I'd like feedback & suggestions please. x3
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Intro
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Etna grinned deviously, and tightly gripped the iridescent staff accented with crimson, glittering gems. Raising it with her right hand above the shroud of pitch black fog surrounding her, it beamed with a warm glow as the fog vanished. Above her, a deep green shroud appeared, disintegrating the matter between dimensions. Without saying a word, Etna had opened a dazzling new world--The Twilight. In the blink of an eye, Etna had dissapeared.
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End
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Chap. 1
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"Are you sure she is the right one?" whispered a dreamy voice. "Of course she is, she fits the description Aramis told us!" replied another voice. For those who were looking carefully, one could see four, tiny glowing eyes peering through Etna's window that night. They were two, glimmering faeries, both as tiny as a thumbtack and spreading a warm glow about their surroundings, but heir voices were unheard, their existence unknown, and their intentions secret. Especially to Etna, who was sleeping soundly underneath her pink bed covers. She yawned and rolled over in bed, as the two, unnoticed faeries disappeared into the starry night.
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EDITED FOR BETTER VOCABULARY
*-----*
Intro
*-----*
Etna grinned deviously, and tightly gripped the iridescent staff accented with crimson, glittering gems. Raising it with her right hand above the shroud of pitch black fog surrounding her, it beamed with a warm glow as the fog vanished. Above her, a deep green shroud appeared, disintegrating the matter between dimensions. Without saying a word, Etna had opened a dazzling new world--The Twilight. In the blink of an eye, Etna had dissapeared.
*-----*
End
*-----*
*-----*
Chap. 1
*-----*
"Are you sure she is the right one?" whispered a dreamy voice. "Of course she is, she fits the description Aramis told us!" replied another voice. For those who were looking carefully, one could see four, tiny glowing eyes peering through Etna's window that night. They were two, glimmering faeries, both as tiny as a thumbtack and spreading a warm glow about their surroundings, but heir voices were unheard, their existence unknown, and their intentions secret. Especially to Etna, who was sleeping soundly underneath her pink bed covers. She yawned and rolled over in bed, as the two, unnoticed faeries disappeared into the starry night.
*-----*
EDITED FOR BETTER VOCABULARY
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