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Marriage Restrictions

Nakasu

    • 533
    Posts
    12
    Years
    • Seen Nov 4, 2017
    About 2 weeks ago, my marriage plans kinda had a downfall due to my Fiances father not accepting me or our relationship. My fiance had wanted to do it anyways but if did his father may have disowned him which I didn't want.

    Is it fair to plan out who your child will marry? Is it fair to halt someones marriage based on your own traditions? Is love restricted?
     
    Since I don't come from a culture where marriages are arranged, I can't really say that I understand why that happens or whether or not its "right" -

    So, I'm just going to answer this from my perspective. I personally wouldn't think its fair to be controlling who your children marries because you're infringing on their right to choose who they want to marry. All it really comes down is that their love, their romantic pursuits, and ultimately their autonomy is not yours to control.

    I think traditions are a tricky subject, especially if the child follows and agrees with your traditions - if the child is willing to give their consent to their parents on who they marry, as weird as that seems to me, then that's their decision. Obviously though, if they want to choose who to marry, then traditions are rather irrelevant - just because someone might have come from a certain background in which a custom contradicts with what they want, then its not within the tradition's authority to control that aspect, because it just simply wouldn't apply to them.

    I'm not entirely sure what you mean "is love restricted", because there can be a lot of answers to this, so I'm just going to go out on a whim and say generally, yes, many forms of love are restricted. In a lot of places same-sex love is prohibited, then there's age gaps, stuff like that. It should be noted that not all restrictions on "love" are bad, because if there weren't, then adults who claim to "love" a child could freely express their pedophilia. It all depends on context.
     
    Well, I just wrote a long paragraph on my opinion, and I dont feel like typing it out again, so Ill just summarize.

    I would personally hear out reasons why the parents dont want the children to marry. I personally know a family where the parents said to not marry a guy, but she did anyways. And it was HORRIBLE and ruined her life. Many abusive and disgusting stuff happened to her, as well as ruining her very successful career. I wont go into details because its not appropriate.

    I think its ultimately the child's choice, whether the choice is right or wrong. Just hear out what your parents have to say because they have more experience.

    In your case, it seems like that father is extremely ignorant. Im glad you are being unselfish, and I hope this all works out for you.
     
    If their children will be happy and really want it, I think the parents have no place trying to stop them from having that happiness. Unless there are circumstances where the marriage is a bad idea, or the kids are being irresponsible, I hate when parents try to control their kids choices when it comes to dating and marriage. People should be able to love and marry whomever they want.

    One of my friends also had to break up with her five-year boyfriend, just because they had reached talk of marriage, but their religions were different, and the parents felt it would cause a lot of issues. Ugh.
     
    i don't like arranged marriages. i know it's proper in some cultures, but i don't understand how parents want their child happy if they're being forced to marry someone they don't like? i think marriage is about happiness and parents do want their children happy, right?
     
    I really hate it when families try to get involved in the relationships of consenting adults. Honestly, traditions or not it has nothing to do with you and if you're going to disown someone over who they want to marry they're probably better off without you.
     
    It's pretty interesting to see how marriage has evolved, actually. People used to arrange marriages for property gain and peace treaties. The "marrying for love" is only recent in the large scheme of things and traditionalists thought it would ruin marriage because they thought something as fleeting as love can be would make for a fragile marriage.

    ...Sorry, I'm taking a class on this lmao. But regardless, things are different now and I don't think parents should impede on their children like that. But I don't think severing ties is a good idea either. Surely you can put forth the effort to work something out so that his family isn't entirely out of your lives, but if it doesn't work out that way, at least you tried. But you shouldn't have to be held back by his father's actions.
     
    No, I don't think marriage should be restricted. If the marriage can't happen because of race, religion, or anything along those lines...why the fuck not? Love isn't between the color of your skin, the Holy Book that you read, genders, or the countries that your from; love - true, unequivocal love - is between hearts, so why should it be denied on grounds of the physical? In the long run, race doesn't make a difference, religions can change, yadda yadda yadda, but true love is rare and should be accepted in all instances.
     
    While it is the duty of a parent to take a great interest in the partner of a child and make sure they're of a decent quality, that does not mean the parent is in the right.

    From what I can tell, you don't seem like a problematic sort. So you need only ask yourself this.

    Are you a terrible partner or is the parent merely spiteful of you for various reasons?
     
    Parents have 18 or so years to teach their kids and impart their values to them. After that I think it's fair to let them make some decisions for themselves.

    Psyduck tradition. That's just an excuse for people who can't accept things that are different from themselves. If you love your kid then support them when they do something like this. Yeah, they might be making a mistake, and you can say so, but you don't get to make all their decisions for them.
     
    Murmansk said:
    While it is the duty of a parent to take a great interest in the partner of a child and make sure they're of a decent quality, that does not mean the parent is in the right.

    From what I can tell, you don't seem like a problematic sort. So you need only ask yourself this.

    Are you a terrible partner or is the parent merely spiteful of you for various reasons?
    Click to expand...

    Im not a terrible partner at all. I never try to be a burden on him. His father never seemed to hate me at all, that's why I was confused on why he denied us.
     
    Nakasu said:
    Im not a terrible partner at all. I never try to be a burden on him. His father never seemed to hate me at all, that's why I was confused on why he denied us.
    Click to expand...
    Maybe he was just cowardly about voicing it or maybe you just didn't notice.

    Either way, it's you and your partners time to live. it's your lives.

    If he has to split from his parent to be with you and you've both been considerate of the father's (and potentially mother's) viewpoint then what can I say. He might just be shit at working out interpersonal problems. Personally I wouldn't abandon my own children over something such as this especially since you seem like a very pleasant, considerate, and well mannered gal.

    You may not want your partner to lose ties with his father, and that's reasonable, it's totally understandable, it's a terrible thing to have happen I agree. But you gotta surmount that vile prejudice and callous stonewalling of infinite regression to your combined livelihoods.

    Life can give us hardships such as this but sometimes you just gotta bore through them and pursue your own goals/happiness. And if you love someone enough to marry them and they're a partner worth the effort then be damned if should try to get between you, especially a parent that could be helping to foster potential grand children or seeking to pass on their collective knowledge to help you improve the world through their condensed experiences.

    Best of luck to the both of you, do what you think is right without sacrificing yourself to the expectations of others.
     
    You should marry who you love. You should make your own choices in life. Point blank, period.
     
    I say no, a parent should have no right to decide who their child marries. They can disapprove it or refuse to help pay for the wedding, but they shouldn't be able to forbid it!
     
    Arranged marriages makes no sense to me. Isn't the point of marriage supposed to be a vow of eternal love? How can you truly love someone who your parents arranged for you to marry, and how could that person love you? It just seems like a really counterintuitive concept to me. I love who I love, not who my parents want me to love.
     

    I suppose it depends on your culture, really. For some areas of the world arranged marriages are the norm, and I don't think you can really say any one culture is better or more "right" than any other. Maybe from one perspective it's outdated, unfair, and maybe even barbaric, but from others marrying whoever you want regardless of approval could be considered immoral, irresponsible, and disrespectful.

    Although personally, I would say that you're not marrying that person's parents or friends or whoever else, you're marrying them and them alone. Nothing else should really matter, because it's your life, and you can do whatever the hell you please. If someone disapproves...well, tough luck, because it's none of their business. Some people place a huge importance on approval of others, and that's their prerogative, but personally I wouldn't stand for it. The only person's feelings who are important in a marriage are the person's you're marrying and your own, and if you really want to get married, nothing else should matter.

     
    in one instance no parents shouldn't be involved but there are instances where people marry terrible people that everyone else can see is a terrible choice, but them. Idk if I had children I'd let them make their own choice, but if they got with someone who was clearly not right for them I would let them know how I feel, but not disown them for it
     
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