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than july 31.

    Yours sincerely,

    patricia niness

    patricia niness
    Deputy Headmistress

    Lily smiled with satifaction. She was going to a new school. Lily was lost in thought when... "WATCH OUT!"
    "oof..." She ran right in to some boy, spilling everything on the ground. Lily shook her head. "Sorry..." She started.

    "Its ok. Here let me help you with those." the boy answered, picking up her stuff along with his. Lily noticed a letter lying on the ground. Is that his? she thought. Its just like mine!!! she picked up the letter.

    "Is this yours?" She asked looking at the boy for the first time. He had messy, jet black hair and brown eyes. In his hand, he held a wooden stick.

    "Uhh... yea." He took the letter out of her hand. "T-thanks." He looked up. The girl that had given him his letter made his mouth go dry. Her dark red hair blew gently in the wind. her green eyes started at him, not blinking at all...

    "Uhh... can I have my stuff?" She asked him. The boy then realised he was still holding her school supplies.

    "Oh... yeah. Here." He dumped everything into her arms.

    "Thanks..."

    "James."

    "Oh. Thanks James. i`m Lily. Your going to hogwarts, right?"

    "Yeah." James answered in a dreamy-like manner.

    "Do you know where i can get a wand?"

    "Yeah."

    "Can you take me there?"

    "Yeah." Lily waited for the boy to start moving. he didnt.

    "Is 'yeah' the only thing you can say?"

    "Yeah... I mean-no!!! Here the wand shop is this way." He led her to a shabby shop called Ollivanders: Makers of Fine Wands since 382 B.C.

    "In here." James pointed at the store.

    "Thanks." Lily said with a sweet smile. She walked pass James and into the dark shop, ready to get her wand...



    i hope you like the first chapter. it has taken me 45 minutes to write... (mainly cause my friend was IMing me...)
    See Ya in the next chap.!!!

    next chapter: Lily`s First Wand
     
    Last edited:
    Srry for the inturuption i hope its okay to, but i really like it.i just though you should know.
     
    Ya i really do ur a really great author I'm excited for the next chapter!
     
    it`ll be coming soon! hey tell ur freinds! i need publicity!
     
    I'll try, but since im sorta new i don't have many srry im unpopular, but ill try. Even with out publicity ill reply to it so that i can keep it near the top of the page.
     
    It's cute so far. You're quite good with dialogue. It's hard for me to judge whether it's accurate or not, since there really aren't any parts in the Harry Potter books where James or Lilly speaks, but you do have a good sense for how people would react to things.

    I just have a few suggestions, being a veteran fanfiction writer myself. Hope you don't mind! ^_^

    Details: Though you're really good at dialogue details, your chapter is lacking in physical and mental descriptions. Try telling your audience what things look, taste, smell, sound, and feel like, as well as including intuitive senses if you deem it fit. It's really important, especially in the beginning of your story, so that your readers can get a sense of what the world is like, and what the characters are like.

    Plot-Be careful not to introduce your characters, or their relationships, too quickly. You don't want to rush into things. Give your readers a good sense of suspense to keep them in the story. If you reveal everything too fast, the middle and ending is really predictable, even if we know that Lily and James will end up married because of the actual books.

    I'm looking foward to reading the rest of the story. I hope my suggestions helped! ^_^
     
    yea they did! thanks! i hope you like the next part!
     
    sigh... some people seem to be confused. heres how it goes.

    james and lily meet. james likes lily all through the years. lily like james as a friend. she doesnt find out that james likes her until the end of book 6.

    get it now? anyway, chap two:



    chap. 2: Lily`s First Wand​


    Well some one said be more descriptive, so I am!!!


    Lily walked into the gloomy shop followed by James. She could see no one but another girl looking at some boxes she held. It took a moment for Lily`s eyes to ajust but she could see the shop clearly now.

    There were rows and rows of what looked like bookshelves, and on them there were long colored boxes. In the middle of the room, right across from the door was a single wooden desk with a lamp and, much to Lily`s surprise, a pen writing on a parchment all by itself.

    Lily glanced at James. ?Are you sure this is the place?? she asked nevously.

    ?Yeah. This is it! Come on.? He grabbed her arm and pulled torwards the desk. ?Mr. Ollivander!!!? he called, his voice echoing through out the near-empty shop.

    Lily looked over the shoulder at the door, for no particular reason at all. She turned back torwards the desk and gasped. A man had appeared out of nowhere! An old man stood behind the desk, his wide round eyes shining like a cats.

    ?Hello.? He said to Lily in a soft voice. ?You?re here to buy a wand, are you not??

    ?Yes Mr. Ollivander. I`m going to Hogwarts.? Lily answered.

    ?Good. Hogwarts is an excellent school. You`ll like it. Now, which arm is your wand arm??

    ?I? uhh? I`m left handed.?

    ?Hmmm? a lefty. Lets see?.? He went to one of the shelves and came back with a box. ?Here, try this one. Beech-wood and unicorn hairs. 10 inches.? Ollivander handed Lily the wand. Lily looked at it. ?Just give it a swish.? He told her.

    Lily did what she was told. Nothing happened. Suddently, James yelled. His pants had caught on fire! ?Quinchess.? Ollivander said and the fire died out.

    ?Oh my god! I`m soooo sorry, James!? Lily said shamefully.

    James smiled. ?Its ok?? he answered her. ?My pants are just burnt a bit.?

    ?I can fix that. Repairo.? Ollivander said and James pants looked like they had never been touched.

    ?Thanks?. ? James muttered.

    Ollivander took the wand out of Lily`s hand. He then retreated back to the shelves and returned with another box. ?This one might work.? He said, taking the wand out.

    Lily took the wand. All she did was lower it a little and a scream broke out through the shop. It was the girl! She ran torwards the desk followed by a couple of three eyed frogs.

    ?Sorry!!!? Lily said to her. James looked like he was trying to hold back a laugh.

    ?Dispencio.? Ollivander said. The frogs disappeared.

    ?I`m so sor-? James burst. He was laughing so hard he had tears streaming down his eyes. ?James that?s not funny!? Lily said angerly.

    ?I think that wand made him laugh.? The girl said. She was right.

    ?D-do-HAHA-a-HE-countercurse!!! BWAHA!!!? He said in between laughs.

    ?Silencio.? James stopped. ?Repairo. Lily, lets try again.? Ollivander sighed.

    He disappeared into the very back of the shop this time reappearing with another box. Carefully, he took the wand out and placed it in Lily`s hand. Out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw James and the girl take a few steps back. Lily waved the wand around. Brightly colored sparks erupted from the tip turning into flowers just before the hit the ground.

    Ollivander smiled. ?I think we have a match.?


    i hope you like this chap! see ya next time in chapter 3: dusty and angel
     
    Nice job can't wait for the next chapter you're doing a excelent job so keep up the good work. I suggest that you enlongate the chapters a little bit, but other than that it's excellent!!!!!!
     
    I'm an accuracy nut, so forgive a few of the comments here: Near as can be told, Lily sort've hated James until 7th year. Dumbledore was Headmaster of Hogwarts bak when they attended. Tom Riddle was long gone from Hogwartsby the time Lily and James were first year...And nothing else.

    Other than that, it's pretty good so far. I'm liking it. Aside from what Skye said (which I must reinforce), it's pretty good. Keep writing!
     
    i`m changing a few things!!! and dumbledor comes NEXT year. and lily doesnt hate him till 4th year.
     
    Okay, but the previous Headmaster of Hogwarts was Armando Dippet. Not trying to criticize, just pointing a few things out.
     
    i didnt know that.... ooops... oh well!!! it is now ignus baggot!^^
     
    okay, theres a change in plans. lily hates james in fic 3. wow, i cant believe im planning to go all the way to 7....


    ch. 3: Dusty and Angel​


    Lily smalied as well. "Thank you, Mr. Ollivander. But may i ask, what kind of wand is it?"

    "Ten and a quarter inches long, made of willow. Very nice for charm work." Ollivander replyed.

    "Mines eleven inches, mahogany. Right?" James asked, not wanting to be left out.

    "Thats right. Great for transfiguration." Ollivander said. "And if you dont have an owl, i think you can find one at Eeyclops Owl Emporium." he added with a twinkle in his eye.

    "Okay, we`ll go there next. Want to come james?" Lily asked sweetly.

    James`s heart skipped a beat. "O-okay. I`d love to come!" he said blushing. Thankfully, Lily didnt notice.

    They walked out of the dark, gloomy store, Ollivander watching them go. "I think I can expect great things from those two..." He whispered to himself, before returning to the back of the store.

    James eyes were greeted by a bright sun. "Ow." he said quietly.

    "What, did the sun half-blind you too?" Lily asked, joking.

    "uh.... Yeah. Hey, theres the pet store!"

    Lily turned her head torwards a crowded shop, full of animals and people alike. There were cages holding owls near the door, and even a giant toad sitting on a table.

    They walked into the shop, glancing at the animals near the door. "Wow..." Lily said. Inside the store was bigger than it looked. Big ages, small cages, and everything in between lined the walls. they held all sorts of animals, some Lily, even James didnt reconize. The two split up, searching for something that they liked.

    James went over to the owl section, and started examining the different speacies of owls. He found one on top of a post. Its feathers were a blend of browns and grays, melting toger in a weird way. James then noticed some blue feathers on its tail.

    "Hmmm... " james started. "Your different. I`ve never seen an owl like you."

    "Thats because there is no other owl like him." A voice said behind him. James turned around. The stranger was a middle-aged man, with a bald head. his dark brown skin matched the walls.

    "Exacly what type of owl is he?" James asked the stranger.

    "Hes a Blue-Tail King Owl." The man replyed. He stuck out a hand. "HI. I`m Qauken Kings."

    James returned the handshake. "James. James Potter-" the Blue-Tail flew from his perch and landed on James`s arm.

    "He must like you." Qauken said. "Normaly, he stays away from people."

    "Oh. I`ll take him. How much?" James asked.

    "uhh... i`ll take 18 sickles. Fair eough?"

    "I guess."

    "Okay, then he`s yours."

    "Thanks!"

    "Now you get to name him!"

    "Okay.... Dusty!" James handed Qauken the money.

    Qauken grinned. "Thats a good name. Take care of Dusty!"

    *~*~*~*

    Lily watched James leave. She had no idea here to go. uhh.... i guess i`ll just look around... She thought nevously. Lily walked down one side of the store, looking at all the cages. She stopped at one cage. In it was the strangest creature Lily had ever seen.

    The strange creature looked like a white cat with icey blue eyes. It had two bushy tails and small silver wings, folded neatly against its sides. The cat stared intently at Lily with its blue eyes.

    A voice behind Lily spoke. "Wow, she must like you," Lily jumped. "because usually she attacks anyone who looks at her."

    Lily turned around to see a man with dark brown skin. his head was bald and gleamed in the light. "Oh, really?" She asked.

    "Yeah. By the way, I`m Ackle Kings." He smilded at her brightly.

    "Hi. I`m Lily Evans. How much?"

    "ehh... 16 sickles."

    "okay. Here." Lily handed Ackle the 16 sickles.

    "Wha`cha gonna name her?"

    "uhhh..." Lily looked at her new pet. "Angel."

    "Angel? More like demon..." Ackle mumbled.

    "But shes been so qiuet. And cute." Lily picked Angel up. The winged cat purred loudly. "By the way, what kind of cat is this?"

    Ackle smiled. "A rare breed. Only found in certain areas of the world. Shes a Furffent."

    "Oh, okay."

    "take good care of Angel!" Ackle said before running off to greet a new customer. Lily turned around to look James and could have sworn she saw Ackle at the end of the aisle. She turned back around. Nobody there.

    weird... she thought with a smile before running off to find James.


    i hope you like this chapter!^^ see ya next in chap.4: a new friend!
     
    thankies!^^ i cant wait to get an idea! think i overdid it with the furffent idea?
     
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