Pokemon : The Road To Minto

[mrsonnyboi92]

Pokemon : The Road To Minto

Episode 1 - The Beginning to Something New

A beautiful morning just awoke the the big, busy city of Kinma. There Trissy ,a girl with passion and dreams of becoming the world greatest Pokmone Trainer, awoke and wanted to start out her journey into the Minto Silver League. But in order to do that Cindy has to train at least one Pokemon and win 10 badges.
"Mom! I would like to start on my journey today! Everyone has been gone and I am the last one to live." exclaimed Cindy. "Oh my little girl is growing up but I don't think your ready to go yet. Maybe in 1, 3, 30 more years?" said her mom. "No I would like to go now!" shouted Trissy. Her mom agreed and started to pack supplies for Trissy's journey. Trissy's mom told Trissy that Professor Pine is looking for new trainers to help him raise his pokemon. Trissy raced out of her complex apartment and ran toward Professor Pine's lab, not letting anything step in her way.
Trissy had rang the doorbell but no one anwser. She had waited and waited and start to became impatient. She decided to sneak around into the bacyard. Slowly as she crept she tried not to alarm anything. But too late. Trissy didn't notice she had tripped over the trap doors, Professor Pine had made for intruduters, and fill into a digged hole. Trissy struggled to get out but successfully failed.
There she waited for 2 hours with no one to help. All of a sudden the sky had turned pitch black. Trissy looked up and saw five beautiful birds, soaring sky high, and the sky had turned normal again. Than a vine had fallen down. Trissy grabbed it not knowing who threw it down to her. As Trissy climbed up she was eager to thanks the person who helped her. Trissy head popped up and looked around and saw a star-shaped pokemon. "Well hey there!" a very young man in a white labatory cloak said " I am Professor Pine. I am guessing you are here to get a pokemon?" "Uh-huh! I am trying to become the world's greatest Pokemon Trainer!" said Trissy with flames passion in her eyes.
Professor Pine had gave Trissy a tour to his lab. As he gave her the tour they passed a room with a gold pokeball in a glass case with the letters "GS" engraved in it. Trissy asked Professor Pine what was that for? Professor Pine responed " I really don't have an anwser yet. I am trying to solve what the GS stands for right now and what is inside the pokeball. Well well now lets get down to bussiness and start choosing your pokmon. Here is a computer that has a survey on it. Once complete, it will match you with the pokemon that it seem reasonable."
Trissy sat there for 20 minutes and started the survey. they survey had question like, "What type of pokemon do you preferr?" or "Are you looking for a cute or strong pokemon?" . Trissy completed it and the result were about to be printed. There were a top 5 list printed out and Trissy matches were
1.Bulbasaur
2.Magby
3.Pichu
4.Staryu
5.Ho-Oh

"A Ho-Oh? What is that?" Trissy exclaim. "My, My, My, a Ho-Oh. It is one of the ledgendary bird that hasn't been spotted in years!" Professor said stunnly. The picture of the bird looks like the bird she had saw in the sky earlier along with the others bird. "Well I pick Staryu!" Trissy said..................

 

[Astinus]

Wow...

Um, first, your grammar is pretty weak. Unfortunately, reading a Pokemon fic where the name of the franchise is spelled wrong in the second sentence puts off readers. You also want to hit the Enter bar twice to make a new paragraph whenever someone speaks. Your first paragraph is exceptionally squashed together. Readers don't want to read a blob of text. It hurts the eyes.

Now, I don't know how long you have been in the Pokemon fandom. I don't mean being a fan of Pokemon; I mean on forums or other sites reading various fictions. I'm going to assume that you really haven't been around here much. I can tell, because your fic holds a lot of cliches that I've seen in Pokemon fiction.

When I first signed up to forums, like this one, I test the waters by reading other fictions. This way, I can see what the standard is for fanfiction, and learn as I go. (I also break into the community by spreading my name around, reviewing other people's works and responding to topics.) Because I do this, I know how my story will hold up to others, and know what has been done before.

And your story, unfortunately, holds a lot of the cliched ideas of Pokemon Original Trainer fiction. You have Professor Pine, which is the name everyone uses for their new professor of their region. You have the trainer that doesn't start at the same time as everyone else - they are always older than the normal age of starting trainers. And you have the mysterious connections to Ho-Oh.

This doesn't mean that you have to abort the mission of writing this. It just means that you have to work on making this grab readers that won't be turned away by the cliches.

The first thing that you should do is write your story in a word processor program. This will catch spelling mistakes, and will allow you to take your time writing your chapter. Then you can make it the best that you can.

But, good luck to you in your writing!

 

[mrsonnyboi92]

ahh thanx 4 the comments...i'll try better....


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