Odysseus the Wanderer

[Dizzy]

This story is about Red's Pikachu, who is now named Odysseus, He try's so hard to find Red, but realizes that Red is gone, One day he decides that he wants to go with Brock, who is also searching for Red...Read it, and you'll find out more ;)


Thursday, January 23rd 2005, Pewter City

Pikachu's Point of View:

It took me forever to reach Pewter City, I was almost butchered by some Geodudes, but somehow a kind-hearted Trainer saved me from the madness, I sort of remembered her, I just couldnt make her face out. She wore a Green and Yellow Kimono dress, and respected her Pokemon.

"Gloom! Petal Dance" The girl commanded.

The creature let out a scream while petals scattered in every direction, flustering the rocky Geodudes.

"Go on, Pikachu, I'll handle the rest." She demanded

I nodded, and made my leave, going as fast I could possibly go.

It was night by the time I made it out of the cave, I emerged near Pokemon Center, but I didnt bother. I kept moving, towards the Western City of Pewter. Once I was there, all I could think of was resting. I came closer to a large, rocky building, where I heard a Familiar voice. I moved closer, and there was Brock.

"Pikachu, what a pleasant Surprise, but...where is Red?" He asked.

"Pika, Pika Pika!" I jumped around, running into a shape that looked like a Question mark.

"Oh, so you don't know where he is... Well, let's go look for him."

---------------

This is one of my more crappy fan-fics.. :dead:

 

[Nemesis]

It's a good start (assuming more is coming, if not a little short. You also need to be careful of unneeded capitalisation.

You may want to put in some reason as to why Pikachu needs to find Red. I don't know if this is in another fiction, but even still a prolouge would be useful.

 

[Sarafina]

This is a great beggining, it's a great story I think! :) ;)

 

[Bhati]

I also think that a prolouge would be better than the paragraph you had at the beginning. And watch the grammer, as Nemesis (I know you from somewhere...) said.

The biggest thing for me was, how quickly you dove into the plot. I mean, you had one scene, and the next one they decide they need to find Red. Also, I can understand why Pikachu (sorry, won't even try the name :P) would need to find Red, but why does Brock? Because if there is no reason, dosn't Brock have a gym to look after?

And as a final note, try to add more detail, seeing as that will help with length. Also, not ever scene has to be plot dominated, but should help move the plot along ... if that makes any sense.

Anyways, aside from that I thought it was a good start, and I'll make sure to continue to read it. (Seeing as how you are convinced nobody reads you fan fics.)

 

[Dizzy]

Well finally people are actually reading my fan-fics

Maybe i should make more mistakes ^_^

 

[run_hard57]

Neato story. Great beginning like everyone else said. Keep it up.

 

[Frostweaver]

Actually, a prologue is NOT needed... questions such as "why does Pikachu need to find Red?" are assumed as common knowledge for readers, as this is afterall a Pokemon Adventure fanfic (it's a manga, where part of the story involves Red mysteriously disappearing after his encoutner with Bruno, with only Pikachu found in Pallet and no one else). Brock wants to look for Red because... well that's what the whole Alliance of Justice wants cause Red is a hero by defeating Team Rocket in the first season... Erika, being in the AoJ, is only reasonable for her to also appear to help Red out as much as possible.

However, didn't the manga says that pIkachu does remember everything except what happened to Red? So Pikachu should remember Erika, making it rather weird to see Erika being addressed as "the woman"... well unless it's an Erika look alike, but whoelse uses Gloom and dresses in a Kimono?

So really the plot is justified already. However, Dizzy could have mentioned that this is a Pokemon Special fanfic to clear the confusion ^_^;

The other problems are mentioned already... length is a problem, and the Erika thing is another minor one. ^_^;

 

[Dizzy]

Actually, a prologue is NOT needed... questions such as "why does Pikachu need to find Red?" are assumed as common knowledge for readers, as this is afterall a Pokemon Adventure fanfic (it's a manga, where part of the story involves Red mysteriously disappearing after his encoutner with Bruno, with only Pikachu found in Pallet and no one else). Brock wants to look for Red because... well that's what the whole Alliance of Justice wants cause Red is a hero by defeating Team Rocket in the first season... Erika, being in the AoJ, is only reasonable for her to also appear to help Red out as much as possible.

However, didn't the manga says that pIkachu does remember everything except what happened to Red? So Pikachu should remember Erika, making it rather weird to see Erika being addressed as "the woman"... well unless it's an Erika look alike, but whoelse uses Gloom and dresses in a Kimono?

So really the plot is justified already. However, Dizzy could have mentioned that this is a Pokemon Special fanfic to clear the confusion ^_^;

The other problems are mentioned already... length is a problem, and the Erika thing is another minor one. ^_^;

Not to mention Green/Yellow those are her colors *_*

Oh, I'm sorry I should have said that, but I gave you the world's biggest clue! His name is Red...not Ash, and the whole Brock being a Gym Leader, but then again it could have been based on the Video Game, but it wasn't!

Anyways, Expect a way longer chapter :)

 

[^^NICK^^ v.3.0]

Um, interesting. It's confusing to me, obviously because I don't read Pok?mon Special. Um, are you gonna continue? It'd be good to get a clear understanding on this.

 

[Dizzy]

I'm going to drop all my other Fan-Fictions and start a new one...just because I think I can do better, and these stories are seriously getting no where...