My Poems

C.O.H

Patrick Star
    • 333
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    20
    Years
    The Wind

    Slowly, Gently
    Through your hair
    Gently sweeping in the air
    Gently playing with your hair
    Gently breaking down the trees
    Gently resting in you knees
    Slowly flying through the world
    Slowly lifting up the bird
    Slowly blowing
    Slowly dying
    Slowly coming back again?

    More to come​
     
    Last edited:
    Hmm... I guess this describes the wind right? ^_^ It's written in a unique form... Although I don't know what it's called xD;;

    There was one mistake I spotted, but it can be easily fixed. In the second to last line, you have "dieing", which should be dying . That's just a little pointer, but it's okay. We all have typos and spelling mistakes!

    Other then that, good job! xD;; ~origin
     
    I wish I was the wind...
    Wonderful. It's so romantic..I dunno. Maybe since I'm feeling depressed right now but meh..
    Can you make it longer?
    And..I'm waiting for more!
     
    I edited the mistake in "dying" and here is one more, not so good as the first one, but it's good!

    The Beach

    Like fire burning your skin
    You walk on the hot sand
    With water in sight and sand on the beach
    With small children playing with balls and with stones
    With grownups swimming in the horizon of sea
    With grandmas and grandpas lying on the beach
    And you just stand there with nothing to do?

    More to come​
     
    Hmm.. Yes, I like that one as well. Basically, I like the first one. ^_^
     
    Your poetry is very good ^^, I really enjoyed both of what you posted. I admire your writing style with these, it really seems to go "all out" and you really put things such as the wind and beaches into reality of what it really feels like.
     
    Thanx Liquid Thunder and imgonnakillexie, I write the poems from my point of view, like I'm on the beach standing there, and that turns out to be good ^^
     
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