Pokemon humans

[Pikachu Jr]

Chapter 1: Bad life
In a peaceful land called, Pokemon Paradise, Pokemon live peaceful and happy. They go to School, read books, go shopping, go to work, and other things that humans do. If your thinking how wonderful everyone's life is, THIMK AGIAN! There's one pokemon who has the most terrible life, ever. his name is Shadow, but some pokemon like to call him, Pikachu. Here is a list of why he has a bad life; His Mom works at 3:00 in the morning, and comes back at 1:00 in the morning, he can't go anywhere, because he has to take care of his little brother, Pichu, He he went to Dentention 9 times in a row, And the School bullys do somthing bad to him everyday when School is over. Yep, he does have a terrible life in the world of Pokemon. But that's all going to change, one day...

 

[Yellow Magikoopa]

This reminds me a little of Mystery Dungeon.

 

[Gummy]

A lot of things wrong with this story:

1) Much too short (C'mon, A PARAGRAPH!?!)

2) Shows signs of no proofreading (Grammer/Spelling errors)

3) Asolutely NO DESCRIPTION (A must in fanfics, especially when creating your own world). Also, I know absolutely nothing about this Pikachu named Shadow. So what, he's got an F'd up life? Been there, done that...

Try reading some of the helpful threads in the Writer's Lounge. Just looking at this, I can tell this was probably wrote in the Quick Reply box. If those threads don't help, try reading some fics that are well done and learn from the authors. With that said, good luck on your next fic.

 

[haffeysucks]

Haha, you spelled grammar wrong.

 

[Careful With That Axe Pichu!]

Please don't joke with us and read the rules, and some writing advice on while you're at it.

closed