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Pokemon Adventures!

Is This Good?!?!

  • HELL YEAH!!!!! HURRY UP WITH THE NEXT CHAPTER!

    Votes: 2 28.6%
  • They are good. Carry On

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Alright but don;t get your hopes up

    Votes: 1 14.3%
  • These are rubbish. Please stop

    Votes: 3 42.9%
  • STOP NOW BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE!!!

    Votes: 1 14.3%

  • Total voters
    7

强有力

Powerful
  • 359
    Posts
    19
    Years
    Story Name:
    Pokemon Adventures!
    Characters
    Spoiler:

    Story
    Chapter One: The Beginning!
    Once upon a time there was 2 children, Darren and Taz, who dreamed of becoming fully-fledged Pokemon trainers. They dreamed of searching across all 4 regions;
    Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, Shinou, and defeating any trainers that stood in their way and conquering any league that blocked their path. But only one thing stood in their way and that was Team Ecruteak.
    It was an unusually warm day for winter, especially in Kanto. Usually in Kanto the frost is covered in frost but today was different, it was warm and sunny.
    Darren woke up late this morning with a layer of sweat covering his whole body. After he had got changed he went downstairs to find his mom with her eyes glued to the T.V set.
    "Any food Mom?" questioned Darren.
    "Ummm… I think there's some Pokeo's in the cupboard" replied Mom in a muffled voice.
    "Ok!" shouted Darren.
    After breakfast, Darren's mom went out to Viridian City to buy some supplies. She left the T.V on but muted and Darren wondered why. On closer inspection, the T.V was on the "Poke Hints And Tips" channel. The program that was on was named "How to become a gym leader".
    "Cool, my mom is going to be a gym leader! I can now show her I was destined to be a Pokemon master. I have to go tell Taz!" thought Darren.
    Mom entered the room and got a look of shock when she saw Darren by the T.V and quickly exclaimed.
    "Darren why is the television on that channel… I was erm… Looking at the shopping channel and you changed over"
    "Ok then" replied Darren in a squeaky voice.
    Chapter 2: Journey To Taz's
    "Hey mom, I'm just going to Taz's. I will be back soon" Darren boomed as he ran out the door. Just as he stepped into the wild grass he remembered he needed an escort Pokemon to get to Taz's. He ran as fast as he could to the lab that was just around the corner from his house.
    "Hey Oak. Umm… may I borrow a Pokemon again please because I have something really important to do?" questioned Darren in an innocent voice.
    "Darren. This will be the 44th time this month… but of course you can! I am beginning to think you should get a pokemon of your own." Replied Oak.
    "Yeah! That would be awesome but I better get going"
    "Ok, see you soon!"
    As Darren ventured through the grassy depths of Route One he bumped into something hard. As he came to his senses he realised it was a pokemon that was now very angry for being woken up from its slumber. As Darren reached for his escort Pokemon, the pidgey got spooked by something and flew away. It was starting to rain.
    "Lucky, I am near Taz's." Darren though.
    He ran as fast as his legs would carry him and eventually found himself stood at the front door of Taz's house. He knocked on the door and suddenly Taz appeared in front of him.
    "Hey Taz!! I have something really important to tell you. Can I come in?"
    "Course you can. I've got something important to tell you as well."
    As Darren entered the house the smell of warm food filled the air. He stared at the meal that was lay out on the table.
    "Sure you can have some … what was it you wanted to tell me?"
    "Oh, you really have to know… my mom is becoming a gym leader!!" proclaimed Darren.
    "Really, that's great. You will be able to go up against her as well because my mom has agreed with your mom and Oak that we can have our own pokemon!"
    "SWEET!!".
     
    Last edited:
    Umm it would have been a better idea to put the characters in a spoiler tag rather than the chapters, what you don't wan't us to see the story. And you saying this story is large, sorry this was not large, it was rushed, tacky and short. I could write those chapters in 7 minutes.

    I suggest you read the several Writer's Corner sticky to get some help.
     
    Last edited:
    Thank you for saying what I would have harsher than I could ever bring myself to, which was needed. BADLY. Mainly, this is a very poor fic lacking description, background...well, everything! I'm normally not so blunt, but I can't think of a kind way to say this.
     
    Umm... I'm not even going to rate this, because I feel sure that if you saw what I actually thought of this a flame war that would last for years would be born here. No description, plot, or character depth, heck; you don't even have proper grammar! Now, go thou and write some more so that I can compliment you next time!
     
    Waha! A Fairytale beginning...

    To be a critique, this lacks depth, descriptions, detail and such (whoa, all start with D!)
    The chapters are too short, i think about 4 of em chapters would be enough for just ONE chapter. Ehe

    Plus, no official storyline, means that not many people would be interested.
     
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