Pokemon Yellow!

[Tetris]

Hi! This is my first fanfiction so I hope many people will like it!

POKEMON YELLOW:
By Tetris


Chapter One: Intro/Beginning

Hello, and welcome to the Pokemon World! My name is YELLOW. I'm 10, and I'm going to become a Pokemon Trainer! Journeys and Dreams await! Well, it's time to start my journey!
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ZZZ... ZZZ... I woke up from my bed. That day was the day I would get my first Pokemon! Glancing at the clock, I gasped. 1:00! I dressed myself and ate my breakfast quickly. "Bye Mom!" I yelled out as I ran through the door. I walked to the Pokemon Lab, then went inside. "Where were you?" asked GREEN. "We already got our first Pokemon!" said BLUE. "It looks like the Pokemon are gone now. Sorry YELLOW." replied RED.

BLUE was Proffessor Oak's grandson. GREEN was a cousin of BLUE, and RED was my own cousin. Disappointed about not getting a Pokemon, I was about to go out of the Pokemon Lab, until Prof. Oak said, "Hmmm. Wait! I think I still have a Pokemon!" Getting my hopes back up, I ran back to Prof. Oak. GREEN, BLUE, and RED thought about staying for a while. Proffessor Oak went to one of the computers and flipped a switch, saying, "Be careful, this one's powerful. I caught him before RED came in here."

The table which held the Pokemon flipped over and a new table came in view, holding a PokeBall with a Yellow Thunder Mark on it. "You should go and pick it up," Prof. Oak said. Nervously, I went to the table and picked up the PokeBall that contained the Pokemon. "Good. Now throw it onto the floor." I did just what Prof. Oak told me. I threw it onto the ground, and then I heard a POP! as the PokeBall opened. A red light came out of the PokeBall, looking like a Pokemon Shape. Soon, the red light disappeared, and it looked to be white. It soon became yellow with black ears and a tail. It also had red cheeks. It soon looked more and more like a Pokemon. Then it said, "Pika?"
Turning to me, it then said, "CHUUUU," and yellow sparks came out and shocked me. "WAHHHHHH!" I screamed out, and fell onto the floor, while everybody was laughing.

When I stood up, I said, "Ouch." before trying to get the Pokemon to go into
The ball, and failed miserably. Prof. Oak said, "It looks like Pikachu doesn't want to go in it's ball!" So that's what it was! A Pikachu! Then I said, "Oh. Okay." Then I put the ball into my pocket. "Pikachu," Pikachu replied.

BLUE said, "Hey, you guys, why don't we have a battle?" RED, GREEN and I agreed. BLUE then released out Squirtle, RED released Charmander, and GREEN
released Bulbasaur. It was time for us to battle.

I started out first, yelling, "Pikachu, use Thunder Shock on Squirtle!" Pikachu replied with, "PIKACHU!" before shocking Squirtle. It was a critical hit, and Squirtle went down with, "SQUIRTLE.." before fainting. BLUE called Squirtle
back. Then Charmander Flame Throwered Bulbasaur. "Bulba..." it said before it fainted. GREEN called it back into it's PokeBall. Now it was just Pikachu and Charmander.

RED first yelled out, "Go, Charmander, Flame Thrower!" and I yelled, "Pikachu, dodge it and do Double Team!" Pikachu dodged Charmander's Flame Thrower and used Double Team. Now Charmander was confused. RED then yelled, "Charmander, concentrate and find the real one! Then attack with Tackle!" And Pikachu lost half of his HP. "Pikachu, attack Charmander with Thunder Shock, then use Tail Whip!" I yelled out, and Charmander lost almost all of his HP but 1. Then RED yelled out, "Charmander, use Tackle!" and Charmander hit Pikachu hard, so that he only had one HP left. "Pikachu! Hitl Charmander with Tackle!" I yelled. RED yelled, "Charmander, dodge the attack and use Flame Thrower!" Pikachu was about to hit him but Charmander dodged out of the way and did a Flame Thrower. Luckily it missed Pikachu, and I yelled, "Pikachu! Use Thunder Shock!" and it hit Charmander. "Char..." it whispered, before it fainted. RED said "Congratulations!" and so did BLUE, GREEN and Prof. Oak. I earned 50356 dollars in total.

I healed my Pokemon along with RED, GREEN and BLUE, using the Heal Machine. Then RED, GREEN and BLUE left, and I was the only one left. " Pikachu, are you ready to go on an adventure?" I asked, and it said "PIKACHU!" "Bye Prof. Oak! I said, before heading out the door to the beginning of my adventure.
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I hope you liked it! I liked writing it! It was long though!
Should I made a kind of different story for RED, GREEN and BLUE? Please answer the question!
~Tetris

 

[oni flygon]

O_o

One thing you have to know...ordinary members can't delete threads...

Anyway, your story lacks description and all. Even though I'm an amateur critic, you have a lot of grammatical errors and it's a bit rushed. So, is this based on the games or the manga?

(Because I'm a Yellow fanatic...you know...XD See my sig? Yellow the character)

 

[^^NICK^^ v.3.0]

?Today was the day I would get my first Pokemon.?

- That was a grammatical error. Today is present tense. Was and would are past tenses. Why don?t you change the ?today? to ?That day?, or something like that. That was only the first of many grammatical errors.

?It was time for battle.?

-Um, missing a word? lol

Another thing, why did Blue re-call Bulbasaur, if Blue is Squirtle?s trainer?

RED first yelled out, "Go, Charmander, Flame Thrower!" and I yelled, "Pikachu, dodge it and do Double Team!" Pikachu dodged Charmander's Flame Thrower and used Double Team. Now Charmander was confused. RED then yelled, "Charmander, concentrate and find the real one! Then attack with Tackle!" And Pikachu lost half of his HP. "Pikachu, attack Charmander with Thunder Shock, then use Tail Whip!" I yelled out, and Charmander lost almost all of his HP but 1. Then RED yelled out, "Charmander, use Tackle!" and Charmander hit Pikachu hard, so that he only had one HP left. "Pikachu! Hitl Charmander with Tackle!" I yelled. RED yelled, "Charmander, dodge the attack and use Flame Thrower!" Pikachu was about to hit him but Charmander dodged out of the way and did a Flame Thrower. Luckily it missed Pikachu, and I yelled, "Pikachu! Use Thunder Shock!" and it hit Charmander. "Char..." it whispered, before it fainted. RED said "Congratulations!" and so did BLUE, GREEN and Prof. Oak. I earned 50356 dollars in total.

- That?s all one paragraph. Do you know, every time a different character speaks, you start a new paragraph? And, after about 8 sentences, you should start a new paragraph, anyway. That?s always really annoying to see when trying to read a fanfiction. Also, try to leave a space in between every paragraph you make, it makes reading a lot easier, and it makes your fanfiction look neat.

I healed my Pokemon along with RED, GREEN and BLUE, using the Heal Machine and healed my Pokemon.

-You keep repeating yourself. That?s a careless mistake. Even though I don?t do it, a most fanfic writers here probably don?t do it, double check your work after you finish. That way, people won?t have to correct you so much.

Um, I liked your story, and with work it could be good. Just, don?t make it exactly the same as the game, or anim?. Try to add in a twist, because if you don?t, it?s just like reading a clone of that certain game or that certain episode.

 

[Tetris]

Pokemon Yellow: Chapter 2

Okay. Now that somebody actually posted, I won't do anything. I might as well have called someone to Close this thread anyways. Thanks for the advice, though I know about the rushing thing - I always did that for some reason - I don't know why. Anyway, that's the opening message. I don't know about the grammar errors, if you're talking about those BLUE, YELLOW and the names like that, I meant it that way, but I'll probably change it anytime soon. Oh, and if you mean the conscious part, I need help on that, you're right. However, the description, I suck at that.
<dies>
No, I'm not really dead. But the description thing, yeah. Well, I guess I'll post another chapter. Oh, and I was meaning it to be more like the game, some manga a bit, I guess, and possible, maybe the anime.
Oh yeah, this is my first fanfic, so I guess I suck, literally (sorry for saying suck) Oh yeah, I will blend in some of my own stuff.

Chapter 2: The Road to Viridian City

When I first woke up, it was 1:00, then I took a Pokemon....
afterwards, I made a battle between RED, BLUE, and GREEN. I am now heading for my first journey. This road to the championships will eventually train me and my Pokemon, Pikachu. "Pikachu!" But now I must first cross Pallet Town to Viridian City, the famous place where the Pokemon League is practically next door. Viridian City itself is a blooming place, it's real beautiful at times. I never went to Viridian City, so this would be my first adventure...
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Pikachu and I walked together on the road, walking on tall grass that occasionly tickled my feet. Then, suddenly, I found a Pokemon! It was a Spearow! I went to Pikachu, who was suddenly alert. "Pikachu," using only a voice that no one but me and Pikachu could hear, "go and Tackle that Spearow." Pikachu nodded. Pikachu used it's feet, and proceeded to Tackle Spearow at soon-to-be lightspeed. "Spearow!" it cried out, hitting Pikachu with Gust.

I told Pikachu to use Thunder Shock. "Pika!" it yelled, then saying "CHUU!" hitting Spearow dead on. The Spearow was still conscious, but it was losing it fast. Finally, with a, "Spearow," it fainted. My Pokemon got 570 points. Then we went on the adventure to reach Viridian City. We then bumped into a man. I talked with him a bit, getting a Potion from him. "Thanks!" I yelled, before I went to continue on, giving Pikachu a Potion. "Pika!" it yelled. Then we went to continue on the grassy path, and I felt my legs hurting. 'Don't give in now,' I kept on thinking. I wouldn't give up so easily. Then, I finally reached the end of the path, seeing the town easily now. I gave in to my legs, and I took a rest and ate some food. I gave Pikachu some of my food, which he seemed to like. All of a sudden, I saw RED. "Hey RED! How are you doing?" I yelled to him.

He replied by saying, "Good! How you doing? RED asked.

"Good!" I replied. "Hey, do you want to join up?" I asked all of a sudden.

"Sure! That's a great idea!" Now I had RED on my team. Suddenly I caught a glimpse of Pink. "Hey RED, can I borrow your PokeDex?" I asked. "Sure!" He replied. I took the PokeDex and pointed it at the pink creature. "Mew?" it replied, before coming close. "Hiya!" I replied.

"Here RED, you can have your PokeDex back." "Mew?" it was still saying.

"Now aren't ya cute?" Then a member of the famous Team Rocket appeared.

"Not so happy now, are ya? HAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed out. Mew went on my side and RED called out his Charmander. "Char!" it said before going into battle.

"Fine, Ekans, Koffing, Gastly, come out!" he replied. Now we were going to battle. "Pikachu, shock Gastly with Thunder Shock!" I yelled. ZZZT! It shocked Gastly hard, leaving him Paralyzed and Half HP. Mew did a Transform to look like Ekans, and bit Koffing hard. RED yelled out, " Now Charmander, Flame Thrower on Ekans!" and soon Ekans had been Burned and at a Quarter loss of HP. "Pikachu, shock Koffing!"

Koffing soon fainted, and now there was only Gastly and Ekans. Charmander fainted and it was just Pikachu and the other Pokemon. "Pikachu, tackle Ekans!" Pikachu tackled Ekans and Ekans fainted because of the critical hit. Mew did Transform on Gastly, then did Curse, sapping away it's HP. "Pikachu, use Thunder Shock on Gastly!" and Pikachu shocked the Gastly, fainting it. "Come on Red, we should go to Viridian City," I said. The Pokemon was gone already, so we went to Viridian City, ready for anything.

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I hope people like it. How do you spell conscious, unless this is correct.
~Tetris
PS: I hope somebody answers this: Should I made a kind of same but different story for RED, GREEN and BLUE? Hopefully you can answer this. Anyway, how do you make the voting part? I wish I knew how to make a Poll.

EDIT: Thanks! I won't actually do the exact thing, (look at Spearow for more instance) and I edited the stuff so it's better now.

 

[^^NICK^^ v.3.0]

A couple thigns I want to add again.

-You're still making those really long paragraphs. Remember, only one character speaks in one paragraph. When another character is going to speak, you create a new paragraph. You'll catch on hopefully -_-

-A mew, this early? Are you sure you want a mew, because then you automatically know you can't really lose. That's takes the element of surprise out of the story, knowign that you'll win every single time. And since when does a Mew just sit on the ground waiting for some random trainer to come and ask it to tag along. It's your story though.

This chapter was better than the last in the beginning, but started to go downhill after the first paragraph. Please take me and Oni's advice, and try to use it as best you can. It'll amke people want to read your work.

 

[oni flygon]

If you can go with descriptions, your story won't be quite successful. Description is the essence of a story. As my writing teacher would say:

Writing and descriptions are like butter on bread, icing on cake, and sound in music

 

[Tetris]

Pokemon Yellow: Chapter 3

Okay! I'll try to take the advice, I'm no good at stories, so I guess this will prob. be my last chapter, hopefully everyone boos at it. HAHA I'm just kidding but the Chapter I might be the last in my writing skill. I'll try to use the advice, and now there's going to be some fun events! I edited stuff again so it's better. The PokeNav will actually be introduced early and this will actually be better off. To tell you the truth, I think I might just make more characters!
I won't do the Mew until the end of Kanto Region, so hopefully that's better :nervous: I SUCK!

Chapter 3: The Viridian City Things Part One

I remember. When I woke up, I read the clock. 1:00! I had got my first Pokemon that day. "Pikachu!" Then I went on the first steps of my adventure, accompanied by RED. "Hey!" I battled a Team Rocket Member, which I found out later on, and saw a glimpse of what seemed to be a Mew. "Mew!" And now I am at the beginning of my adventure, through hardship and journeys, to be the Pokemon Master. But now I left off at Viridian City...
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"Hey, RED! let's go into the Pokemon Centre. We need to heal our Pokemon." That was me talking. We did have to go to the Pokemon Centre, because of our sudden battle with one of those creepy men. "Hey, wasn't he a Team Rocket Member?" was me talking.

"Yeah, that was a Team Rocket Member." Hmm. So that was a Team Rocket Member. We went into the Pokemon Centre and began healing our Pokemon. When we came out, we saw a event happening near the Pokemon Mart.

"Hey, why don't we check that out?" I said.

"Okay, let's check this out!" RED replied, and we went over to the place, where a announcer named Mark yelled out, "Let's see who wants to make a PokeGear! Only 100 dollars!

"Let's try it out!" I said to RED. I went in line and gave the man 100 dollars.

"Step right up!" Mark yelled. I saw tons of gears and electrical wires. I was the mechanic in making gears and knew all about them. I picked a shiny blue part, placed it onto the Gear, put on red buttons and then put on yellow switches for each different thing. Mark asked what my name was, and then Mark then gave me two cards. I put them in my PokeGear, and they showed the time, money, name and gym leader badges I had, and then the next slide introduced a phone system in which it saves the numbers and you dial them.

I said thanks to Mark and went in each house we saw at that town. At the end I wanted to check out the Pokemon League. "Hey, RED, want to check out the Pokemon League?"

He replied with "Sure." So we went to the path to the Indigo League. Suddenly GREEN and BLUE came and walked to us. "Hmph! They won't let you in, I bet! They said you need 'badges' to get in!" said BLUE. "We'll take the frustration on you! Let's battle!" said GREEN. And so our battle began.

"Charmander, use Flame Thrower on Bulbasaur!" yelled RED as Charmander came out. "Char!" it replied. Bulbasaur was in BURN condition and it's HP was slowly being sapped away.

"Pikachu! Use Thunder Shock on Squirtle!" I yelled to Pikachu.

"Squirtle, dodge it!" BLUE yelled. Squirtle dodged it just as Pikachu did a Thunder Shock. "Now hit it with Water Gun!" Squirtle splashed Pikachu with Water Gun, leaving a quarter conscious gone.

"Bulbasaur, use Vine Whip at Charmander!" GREEN yelled. Soon Charmander lost half its HP.

"Charmander, use Tackle at Squirtle!" yelled RED, and soon Squirtle was half HP. Then Bulbasaur hit Pikachu using Vine Whip. Pikachu was now in low HP.

"Pikachu, use Thunder Shock at Bulbasaur!" I said. Pikachu then zapped Bulbasaur and fainted it. Then Squirtle squirted water at Charmander, fainting it. Now it was Pikachu and Squirtle, and the sides were looking at Squirtle.
'How will this turn out...'
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I hope this is a good chapter. I edited parts from the second chapter, and this is a two-part chapter. When I finish the Kanto part I'll go on to Johto, and possibly Hoenn, that is my plans for when I finish the Kanto Region.
~Tetris

EDIT:

If you can go with descriptions, your story won't be quite successful. Description is the essence of a story. As my writing teacher would say:

Won't be? I thought it would be!

 

[^^NICK^^ v.3.0]

A lot better.

*applause*

Um, you're sorta rushing it a bit, but that's okay, since this is probably your first story. um, I don't see why you can't continue, it's getting better.

 

[Tetris]

No! I meant the writing skill would be over, not the story! I'm going to try out a new kind of writing. Ah well. @_@ Anyway, this is the second part, much longer, and that's a first part, so the second is longer. Anyway, story time (you know I'm only 10)

Chapter 4: The Viridian City Things Part Two

I remember the ring of the clock, as it awakened me from slumber. "10:00!" Then I remember the first Pokemon, Pikachu. "Pika!" Then RED came to join me. and now we're fighting to see who's the best. It was left between Pikachu, "Pika!" and Squirtle, "Squirtle!" I left off at the battle for the best, unknowing who will win...
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"Squirtle! Use Water Gun!" BLUE yelled out.

"Pikachu, dodge it and attack with Thunder Shock!" I yelled out. Pikachu and Squirtle battled it out, and Squirtle soon became weak.

"SQUIRTLE! Use Tackle!" BLUE yelled.

"Pikachu, dodge it and use Double Team!" I yelled back. They did exactly as they were told and soon it was the end for Squirtle. "Yes!" I yelled, as they gave me and RED each 500 dollars.

"Looks like it's time to leave, eh?" said RED.

"Let's go to the Pokemon Mart, I want a PokeBall!" I yelled out. Soon, before we knew it, we were there. "Let's go in," I said.

As soon as we got in, a woman asked, "Hey, you two, have you ever been in Pallet Town?" and I responded by saying Yes. "Oh Thanks! I need you two to deliver this to Prof. Oak. You think you can handle it?"

"Yes we can!" I replied.

"Thanks so much!" she replied, and we left off, going to Prof. Oak's Lab. Suddenly a Rattata attacked!

"Whoa!" me and RED replied. "Let's beat it," said RED.

"YEAH!" I said. We tackled it and soon it fainted. We kept on going on, and on. (A/N: Sorry for the battle scene, I didn't feel like doing much) Finally we were there at Prof. Oak's Lab.

"Hello! How are you doing, Yellow? It seems you joined up with RED!" Prof. Oak said when we came in. "Hey, is that my Package? Thanks a lot!" he replied when we gave it to him.

"Hey Gramps!" BLUE called out.

"C'mon, where's our PokeDex? You only gave RED one!"
GREEN called out.
"Calm down, I will give them to you. Here are your PokeDexes, BLUE and GREEN." Prof. Oak replied.

Then, turning toward me, he said, "I see you have a PokeNav. Here, take this card and put it into the PokeNav. It will automatically make a PokeDex for you."

"Thanks Prof. Oak!" I yelled out. "Oh yeah, how will we know where to go?" I asked.

Prof. Oak said, "You have to get a Map. You can get it in here," Prof. Oak pointed at a door.

"Okay, Gramps. Smell ya later!" said BLUE and GREEN as they went in the door. Soon they both came out with a WORLD MAP. Then we went inside. There was only one map left, and RED took it. Then I went out of Prof. Oak's Lab, saying thanks and good-byes.

I went to BLUE's house to see his sister, only to see her with a Card.
"I don't need this card. YELLOW, could you take this card?" I nodded, and scanned it with the PokeNav. To my surprise, it was a exact replica of the map with voice rendition and what may be in there.
"Oh cool!" BLUE's sister replied.

"Thanks!" I yelled to BLUE's sister as I went out of her house. Soon I was back in Viridian City. I then looked at my map, and it said to go into the Viridian Forest. "That's just north up of here!" I said. "C'mon, let's go!"

Soon we were at the gatehouse. I entered in, followed by RED. I then was about to go into the Viridian Forest, to explore what - and who - may be there. The beginning steps to my first BADGE!" I yelled as I prepared to enter the Viridian Forest unafraid of anything.
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Hope it was good! Does anyone like the story, besides ^^NICK^^ v.30? Hopefully someone knows how to put a voting poll.
~Tetris