Masters journey

[Enix-Zae]

Follows the story of a group of trainers and how there lives interwine (or something). Different chapters will be different points of veiw and stuff. ANd in it pokemon can pretty much already know every move they can, just arent as good at using it at the start. This is based on the games (rby at first, and if i can bother, continue on to the other gen's), but has a couple of things from the anime and manga (pokespecial). The names are pretty much based on what guy they choose.
red -gary- chose charmander
green -ash- chose bubasaur
blue -girl (from fr/lg) - chose squirtle



Prologue

Green glanced at his friend, just sitting there with his new Charmander, and had a slight tinge of jealousy. He wished he had a Pokemon, but his mother wouldn't catch him one, or order one for him. He lived in Kanto, in pallet town, and he only really had one friend, Red. Green's father had gone on a Pokemon journey a long time ago, and the last he had heard of him, was that he was in some region called Magore or something.

Green knew that this was the best chance to finally be able to go on a journey himself, and maybe meet up with his father. He walked over to the main path out of Pallet, and stood waiting. He held his only empty Pokeball in his hand, took a deep breath, and ran out into the long grass. It wasn't long until he found a young Pidgey, and Green figured that this would be the best time to catch it…
Green looked at the Pidgey.

"This is it," he thought to himself as he slowly crept towards it, but suddenly, the Pidgey turned around and attacked with a sand attack. With the sand in Greens eyes, the Pidgey started charging towards Green to use a tackle attack, but before it was able to hit, a vine whip from a nearby Pokemon hit Pidgey.

When Green finally was able to see again, the first thing he saw was the famous professor oak, also a resident of pallet.
"You shouldn't have been out hear without a Pokemon" the professor explained, "you know how dangerous it is out there!"
"I'm sorry. I just wanted a Pokemon of my own so I could go on a journey, like Red is about to" Green replied.
Oak looked at Green, and eventually said "yes, you're right, here come with me to my lab"….

 

[^^NICK^^ v.3.0]

I like this story, it reminds me of my yellow version, LOL. Um, I wanna read chapter 1, but here is my critique:

1. I am not sure if you will since it's only the prolougue, but try to make somthing different happen and not make it seem so much like the game.

2. Start a new paragraph when a different person talks, it makes the fic less confusing.

That's all, and the fanfic is pretty nice so far. Keep it up.

 

[Enix-Zae]

Chapter 1
"Here, you can choose one of these three Pokemon." Green looked at the pokeballs, he knew what was in them, as professor Oak only ever gave out the same Pokemon every time.
"let me guess. Charmander, Bulbasaur and Squirtle?" Green asked jokingly.
Oak laughed and replied "yeah, I guess I am getting pretty predictable in my old age. I'll let them out of their pokeballs so you can see them". Green looked at the Pokemon and immediately recognized one of them.
"That's the one that defeated that Pidgey earlier! I think I'll take that one, and while I'm at it, ill nickname it Bulba."
"And a good choice that is" replied Oak.

Suddenly, Red came bursting through the door of the lab.
"Hey Gramps! I got that parcel that you wanted!"
"Ah yes," exclaimed Oak "now you two, I want to give you each a new product I have purchased. These here are pokedex, and it will record and store data on any Pokemon you find on your adventure."
"Wow, a pokedex!" Red had a slight shine in his eyes "Come on Green, lets battle!". Red threw his pokeball and released his Charmander. "It can be a one on one with our starters!"
Green looked at Red, exited with the fact that he was about to have his first battle.
"OK Bulba, be quick and attack with a Solarbeam" Bulba just stood there but there was a slight glow about it. "Um, Professor, why isn't it attacking?" Oak looked at Green and almost laughed.
"There are some moves that aren't full on offensive, and some moves that may just take a little longer to attack".

Red took advantage of this pause, and loss of concentration and started to take the battle into his own hands.
"Charl, Use an ember attack!" Bulba continued to charge, and was so busy with that, that it got hit really hard. "Your not really much of a trainer, are you Green?" Green glared at Red before continuing on the battle.
"Bulba, use a leach seed!" It could have worked, apart from the fact that Bulba was still in the middle of charging for a solar beam. Once again, Red Attacked with his Charl.
"Now use your Flame-thrower Attack, and keep it up as long as you can!" Charl's flame-thrower was a direct hit, and Bulba as engulfed in the flames. Its health was quickly decreasing, and it seemed all hope was lost.
"hang in there" Green said, under his breath, hoping that something good would happen, and that's what it did. Bulbasaur had finally finished charging, and not only was it a strong beam, Bulba let it go stronger than normal out of the pride that it had survived, and it knocked Charl out.

All Green could mutter was "I-I-I, I won?"

 

[Shiny May]

it has a ncie story. But try to add more description and create paragraphs like this

John ran to the bus and made it just in time.

"You're lucky son," the driver of the bus said as he closed the door right behind John.

Just by adding those white lines you make your story more attractive. And make your chaps a bit longer. KIU !! Can't wait to see what happens next

 

[oni flygon]

Being a Pokespecial fan and accoustumed to calling Red from Red and Green from Green, it really confused me a bit. Your story is great but I advice you to seperate quotes from paragraphs. That way, you won't be confused and all. Just giving off an advice.

side note: Just call me Oni, one of the biggest Pokespecial fanatic in PC.

 

[Enix-Zae]

Yeah, thanx for telling me that, ill fix it up right now (and start on chapter 2), and here it is! (its acctually shorter than i planned, but i didn't want to continue, coz all my chapters are planed (well, the first 4 anyway :P))

Chapter 2
It was 3 hours later, and Green had finally finished packing for his journey.
"bye mom" he shouted as he ran down the stairs of his house, and out the door, with his bulba tailing just behind. Once again he stood at the edge of route 101, the only way, other than by sea, out of pallet. His mother had given him 10 pokeballs, just in case he was able to capture at least one pokemon.
"Lets go for it, if Red can get through here, then so can I" green shouted to his bulbasaur as he ran into the long grass, on his way to Viridian City.

Walking along the route, slowly, he heard a noise from behid him, and quickly tured around.
"Huh, it's the same pidgey as before!" Green said as he looked at the tiny bird pokemon "Bulba, attack with..uh.." Green had nearly attacked with solarbeam again, before he had remembered that using that last time had almost cost him the match "Attack with a tackle"
Bulbasaur ran up and hit pidgey really hard. The pidgey however, was not very fazed and attacked with a gust, which did a lot of damage.
"bulba, attack with leach sead, and then run in with another tackle" Bulba followed the orders to the word, and Pidgey suffured a direct hit, and lay motionless on the ground.
"Pokeball, go!" green shouted, as he through a pokeball, hopefully trying to capture it.

….beep
…beep
..beep
.beep
boop

It was a successful capture, Green had captured a Pidgey. Looking at the pokeball, he knew what he had to do and he and released it from its pokeball.
"Hello Pidgey" Green said, looking at his new friend "ill think ill call you Gate"

Green had began his journey, and was one step closer on completing his pokemon journey