Love + Battle Fanfic: A Thousand Nights Away From You

[gameplay]

Please keep in mind that this is not actually a movie coming out, but I just made it up, so yeah....

*****Glambora City*****

Here we are, Glambora City. It is a city from an island separated from Sinnoh. Along with Ash just visiting the city, Misty, Dawn, and Brock were with him.

Aside from that, Glambora City.... It is a city of such peace, not until Ash and friends came.

"Team Rocket is Here!" Team Rocket screamed.
"Please don't say that dumb whatever-it-is-your going to say!" Misty screamed.
"Why not?!"
"Because it sucks, that's what!" Misty yelled.
"Grr.... How dare she! Let's get them, James!" Jessie exclaimed.
"Right! Carnivine, let's go!" James exclaimed, as he threw the pokeball.
"You too, Sableye!" Jessie exclaimed.
"Since when did they get a Sableye?!" Dawn exclaimed.
"Long story short? They visited me in the Cerulean Cave, and followed me ever since!" Misty explained.
"Whatever! Come on, Pikachu! You Can Do It!" Ash exclaimed, releasing Pikachu for the battle.
"Come on out, Empoleon!" Dawn exclaimed, also releasing her Empoleon.

"Pikachu, use Thunder on Sableye!"
"Oh no you don't! Sableye, dodge!"
"Carnivine, use SolarBeam!"

As Sableye dodged and jumped high, Carnivine spun under and unleashed a powerful solarbeam at Empoleon, while Ash did not know the target is not Pikachu.

"Empoleon, NO!"
"Good work, Carnivine!
"Carni!"
"Empoleon, are you okay? You deserve a good rest!" Dawn exclaimed, returning Empoleon to its pokeball.

"Let me try, Dawn! I Choose You, Sudowoodo!" Brock exclaimed.
"Sudowoodo, use Tackle!"

"Sableye, use Shadow Ball on Sudowoodo!"
"Sudo?"
"Sudowoodo, dodge!"
"Sudo!" Sudowoodo said, as he sprang up.

"Meowth is here! Claw! GO!" Meowth said, using their new hand grabby thingy to capture Pikachu.

"Pikachu, NO!"

"Let's see... I choose you! Vaporeon!" Misty exclaimed, releasing her pokemon for battle.

"Vaporeon, use Ice Beam on Carnivine!"
"Carnivine, do-"

Too late for James! Carnivine was hit with the quick icebeam.

"Sudowoodo, use Rock Throw!"
"Sableye, dodge and use Shadow Ball!"
"What? NO! SUDOWOODO!"

Ash stepped in for Brock, but before that happened, Gary appeared and sent out Blastoise.

"Blastoise, use Hydro Pump!"

Team Rocket was instantly blown away. "Team's Rocket's Blasting Off Again!"

**5 Minutes Later...

"So what are you doin here, Gary?" Ash asked.
"Me? Well, it was the Star Festival here. What you guys doin here?"
"Exploring. Before we head back home."

"Oh, we should all see the Star Festival! It's opening up tonight!"

"YAY! Let's go!" Dawn exclaimed.
"I hear they have an unofficial Pokemon Contest and a Concert for Trainers!" Brock exclaimed.

"Awesome! I'm ready for the Contest!" Dawn said, psyched.
"I'd love to go up on stage and sing!" Misty said.

*****Star Festival Hotel*****

"Hello there, Customers! How many do we have here today?" Nurse Joy asked.

"We have 5 trainers, please," Gary said.

"Okay. You two girls will go in one room, and the other three boys will go in another. That ok? Because we don't have enough bunks in one room."

"Okay, sure," Dawn said.

*****Boy's Room*****

"Hey this is awesome! The guide says there's place where trainers can just battle it out!" Brock exclaimed.

"Really? Awesome! Gary, you and I should join!" Ash said.

"Uh, sure! No problem!"

*****Stadium*****

"This is going to be awesome! Go ASH! Go GARY!" Dawn and Misty exclaimed, cheering them both on.

"First Match! Gary Oak VS Allen McGuahlin!"

Gary sends out his Manectric, and Allen McGuahlin sends out a Sealeo!

"Manectric, use Thunder!"
"Sealeo, use Protect!"
"Great! Now use Earthquake!"
"Earthquake?!"
"MANECTRIC, NO!"

Manectric was injured, but not that much.

"Manectric, use Quick Attack!"

"Sealeo! Use Ice Beam!"

"Manectric, jump high and use Zen Head Butt!"

Sealeo was badly injured.

"Great, Manectric! Now use Zap Cannon!"

"Sealeo is unable to battle! Winner is Gary and Manectric!"

**Next to Ash, Gary, Dawn, Brock, and Misty:

"Hi there. My name is Sharra."
"Hi there. My name is Ash."

Sharra was perhaps the most beautiful trainer ever seen. She had pale skin like Dawn, and had blonde hair. She had a black shirt sort of like Dawn's, and had a pink jacket, and a pink skirt with a black belt.

Sharra and Ash then decided to battle.

*End of Chapter 1.

 

[diamondpearl876]

It's not bad, actually. You're just missing a lot of description, ESPECIALLLLYYY in battles.

Also, in the first part, you use exclaimed like.. six times in a row. Try different things. Use a thesaurus if you need to. It will be your best friend.

Also, where the hell did Gary come from? Why not make a separate part with him exploring the city, have him look into a few shops or something, and eventually comes across Ash and co.?

You're also rushing into things too fast.. First, Team Rocket comes in within 3 paragraphs of the story. Then, the boy's room, and then suddenly the stadium.. Take your time with places, as each should be important to your story.

Hope this helps, and good luck!

 

[gameplay]

It's not bad, actually. You're just missing a lot of description, ESPECIALLLLYYY in battles.

Also, in the first part, you use exclaimed like.. six times in a row. Try different things. Use a thesaurus if you need to. It will be your best friend.

Also, where the hell did Gary come from? Why not make a separate part with him exploring the city, have him look into a few shops or something, and eventually comes across Ash and co.?

You're also rushing into things too fast.. First, Team Rocket comes in within 3 paragraphs of the story. Then, the boy's room, and then suddenly the stadium.. Take your time with places, as each should be important to your story.

Hope this helps, and good luck!

well thanks for that idea i guess

 

[diamondpearl876]

o_o; Sorry if that seemed harsh. Just trying to help. :O

 

[gameplay]

Oh hey! No problem! No sweat! I remember on the 4kids forums I would always create fanfics like this! I get corrections from one of my friends there! It actually helps me out a lot! No problem!

 

[gameplay]

o_o; Sorry if that seemed harsh. Just trying to help. :O

hey wanna be on my buddy list?

 

[diamondpearl876]

hey wanna be on my buddy list?

uhh, sure. of course. XD before you get warned, don't double post though.. ;)