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My heart was the fool

Snivi

Snivi

..•.¸¸•´¯`•.¸. ஐ
    • 20,088
    Posts
    21
    Years
    When I gave you my heart
    You walked on it
    You just ripped it in two
    Why did I fall in love?
    When I gave you my love
    You gave yours to another
    Now I am all alone
    Now I am crying inside
    My heart was the fool
    Now I pay the price
     
    Its a good poem, with the words you used and the way you used them, its easy to tell you wrote this while upset and sad at the same time, and the ending results were good ^^.

    I may not know much about relationships at my age, as I have never been in a serious one that I can relate your poem to, but its understandable how you feel that way with pputting your emotions on the line, then having your feelings played with like that.... something nobody likes to have done to them.

    I have to advise to give, because I can tell it was the kind of "spare the moment" kind of thing to write, and your emotions got the best of you, but nonetheless its a really good poem ^^'.
     
    Thanks, yes I was very upset when I wrote that.
     
    That was a very good poem toto and I know what you have been through because the same thing happened to me. It really shows your emotions and you almost had me crying with this one.
     
    Thanks Amanda! I am glad you liked it =3
     
    I think this one is beatiful and touching
     
    Thanks Peach. I am glad you liked it. =3
     
    totodile said:
    When I gave you my heart
    You walked on it
    You just ripped it in two
    Why did I fall in love?
    When I gave you my love
    You gave yours to another
    Now I am all alone
    Now I am crying inside
    My heart was the fool
    Now I pay the price
    Click to expand...

    hmm..
    something I noticed in this poem is the words it starts with. You tend to use "you" and "now" often. The inner meaning is pretty descriptive though, but the lines "Now I am all alone", and "Now I am crying inside", you should only be using just one of the lines. Nothing wrong with the last two lines. Also when writing poetry, try to get rid of the emotions you have in your head. It tends to make writing alot easier and much smoother. I could see a bit of improvement in this one, but once again I have a problem with the lyrical form (though I guess it seems like a free verse).
     
    Thanks Rai. I am glad you liked it.
     
    Awwwwwwws, such a sweet poem! <33 Man, it's been forever since I last read a poem. .__. Anyways, this poem shows what happens when someone breaks your heart.

    You feel naive at first...you love someone, sometimes you don't even know why, but you love them. You think that life is perfect and nothing can stand in your way for a perfect life. Until your heart gets torn in two.

    You feel as though someone has ripped your heart out from your chest. You lie there...seemingly motionless and frozen in time. You think it's all your fault for being so naive and entwined in the spell of love.

    But one thing everyone should remember is that it's never their fault. <3 Love can find you at any given moment, and once it catches hold of you, there's no looking back. ^_~

    Nice work Toto, now I'm finally back into the swing of things. XD

    ~Kelsey
     
    Thanks for the review Kelsey. =3
     
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